The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Secrets
by Midna Hytwilian
Summary: Tovs knew something was happening to him. He had flashes of things that never happened; he went missing for three days on Death mountain. Sometimes he felt like someone was calling him when no one was around. But now he knew something was very, very wrong
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Fuck you. It's called FANfiction for a reason.

* * *

"What's going on in the Castle?"

"Who were those people?"

"I heard that that guy was a general from a neighboring country!"

"Oh yeah, well what about his soldiers, then?"

"Kid, if he's a general, he'd have soldiers."

"He had such a weird helmet!"

"I wonder if the princess is alright."

Those were a few of the things being spoken amongst the crowd as a sixteen year old male moved his way through it with a sixteen year old female.

The two ignored the gossip, pushing through the crowds.

"If I don't get paid this week, I'll be out on the streets, Tovs."

"Lois, you know you can stay with me for the time being." he frowned.

"But you shouldn't have to! I mean…I'll probably end up killing your girly ass."

Tovia sighed. "Gee, thanks."

"You're welcome! Hey, listen, I got to head out to work. I'll see you later, alright? Happy birthday, pansy!"

The girl sprinted ahead, blonde hair bouncing up and down as she went off.

Hyrule's Castle Town watched the Castle with interest, wondering when the supposed general would finally come out and why he was there in the first place. Suddenly, the smell of smoke drifted under their noses and flames appeared on the castle.

The crowd gasped as they saw the flames go higher, even the young male, named Tovia, stopped his walk towards work to watch the castle go up in flames.

The land became darker and the people who noticed ran inside their houses, shouting absurd things. The rest stood where they were, watching as the hour of twilight came, black squares staying by their sides.

It began to rain, drenching all who stood in the town square. By this time, most took cover.

"Tovs, did you just see that? What just happened to the sky?" Lois poked his shoulder.

"Does it look like I know?"

The girl glanced around as screams suddenly pierced the air. She gulped. "Tovs... uh... I don't suggest you look behind yourself or anything. You know, I don't want you to have a heart attack or something..."

"...What's the matter?"

"There's some black thing crawling on you." she said bluntly.

Slowly the male did crane his neck to see that a black type of parasite-by the looks of it-was crawling on his back. He held in the urge to yelp and run. "Get it off of me!"

Lois whacked at the bug. "Fucking bugs, I swear..." She didn't notice people running past them, screaming.

"Lois, hurry up!" he shouted in a strained voice.

"Don't you rush me, asshole!"

"Lois, look behind you!" She glared at him before doing as told.

"...Oh shit." The girl ran off.

He sprinted after his best friend.

* * *

Edit: ...O_o How many times have I edited the intro?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Screw the rules, I have money!

* * *

"Just what the hell is going on?" Tovia panted as he sat down next to his friend.

"It's probably that weird guy that showed up." Lois shrugged. "Hey, Telma, can you get me another beer?"

"Sure thing, honey!" the bartender set down a mug. .

Lois sipped at the mug. "Shitty birthday, huh?" She frowned at him.

"I've had better."

Lois sighed, blue eyes glancing over in a slighty loving manner. "You so need a beer."

"You know I don't drink."

"...It's pretty obvious who wears the pants in this relationship." Lois scoffed, drinking again. "And here I was, going to take my bitch out for a good night. Heh, there goes any hope of getting you wasted."

* * *

"I was planning on helping you, if you were nice."

The wolf perked its head up, tilting it to the right. If one were to understand what it barked out, one would hear a simple question. "What's your name?"

Unfortunately, the imp did not understand. "Sorry, wolfie, I don't speak mutt."

It went to bite her and she leapt back and through the cell bars, coming out the other end. "How did you do that?"

"You really should save your breath. I can't understand a word you're saying. Now, get yourself out of that cell! I can't do all of the work around here."

Another bark came from the animal.

This time, she was pretty sure she knew what it was saying. "Well how should I know how you can get out? Channel your inner wolf or something! Dig under the bars, sniff around with your high lightened senses, just do something!"

It took an hour and a half for the wolf to finally dig himself out and he looked left to right to see where the imp had gone. Just seconds ago she had been sitting on a crate, examining her nails. He felt something plop down onto him and barked, running in circles in a feeble attempt to knock it off.

Small hands dug into his fur, holding on tightly. "Stop that this instant, you're going to fling me of-OOF!"

The imp landed on the ground, clutching her head.

"Look at what you've done! You've given me a nice big headache now! For that, you'll have to follow my every whim, slave. Now, come on, I want you to meet someone." she plopped herself back onto his back as he gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to growl. She pet him on the head, smirking. "Good puppy, now get moving."

* * *

"Do you think it's safe to go home?"

"We can try."

"Thanks for everything, Telma. Do you have anything I can use to defend myself?" Lois placed a few rupees on the table.

The woman held up a finger. "Hold on just a second, honey." She walked towards the back room, the sound of metal clinking and an occasional shout. Telma came back, her hair disheveled, holding out a dagger and pitchfork. "There you go, sorry it took so long."

"...No... no problem." Reluctantly, Tovia reached out and grabbed the dagger.

He stood in front of the exit, ignoring the two women saying their goodbyes and opened the door when Lois returned to his side.

"Do I want to know why she carries weapons here?"

"Probably not," she gave him a lazy shrug.

"Keep a sharp eye out, alright?"

"Yeah, sure, got it." she yawned.

Fortunately, the two arrived at Lois' house without anything unexpected popping up. The woman hugged her friend before closing the door behind her and locking it shut.

Slowly, Tovia wandered the streets back to his home. A crash sounded from behind and he whirled around, looking down an alley to see a trash can upside down. He took a deep breath.

_It was just a cat, that's all. You're just worrying yourself... _

He continued on his way, taking a sharp breath as he heard a screech in the far distance and screaming.

_Okay, no problems. That sounded like it came from south of here, so, if you just quickin' your pace a bit, you'll be fine. _

The boy shook his head, trying to assure himself all was fine. A rumble came from behind him and he turned around to face three of the black creatures from the town square.

He bolted off, the beasts giving chase. They were faster, much faster in fact. He had to keep moving, he just had to!

He was almost there! There was his house, just to the right!

Two more beasts jumped down from a roof in front of him, blocking his path. He turned to the right, seeing another two. Left, three. Behind, four.

_This is it. I guess it really is my time... Goddesses, what a bad birthday._

Tovia closed his eyes shut, preparing for what was to come. He felt something much more different than sharp fangs piercing into his bod, tearing his limbs apart. Oh no, he felt anything but that.

No, he felt power... some force that he only read in books. It rolled off of his arms andmade him feel stronger. More importantly,made the monsters scream in pain. When he did open his eyes, nothing remained.

The sixteen year old male ran, slammed the door behind him, and locked it. He slid down to the floor up against it, panting, frightened.

_What... What was that? _

* * *

Edit: 8D Much better.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: You want to know what I own? That rock. (Looks at rock lovingly) ...I love that rock.

Edit: You want to hear me ramble on about something on my wall? Okay. Hello Vaati painting. Done. Take that, bitches.

* * *

How long had he been in his house? How many days had past since he had last spoken to Lois? The days blurred and time had no meaning in this twilight town. It could have been a year and Tovia would never have known.

The male stood up, groaning. When had he got himself into bed? He could barely remember passing out on the couch last night.

"No, doctor, I don't know what the fuck happened to him, so shut the fuck up! All I know is that he hasn't seen me since the day those things came! All **I** fucking know is that he was passed out on the couch when I got here, understand, you old prick?" Lois shouted from downstairs.

"I'm wasting my time here! There's plenty of other patients in dire pain."

"Who the hell are you kidding, old man? You're a lazy bastard that doesn't help anyone! For once, do your fucking job, you bum!"

As expected, the front door slammed shut. Tovia laughed as he walked downstairs. "You thought I was sick?"

Lois glared at him. "Hey, you were on the couch and I got worried, okay? How was I supposed to know that was just you being a weirdo?"

Tovia stared at her for a second, caluculating something. "...How did you get here by yourself?"

"I _walked_."

"I know that." He rolled his eyes. "I meant, how did you get here with all of those things out there?"

"Oh, them? Psh, those guys can't take me on! Besides, I found a pitchfork and beat the crap out of them." Lois gave him a thumbs-up.

"Since when do you beat people up with pitchforks?" Tovia chuckled.

"Hey, they're not people! But, you're distracting me." She waved a hand. "What happened? I can tell something's wrong so don't try and lie."

Tovia shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

She crossed her arms, looking at him disappointedly. "Spill it."

He put his arms up in defense, looking offended. "It's nothing! Really!"

Lois grabbed a kitchen knife off of the counter, threateningly walking towards him.

"Alright, I'll talk! Just put the knife down, phsycopath!" Tovia yelped. "...When did you last see me?"

"Four days ago." she answered, putting the knife away.

"Four days ago, I got corned by a bunch of those monsters. I... I don't know how to explain how I got away..."

Lois sat down on the couch. "It doesn't have to make _sense_. Just say what you can, dumbass."

"Okay, so, I closed my eyes because I thought I was going to die, but, I felt weird. It was like I just exploded with all of this energy and had to get it out... it's really hard to explain, Lois. Hey! Don't laugh! I'm being serious here! Um... and then those things started screaming and when I opened my eyes they were all... well... gone." Tovia finished lamely.

Her eyes widened. "Tovs, I think you used magic. That is so fucking cool! You have to show me some!" She jumped off the couch, excited.

"Magic? Magic doesn't exsist, Lois."

"What do you think **_that _**was?"

"I don't have any ideas." Tovia sighed. "But... it couldn't have been **_magic_**."

* * *

"Hyrule to wolf boy! Attention! ATTENTION." The imp inside of the teenaged boy's shadow shouted out. She growled as there was no response. "Hey! Listen!" She called out in a high pitched voice.

The teenager snapped to attention, looking down at his shadow. "Huh? What's the matter?"

The imp flew out of his shadow, sitting on his arm as he stared at her curiously. "What are you doing, just standing here? You have work to do, servant! That Fused Shadow won't just up and walk to me."

"Sorry, I just sort of lost track of time."

"Listen, Link, buddy, pal o' mine." She spoke with a sickeningly sweet tone and floated in front of him. "GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THE CLOUDS AND GO AND KILL THE DAMN THINGS IN THAT TEMPLE!" Midna shouted.

Link darted off as soon as the transparent imp flexed her hair, not wanting to be choked to death by seemingly nothing.

* * *

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"Nu...huh, this is pretty pointless." Tovia stared at her, confused. "...Why do we always do that?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. We just suck at arguing."

Tovia shook his head. "Look, Lois, it wasn't magic. There has to be some logical explination."

Lois sighed exasperated. They had spent ten minutes going through this and she was beginning to get tired. Her stubborn best friend just wouldn't listen. "What's so wrong with it being magic?"

"Magic doesn't exisist, Lois! I wish it did, but, it just doesn't!"

"Fine, believe what you want, moron." Lois grumbled. "There's lots or proof that there is magic, though. I thought you of all people would believe in it. But, whatever. Okay, so, do **you **have any idea what it was then?"

He looked down at his feet, suddenly very interested in his shoes. "No," was the meak reply.

"Then that means you have to take my explination. Magic." Lois crossed her arms, grinning.

Silence broke across the house.

Tovia looked up at his best friend. "Lois... I'm scared."

She hit his arm. "You'll be fine. We'll find someone that can help you control it." Her eyes suddenly lit up with a devious idea. "We can leave Castle Town and go to Kakariko! I'm sure they're doing a hell of a lot better than we are. What do you say, Tovs? Are you up to escaping this town of cowards?"

Tovia stared at her in confusion. "How are you so sure they didn't just destroy Kakariko?"

"I'm not, but, we've got to take a chance. It's dangerous here and you're freaking out on me."

He nodded. "Right... I need to sleep on it, okay? Come back tomorrow."

* * *

Edit: ;D No sappiness, Lois.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own a rock.

Edit: x.x; Oh shit, I was so retarded back when this chapter first came out.

* * *

"Ready?" Lois eyed her friend.

She fought the urge to laugh as she stared at him. His red tunic that he was wearing looked completely ridiculous on him. A normal friend would tell him this gently. Lois, however, wasn't a normal friend. "Why do you look like a girl?"

Tovia frowned. "I thought I looked okay..."

"Tovs, you already look enough like a girl without that ridiculous outfit. You don't need to fucking add to it."

"I like it, though!"

"Fine, be that way." his best friend sighed, walking out the front door and into the twilight-covered town.

* * *

Link curled up on the floor of the baboon's chamber, using his cap as a makeshift pillow and doing his best to get in a cozy spot in the secluded and locked room. He groaned as he continued to try to get comfortable and shifted from side to side.

"You could have done better than this, wolf boy." The curious imp popped out of his shadow, giving him a look of disapproval. "You should have been able to clear it in one day."

He glared at her, tired of her unsympathetic remarks. "It's a miracle that I even survived this far, _Midna_! Why can't you be happy that I'm helping you?"

Midna was amused by his defiance. She smirked.

"I'm being serious, impy."

She grabbed one of his pointed ears, giving it a hard tug. He yelped in pain. "Listen, boy," she hissed at him, "you better learn to keep that _big hole in your face_ shut, got it?"

The moonlight streamed in from the gaping hole in the ceiling and shined sinisterly on her fang. Link gulped, silently wishing he hadn't locked the doors before he decided to challeange the imp.

* * *

Quietly, Tovia and Lois walked through Castle Town. Most of the dangerous atmosphere around the city had finally dissipated. Even a few people roamed around aimlessly with weapons, on edge and weary of the monsters. They'd give it a couple of more days before returning to their normal tasks. Tovia and Lois began to wander away from the streets with more inhabitants.

A few words that were anything but encouraging floated back to them.

Lois gritted her teeth, pissed that their neighbors didn't have much hope for the. After a while, Lois sighed. The two continued to press on despite the tight feeling in their chests. When she glanced at Tovia, she noticed how tense he was and the light shaking of his hands.

As they went onwards, they heard a low growl inside the city gates.

The two slowly turned around, hoping to the goddesses that it was only a stray dog. Their luck ran out.

Crouched behind a crate was one of the extremely large creatures that had tried to kill Tovia just a few days ago. It gave another low growl and slowly the two Hylians backed away. Just as they were about to sprint into a run, the creature jumped up and let out an inhuman screech. They screamed as they ran towards their destination, now being chased after by six beasts.

"They did that last time and more of them came!" Tovia shouted.

"What the fuck are we supposed to do? That thing is way bigger than I thought it would be and we just can't kill this many by our fucking selves!"

"Just keep running!"

"OH YEAH, THAT'LL HELP! YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE, TOVIA!"

"Not now, Lois!"

The two ran as fast as they could, panting heavily as they did so. The creatures never gave up, determined to rip the flesh off of the teens' bones. They made it to the town square.

Lois gave a bit of a jump ahead as she saw the enterance. "Yes! We're going to make it! Fuck yeah!"

In spite of her enthusiasm, her friend gulped. "Lois... there's more blocking the entrance."

"You can take them on, Tovs!"

"**_How_**?" his distressed voice questioned.

"Try doing what you did the last time you ran into these guys."

"But I can't! I don't even know what I did exactly!"

"You better fucking try it, Tovia, or I will fucking stab you to death before those damn things can get to you!"

Tovia stopped dead in his tracks. His best friend still kept going on, unaware that she was leaving her friend behind - not that she'd really care. He closed his eyes as the beasts pressed on faster. Lois looked back only to find him standing with his hands curled in tight fists and his eyes closed in deep concentration.

"Oh you have to be fucking kidding me, Tovs!"

He begged his body to do what it had the last time, pleading for if not his life, then for his best friend's. The feeling didn't come like last time and he bit his lip. "Come on...come on," he murmured, not giving up hope. The monsters were almost upon him and he felt himself tense. Anger aroused in him. How could he allow his friend to die? He gritted his teeth. He wouldn't just die like this! If he was going to die, he was going to die with a fight! His hands felt warm and he opened his eyes, seeing a light shining inside each palm of his hands through the cracks of his fists.

Tovia looked to the beasts that were just getting ready to leap out upon him. "Lois, I did it!" He opened his hands out towards them, a light blasting forward. Upon immediate contact, the beasts screamed and shattered into tiny black tiles that disappeared into smoke.

Lois cheered from where she stood, unaware of the danger that was making its way towards her. Tovia glanced towards her, smiling in satisfaction that he had just saved them both. Well... until he remembered the two other beasts that were guarding the exit. He looked to find them not there. Out of the corner of his blue eyes he spotted movement on the roofs of houses. "Lois!"

She yelped just as something jumped down from the roof and grabbed her, ready to bite her head clean off. Light shot out of Tovia's palm a second time, killing the beast. She fell to the ground with a thud and spotted a pitchfork. Immediately, she gripped it and stood up. "Where's the other one?" She ran over to her panting friend.

"Still... up... on the roofs. I think..."

"Are you okay?"

He nodded. "Just a little tired."

"I'll take this guy out, alright?" Lois tossed him a confident smirk before clutching the pitchfork in both hands as the beast jumped to the cobblestone ground and slowly walked towards them. For a second, the two seemed to stare each other down. Hadn't their lives of been in danger, Tovia would have either laughed at the scene or cower at the look in Lois' eyes. For now, he just hoped to Din that they would live through the night, day, whatever it was.

And then, the beast pounced on her. It happened so fast that Tovia found himself lost in the confusion. Wasn't Lois standing up just a second ago...? After his shock, he grabbed his dagger and ran towards the beast but stumbled on the ground and knocked the dagger out of his hand. He felt weak and his vision swam. Dazed, Tovia forgot all about his friend. Fortunately, Lois still had the pitchfork in her hands and stabbed at the beast in the awkward position. It let out a roar each time that she stabbed it, lashing out and scratching at her face.

When the beast had finally been killed, she stood up triumphantly, grinning smugly. "See! I can fucking take that bastard on." Tovia sighed with relieve, looking at her beautiful face now covered in the monster's scratches.

_Oh my Goddesses!_ His thoughts came to a standstill. _When did Lois get pretty? Lois can't be pretty! She's my best friend! _

"Hey, pansy, you alright now?" Lois interrupted his thoughts, putting an arm around him to lift him up and handing the dagger back.

For the first time, Tovia suddenly realized he was on the ground and wondered how long he'd been there. "Fine..."

"Still feel tired?"

"A little bit."

She managed to get him off of the ground, slinging his arm over her shoulder. "Come on, wimp, we've got to get to Kakariko."

He nodded and the two slowly made their way out, over the bridge, and into Hyrule Field. The field was infested with beasts and humanoid creatures with spiked clubs and bows and arrows.

"Fuck," Lois muttered. "Are we ever going to get a damn break?"

"I think I have an idea..." Tovia murmured as the monsters continued pacing, unaware of the Hylians.

"What is it?"

"Run."

With that one word, they began to run as fast as they could. The creatures realized that these two perfectly healthy morsels had escaped the dangerous town and gave chase. They shot flaming arrows, they threw their clubs towards them, they did everything in their power and using every weapon at their disposal to stop the fleeing friends.

"What the fuck are we going to do? We're going to lead them _right _into Kakariko!" Lois shouted above the racket, a flaming arrow zipping past her shoulder.

"Lois, why are you asking _me_? I never have good ideas and it's REALLY hard to think when a bunch of monsters are chasing you!"

With their last effort, one of the creatures threw a bomb towards them. The explosive missed its target and hit the edge of the rocky wall of the path towards Kakariko, thus sending a huge boulder lose and crashing down just behind the two. They panted as the dust cleared.

"Well, that worked out for the best." Tovia coughed.

Lois glared at him "Worked out for the best? We almost fucking died. You're such a moron."

"There's a problem."

"Besides me about to kick your ass?"

"Kakariko's... covered."

Lois glanced towards the path of Kakariko, only to find it exactly the same as the town they were just in. "Oh fuck me. Woods?"

"Dark."

"Then what the hell are we doing standing around here? Let's go!"

* * *

"Rusl, darling, do you honestly think it wise enough to go out once more? You were nearly killed!" Uli scolded her husband. She worried for him; the last time he had went out to search for the children, he had come back beaten, bloody, and bruised. He wasn't even fully healed! "You need more time. Give it a week or so-"

The man glared at his wife. "Do you not care for our boy's safety? What if he were to die in a week?"

She bit her lip, holding back the tears. Shamefully, she casted her head down. "I-...you are right."

Rusl's eyes softened and he lovingly took his wife's chin, holding it up delicately with his index finger. "I apologize for my cruelty, Uli." He kissed her cheek. "I just cannot allow myself to stay still while they may be fighting for their lives."

Uli nodded in understanding. "Be careful."

"Of course."

The door closed shut after him and she sat down on the couch, a few tears escaping her wet eyes. Her husband was going out to find the children. Talo, Malo, Beth, Ilia, Link, and her precious little Colin. The Mayor had been preparing to leave in a couple of days, but, the man was not in the best of shape and Rusl had beaten him to the chase. Sometimes, she wished her husband weren't so courageous.

"I wonder," She spoke to herself quietly, "What sepaerates bravery from stupidity?" Had it of been brave or stupid of her to marry a swordsman? Uli had never been a simple swordsman's wife. She hadn't always of lived in Ordon. The blonde had once known a luxurious life in Castle Town. She had always been fed the finest of foods and dressed in the finest of clothes. Alas, non of the riches had satisifed her and she found herself pleading her rich parents to allow her to work for profits, since they so sorely denied her of donating rupees to the poor.

Eventually, the young woman had roamed to a bar, owned by a young, kind skinny woman.

The woman was friendly and listened to her plight with a lighthearted smile.

"Honey, if only my problems were that bad!" She gave a loud laugh, not a harsh laugh, but a humourous laugh that made Uli join in. "If you want a real way to get back at those old snobs, you should court my friend over there." The woman pointed at a young man chatting pleasaently with a middle-aged man. "He's from a small farming town. Fierce as the desert." She gave a wink as Uli's smile widened slightly.

Rusl spotted her out of the corner of his eye, giving her a small charming smile that made Uli's heart flutter.

The two began to court, despite her parents' threats to disown her. After a few months of pleasaent walks and picnics, he had finally proposed to her and swept her to a small cottage where they had their child. When Uli had rounded the age of twenty, the happy couple had taken on raising a small baby that had been left upon their porch.

The Mayor had offered to take care of the child, but, the two knew better than to throw such a huge responsibility on him. His wife had only died a month ago in child labor and he now had a daughter of his own to take care of.

Uli could still remember the day they had given the baby a name, she smiled as she recalled having to explain an ancient legend she had learned by her tutor when she was a child. Link had always been a good kid, a bit of a daredevil, but good nonetheless. She had taught him his manners, always telling him to spot a woman's perfections and never her flaws, while Rusl had taught him the skills of a sword.

Of course, the other villagers had helped. The young Fado taught him how to take care of a horse, and he had even given him a small pony at the age of seven., while the other villagers taught him how to survive in the wilderness if he were to ever get lost in the woods that surrounded the town.

Eventually, the two had decided that they wanted a son of their own and when Link had turned six, Uli had become pregnant. The young boy became excited upon hearing that he were to be an older brother-unaware that these were only his adopted parents-and had run to Ilia, the Mayor's daughter, to tell her the grand news.

Colin had been born and Mayor Bo had begun to take care of two children, since Uli and Rusl had their hands full with a baby once more. Link and Ilia were old enough to not be too much of a hassle, at that point, and the Mayor found himself growing attached to the idea of having another child of his own. He would never have another, though. His precious Ilia was his little princess and he could not bare the thought of her being uncomfortable around a step-mother.

At the age of ten, Link had found himself in everyone's homes. He had been raised by each villager and was now back in the hands of Uli and Rusl. In the morning, Uli taught Link to read and write while Colin was asleep, Rusl helping the ranch. Uli took care of her baby in the day while Rusl took care of the young boy. The four rested in the night, snuggled up in their beds.

When Link had become fifteen, he had been forced into playing with the small children, although he hadn't minded much. Eventually, the small cottage began to get cramped with a teenaged boy, two middle-aged adults, and a young growing boy. Link had been the first one to notice this, however, and felt as if he were taking up far too much room.

Uli remembered the day that he had come to them, telling them of this small problem that he called a dilemma. She remembered how she sourly scolded herself for teaching him to have such a big heart. Link had proposed that he build himself a home to live in and not be a 'hassle'. The two had tried to point out that it was just fine that he was there, but, he had insisted relentlessly until he had won. The boy could win any challeange and had a knack for talking himself out of anything. It hadn't helped that he had a heart warming smile and big blue eyes.

He had woken early and beguan work just outside of the village, for it was too small to fit any more homes, and worked hard into the late night. After two months of hard work, he had finished building a tree house that he insisted was exactly what he wanted. It was small but had homey qualities that anyone could find themselves enjoying. The day had come that he move out and the day he learned the truth.

While packing away his stuff, Link heard a knock on his door. Uli had always thought her adopted son should know that he know about himself. Why, wasn't knowing who your parents were apart of you? She had carefully started the tale from the beginning and by the end, the two had tears in their eyes and were holding each other. If a person had wandered into the house not knowing the truth, they would have presumed that mother and son were crying because the day had come to part.

After that, the years really just blurred up until now. Her son, Colin, and adopted son, Link, had been kidnapped by the same brutes that had kidnapped Beth, Talo, Malo, and Ilia. The young boy who simply wanted to play with the children and the young man that was content with herding goats.

Ordon had always seemed like a dull boring town, but, it really never had been. At that moment, Uli decided that her decision was brave. At that moment, Uli decided there was a huge contrast between bravery and stupidity. An act of bravery could be running straight ahead into danger, and to some it may look stupid; just for a friend or loved one. Stupidity was running straight ahead into danger because it looked fun. It was always the reason behind the actions that determined bravery and stupidity.

She looked out the window to find the sunrise. It had only been five minutes since Rusl left and already she felt lonely. The sun was her only company in the small cottage, the memories of the past, a ghost of the happy times.

* * *

Hyrule Field was a vast field that took at least a day and a half to get from point A to point B, on feet. With a horse, it took about three hours to get from point A to point B. Unfortunately, Tovia and Lois did not have a horse. The two fought against their tired eyes, refusing to give into sleep for fear of any beasts sneaking up on them. They pressed on until the sun rose.

Half way to Ordon and they kept going, only stopping when they thought they heard something. The two spotted movement among the field and quietly hid behind a tree. A man walked straight past them, slightly limping as he went towards Castle Town and unaware that all of the exits were blocked off. The two were just about to warn him of this, but by the time they thought of it, he was already gone.

For a man who looked to be injured, he sure moved fast. They tiredly walked ahead towards the future, unaware of the dangerous trials.

* * *

Link panted as Midna collected the item she so sorely wanted.

"Eee hee, well done! That's...what I was looking for. That's a Fused Shadow. It's what the light spirit called dark power...Do you remember what that spirit said? About how you had to match the power of the king of shadows? Could it really be so easy? Is this all there is to it? Eee hee hee!" She giggled with glee.

It was mid-afternoon and he was amazed to find himself alive. His sword was covered in a purple substance, something he presumed to be the cursed plant's blood. He felt slightly triumphant at the fact that he had just defeated something so large.

Midna glanced at the dirty sword, making a disgusted face. "Ugh, clean that thing, will you? It is absolutely horrid to look at."

He rolled his eyes as he began to clean the blade.

She spoke softly, with a strained voice-as if it pained her to be somewhat respectful. "There's a total of three Fused Shadows. I think the other light spirits have the rest...If you want to know exactly what Fused Shadows are." Midna paused as if she were making a decision. "Well, maybe I'll tell you if you find the other two. I guess you'd better do your best to find them, huh?"

The imp gave a giggle as if she were suddenly amused. "So let's not waste any more time here when we could be looking for the other two."

Link nodded in agreement. The sooner he left here, the sooner he could find his friends.

"I'll get you out of here." She glanced at a heart shaped jewel in the room. It was small and sparkled in the light, about the size of a rupee. "You pick up the Heart Container that fell out of that thing."

The farmboy picked it up, staring at in interest. "What's a Heart Container?"

"It's what you're holding." She rolled her eyes.

"I know _that_. I just don't know what they do."

"They give you more strength. That is, if you have them on your person. That is probably how come that monster was so strong. Not only was it cursed, it had one of those damn things on it. Now get going!"

* * *

It was the afternoon and the two had just arrived at the woods, shifting their feet into the spring for a fresh drink of water.

Lois slumped up against a rock after she drank her fill. "I am so fucking tired."

"Me too..." Tovia sat next to her.

"Just ten seconds, that's all I am asking for. Besides, we need food." another male's voice drifted towards the spring.

The girl twitched. "Did you hear that?"

Tovia nodded.

"Come on! Let's go rob this guy for some food!" Finding strength, she quickly stood up and rushed off.

"Lois, we're not going to rob some poor guy!" Her friend ran after her and the two bumped into a figure.

Her eyes widened as she looked up at the young man she bumped into. "Holy shit, you're hot."

"Just a second ago you were going to rob him!" The boy had a chiseled chin and sharp features. His eyes were a dark agitated blue and he had dark blonde hair - dark enough that you could call it brown. He wore a green stitched cap, chainmail, cream colored trousers, brown boots, and a sword and wooden shield strapped to his back with a sheath.

Tovia felt slightly jealous at him as Lois looked him up and down, mumbling different compliments. He wished Lois thought _he _was good looking.

Then again, he could see why Lois thought he was so hot. The boy was pretty okay and he had a friendly trustworthy air around him. It was extremely comforting - especially after talking to a snippy insulting girl for so long.

The boy laughed. "You were going to rob me?"

"I'm starving." Lois shrugged. "If you've got rupees or food, cough it up."

Link ignored her and looked at the two, noticing how dishelveled their hair was and the scratches on the girl's face. Dirt covered the both of them from head to toe. "What happened to you two?"

Tovia sighed. "I doubt you'll believe us..."

He shook his head. "Trust me, if you told me that you turned into a parakeet, I'd believe you. I'm Link."

"My name's Tovia."

"Lois."

"So, what happened?"

Lois boredly told the tale from the beginning about how Castle Town had been visited by a strange man with strange beasts and how they had escaped with their lives when beasts had chased after everyone, fleeing to a tavern. She let Tovia explain his close encounter with death.

Tovia did his best to describe the first time he had used magic while Lois talked over him about how _she_ had 'saved them' from the Shadow Beasts.

"Shadow Beasts." Link said.

"What?" Tovia blinked.

"Shadow Beasts, that's what those things are called." Link explained. "They live in the Twilight. I'm on a quest to destroy the King of Shadows, the guy that came to Castle Town, and his monsters."

"You are?" he asked in awe.

Lois scoffed. "Oh please."

He nodded.

"I can help!" Tovia got excited. He could prove to Lois that he wasn't so useless and maybe she'd fall in love with him and they could get married one day. "I have a dagger."

"If he's going, I am too." Lois crossed her arms. "I can't leave him alone. He'd get himself killed."

He could use the extra help, but, wouldn't they just turn into spirits? They'd never hear him or see him. Then there was Midna...

But, the two had just been through so much in such a short time and they were still alive. The sixteen year old male could use magic, too so maybe he could make them to see him...

As for Midna... well... Midna was just a surprise. Nothing too big.

So... could he bring them along?

Link glanced at his shadow, silently pleading that Midna would try to answer somehow.

There was a slight shift in his shadow like it was nodding. Midna must have given in.

"Do you guys think you could stay calm if I just told you something really big and weird?"

"Are you fucking insane? We've just been through hell and we're not even traumatized. Well, _I'm _not traumatized. Tovia must have shit his pants once or twice..."

"Hey!"

"That answers my _first _question. Okay... can you guys not yell or freak out if I introduce you to my... frie... par... um... if I introduce you to someone?"

They nodded.

The imp flew out of his shadow, almost transparent. She floated next to Link while the friends kept silent. "This is Midna. She'll be riding on me when we get to the twilight."

"...Riding on you?" Tovia asked.

Midna gave a sinister smirk. "I don't call him wolf boy for nothing."

"We have only one problem, but I think Tovia may be able to fix it for us." Link continued. He wasn't really ready to drop the whole 'I'm going to turn into a wolf when we get into the twilight' thing on them yet. "You guys won't be able to see or hear us in the twilight unless Tovia can do something about that."

Tovia took a deep breath. "It feels a little easier now... Maybe If I concentrate hard enough I can do something about that."

Lois looked on edge. "Um... what does she mean by wolf boy?"

* * *

Edit: Oh my goddesses, this chapter SUCKED.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: If I find a way to change, if I step into the light...

Edit: (Insert retarded a/n here)

* * *

"-…And that's how I met Midna," Link finished.

Lois stared at him with a mixture of disbelief and worry. "So... you're telling me you're going to turn into a wolf?"

He nodded.

"I'm fucking afraid of wolves!" Lois shouted, hitting Tovia in the face by accident.

"Ow!" He clutched his cheek. "Calm down, Lois. It's okay."

Link patted her back awkwardly. "Don't worry, I'm harmless! Well… to you guys. I'm only going to attack the Shadow Beasts and any other monsters we come across." He scratched his head in thought before then adding, "And possibly Midna, too, if she pisses me off."

Midna popped out of his shadow and pulled on his ear, ignoring the yelp. "I heard that."

Link pointed ahead and joyously exclaimed, "Oh, look, there's my house!" The Hylian darted off ahead of the rest. Tovia and Lois followed after him as Midna dove into Link's shadow.

He climbed up the ladder in a rush, throwing open the door and disappearing inside.

"Hey, wait for me!" Tovia desperately called out, tailing Lois as she scurried up the ladder.

He panted labored raspy breaths, holding onto the ladder for dear life. _What's wrong... with me? I just can't... _Just thinking made him dizzy. Black spots came over his eyes and he felt wind rush underneath him. Dear Din, he was falling to the ground.

Everything went black.

* * *

"Tovs, you alright?" a voice questioned as the boy groaned and shifted a bit to get comfortable.

"He should be fine. You two said you've been traveling since yesterday, right?"

"Yeah, for like a day and a half."

"He probably just passed out from exhaustion. You two should probably rest up here for the night. We can leave tomorrow."

"Yeah, whatever. Thanks."

The voices faded away as the sound of a violent wind filled Tovia's ears. He opened his eyes, and he wasn't in Link's front yard, like he'd been a second ago - he was in the middle of a tornado, wind whirling around him faster than he could think. Beyond the spiral of air he could see, very faintly, a grassy courtyard; but that was gone, too, with the ever-increasing volume of his personal storm. Tovia slowly overcame with a precise feeling that he was disappearing, and going somewhere entirely else...his mouth opened by itself, letting out a fierce cackle. The faint smell of bread and other baked goods were carried on the wind… Oh and that wind. The wind caressed his skin like it was precious silk and it felt good.

"Tovs," a voice shouted, clearly angry. "Damn it, Tovia, talk to me! Fucking... HEY LISTEN!"

Tovia snapped to consciousness, looking around the small tree house. "Sorry, I just... yeah... Where are we?" He gazed up at Lois.

Quickly, a male's face was right in front of him, grinning "Welcome to my house."

"Link," Tovia pulled his head back. "Thanks for... um.. bringing me in. Sorry for that."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"Do you live by yourself?" Tovia asked. The house was small and made up of only one room.

Link nodded."Yeah... My parents left me in the village to this really nice family but I didn't want to be a bother when they had their own son so I made my house and moved in here." He sat down on the couch that Tovia was laying on while Lois stood behind it with her head propped up on top.

"My dad owns a ranch far out in the country. Tovia used to live on one close by until his parents di... um..." Lois looked over at her best friend. Whenever she brought them up he always seemed to get down.

"I lived on a farm by Lois' before my parents died and I moved to the city." Tovia finished, frowning. "They died when I was nine... I remember running into their room that night crying because I had a nightmare and they just wouldn't wake up."

"That's horrible."

Lois glanced at the ceiling, yawning. "We should probably get some sleep," she said, trying to end the conversation for Tovia's sake.

Link got the hint. "Lois can sleep in my bed." He pointed to the ladder leading to his sleeping area. "Tovia, you can take the couch."

"Sure..."

"Where are you sleeping?"

"Don't worry about it." He crossed the room and opened the door. "I have someone I need to see."

* * *

"You are quite a prize, princess."

It was pitch black, the night sky or just the clouds shrouding the figures in a dark cloak.

"I wasn't aware animals like you knew how to speak to women."

"Oh princess, have a heart. I'm****good enough for royalty, aren't I?" The voice got bitter. "Haven't I proved how godly I am? Have I not shown everyone my strength and power?"

"It is a crazed power you have,-" a harsh wind blew as angrily as the Princess as she uttered the man's name. "You are mad. How dare you slaughter my people like… like pests? Like they're no better than the dirt on the soles of your shoes!"

"Why not?" The voice became distant; its owner was probably walking away. "Haven't you done the same to mine?"

"I… I…"

"Oh," the voice called back, mockingly. "Princess, do keep your eyes sharp. The monsters may not be as kind as I."

* * *

Tovia bolted awake in a cold sweat. He glanced around the dark room to find it still night and stood up. Quietly, he walked to the door and went on to the porch to find he wasn't alone.

"Nice night, huh?" Link's voice spoke up as soon as he shut the door behind him.

Now that Tovia wasn't so exhausted, he realized that Link had a bit of a drawl. "I guess..."

Link looked up at him. "You _guess_?"

Tovia sat next to him, their feet dangling. "I guess. I don't really look up at the sky."

"See those three?" Link pointed up at three stars.

Tovia nodded. "What about them?"

"The one on the left is Farore, the one in the middle is Din, and the one on the right is Nayru. Youngest to oldest. Well, that's what my mom said... They're supposed to look down on us every night to make sure we're fine."

"They're doing a pretty bad job of it..." Tovia grumbled.

He sighed, "Well, it's not really true..."

"I know that!" he laughed.

The two gazed up at the stars, awkward silence falling upon the scene. Link coughed to clear his throat.

"You guys didn't tell me… are you and Lois… you know?"

Tovia blushed. "Dating?"

The hero didn't look at him. "Dating, engaged…"

His blush got darker. "Th-That's gross, Link! Lois and I getting _married_? I'm just... Tovia..."

An all knowing smile fell upon the hero's face at his drifting. "You_ want_ to be her boyfriend!"

"W-what? No!" he blurted out.

"Sure," the hero winked.

"That isn't funny!"

"Well excuse me, Tovia. A simple farm boy can't have some good ol' fun?" Link held his nose up high and replied in a snobby manner, "Isn't a goat herder good enough to give advice for a city boy?"

He stood up. "Get some sleep, Link. You're going to hurt yourself trying to act like a jerk."

Link frowned. "What, that wasn't good? I thought I was pretty damn perfect..."

Tovia put his pinky up and tried to hide his smile, saying in a posh tone, "A goat herder should never speak to one with a high s-sta... status like mine."

He turned to leave Link on the porch laughing and gasping for air when there was a sudden large thud. Quickly, Tovia ran over to the edge of the porch and looked down. "Din, are you alright, Link! I'm so sorry!"

Link gave a thumbs-up, laughing harder as he realized he had fallen.

* * *

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Midna was screaming at the top of her lungs for the two boys to get up.

"If you two don't get up, I will annoy the _hell_ out of you!" she shouted, shaking Link.

"Not now, Fado, the goats are fine." he mumbled.

"Keep quiet, princess…" Tovia muttered.

She stared at Tovia. _How does he know…? How would he? He probably doesn't even know what the Twilight Realm is. Must be dreaming..._

"I said beer, not dear."

_He's dreaming, _She thought bitterly.

"Tovia, get your lazy ass up." Lois ordered, giving him a kick to the stomach.

"Goddesses, what was that for?" Tovia shouted, clutching his stomach.

"That was my foot going on a date with your gut." She shrugged, walking over to the sleeping Link. Leaning down, she put her mouth by his ear and shrieked. "Hey listen! Wake up!"

"Shadow Beasts," he bolted up, screaming. "Oh…"

"It's alright." Lois patted him on the back. "There's no scawy wittle faiwies to hurt you."

They wasted no time to head out. Link packed supplies while Lois cooked breakfast and Midna and Tovia grabbed out a map to stare down at it and commit it to memory. The two even tested each other before it became a game for points. The loser, Tovia, ended up carrying the supplies.

As they headed out, storm clouds began to form. Thunder crashed off in the distance and it became dark quickly. The scent of rain hung in the air and the quiet of the field was unsettling. To pass the time, Midna and Tovia went back to their map game, asking the other where this or that was. They made a vow to get an older map later to see if there were any old shortcuts they could ever take. All too soon were they at the twilight covered path of Kakariko Village, rain pouring on them.

"I'm all soaked," Lois complained.

"It's just a bit of rain," Tovia shrugged.

"It's fucking _uncomfortable!"_

Midna popped out of Link's shadow, breaking up the argument. "Hey, it was much closer than we thought…" She turned to Tovia and Lois. "You remember, right? You know what this is?"

"Twilight," they nodded. "You can't forget something like that."

Midna turned back to Link, a grave expression on her face as she explained to Link. "Once you set foot in there, you will be a wolf again for quite some time. For at least as long as it takes to save the light of Eldin from the twilight, anyway." she giggled unexpectedly. "So, shall we go see the light spirit of Eldin?" Without waiting for a response, she floated to, then through the black wall.

Link sighed, turning to Lois and Tovia.

Tovia had his eyes closed, concentrating hard on seeing and hearing the two.

"Don't scream." Link whispered to Lois. "You might break his concentration."

"Why would I scream?" she questioned just as an orange hairy hand grabbed a hold of her, Tovia, and Link.

She screamed.

After a few quick moments of pain, confusion, realization, and the feeling of having an elastic band snap around each of their heads, Link and Lois landed hard on their chests while Tovia somehow landed on his feet, still deep in concentration.

The hero stood up. "I…I think I'm f-!" He felt a sharp pain down his back and cried out in pain.

"Are you alright?" Lois grabbed his arm to help him up, making another sharp pain go down his back.

"G… get away." he muttered. "Just… it's better if you don't touch me."

"Oh, gross! You're starting to sweat."

He ran a hand on his arm. "That's… that's not sweat."

His eyesight sharpened and scents intensified. The world wasn't as colorful, he noted with distaste, but… with senses like these, who could give a damn?

His birthmark (supposedly the legendary Tri-Force)'s left triangle glowed dully and let out a low humming noise. He fell onto all fours as his legs collapsed from under him.

"Link," Lois made a move to help him once more, only to find two arms blocking her path.

Tovia still had his eyes closed, but his arm was held out. "Just leave him alone, Lois. He might hurt you."

"You wouldn't be helping him," Midna scoffed. A fang barred over her lipand her skin was tinted a baby blue, black covering over spots. Odd electric blue green markings pulsed on her skin and she wore a headpiece that covered her other orange red eye. Her orange hair was tied into a ponytail; Lois unsettlingly noted that it was shaped like a hand. She was slightly chubby, but, overall, for a small imp, she was quite cute… in am extremely creepy way. "You'd only screw something up. He has to be a man and take the pain by himself. Otherwise he won't be getting anywhere."

Lois glared at the imp before turning her gaze back to the young man.

Bitterly, a thought stood at the back of Tovia's mind. _Would she worry that much if it was me?_

Link's teeth sharpened, becoming deadly weapons that he could be used to rip apart his enemies' flesh. His mouth shaped itself into a snout and his ears grew bushy. His fingernails became sharp claws and soon he had paws in front of him. His skin and his clothes morphed together into his fur.

He let out a final howl of pain as his back finally took form and then the pain was gone. The Tri-Force's glow dulled until it was nothing more but an odd birth-mark, the low humming dying out.

Lois clutched on to Tovia - the latter who opened his eyes.

He simply stared at the wolf, blinking a few times, and then broke into a grin. "I did it!" he exclaimed. Instead of what any **_logical _**person would do, the magic-wielding city boy ran up to the wolf and hugged him. "I can see you! Midna, say something," he ordered excitedly.

"Bark bark, woof woof." she replied sarcastically.

"Yes!" The only currently Hylian male danced around the wolf, grinning at his victory. "OUCH!"

"I fucking hate wolves and I'm afraid this damn thing is going to attack me but all you can do is bask in your glory? Fuck you, Tovia!" Lois shouted at the top of her lungs.

"Sorry, Lois..."

Link shook his wolf head while Midna plopped down onto his back with a thud. Soundlessly, they turned and headed down the path to Kakariko.

"Hey, wait for us!"

* * *

Edit: TOVIA, NO SMARTNESS FOR YOU. GOD.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: |(-_-)|

A/N: Oh my Farore. I cannot thank my beta enough-XD or should I call her my girlfriend? Kaylee Tam is the best beta ever. This chapter-which is still an epic fail-would be SO horrendous, it's not even funny. I'll be 100% honest, I hate this chapter. Every author has a chapter they hate and this is one of them. I didn't enjoy writing it at all. There were so many grammatical mistakes due to me not paying attention and then I just couldn't grasp what to write. Let's just say this: there's a reason why you're getting a double chapter update. Not my best but not my worst. Hopefully it's not so bad to you guys! I apologize!!!!!

* * *

"Why did we stop?" Lois clutched onto Tovia, her nerves long shot.

The oranges, yellows, and pinks came together to form a gorgeous twilight sky, but black squares floated through the picturesque view like dust. Tovia and Lois had no idea what they were doing in this unnatural field. Screeches from monsters, moans from tortured souls, screams from helpless victims, and even the snapping from a Deku Baba pierced the twisted scene from leagues away.

Tovia noticed Link walk cautiously toward an object lying on the ground, and followed. "I think it's a wooden sword," he helped.

Midna smirked, her fang glittering in the light. "See, isn't a wolf useful? Sniff that sword and keep it fresh in your memory. Then you can find those little brats you were talking about."

Link glanced up at her, confused.

"What, you thought I wasn't paying attention? It was either that or I go to sleep."

He ignored her giggle and sniffed the wooden sword, feeling ridiculous in front of Tovia and Lois.

The girl still clutched onto his shoulder, apologizing profusely to Link. "I'm sorry, Link, I'm just terribly afraid of wolves," she admitted, her voice shaking slightly.

The city boy grinned. "You know, we'll probably be at Link's home a lot more often than ours; they get wolves all the time. Right, Link?"

The wolf looked up at him, giving him a dry look that spoke without words. 'Are you kidding me?'

They went back on their mission to get to Kakariko, only stopping on the way to kill any savage, poisonous, twilight-infected plants in their path.

As the two sixteen-year-olds chased after the imp and wolf, a series of odd-looking poles suddenly fell from the sky and embedded point-down in the earth to form a circle around them. Magic walls appeared, connecting each one; they were caged in like swine.

The dry, iron smell of blood drifted to their noses and Link growled, tensing up. Midna clutched onto him and muttered tips to him.

"Stay on your feet at all times," she ordered. "Focus only on the Shadow Beasts and nothing more."

Three of the obsidian beasts dropped down from the sky and, when they hit the ground, a shriek came from behind Tovia.

"Lois!"

The blonde had a Deku Baba's vine wrapped around her right ankle, and it began to drag her towards its dripping, sharp teeth. Her pitchfork lay mere inches away from her fingertips.

He went to cut it away with his dagger when claws sunk into his right shoulder. The scent of blood became increasingly stronger and it flowed out of him like wine. He let out a garbled moan of pain and tried to push the beast off of him.

Suddenly an electric bristling filled the air, which became crisp and full of energy. Link leapt at all three of the Shadow Beasts in succession, killing them all in one fell swoop.

Tovia clutched his shoulder as the Shadow Beasts died off, Midna laying on top of the wolf. She patted him tiredly. "Good... job, Link," she panted.

Lois wiped off the green blood from the plant, looking quite disgusted. "Damn Deku Babas."

Tovia walked next to Link and Midna, Lois grabbing out a cloth and cleaning herself.

"What's this?!" Midna shouted angrily, glaring at where the bridge should have been. "The bridge is gone! Ugh. What a pain! Ah well, let's look for it." She turned to Tovia, only glancing at his injured shoulder. "You! Get your map out!"

Tovia handed it to her, grunting as he did so, while Lois grabbed out another cloth and began soaking up the blood on his shoulder.

She put her hand out, an inked quill popping into existence in her palm. Without a word, she drew a small swirl on the map. Once she was done, she nodded to herself in satisfaction and turned to the confused Hylians. She tapped on a part of the map, getting Link's attention. "This is where we are. Whenever we destroy those creatures from the darkness, a portal opens that look like this." She tapped on the portal she had just drawn.

"It looks like a swirl," Lois commented dryly.

Midna glared at her. "You hear me? It's called a **portal**. You'd better remember that! And in those woods we came through…" she tapped her chin. A grin spread over her face as she exclaimed, "Yes! It's got to be around there…we'll use that portal to take us there and bring it back."

"Stay here, I presume?" Tovia asked sarcastically.

"Stay here." she confirmed before twisting her body up into the air and disappearing in black squares with Link.

Lois dabbed at his wound, smiling at him. "Thanks for trying to save me."

"Thanks for cleaning my wound."

"Hmmm… you've got some dirt under your eyes." She licked her finger and went to rub it off.

He flinched. "That's gross, Lois!" he exclaimed.

She giggled as she rubbed under his eyes. "Hm, it won't come off right now. When we get to Kakariko, you take a bath, okay?"

"Sure, sure." he tiredly waved his hand aside.

Suddenly, the ground shook and out of the portal came a bridge, gently landing in place. Black squares landed perfectly on the ground, forming a figure that soon turned into Link.

"Where's Mid-" The imp landed hard on Link's back. "…na?"

"See, just as I thought!" Midna let out a giggle. "So, isn't the power of twilight amazing? Tell me if you need the power again. It should help us find what we're looking for. Alright, let's keep going."

Wordlessly, they went back down the path to Kakariko, until finally stopping at a bloody gate.

Behind the gate were two of the humanoid creatures with clubs that Lois and Tovia had seen on their way out of Castle Town.

"What are _they _doing here?" Lois grumbled.

"I thought only Castle Town had gotten attacked." Tovia glared at the creature beyond the gate.

They paced back and forth, not seeming to notice them at all.

"This is a pretty elaborate gate. What are they trying to keep in…?" Midna muttered.

"Or out?"

"You could dig." The imp pointed to a patch of dirt, "But what about these two?"

Tovia shrugged. "I could always unlock it." With those words, the gate pushed open. "No point in digging." He tossed the dagger at one of the creatures, killing it instantly. He gaped at what he had done. "Did you three see that? I… Holy shit, I just hit that thing with no problem!"

Lois wiped her bloody pitchfork on the sparse grass after killing the second one. She then patted him on the back, making him flinch due to the pain in his shoulder. "Good job, Tovs."

The two bowed to Link. "After you, our good sir!"

--

"Get off of her!"

"Behind you," Lois shouted, wishing she could point to show Tovia where the second Shadow Beast was.

"What happened to Link?" Tovia shouted as he fought it off with his dagger.

She tried to reach for her pitchfork, carrying the conversation on despite the fact that she had a Shadow Beast on top of her, trying to kill her. "They were with us just seconds ago!"

"We're right here!" Midna's voice drifted back to the fight. "The damn gate came down and we got stuck outside. You two are on your own."

"Go ahead without us. We'll catch up." Lois tried waving her hand as she kicked at the creature.

"Son of a b-," another Shadow Beast leapt on Tovia's back, bringing him down to his knees.

Out of the corner of her eye, Lois spotted the struggling Tovia and mustered up the strength to push the beast off of her. She stood up quickly, grabbed her pitchfork, and stabbed one of the Shadow Beasts.

One down; two more to go. The other two made a move towards them.

"How do we take these assholes out?" Lois panted.

A bright light flashed and the two monsters were gone, leaving Tovia on the ground.

"Did you…like the….fireworks?" Tovia panted with a smirk.

"You moron! We could have taken them on!" she shouted, propping him up and leaning him on her shoulder.

The creaking of a door sounded from the house not too far from them and a head stuck out of it. "Hurry, get in!" a girl's voice called to them.

Tovia and Lois exchanged a glance, then hurried into the house. The wooden door closed shut behind the three.

The house was small and unlit torches mounted every wall. A man with long hair and spiritual clothes, no doubt a shaman, held four children.

One was a brown-haired, blue-eyed child that was shaking, and another (perhaps his younger brother) with a purple bow in his hair was looking quite bored. The other two children were wearing clothes much like the first two. A young brunette girl had tears running down her face, and the other, a blonde boy, quietly stared at his feet. Crouched by the window was a man with a welding mask over his face, peering out warily at the scene beyond. Judging by the way everyone huddled on the opposite side of the room from him, this man was not very well-liked.

"Sit down, young ones," the shaman said. "You are both in no state to be standing, and need medical attention."

Tovia and Lois awkwardly sat down next to the children, a black haired girl stepping from behind them. She looked much like the shaman; perhaps this was his daughter.

Lois grimaced. "I don't think I need it as much as my friend does."

"Hm," Tovia looked up from his feet. "What about me?"

"You need medical attention, moron!" she hissed at him. "Have you _seen _your shoulder? How much of a beating have you gotten?"

"I could treat you, if you two would trust me." The shaman stood up, giving the children a smile.

"You should. That shoulder is bleeding an awful lot and if it isn't treated soon, you might bleed to death or get an infection," the man by the window said. "Although, Renado probably can't do much to help you…"

"Barnes," an angered look crossed Renado's features.

"Could you help him?" Lois became worried as she looked at Tovia.

"Lois, you're overreacting. I'm fine," he protested, then looked over his body and grimaced. "Actually... I might need medical attention."

The shaman walked over to a table with a small chest. He moved the chest over and opened it, revealing a small needle, some thread, and a bottle of alcohol.

He gestured for Tovia to take a seat away from the children. "It's very dangerous to be wandering Hyrule alone without adult supervision, young ones. Where are your parents?"

"We were traveling with friends," Lois told him. "We got lost, though."

"She means split up," Tovia corrected.

Renado brought the threaded needle up and pierced Tovia's skin.

A sharp gasp came from the boy and he gritted his teeth in pain as Renado continued to sew up his shoulder. Lois smiled sadly, giving him her hand to squeeze.

"How old are your friends?"

"About as old as us," she murmured.

"It's still just as dangerous." Renado shook his head.

Tovia continued to grit his teeth. "Castle Town is in worse shape in this. There wasn't any big point in staying in one place when-" he inhaled more air, "-when everywhere else is just as dangerous."

"How old are you two?"

"Sixteen."

Silently, he continued his work until it was finished. He rubbed an alcohol-drenched rag on the stitch. "Hopefully you can bathe in the spring soon. That should heal it up fast. Until then, I'm afraid this will have to do."

"Thank you, si-"

A crash came from above, and the children screamed in terror. Lois jumped in fright and grabbed a hold of the children, pulling them close to her. Renado held his daughter to his chest as Barnes pressed himself up against the wall. Tovia still sat in his chair, staring straight at the wolf and imp.

"What was that?" Renado looked up to the ceiling.

Tovia hid his smirk as best as he could. "It was probably the wind..."

"Shh." Midna had her finger pressed to her lips.

"I want to go home!" the brunette cried.

"Don't worry, Beth. I'm sure Link will save us." The blonde smiled up at her.

She sniffled, wiping her nose. "Do you really think so, Colin?"

"I wouldn't waste your breath. He probably got kidnapped with Ilia." The older boy shook his head.

"They could be dead for all we know," Barnes added. "I may not know who this Link kid is, but, I doubt he could kill those beasts!"

Beth broke into more sobs.

"Hey, Renado, don't you have a secret basement or something we could hide in? Just incase it wasn't 'just the wind'," Barnes pressed, grabbing an unlit torch and lighting it with a welding tool from his belt.

"I would not do that," Renado's daughter smiled a bit. "When father instructed me to secure the cellar, I saw insects like the beast outside."

He dropped the stick hastily.

"Maybe we can be of service!" Lois leapt up, grabbing the torch as she tried not to brush up against Link. "I'm sure Tovia and I can handle ourselves down there. Once we're done, we can all stay down there until help comes to rescue us."

"What are you doing?" Tovia leaned next to her ear.

"Trying to help those two." she hissed. "I bet a floating torch would scare everyone and by the way Midna's eyeing it right now, they need to get down there. Besides, I don't want to chance it up here."

"I cannot allow this. You need to rest, child." Renado protested.

Lois cursed quietly to herself. "I… I'll make sure he watches himself! Don't worry. We can handle a few bugs."

Tovia grabbed the torch from her and began lighting the rest. "She's right; we can take care of it. Just stay up here. If anything happens, find shelter."

The floor rumbled as the last torch was lit, revealing a staircase that lead down. Each pair nodded to each other, giving the other the sign that they were ready. They headed down into the basement.

--

"So you two are looking for bugs?" Lois tried to grasp everything she had been told in the course of just five minutes.

"No, we are looking for light tears that are inside Twili Parasites," Midna corrected for the sixth time.

"Yes, but, you said they look like bugs."

"But they aren't bugs!"

The two continued as Tovia and Link searched for the critters.

"I can't find anything." Tovia frowned. "But...I sense something over by that pile of dirt...it feels like electricity."

Link bolted over to the pile of dirt and began digging, his senses allowing him to see the parasite. Soon, he had killed three, and Midna capped a light blue essence in each of the empty containers of a vine shaped contraption.

"Thank you. We shall now be on our way." She saluted them as she rested herself back on Link's back. Before the two could say goodbye, they had gone up the beams and out of the house.

"Are you two alright down there?" Renado's voice echoed through the cellar from the room above.

"We're fine! Everyone can come down now," Lois called back. She glanced at her best friend. "Hey, Tovs, you okay? You look out of it." She waved her hand in front of his face.

He held his head, feeling a sharp pain running through it. Slowly, he looked up at Lois. Her lips were painted a dark bloody red and black eyeshadow adorned her eyes. Her hair was curled and down to her bare cream colored shoulders. His hand outstretched and brushed the stray hair away. His hand brushed up against her fa....That wasn't his hand.

"Tovia, get your fucking hand off my face." her voice ordered, bringing him back to reality.

"I… I…" he embarrassedly looked away. "You're not mad at me, are you?"

"Mad at you…? Why would I be mad at…? Were you just fantasizing me _NUDE_?!" She smacked him hard across the face, stomping off to comfort the children.

Tovia clutched his left cheek, feeling his face burn more from embarrassment than the pain.

* * *

A/N: Thank you Kay! X3

Pj, Lsu, O rmfrf iq mpy fpomh yrj bpovr yjomh vsidr O yjpihjy yjsy'f zslr yjr trbryomh hp yp gsdy.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: |(-_-)|

A/N: Why do I keep giving people the finger in my disclaimers? Meh. Iono. Anyway, once again, thank Kay. I liked this chapter a lot more than the last. ^.^ It was funner. Also, I especially love the Epona bit. Epona hates Tovia. :D Did I mention thank Kay?

* * *

"Any bright ideas on how to get that pest out?" Midna eyed the chute where the Twili Parasite hid.

She bent over, peering up the chimney. "I can't see it, but, I hear it crackling up there."

Link pattered next to her, a burning stick in his mouth.

Midna glared at him. "What the hell do you think you're doing with that?"

He dropped the stick in the fireplace and immediately, the parasite came bolting out.

The electric pest, engulfed in flames, crackled and began flying all over the place. Soon the entire bomb supply house was on fire.

The imp stared at the wolf in a mixture of horror and rage. "What did you **_DO_**?!" she shrieked. "As romantic as this is, I'm getting out!" she broke into pieces and out of the house.

Link looked around hurriedly for an escape. The fire was spreading and the smoke was suffocating. He needed that bug, though…

He shook his head. It would die in the fire and then he could get the light tear. He searched quickly for his way out.

Finally, just a bit away from the flames, he found the way through which he had entered and crouched down into the hole. He could hear small explosions from behind him that propelled him forward as he crawled out.

When he could see the twilight-covered sky, he ran as fast as he could away from the house. The explosions became quicker and one final blast sent debris everywhere.

It was suddenly very quiet; all they could hear was the falling of some woodchips and the faint shining sound from the tears.

Midna sat down on the ground next to him, her arms crossed. It seemed she had gotten over her temper. "Hm, I guess there's no easier way to hunt these things down, huh?" she gave him a lazy shrug. "Well, you had to sacrifice someone's house to find the tears of light…but that's how the cookie crumbles, right?"

He glanced down at her, his expression speaking for him, 'Tears?'

She smirked. "There was more than one. See?" she pointed ahead at three blue floating lights. "We better go get them." She landed on his back and giggled, wondering how this person would react to finding their house gone.

--

"Link?" Colin asked excitedly as he stood in the doorway, the other children behind him.

Talo pushed him aside as he bolted ahead, Beth following quickly after him. Malo slowly walked after them, eyeing the blonde boy lying on the ground.

"Ha ha ha! See, Beth?! I TOLD you Link would save us!" Talo shouted in his loud voice.

Malo gave him a dry look as Link fought the urge to correct the boy.

Tovia leaned in the doorway as Lois helped the fallen boy up. "You didn't say that, Talo. Colin did."

Renado walked over to the young man surrounded by children. "…You are the one from Ordon whom these children spoke of?"

Link gave him a nod. "I'm Link."

"We are well met. I am Renado, shaman of this town. And this…" he grimaced at the man with the welding mask on.

Barnes took the mask off, grinning.

Renado continued, as if he had never meant to introduce the man. "This is my daughter, Luda."

The young girl smiled as Barnes threw up his arms in exasperation and walked off without a word.

"The beasts left us to die, but Mr. Renado found us." Colin glanced up at Renaldo.

"At first, I couldn't believe they had come from so distant a place as the Ordona Province…"

"Yeah, I… We don't remember much. All of a sudden, everyone was captured, and then… Until now… it's been like…"

Malo finished for him. "…A nightmare."

"Yeah, it was like a horrible dream and we couldn't wake up." Colin nodded. "But then Mr. Tovia and Miss Lois came and got rid of the monsters outside and in the basement."

Lois shrugged at Link, a smirk at her lips. "It was nothing."

Tovia smirked with her. "No need to thank us, stranger."

Link grinned at them. "Thanks for keeping them company."

"Mmm… Nightmares are everywhere these days, it seems. This village has certainly seen its share of recent hardships…" Renado waved his hand to the boarded up houses. "The dark beasts attacked, but even worse was the sudden and inexplicable change in the mountain-dwelling Goron tribe. They had long been our friends, but suddenly treated us as foes." he sighed.

"Even now they refuse to permit us entry into their mines. It strains the limits of belief… To think that such a gentle and proud tribe could change so suddenly…It makes me wonder if something in those mines is the cause of this change..." his grim tone of voice shifted to a more lighthearted one. "In any case, you must take these children and flee this village before more nightmares descend. I, of course, cannot leave my village in such a time. There is no telling what may happen to us here…"

"What others?" Lois questioned.

The shaman looked away. "I speak of the Gorons."

"Yes, but, there's other houses here and I'm pretty sure that's an inn." she pointed at a boarded up long house.

"They were unfortunate enough to come across the beasts… But is it my job to try to coax the Gorons back from their recent change of heart."

The children looked up at Link expectedly, pouting.

He sighed. "Your parents must be worried sick about you four."

"I don't wanna leave all these people just to save ourselves!" Talo exclaimed.

"Come on, Link! Can't you do something?" Beth chimed in.

"Isn't there… some way to make up with the Gorons?" Malo muttered.

"You'd think someone could go to the mines and do something…" Colin trailed off.

Link frowned. "I am going to try to help this town, but, you all need to go home. What if someone gets hurt while looking for you?"

"Please, Link, we can't leave just yet!"

Tovia stepped forward. "You could fix the Goron problem while we look after the kids for you. I'll send out a letter to their parents while I'm at it."

"Are you sure you're up for it, Tovs?" Link leaned down and whispered in his ear. "You got beaten up pretty bad by those Shadow Beasts and they're not even the worst there is."

Off to the side, Lois quietly spoke to the shaman about how the field was infested with monsters that could put the children in even more danger.

Tovi glared. "Are you trying to say I'm too weak?"

"No! I didn't mean that at all!" he held up his hands in defense. "I'm just saying that you're injured badly and you'll probably do something courageous, injuring yourself more."

"… Link, shut up and go help the Gorons."

"Fine, I'm going." he shook his head and walked towards the path to Death Mountain.

Tovia looked around. "Hey, where's Lois?"

--

"Oof!"

Link eyed the girl on the ground. "Why are you here and what are you doing?"

"Son of a bitch, I thought I could climb this wall before you got here so you'd have to let me come!" Lois cursed.

"You do realize that this is extremely dangerous, right? I was up here before and _flaming rocks _we're hurtling towards me. Not to mention that Gorons are extremely tough and that they're **_not _**our side at the current moment."

She pouted. "You'd let Tovia go."

He felt like he was speaking to Talo. "That's because he has magic and always has a plan B."

"I always have a plan B!"

"Oh? What's your plan B?"

"…"

"Exactly, you don't really have a plan B," he began climbing up the mesh on the wall. "So please go help Tovia watch the kids."

"I do so have a plan B and its scream for Tovi!" she blurted out.

He turned his gaze down to her. "… So there _is _something going on between you two."

"N-no, it's not like that!"

He chuckled as a giggle joined in from his shadow. "I knew it! So you two like each other. That explains everything."

"Like each other…?"

His laughter suddenly cut off and he climbed up faster. "You didn't hear me say anything."

"Wait, Link! Oh, if you don't get down here by the count of three, I'll kill you in your sleep!"

"Ah! No humans aloud!" another voice shouted out from above the wall. "These lands belong to the Goron tribe! The elder said no humans may pass!"

Lois gazed up the wall, hoping to see the Goron.

The ground rumbled and all too soon was Link sent back and hard onto his back. The girl glanced at the boy just inches by her feet. "You got your ass kicked, didn't you?"

He groaned in reply.

"A weak spirit is no match for the Gorons!" the two looked up to see the Goron. "Do you understand me, human? Then away with you!"

"Hylian," Lois shouted back at the retreating figure. She helped Link up, muttering about how he was the second boy needing assistance today.

Silently, the two retreated back to Kakariko village. Renado waited for them at the entrance to Death Mountain's path.

"Ah, how fortunate you are in one piece!"""" Renado spoke to Lois. "I saw you heading up the mountain trail, so I was worried. Are you trying to reach the Gorons of Death Mountain, also?"

She nodded. "We can't, though. They're too strong."

"They recognize only strength. A normal person could never persuade them… But... I do know one person who was able to best them and earn their trust. His name is Bo." He turned his attention to Link. "You may know him as the mayor of your hometown, Ordon."

"Mayor Bo?" Link exclaimed. "He took on the Gorons?"

"Please, go to him. And while you are there, please let him know that the children are safe. Of course, getting them back would be best, but we could not keep them safe from the monsters on the road. I shall await your return."

The two gave him an affirmative nod and went to go tell Tovia the news.

"Link and… Lois?" Tovi rushed over to them.

The three stood in front of the inn, planning on who would stay to protect the children and who would go with Link. Suddenly, the sound of hoof beats pounded rhythmically louder along with an animalisticgrunting.

Link glanced behind his shoulder. "Do you two hear that?"

Before they could reply, a chestnut mare came stamping its way into the town as the children played indoors.

Link laughed. "Epona, you're safe! I was so worried about you!"

The horse wasn't stopping, Lois tugged on his sleeve. "Link…I don't think it's going to stop."

"She'll stop, I'm sure of it."

Tovia and Lois took steps away from him.

"I agree with Lois." Tovia called out to the left. "She's not going to stop!"

"I think I know my own hor-!" Hadn't it of been for a skillful roll to the side, the horse would have ran him over. Link stared at the startled horse with wide eyes and an open mouth. "I hate it when you two are right." Without thinking, he jumped up on her as she reared back.

She reared back a second time, neighing, and he held on tight. His legs dangled off of her as Lois and Tovia quickly ran onto the porch of the inn.

The bucking horse ran in zigs as the owner tried to calm her. In just a matter of minutes, he had her seized.

Epona reared up in a form of greeting her master that gripped the handles. Lois rushed over to him as Midna popped out of his shadow. "Hmm, you're not too shabby a wrangler after all! Won't this make getting back to your town a lot easier? Now go finish your errand so we can get back! Get a move on!"

"Are you alright, Link?" Lois asked as the horse nuzzled its nose against her cheek. She giggled at its antics.

"I'm fine." he pet his horse.

Tovia slowly made his way over, eyeing the horse uncomfortably. "Are you sure she won't buck?"

"She's calm now."

He walked over and the horse whinnied frightfully, bringing up her hoofs to stomp the boy. The Hylian fell on his back trying to avoid getting hit and rolled away from the hoofs that she kept bringing down.

"Whoa, calm down, Epona! He's not going to hurt you!"

Finally, he rolled a safe distance away from her, panting. "I-I don't think she likes me."

Lois crouched down next to him. "Why would she try hurting you?"

"It doesn't make any sense. Epona's always good with strangers and you saw how she reacted to Lois. She didn't even get spooked by Midna!" Link scratched the back of his neck as he tried to figure it out.

Tovia rubbed his shoulder. "It doesn't matter. I should probably rest up in the spring, anyway. You two can go without me." He waved them on.

"Are you sure?"

"Just bring me back a horse of my own." he jokingly added.

Lois situated herself on the horse, waving to Tovia as the two galloped out of Kakariko. The two noticed the bloody gate out in Hyrule Field. Link sighed, "Damn, we have to jump."

"Hold on tight." he ordered.

She grabbed onto him as tight as she could as Epona leapt the gate. Then it was smooth sailing to Ordon.

* * *

A/N: Small loose reference to WW at the end... XD Couldn't help it. Thank Kay. ;D

Review or it's the pit for you!!!!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Is Vaati in Wind Waker? No. There's your answer.

A/N: Once again, this story would be NOTHING without Kay. A LOT of shit has gone in my life recently and if it weren't for her asking about why my TS chapter hadn't been sent to her yet/even talked about, this probably wouldn't have gotten done. I'm pretty happy with the ending. I've actually already started the next chapter, by the way.

* * *

"You may be quite the charmer, but I prefer to remain innocent, sir."

"You don't have to lie!" he laughed. "We're alone, just you and me.… No one's going to find out."

The woman held her eyes shut tight, a few tears rolling down her cheeks as the male breathed down her neck, running smooth fingers through her hair. "Stop it." she ordered.

Out of the darkness that cloaked him, a white canine shone with a smirk. "What, you can't take it?"

She took an unsteady breath as he nipped at her ear. "I am engaged, please."

"Look at my face and tell me if I give a damn." the voice playfully teased.

There was a loud smack and the girl began to cry as the man's delicate hand tightly held onto her wrist. For someone who looked so dainty, he had quite a strong grip.

"Look, we're going to do this, and it could be easy or hard." He smirked to himself. "Well, I think we both know something's going to be hard."

She nodded, biting her lip and let out a choked sob.

The smirk returned and the cold bitterness in the voice altogether disappeared. "Good. Now follow me."

* * *

Tovia ran a hand through his wet hair after waking up from his dream. The young male was bathing in the spring, as he had been ordered to. He was wearing an old bathing suit Renado had found for him since the children had insisted they stay outside and play.

_Great, just what I need. Rape dreams,_ he thought sarcastically. As if he didn't have enough to worry about. He had pictured his best friend nude for Din's sake! What more did the goddesses want to put him through?

He tried to get more comfortable, propping his head up with his right hand and lounging in the water. _That voice, though… It sounded familiar. Was that the same guy from that other dream I had?_

He wondered why he was having dreams about the womanizing man, whose face never seemed to be revealed.

Yawning, he leaned back again, hoping to get answers soon.

* * *

Lois held onto Link's waist as they entered Ordon Village. She swept her gaze across the small little houses and ranch ahead. "Cute little town. You grew up here, right?" the girl asked.

"I don't live on the outskirts of town for nothing." he laughed, pulling on Epona's reigns to slow her down in front of one of the bigger homes.

He dismounted the horse, helped the blonde down, and knocked on the door. There was some shuffling the inside until the door opened to reveal a bald rotund man.

He gasped in shock, "Link?"

The young man pulled him into a hug, smiling widely. "Yeah, Mayor Bo, it's me." He let him go.

"You're safe and sound!" Mayor Bo sighed thankfully. "How are Ilia and the kids? Does she miss me? Come on in, Link." He moved aside.

Link grimaced as he did so, "Mayor Bo, is it alright if my friend comes in with us?"

"Of course, any friend of yours is a friend of mine." Mayor Bo noticed the young woman for the first time. "Oh, hello, miss."

Lois shook his hand, "Lois. Link and I have important news." The door shut behind her. "Sir, the children are safe and sound in Kakariko Village with other friends of ours."

Mayor Bo took a seat at his desk and nodded. "I see, the young'uns are in Kakariko Village... That's good. No doubt Renado is watching them and he's an old friend. If they're in his care, we can all relax. What about Ilia?"

The two uncomfortably looked down, gazes resting on their suddenly interesting shoes, and the silence got tenser by the second until Mayor Bo couldn't contain himself anymore.

"Don't keep me waitin'! Tell me of my little girl! Ilia is with the rest of 'em, right?" he asked worriedly.

Link didn't look into his eyes as he spoke, "Mayor Bo… I haven't found her yet."

Dejectedly, Mayor Bo nodded and swallowed down bile. "I see… That ain't what I wanted to hear… But, Link… I guess I need to think of all five of those poor kids, not just my own. They're all in danger. You don't worry your head off about this, alright? Us grown-ups will take care of it."

The green-garbed boy let out a little bitter laugh. "I can't really do that, Mayor Bo. I made a promise to someone. I'll find her; I still haven't gone to the Larynu province," he assured him.

"Then I guess I should be askin' what I can do."

Link nodded. "Well, you see, sir… I need to get to Death Mountain and the Gorons aren't too pleasant at the current moment…"

Lois laughed at that one. "They knocked him straight off the cliff."

"What's that, now? The Gorons of Death Mountain?" Mayor Bo asked excitedly.

"Renado said you've earned their trust before?"

Mayor Bo spoke covertly. "Well, it's true. I did defeat the Gorons in a contest of strength and earned their trust. …With the help of a little _secret_."

"Secret?" they murmured in unison.

"I _CAN_ teach you the secret… but can you promise me that you absolutely, positively will _NOT _disclose it to anyone?" His expression was pleading.

"You can count on me, Mayor Bo." Link gave a nod.

Mayor Bo's stare turned to Lois.

She gave him a thumbs-up. "I promise, sir."

The older man sighed, "Good. All righty, then. Absolutely no one!" he reminded them as he stood up and walked into the next room. "Come this way, then."

He led them into the basement, revealing a sumo wrestling ring. "Oh, wow… Does Ilia know about this, Mayor Bo?" Link whistled in amazement as the man lit the candles.

The mayor chuckled nervously, giving them their answer. "Link, you've heard of sumo wrestlin', right? Gorons like to match strength in sumo contests. Luckily for you, the basics of sumo are the same as stoppin' chargin' goats. I'll teach you the basics."

Lois sat herself down on the stairs, dozing off every now and again as he told Link everything he knew. It wasn't until she heard pounding that she groggily looked up to find the two without shirts in the center ring.

She noticed that Mayor Bo had some muscles and gulped. Yes, he was a nice guy and all, but she sure as hell didn't want to be on his bad side.

The two were bent over, staring intently into each other's eyes and waiting for someone to make the first move. Growing bored of the silence, Lois called out, "Ready? Fight!"

Link lunged forward, gripping the man by the waist and trying to push him off the ring. Mayor Bo struggled to get out of his grip and finally managed to give him a shove.

He pushed the younger man far more easily and Link looked reluctant to fight back. He fell hard on the group, the bald man looking down at him.

"Why don't you try again, Link? Don't hold back!"

The two got into position again and, without Lois' orders, Link lunged first. Link was shoved again and Mayor Bo went to slap Link when he dunked, immediately going in to push.

He wiped his hands when the mayor hit the floor, Bo grinning up at him. "You seem to understand the basics. All righty, next time I won't go easy on you, lad. Fight me as if you were fightin' one of the Gorons!"

For the third time, they got into position and Link lunged. This time Mayor Bo moved to the right and grabbed Link. It took only ten seconds for the young man to shove him away.

The two both lunged at the same time, thus smacking into each other. They let out a small 'ow' as Lois held in her laughter.

Teeth gritted, they both slapped the other in unison and this time, Lois couldn't contain her laughter. It bounced off the walls in the acoustic room.

Link went to hit him again, but the mayor dodged the blow, getting him in his grasp. Link was dangerously near the edge of the ring but managed to finally get him off, moving to the left as Mayor Bo went to punch him.

He got a hold of the Mayor and pushed as hard as he could until he heard a loud thump and cheering.

"Whoa ho! Not too shabby, lad! With your natural talent, I'm sure you can take on the Gorons…" he drifted off. "Well get dressed, Link. I'll meet you upstairs."

The brave seventeen year old picked up a green tunic, chainmail, gauntlets, boots, and a cap off of the floor. He stepped behind a room divider Lois hadn't noticed when she first came in.

"Nice job, Link." Lois complimented as she moved aside for Mayor Bo to go upstairs.

His response was a thumbs-up above the room divider. It took a good ten minutes until he was finally dressed and ready to go, the blonde following close behind.

The mayor was fully dressed once more, sitting at his desk with a glass of water. "You've gotten a sight stronger in the short time you've been gone, Link…"

"Thank-"

"Strong as you are, though, you can't hope to beat the Gorons wrestlin' with power alone." Mayor Bo interrupted him.

The pieces clicked in their heads. "You cheated."

He put his hands out in what would usually be a gesture of defeat. "Those Gorons are made of rock!" he defended. "The secret to beatin' the Gorons is locked away in that chest." He pointed to a chest in a corner of the room. "Take it with you, lad."

Link slowly opened the chest, grunting as he pulled out big,heavy boots covered with (or, more probably, made of) some kind of dense metal.

"You can probably tell those are iron boots. Whoever wears 'em won't be easily pushed around, even by a Goron. If you're fixin' to fight a Goron, be sure to wear those boots." He scratched the back of his head, blushing embarrassedly. "…Let's be square, though, lad: you can't ever tell _ANYONE _about those boots! 'Specially Renado!"

Link stifled laughter at how ridiculous the mayor was acting about the boots and his big secret. "I understand, Mayor Bo, and I promise_ I_ won't." Link eyed Lois.

"What? Oh come on! You seriously think I'm going to tell Tovs? This is going to be priceless. I can't wait to see his reaction to you gaining 'inhumane strength'," she stated.

"If you see Ilia, tell her I love her." Bo pleaded, a few tears prickling his eyes.

It was then that everything finally sunk into Lois. This man wasn't just a mayor to the town. He wasn't just a friendly guy to go to with all your problems. This man was a worrying father.

No doubt it was killing him to know everyone but his daughter was safe. Silently, she wished she knew and could tell him where this Ilia was.

She thought back to her father, who didn't want her to leave him alone when she moved to the city. _I hope Daddy's alright.… What did he use to say about Tovia and me? Something country, I know that.…_

_Tovia… I hope he's especially okay…_

It was funny how one thought could lead to another until she was so caught up in thinking that she forgot where it had started and where she was.

"Lois, are you listening to me?" Link's voice broke her out of her reverie..

The girl snapped to attention and realized she was sitting on Epona. She placed her arms around his waist, nodding. "Yeah, I'm listening."

He started Epona off in a fast gallop, having a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something bad was going to happen, he just knew it. What, he wasn't sure. He wondered if this was part of being half wolf, or if he'd always just ignored his instincts….

* * *

The children were outside. Talo and Beth were speaking in the middle of the village in hushed voices, laughing every now and again in Colin's direction.

Colin was bent down, listening to Malo's monotonic monologue about his new shop as Tovia changed inside the sanctuary. Off in the distance he could hear a dull pounding of hooves.

Talo ran past him to hide as the Bulbin that had attacked Link, Ilia, and himself was riding towards Beth on a large, obnoxious warthog.

He turned to go inside with Malo but realized Beth was frozen in fear. Mustering up all his courage, he curled his fists into balls and ran forward.

The boy pushed the girl to the ground and got hit by the warthog straight on, instantly going unconscious. Beth looked up at the Bulbin in fear as he raised Colin up high like a trophy prize.

Barnes ran out of his store, door slamming shut behind him. He glanced around in panic. The Bulbin glared at him, grinning at the same time to show off his putrid, sharp pointed teeth.

It was a silent conversation full of death threats.

The Bulbin glared at him, nostrils flaring.

Barnes lowered his wielding mask, shamefully.

Nodding, the Bulbin carried on as Tovia ran outside to see what was going on. The young male had healed up quite quickly and now just had a dull ache in his shoulder.

He spotted the Bulbin leaving and gritted his teeth. He couldn't do anything; it was as simple as that. The monster was far too big to be beaten by just a small dagger. And he was still too exhausted to cast any strong spells he knew - and he didn't know many - that could possibly hurt the beast.

But he could at the very least distract the large brute.

Acting quickly, Tovi picked up a rock and threw it at him. "Hey, fatso!" the words escaped his mouth without a thought.

The monster turned around to face him, snarling.

"Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?" he asked a bit cockily.

The King of Bulbins chuckled sinisterly, looking down towards Tovia as if he were a small insect. Which he might as well have been.

Tovs knew he didn't have a chance, but if he could just distract him long enough to get Colin into one of the houses safe and sound…

Something told him he'd be fine, though. His confidence grew as he grinned back at the Bulbin. Beth caught that grin and whimpered. She screamed when Talo surprised her, putting his hand on her shoulder to pull her into Renado's house.

Before Tovia could even think of what to do next, he heard hooves pounding, racing back to Kakariko. Link and Lois arrived on Epona, Lois looking shaken and Link looking enraged.

King Bulbin took off, Colin held in the air.

"Get on." Link ordered Tovia.

"Bu-"

"Get on now or you're staying here!" he snapped.

Lois scrambled off, shaken up at nearly getting her head sliced off by some Bulbins in the field, helping Tovia up the anxious horse. "Good luck, you two," she murmured.

Tovia held on tight as Epona sped off after King Bulbin, shouting over the wind that whipped past them. "Could you calm down for two seconds and explain to me what is going on?"

"That bastard and his buddies kidnapped my friends!" Link yelled back. "And you could have saved Colin, you know! Just because you don't know someone doesn't mean you don't rescue them!'

"You're nuts!" Tovia gaped. "What the hell do you think I was doing? I'm still exhausted from the beating I took today, I only have a dagger and magic I barely know how to use, and you're pissed off at_ me!?!_ I was distracting him! If it weren't for me, he would have been gone before you got back!"

Link didn't reply as they jumped over the bloody gate, landing in Hyrule Field with a large thud. Standing in the center of the field was King Bulbin, now with a few Bulbin archers at his flanks.

One of the Bulbins had a club and Tovia heard Link mutter a little 'ouch' and felt him cringe at the sight of it. Colin was tied to a large stick with a red cloth that was being held by the saddle on the boar.

Tovia tried to lighten up the mood as he glanced at all the Bulbins. "We can take them on…"

Despite being unfairly angry with Tovia, Link nodded, almost afraid to voice the contrary.

The sun was setting on the horizon as more Bulbins emerged from behind the ones riding boars. The archers readied their bows, some with fire arrows and others just regular ones.

Both boys gulped.

"We're screwed."

* * *

A/N: Once again, did I mention I love my beta? KAY, LET'S GET MARRIED! :3

If you think Kay and I should get married, tell me so in a review. ;D


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Um, **FAN**fiction?

A/N: -_-' People, seriously? You _really _thought I was over LoZ for Yu-Gi-Oh DMX? _SERIOUSLY? _

* * *

"Papa, I brought you supper." A young woman set a tray down in front of a plump, groggy man. "You need to keep your strength up."

The man glanced up at her and smiled lightly. "Malon, have I ever told you how much you look like your mother?"

She laughed, kissing him on the cheek. "Yes, you've told me every day."

Talon hugged her tightly, laughing. "And when is the baby due?"

"The baby will be here any day, papa. We're both ecstatic over it. I hope it's a strong baby boy just like his daddy and grandpa!" Her eyes glazed over dreamily at the thought of holding a bouncing baby boy in her arms.

Her father held her closer, a few tears falling down his cheeks. "I'm happy for you, Malon, honey."

"Papa, don't cry," the redhead cooed. "I'm still your little girl."

* * *

"We're screwed."

The archers prepared to fire as Tovia spoke worriedly. "Alright, any ideas on how we're to come out alive?!"

Link gripped Epona's reigns and his sword nervously. "We're going to go straight for the large one and try not to get hit?"

"…Link… That has got to be the worst plan ever," he stated dryly.

"Do you have anything better?" the other blonde shot back, just before he charged forward.

"No, bu-!" Tovs was interrupted by a fire arrow shooting through the sky straight towards his heart. He screamed and braced himself - it hit the air around his body and fell to the ground, like it had run straight into a wall.

_What the?! Did… Did I just use a force field!? Maybe I can hold it up around us both!_

Link's shouting brought him back to the field. "Hit him, Tovia!" he ordered, slicing at the Bulbin next to him. Armor flew around them, bouncing off the force field.

Tovia stared at the back of Link's head in disbelief. "With _WHAT_?" Arrows knocked against the force field, making a light thud each time. He turned around to find more Bulbin archers on warthogs.

"Do _something_!" Link grunted, not knowing how to reply. He sliced at the armorless back of the Bulbin, making it roar in pain as it gripped the reins of its warthog.

It jumped over the fence on the Bridge of Eldin, Link and Tovia following after it. "Wait a second…" the sixteen year old muttered, glancing behind him.

There were no more Bulbins chasing them.

"It's a trap!" he shouted just as they landed onto the bridge.

A firelit arrow hit the wooden fence behind them, blocking the exit. At the other end of the bridge, the Bulbin glared at them with his warthog ready to charge.

They went head to head.

"That's it! You're fucking mad, Link!" Tovia yelled, dunking as Link swung his sword in a circle to hit the Bulbin next to them. "Do you realize how much danger we're in?"

The green garbed boy simply ignored him, leaning in as they charged forward once more, sword prepared to swing.

But instead of the blade hitting the Bulbin, the Bulbin whacked Link, making him fall off of Epona and the bridge. He dangled off the edge, hanging on tightly and trying to pull himself back up. The sword was a few feet away from Tovia. "Get the sword, Tovia!" he shouted urgently.

The Bulbin was nerve-wrackingly close to the injured Link.

Tovia clenched his teeth._ Well, don't just **sit **there, stupid! Get the sword and fight!_

Acting quickly, he got off of Epona and gripped the sword, and then swung it at the Bulbin. The Bulbin turned around at the sharp pain. Tovia slashed again, taking a step back.

The Bulbin took another step forward, leaning down to put little space between them. Tovia felt his right foot slip - there was only air behind it. He looked up in fear as the Bulbin gave him a hard push, sending him over the edge and the sword back onto the bridge.

He tried to grasp something, arms flailing for some form of safety. He stopped suddenly in the air, and felt solid ground below him. He craned his head up to see Link fighting off the Bulbin on the bridge.

"How the…?" Tovs looked down to find darkness. "Am I _floating_?"

A scream sounded next to him and he quickly turned to find the Bulbin falling farther and farther until he too blended in with the dark. A hand reached down towards Tovia, helping him up the bridge.

Link panted, collapsing with Tovia. "Good job. Didn't know… you could… float."

"Thanks.… Didn't know… either."

He sighed and shook his hand, "Sorry for being… so rough on you."

* * *

"Link… Is everyone okay?" Colin asked after his eyelids fluttered open. He glanced at Talo, then kept his eyes on Beth. She sighed with relief, smiling at him. "…Good. Beth… I'm sorry. You know… for shoving you. Are you mad?"

She shook her head quickly and vigorously, laughing a bit.

"I… I think I finally understand." He looked up at the silent Link. "I understand what my dad meant when he said I needed to be stronger, like you, Link. He wasn't talking about strength, like lifting stuff. He was talking about being brave." The young boy looked up admiringly. "Link… You saved me, didn't you?"

He smirked, shaking his head slowly. "Not without help."

Colin looked around for the other two older children but couldn't find them. He settled with thanking Link for now. "You can do anything. You can do something for the Gorons in the mines, too, can't you, Link?"

Link nodded. "I'll do my best."

The boy smiled and closed his eyes. Immediately, the other children gasped and took a few steps forward. Talo tried to put him over his back to carry him inside, groaning as he struggled with Colin's weight.

Renado stepped forward and picked the boy up with ease, leading the children to the inn where he and his daughter would take care of him.

Link turned around, facing the direction Death Mountain was in. Midna flew out of his shadow, leaning down on his shoulder.

"Not that I care or anything about your well being," she yawned, "but I think you should rest here for the night and then head up to Death Mountain. I don't want a dead servant."

"Great to know you care," he mumbled, eyeing her with distaste.

She giggled, shrugging. "Two more Fused Shadow Helmet pieces and then you're free!"

"Which is why I want to leave _now_," he stated.

"But look at you. You're dead on your feet. How are you going to climb up that in this state?"

"I'll be alright."

"You'll be Keese chow."

He gave her one final glare before walking off towards the inn. "Fine, I'll stay here for the night."

* * *

Lois sat next to Tovia on the floor of the sanctuary, eating some soup and bread. "So, what you're saying is that you floated?" she asked with her mouth full.

"I nearly _died _and all you can say is that I floated?" he questioned. "Can you stop talking with your mouth full? It's disgusting."

"Well, I find it pretty cool that you floated. There's another power you can put to use. And since it bugs you, I'll keep doing it." She stuffed some bread into her mouth. "Want some?"

"No thanks, you've ruined my appetite!" Tovia joked.

Childishly, he stuck his tongue out at her.

The girl smiled mischievously. "Hey, Tovs, did you know I'm on a diet?"

He rolled his eyes. "What is it with girls and diets?"

"It's a seafood diet. See food?" She opened her mouth up wide, showing bits of chewed up food.

Tovia laughed, lightly hitting her shoulder. "That's _really _disgusting, Lois!"

The two laughed for a few more minutes before eating in silence, enjoying each other's company. Lois leaned back against the wall a bit. "Hey… Tovs? Do you remember what my dad used to say about us?"

He shook his head, yawning, "No, why?"

"I'm just trying to remember… Oh!" she excitedly blurted out. "Remember how you used to play that game with him?"

"You mean that game where he asked me questions about Hyrule?"

"Well, remember how you used to win? Remember what he said? 'How'd you like to marry Lois, huh?'." she laughed loudly.

Tovia twiddled his fingers together nervously, sweating a bit, and blushed a deep shade of scarlet. "Your dad was always trying to get us to court…"

She faced him, blushing also. "Y-Y-Yeah… My dad was silly… I mean, we're best friends."

"Y-Yeah, that doesn't mean we have to be boyfriend and girlfriend." He turned away from her. "Maybe I should go find out what's up with Link… He hasn't come to get us yet so we're probably staying here for a while."

"Okay, Tovs…" The door closed quietly after him and she felt incredibly lonely all of a sudden. "When did things start to change?" she murmured. "Did… Did I always feel like this?"

Because deep down, Lois wished they weren't just friends.

* * *

"Din, Lois, do you really need to pack so much food?" Link groaned, still grumpy about waking up so early after such a late night.. He _never _went to bed so late.

Lois rolled her eyes at him, stuffing more food into one of their extra packs. "Link, we're climbing a mountain called **_DEATH _**Mountain. You don't know when we could get back."

Tovia walked into the the room, looking exhausted. He fell back onto his bed, moaning.

The two simply ignored him. "Yeah, well, if you pack _all _of the food, we're not going to have enough for when we go to Castle Town!"

"Our houses are in Castle Town. There's plenty of food in Castle Town. We'll be just fine. Now quit complaining and go fill a bottle or something." she ordered, making shoo motions with her hands.

He did as told, grumbling something about how it was pointless that she had to move all of their food to another bag.

"What's wrong with you, Tovs?" Lois questioned as the door shut.

"I feel like someone slammed my head repeatedly on a table." he whined.

She stared at him in mock pain, "Aww, poor baby."

He pulled the blanket on his bed over his head, hissing at her like a snake.

The young woman opened the door up and stuck her head out, shouting, "Hey, Link! Get over here!" Tovia winced at the loud noise.

Jogging up to the inn, Link leaned on the doorframe. "First you tell me to go get us some water. Now you tell me to come back in and bug you?"

"I think I found out Tovia's twilight form." Lois laughed. "Tovia is a bat."

Link saw Tovia slumped behind her. "What's wrong with you?" he asked, eyeing the lump under the covers.

"Head hurts, light hurts, sound hurts, and everything is a world of pain and misery!" he moaned childishly.

Link coughed to mask the laughter threatening to spill past his lips. "Tovs," cough, "I think… I think you have a hangover."

Tovia poked his head out, glaring at him suspiciously. "That's not possible… I mean… I don't think I had anything to drink… I went straight to bed after dinner. …Did… Did you put alcohol in any of my food last night?"

He shook his head, laughing. "I swear to Nayru that I did not touch your food in any way, shape, or form."

The suspicious gaze fell to Lois.

"Don't look at me like that! I didn't do it. It was probably one of the kids." she shouted defensively, making him flinch.

"What part of hangover do you not understand, Lois?" he groaned. "Be _quiet."_

She grinned cheekily at him. "Get up, Tovs. Hangover or not, you're coming with us."

The young man pushed himself off of the bed, swaying slightly on his feet. "You're so sadistic."

* * *

"So then Tovia goes and starts petting a cucco, right?"

Lois was telling Link an old story about the two of them on her father's farm, small talk to pass the excruciating torture of climbing Death Mountain, dodging the Gorons or a jet of hot steam every now and again.

Tovia really wasn't paying attention, focusing on his headache. He couldn't remember the taste of alcohol in his dinner. He side-stepped at the last minute as another Goron rolled past in an attempt to knock them down.

Watching as it rolled off down the mountain, Tovia noted how the race looked like it was made of boulders, and seemed just as strong....

_"You know, there's something I seriously do not understand." Someone sat on a throne, twirling their goblet of what looked to be red wine. The cloaked figure took a sip of the goblet's contents._

_"What do you not understand, master?" a young woman purred next to him._

_The figure's forehead wrinkled in thought. "Why is it that Gorons, who are made of rock and the strongest of all the races, always rely on heroes to save them?"_

_"I do not know, master."_

_"It is quite ridiculous. All that strength goes to waste on a bunch of cowards." He snickered._

Lois shook him a bit, breaking the boy out of his daydream. "Right, Tovia?"

"Huh? What did you say, Lois?"

She sighed, exasperated. "Never mind."

An hour later, after dodging hot jets of steam, gorons, and flaming rocks from the mountain, and they arrived at their destination, the entrance to the Goron Mines. Upon seeing the three Hylians, six Gorons curled into balls and began to charge.

Link readied himself to toss a set on the left as Lois held onto Tovia for dear life.

"ENOUGH!" a voice boomed throughout the small room. Immediately, the six Gorons uncurled and stood up, turning toward the back of the room.

Two Gorons moved aside and a much older one stood, arms crossed. He looked very displeased with his tribe. "Are these young ones such imposing enemies that you must all gang up on them? I think not, Little Brothers."

The Gorons lowered their heads in shame.

"Who are you three?" the elder ordered, aiming his beady eyes at the Hylians.

The three young adults bowed their heads in respect before speaking. "I'm Lois, from Castle Town and this is my friend, Tovia."

"I am Link, from Ordon Village. We've come to help you and Kakariko."

His stone-hard head raised up a bit, impressed. "Very well, step forward." They did as ordered. "I am a Goron elder, little humans. I am called Gor Coron. Because of certain… circumstances, I must lead the Goron tribe in place of Darbus, our tribal patriarch. You three have done well to come this far. You are strong… for humans."

Lois bit her tongue, resisting the urge to correct him. _Hylians, Hylians! We're not **humans**! Pointy ears! See?! POINTY!_

"However…" His tone of voice became more official and threatening than before. "The mines beyond here are sacred to my tribe. Outsiders are not permitted. Unless…"

Link smiled; "Unless we prove ourselves strong enough." he finished for him.

Gor Coron grinned, "I could make an exception: only one of you must prove yourselves. I am sure the others will get along just fine if one of you can defeat a Goron. So which one of you are willing to try it, little humans?"

The green-garbed Hylian stepped forward, "I will. May I have a few minutes to prepare myself?"

"Very well," Gor Coron turned to another Goron, speaking in hushed voices.

"Follow me, guys." Link led them outside to change his boots as Tovia frantically told Link he was an idiot for thinking he could take on the Gorons. He pulled out a pouch, ignoring him.

The female stared at the object in confusion. "Um…? Aren't Iron Boots, I don't know, heavy? And aren't they _big_?"

Link laughed, "Defiately. My adopted mother gave this to me, though. So now I don't have to bother Midna all the time. She said that it's a magical pouch that weighs nothing and can hold anything. All you have to do is think about what you want while sticking your hand in. And then it's right there."

"A magic pouch," Tovia stopped his rant. "I've heard of those. Didn't you tell me about them before, Lois?"

"Oh yeah," she exclaimed. "This scholar told me about them. They're from way back when every Hylian used magic. I think he said they were made from Dodongo skin?"

"Wait a second…. Where… where are they?" Link stuck his hand out, looking down at his feet as if they'd just magically appear there. "Where're the boots? I did pack them, right? Did I? Lois, did I pack the boots this morning?" He whirled around to face her, eyes wide in fright.

She shook her head. "I don't remember you packing any boots. You just got dressed, complained about waking up so early, and helped make fun of Tovs with me.."

He slumped up against the wall, clutching his head in his heads. "This is just great. I can't fight him! I'll get killed."

Tovia leaned against the wall with him, murmuring, "I could fight him instead…" He looked unsure of himself. How many spells did he know?

Link lowered his hands away from his face. "You're going to take on a _Goron_ by yourself?" he asked in shock. "Can you actually do that?"

"Shut up!" the other male snapped at him. He pushed Link aside. "I can take him on! Just watch me!" Tovia stomped back into the other room.

"Hey, Tovs, wait up!" Lois called, following after him.

Midna popped out of Link's shadow, casually lounging in the air. "You know, I _could _go get you those Iron Boots while he gets his ass kicked," she piped. "You'll probably need them in the mines."

"Thanks, Midna. But try to be quick. I might have to fight Gor Coron after all." The imp nodded and zipped off into another shadow, starting her travel.

Link walked back into the entrance of the Goron Mines, finding Tovia and Gor Coron on a platform ready to fight. He bent next to Lois, whispering. "So he _wasn't_ bluffing?"

She shook her head, looking slightly worried. "He's acting funny. The bastard wouldn't talk to me. Congratulations, Link, you are the first official person to get Tovi pissed off."

The two on the platform stood absolutely still, staring and waiting for the other to make the first move. All was silent for five minutes until Gor Coron lost his patience and lunged in for the attack.

What should have happened was as followed: Tovia is gripped by the waist by an incredibly strong Goron. The Goron easily pushes him off the platform and the three leave back to Kakariko to decide on their next move or wait for Midna to return with the Iron Boots.

Instead, a blast of wind surrounded Tovia like a shield, whipping his hair and his clothes around his stoic form and knocking everyone else off their feet. The strong wind speed pushed Gor Coron back onto the ground.

Tovia wiped his hands on his tunic, grinning down at the elder. "Had enough, old man?" he laughed joyously.

"Oh goddesses," Lois groaned embarrassedly. _He's going to get us killed! Now's not the time to be a sore winner, Tovs!_

The Goron sat up, glaring at him. "What a disrespectful child! Take him to one of the cells and see that he does not escape." .

Two Gorons picked him up and whisked him away. "Hey, let me go, goddesses damn it! I won! Ouch! Watch it, will you? That's my _hair_! You guys know what _hair _is, right?" his voice faded away.

"Wait!" Lois shouted, "Sir, you have to excuse him!" she began to plead. "He's retarded! He can't help it! It's a miracle he can even spell his own name!"

Gor Coron got to his feet and turned to Link, who was stuttering to come up with an excuse for Tovia. "You two may pass to the Goron Mines. Although your friend has been disrespectful, he did win. You have seen the mountain erupting without pause, correct?"

Link, mouth opened as he still could not figure what to say, nodded. He had seen the mountain erupting when they were traveling up it.

"When the mountain began to rage, all four of us elders and Darbus went to investigate its anger. We have a treasure that was entrusted to us by the spirits, and we must protect it at all costs. Do you understand? But the moment Darbus reached out and touched the treasure...everything went wrong." He looked away from them, as if re-living the moment. "He collapsed and transformed into an unspeakable monster before our very own eyes."

He sighed sadly, shaking his head in disappointment. "He raged through the mines, trailing ruin behind him. Then the eruptions grew more frequent and severe. We used all of our strength to seal him deep within the mountain, losing some of our brothers in the process, I am afraid. It grieved us to do this to our patriarch but we had no other course of action. I ask this favor of you, young warriors: go to the aid of Darbus! Make no mistake; the spirits have guided you here. I, Gor Coron, need your help. On behalf of my entire clan, I ask you for your aid! You two!" This he said to the two Gorons blocking the entrance to the mines. "Let the young warriors pass."

"I demand that you free Tovia first. I refuse to help unless he is with us." Lois stood her ground.

Link looked towards the Goron Mines, then back at Lois. Duty or friendship, which was more important? He took a gulp of air and announced, "I'm going, either way."

"But what about Tovs?" she demanded, arms on her hips as she stared him down like an angered mother. "You're just going to _leave _him here?"

"He'll be here when we get back. He's the moron," he pointed towards the direction Tovia was dragged off, "who got the leader of the Gorons pissed, not me." The hero crossed his arms in front of his chest. "If you want to bribe him out of that cell with nothing to give, be my guest." His stance fell and he slumped a bit, sighing dejectedly. "I have promises to keep.".

She huffed, "Go without me. We don't need you." Lois held her nose in the air as she saw a ripple in Link's shadow, indicating Midna was back from her trip down to Kakariko. She turned to Gor Coron.

"What would it take for you to release my best friend?"

And so, she began to do what she did best:

Barter.

* * *

A/N: Oh, Kay was never pissed at me. :3 My loyal beta has been fed in gold. Which has made her sick. She is now dying from the gold. -_-'


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Um, **FAN**fiction? Lois and Tovia are property of me-yrvjmovsaau... However, any familiar characters are NOT.

A/N: FUCK SALT. I mean, Kay, thanks for betaing as perusual. :) Thanks Sere, for waiting for me to edit this chapter before chatting.

Edit: Last night, when I uploaded this, I was sick and tired. I am still sick, but not tired. I didn't pay attention when I was really editing this and I realize there are a few space issues. I've fixed them, so, they should be fine, now. Or, at least, there will be WAY less. I also forgot to mention that I have uped the rating to **M**. I think that this fanfiction deserves no restrictions and I will be venturing out into darker waters. I do ask you to stay and read, but, I won't blame you if you leave. This story does have a pretty dark theme and there are some matters that little kids should not be reading. Because we all know that kids are reading the T stories. The violence will most likely go up and sexual themes are most DEFINATLY going up. I will give warnings to anything that may be too intense for readers. For example, I have been playing with an idea in my head. An idea that is DEFINATLY M. My beta and I don't really see how it'd fit into all of this, but, I believe we have both come up with a solution for it that shall allow it to stay. Which equals yay for me. ^_^ Tovia isn't thrilled about it at all.

* * *

Tovia groaned, clutching his head as his eyes slowly opened. The room was dark and the ground felt damp. _Where am I…?_

Grunting, he pushed himself off the floor and sat up. "Lois…? Link…?" his voice echoed in the room. _What happened…? _

_Am I in a cell? Farore, what the hell happened if I'm in a cell? The last thing I remember is... suggesting I fight the Gorons instead of Link.… Which is a pretty fucking dumb idea. I'd get my ass kicked._

Annoying giggling nearby made him snap his head to the right.

"You'd rather stay in a cell, your highness?"

The young woman on the ground spat up at the young man.

He wiped the spit off of his face. "That's quite a nasty habit."

"Leave me, you filthy brute," she ordered, turning her head away from him and towards Tovia. She didn't seem to notice him at all.

"Princess Zelda?" Tovia murmured, staring at her in amazement. She had blonde, grimy hair-no doubt form being down in this apparent dungeon-and her pink dress was filthy. Her eyes, however, were the same piercing blue he had seen in paintings.

Her head fell down dejectedly. "Please… just leave me alone."

"Nah, I have all day to chat." He sat down on the ground next to her.

Tovia couldn't really make out the person's features too well. The boy seemed to be wearing a black tunic and boots with grey sleeves and pants. His face was shrouded by the dark and he looked to be about the same height as Link. The only feature he could be positive on was a menacing pair of glowing red eyes.

An apple appeared in the young man's hand. He waved it in front of her face, smirking. "Apple, your highness? If those fools have been doing their job right, you haven't eaten in a week."

Zelda gazed up at the shiny red apple. She licked her lips as she stared at it hungrily. "I shouldn't," she thought aloud.

He continued to wave it around. "Aw, but, Princess, it's so juicy. Finest in Hyrule, I assure you."

"Don't eat it, your highness!" Tovia shouted, pulling on chains he hadn't realized he had.

She acted as if she hadn't heard him. "Just one bite…" she whispered quietly, grabbing it from him and biting into it. Juice ran down her chin as she took a few more bites. Suddenly, she looked up at him in horror. "You put poison in it."

"Like it wasn't to be expected!" he laughed. "Your highness, you're a smart girl. You should have known by now _never_ to eat the apple."

Her eyes began to flutter closed and she yawned loudly. "Link... Link will save me."

The man tutted at her, wagging a finger. "Nu-uh, princess. Your precious Link isn't even close enough to get here. There's no chance of him interrupting our fun."

"Your highness!" Tovia screamed as the princess was carried out of the prison, off to who knows where. _The princess is at Death Mountain! I have to tell Link and Lois! She's going to get raped!_

He struggled against the bonds. "Help, let me out! Please! You're all making a big mistake!" he yelled, hoping someone would hear him.

A click from the front of the room made him stop and look up. Lois came into the cell, sighing. "Would you calm the hell down, Tovs?" she asked quietly, unlocking his shackles. "Why did you guys go through all this?" the girl questioned the two Gorons that had locked him up.

The first one chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "Well, he tried casting a spell on us so we got the idea of putting those cuffs on him. They block magic."

"Lois," he started urgently, rubbing his wrists. "The princess is in danger."

She raised an eyebrow at him, "How so, Tovs? Did it finally just hit you that Link is saving Princess Zelda while we tag along? I mean, just because you have fucking magic doesn't mean you can go off rescuing damsels in distress."

He glared up at her. "Lois, the princess was in here! She just got carried off by this guy who's probably going to rape her!"

"Was he a Goron?"

"Wha - what does _that_ matter?"

"Look, just answer the question," she ordered.

"He was defiantly not a Goron, okay?"

Lois shook her head at him and turned back to the Gorons. "Hey, guys, we'll be up in a second. I need to talk to nut job over here." The Gorons shrugged at each other and walked off.

Lois pulled Tovia to his feet roughly and hissed, "Are you fucking mad? Do you have any idea how much work it took for me to get them to say 'sure, we'll release your friend'? Now you're going to go and convince them you're a psychopath!?"

Tovia pushed away from her. "Lois, you don't understand!"

"Tovia, the princess is _not _here! Midna and Link met her in Hyrule Castle, remember? She's safe in her little room!"

He opened his mouth to retort back when he saw something out of the corner of his eyes. "Dunk!"

"Wha-," Tovia landed on Lois' back when he pushed her to the ground. "What the hell, Tovs?"

He waved a hand around to clear the smoke, which surprisingly didn't make them cough. "You didn't just see that?"

"See what?" she snapped, blushing as she realized their position. "And stop waving your hand around. You're going to hit it against the wall and it's going to hurt."

"Whoa, watch it, boss!" the same young man from before popped up behind Tovia and Lois, Princess Zelda nowhere to be seen.

Another man walked towards the light but Tovia couldn't make out anything above his neck; in spite of this, Tovia recognized him immediately. "The guy from my dreams…" he murmured.

"What? What guy?" Lois tilted her head up to look. "I don't see anybody."

The man took a step closer to the shorter Hylian, just in front of the sprawled out Lois and Tovia. "What are you doing with the princess, Shadow?" he ordered. "I thought I specifically ordered you_ not _to go near her unless it was necessary. Go play with the other maidens."

Tovia looked towards Shadow to see his reaction. He was shocked to find this boy looked exactly like Link, minus the pale skin, but with red glowing eyes and black hair.

Shadow's fists clenched and unclenched. "Yes, _master,_" he spat out.

"Oh, one more thing; go send out more clones to Death Mountain to terrorize the Gorons." The Hylian murmured, twirling a strand of hair with his pinky, bored.

"How should I?" Shadow bit his lip to keep any insults in.

"I don't know! Start a fire or something. Go be creative. I don't give a crap how you do it, just do it." He stepped forward, sandal going right through Tovia's arm.

"Tovs, get off!" Lois screamed, breaking him away from the two.

The two figures disappeared in smoke, leaving him alone with his best friend once more. He scrambled to his feet, apologizing to her repeatedly. "Lois, I'm really sorry! There was this energy blast thing and then these guys popped up and started talking and-."

"Listen to me, Tovs." She held his face in her hands. "You know I'll always listen and I'll never ever abandon you, but… You're fucking crazy," she stated, releasing his face and brushing herself off. "Tovi, there was _no one _in this room _but _us. There were _no _energy blasts. It was just me and you." She sighed and grabbed his hand tightly. "Don't tell anyone what you think you saw." Her voice was desperate, pleading. "I don't want my best friend going to the asylum. You're all I have right now, okay? So, keep quiet."

"But, Lois," He looked up at her, blushing from the contact. "I know what I saw."

"Come on, I have work to do."

* * *

Lois handed a Goron a towel, trying to smile pleasantly and failing miserably. "Have a nice day, sir." She waved him off as he walked back towards the hot spring.

Tovia had his head propped in his hands as he slumped on the counter. "This is what it took for you to get me out of there?"

"Oh shut up," she ordered in a growl, pushing him a bit away from her, "Like you have anywhere to be right now, Mister Big Shot."

"Yeah, I do, actually. We _both _do. We're supposed to be helping Link in the Goron Mines," he murmured.

She glared at him. "Yeah, well, you blew that for us. Guess you won't get to go off saving the day."

"It'd be great if I remembered how I blew it."

"How hard did they hit you?" She placed her hand on his head, feeling for at least a small bump.

"Hey," a Goron greeted as he walked up to the counter, making her snap back to attention.

Tovia sighed and walked out from behind the counter, deciding he'd take a walk for now. She didn't need him and it made him slightly sick to hear her friendly and optimistic. It was highly disturbing and made him question _her _sanity.

He clutched his head, feeling dizzy as he walked past Gorons. Tovs thought he heard someone speaking quietly and softly to him, as if it pained them to speak any louder, but he couldn't make out what they were saying.

The young man leaned up against the mountain, sliding down to the floor. He felt sick to his stomach. His eyelids drooped down and he curled into a tight ball, deciding rest would probably be the best thing for him right now.

* * *

"_Tovia_…" a voice whispered quietly.

He groaned something unintelligible waving the person away.

"_Wake up…_"

"Five more minutes," he whined, eyes still shut.

"_I said wake up_!"

Tovia shot to his feet when a sharp pain seared through his head. He cupped his aching head in his hands, cursing the pain.

"_That's… that's more like it._" The voice sounded pained, fainter.

"Who's there?" he growled out, throat sore and dry.

There was a soft 'heh' before any response. "_Can't… Can't really say right now. Not… don't… Don't have the strength. Can't remember… my name…_"

"Where are you?" he asked quietly, looking around to find the supposedly injured amnesiac.

"_Right here… Always..._ _right here._" The voice began to chuckle and soon broke into harsh insane laughter, sending shivers down his spine.

He took a step forward, pushing a bit of a dried out bush aside. "Yeah, well, where would right here be? You have to be close if you can hear me."

The laughter slowed down until it was just awkward chuckles. "_Too tired… Y__ou… you can take over… now._"

"'Take over now'…?" he repeated softly to himself in confusion.

His foot slid off the edge of Death Mountain and he screamed as he fell. Tovia clutched the edge, hands digging into the sharp rock and blood running down the sides of the cuts.

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap," he chanted to himself, trying to climb back up. His hands were slipping fast and Tovia felt tears sliding down his cheeks. He didn't want to die! He was too young to die!

Goddesses damn it, he wanted to see Lois' face one more time!

As his hands finally slipped and he plummeted down, he was surprisingly somewhat calm. The only thing making him nervous and panicky was the thought that he wanted to see Lois' face before he died.

As he fell, he begged, no, he _pleaded _Din, Farore, and Nayru to have mercy and let him survive. And, Din's fire, he was floating again. Right before he hit the ground, he was fucking_ floating._

Of all the things to forget about, he forgot about the ability - a life saving ability at that - to _float_. Tovia mentally slapped himself and blushed deeply as his boots slowly and gently touched the ground.

He looked up to try and find where he had fallen from but decided it didn't really matter. He had to find the hot spring and hug his friend. Tovia glanced down at his hands and winced. They looked twice as bad as they felt.

_I defiantly need to heal these in the hot spring…_

Taking one final glance up towards the setting sky, Tovia sighed loudly and took a step forward. His leg trembled under the weight and he fell to the ground, and he realized that he felt extremely weak. His stomach growled loudly and his throat was dry, parched.

Now he was left on the ground weak and helpless. Tovs wished he knew how to warp to places like Midna.

"Tovi!" a voice screamed.

He thought he knew that voice, but his migraine was beginning to come back and the pain was too loud for him to really think.

"Tovia!" the voice shrieked, choking sobs making it crack.

"O-over here!" he called out, voice scratchy and rough.

Running footsteps came from the left, and deep rumbling followed after it. The ground shook slightly, and when he looked up he saw a group of Gorons unfolding themselves and starting to stand up.

A girl with light sandy blonde hair pushed her way through the rocky crowd, tears streaming down her face. Her eyes lit up as she gazed down at him and more tears fell. She knelt next to him and wrapped her arms around his figure.

"Tovia, thank Nayru you're alive," she whispered in his ear.

One of the Gorons stared at him in amazement. "Din's fire, he survived three days without food and water on Death Mountain."

"You're lucky to be alive, kid," another stated.

He looked towards them, patting Lois' back. "Three days?" Tovi managed to croak out.

Lois nodded against his chest. "You went missing three days ago. Gor Coron sent a search party out for you. They wouldn't let me come with them the first night but I was moping so much they let me come the next day." She pulled back a little and looked up at his face."Oh, Tovia, I missed you so much. I… I thought…"

"We all thought you'd died out here," the Goron from before finished.

The Goron closet to him chuckled awkwardly. "Miss Lois was extremely worried. She wouldn't sleep until we told her that if she didn't get any rest we wouldn't take her anywhere."

He could feel Lois' frame wrack with nervous laughter before he heard her. The giggling made him smile and forget that he had cut up hands, a massive migraine, a parched throat, and a roaring stomach.

Lois never really giggled much unless she was extremely happy-a rare occasion, seeing as how it had only happened twice before; once when her father had given her a horse of her very own, and once when her father had finally let her go off with Tovia to Castle Town.

"I annoyed them to no end." She grinned, pulling herself away from Tovia's chest so she could get him back up on his feet. "Come on, guys, we have a long way to the spring." The young woman gripped his right hand and he winced from the contact.

She turned around to face him. "What's the matter, Tovi?"

"M-my hands," he muttered, pulling away and gritting his teeth.

Lois looked at the hand she used to hold his, finding it covered in blood. "Oh, Nayru! Tovi, you're hurt!"

Tovia shook his head. "It's nothing compared to how hungry I am…" It wasn't much of a subtle hint.

She blushed embarrassedly, feeling stupid for not offering him food earlier, pulling a pack off of her back and handing it to him. He held it very carefully, weary of his hands. Tovia didn't recognize the pack as there's and the contents inside didn't hold any of the food they brought with them.

She saw his confused expression and found the need to explain. "I gave the other pouch of food to Link before he left… One of the Gorons went down to Kakariko and brought this back for us."

Tovia nodded, then pulled an apple out and bit into it. He let the juice run down the side of his chin, savoring the flavor. Food never tasted so good before. At the bottom of the pack was a canteen that he eagerly took out and drank.

Lois smiled. "It's great to have you back, Tovs."

When the party finally arrived at the hot spring, Tovia was exhausted and sat in the hot water without even taking off his tunic. Someone tugged on his arm and he glanced up.

Link looked down at him in shock. Tovia noticed cuts and soot on his face and neck and parts of his hair was singed.

"Tovia… what… what the hell happened to you?" Link murmured, seeing how disheveled the Hylian looked and how the water around his hands was beginning to turn red.

Tovia blushed. "N-nothing… I just fell."

"No way in hell. Gor Coron said you went missing three days ago!" Link pointed at him. "And you defiantly look like you were missing."

"I look that bad?" he chuckled, trying to smooth over some of the tension.

Link crossed his arms, smirking. "Alright, tell me everything. I don't see Lois so you've got a few minutes to tell me everything, from that 'wrestling' match to now."

Tovia leaned back against a rock and winced. His back ached and he didn't want to know what was wrong with that right now. "I can't remember going up against Gor Coron, Lois said I did but I really can't remember. And what about you, huh? Look at yourself. You're worse than me. What happened?"

"Oh, you know." he replied a bit sheepishly. "Goron Mines... stuff like that. Most of it was from Midna, of course." Link joked, letting out an 'ow' as he felt a punch on his leg. "I was only kidding, Midna... jeesh."

"Your story has to be longer than mine," Tovia urged.

Link shrugged, "Then I'll tell you and Lois about it later. Now spill."

"It's not much..."

"I don't care."

"Well... I woke up in a cell."

"A-huh."

"And there was the princess and this guy who looked like you."

His eyes widened in shock. "Zelda?! Why didn't you tell the Gorons?!"

"But I don't think they were _really_ there. I mean, I did when I first saw it but after what happened next..."

"Explain."

"Okay, well, Lois came into the cell and started talking about this and that and then some energy blast thing came right towards us so I tackled her to the ground, so it wouldn't hit her, and then these two guys popped up - one of them was the one I said looks like you - and they started talking. The thing is that they didn't even notice us on the floor. So all of a sudden they disappear and Lois tells me she never saw them."

"Ghosts?" he asked, although his mind was teeming with ideas about hallucinations and insanity.

Tovia held his head in his hands, voice muffled. "I'm not sure. I don't know what the hell is going on with me." He put his index finger up. "First I get these powers," another finger, "then I start seeing stuff," three fingers, "and now I'm hearing voices-"

"Wait, what was that about voices?" Link questioned. "You never mentioned anything about voices."

He groaned. "It's not really more than one. I took a walk around Death Mountain, and when I felt tired I went to sleep. Then I woke up in a _completely different _spot three days later with this voice telling me to get up."

Link grimaced. "Either you're being haunted or..." he drifted off, not wanting to share his thoughts.

Tovia's head snapped up towards him. "I am **not **crazy. Don't you dare even say it or so help me I _will _feed you to a Dodongo."

He shook his head, confused. "What is with everyone and being so touchy? First Midna, now you..."

Tovia stood up, wiping his bloody hands on his wet tunic. "Look, I'm going to get my hands bandaged before we head back to Kakariko, okay? Come and get me when you're ready to go."

Sighing, Link ran a hand through his hair. He looked around to find most of the Gorons gone. Anyone lingering was either too far away to really hear him or had fallin' asleep while relaxing.

"Midna..." he started unsurely. Could he really ask her this question? Would she snap at him like usual? It was worth the risk, he decided. "Do you know anything about... possession?"

* * *

The Gorons had been kind enough to offer Link, Lois, and Tovia to stay the rest of the night but the three had turned it down, admitting they'd had their share of Death Mountain.

Besides, they reasoned, they needed to head to Castle Town as soon as possible!

So they asked Link if there was anything they could do to repay him for saving their tribe. Link gazed at Lois and Tovia and realized a very crucial detail.

The two of them were pretty much weaponless. Lois had had to leave her pitchfork at the inn, seeing as how she couldn't carry it all the way up Death Mountain, and to be quite honest, it wouldn't do her much good for protection anyhow. And all Tovia had was a dagger and magic that he barely knew how to control. _The next time we get separated, those two might not be so lucky,_ Link thought.

It only took an hour or so to get them set up and ready to go. The Gorons were quick with getting the two weapons. Tovia now had a long sword and shield as well as his old dagger, while Lois had opted for a bow and quiver of arrows.

Link promised to teach them how to properly use their weapons and they were off and down the mountain. When they arrived back at Kakariko, it was just beginning to turn light out and they were exhausted.

"If you guys are so tired why don't you just rest up at the spring for now?" Midna suggested. "You don't necessarily need to go to _sleep_, you can just relax. Besides, it'll heal you up, Link. And Tovia, your hands are still cut up, right?"

"Yeah, they are." He unraveled the bandages on them and grimaced at their state.

"Good idea, Midna." Link nodded at his partner. "Tovia, why don't you and Lois go into the inn and get towels? I'll go ask Renado if he has anything we can use."

Lois frowned. "Are you _sure _he'll be up?"

Link nodded eagerly. "Yeah, he told me he was an early person before we left and told me not to hesitate to ask him for something."

"Alright, whatever." Lois tugged on Tovia's arm, dragging him towards the inn. "Come on, let's _go_."

Midna giggled as he was pushed inside the longhouse. "I'll just stay here and soak up some shadows."

"Don't you mean sun?" the exhausted hero asked.

She stared at him blankly.

"Oh, yeah, shadow thing…"

Midna dove into the shadow of a rock. Then, right as Link was about to turn away and knock on Renado's door, a voice spoke up.

"Heroic Link…," it whispered, "North of here, across the plain and past the great stone bridge, in the lands guarded by the spirit Lanayru… there you shall find the one you seek."

"Ilia!" Link turned towards the spring. "Where is she? Can you tell me any more?" he asked desperately.

He would have continued pleading if it hadn't of been for a whisper of 'who's he talking to' from his left. The children and Renado stood, watching him.

"Link," Colin stepped towards him, limping slightly. He fell halfway between them and Link ran out to help him up. "Ilia… You have got to save Ilia! Those monsters… they left me with the other kids, but they must have taken her somewhere else!" A few tears slipped out of his eyes and he brought an arm up to rub them away. "W-whenever I thought I couldn't go on," Colin sniffled, remembering the screams from the Twilight monsters, "I would think of you and Ilia and hold on, Link."

Link, who was kneeling down beside the boy, watched him pick himself back up again and stand up straight. "See? I… I'm fine now."

He smiled and stood up next to him.

"Remember what I told you in Ordon, Link?" Colin asked, a small smile on his face.

_"When I grow up, I'm going to be just like you, Link!"_

"Yeah, I remember," he told the boy.

"So you don't have to worry about me anymore! Go and help Ilia!"

Renado walked over, chuckling. "I believe Link needs to rest right now. I'm sure he'll set out to find her as soon as he's prepared. But don't you worry, Link. Leave the children to me. I will watch over them, I swear it. Do not let their fates worry you. Go to those who need you, and please don't forget to take care of yourself."

"Thank you, sir. I'll visit whenever I can," Link promised.

"In Hyrule, countless tales are told of the ancient heroes who saved us from many an ill fate, and your deeds bring them all to mind. May the graces of the great goddesses who shaped Hyrule bear you on your way." Renado bowed before the hero, making him blush.

His daughter followed his lead and bowed deeply; Talo and Beth eyed each other in bemusement. They gave a little shrug and bowed as well.

Link laughed nervously, shifting around as he stared at them. "Uh… you guys don't really have to do that… I mean…"

"Got the towels," Lois cheered, running up to him with Tovia, waving the towels like a trophy. "You would not believe where they were an-… um, what's going on?"

"I don't think now's the best time," Tovia whispered in her direction.

"Uh… we'll be at the inn playing cards or something… Right, Tovs?"

"Sure, if you can find a pack."

"You're just afraid I'll win poker again and you'll have to pay up." Lois taunted as the two best friends walked back towards the inn, leaving behind a very embarrassed and shy hero that could only shout for them to come back in his mind.

* * *

A/N: ^o^ I had so much fun with this chapter, it's not funny. I had immediatly told Kay that I would not be writing the Goron Mines. We both thought it a good idea-really, who wants to be reading them go through a dungeon we've played? However, I had no clue where this chapter was going to go. It went in a right direction. Hopefully, the next chapter will be just as much fun.

And as Kay stated before, "And by fun I mean Tovia getting screwed over again." Because as much as we love him, it's fun for him to get screwed over. ;D


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Um, **FAN**fiction? Lois and Tovia are property of me-yrvjmovsaau... However, any familiar characters are NOT.

A/N: ^.^ Once more, thank you Kay. We got this out JUST in time! Going with the usual monthly update! Yay! Working on the new chapter now. Sorry, Kay and I got into a TS RP.

* * *

"Ready to head out?" Link asked, drying his hair off with a towel.

Tovia handed him a bag. "Here, we're going to need this."

"What is it?" He peered into it to see the contents were bombs.

Lois smirked. "Barnes gave us two for the price of one and to tell any friends of ours. We're going to need them."

"How do you know that?" he asked, putting the bomb bag into his magic pouch.

"Well, uh…"

Lois dryly cut Tovia off. "One of these Bulbin things threw a bomb towards us but it hit the rocks and a huge boulder fell right behind blocking the path to the northern field."

Link stared at them in amazement. "You two really caused a lot of trouble when you guys got out of Castle Town, didn't you?"

Tovia smacked his arm playfully. "You're one to talk! You blew up Barnes's bomb storehouse!"

"Yeah, smooth move, Mr. Hero."

"Hey, it was an accident!" he defended.

"You lit the fucking parasite on fire!" Midna's voice called from inside his shadow.

"Well excuse me, Midna!"

"If you ever say that again, I will strangle you," she hissed.

* * *

"Mr. Link! WAAAAAAIT!" a voice called out urgently.

As Link stopped Epona, Tovia and Lois craned their necks back to see who could possibly be calling their friend. Their mouths dropped open and their eyes widened in disbelief.

"No fucking way," they murmured in unison.

"What's the matter?" Link asked, hearing them.

Lois whipped her head back towards him. "QUICK, LET'S ABANDON THE HORSE AND HIDE BEFORE HE FINDS US!"

Tovia gulped, "Too late."

"Greetings, Mr. Link!" a man in a white outfit, sandals, and red hat popped his head out in front of Epona.

"How the hell did he get there?" Lois shouted in horror.

"Oh, hello Miss Lois and Mr. Tovia!" he greeted happily, nodding.

Tovia gave him a reluctant smile, "Hey there… Postman."

Nobody in Castle Town knew his real name and he refused to hand it out. In all of Hyrule there was but one postman that got the job done. He was everywhere at any time. He was also the only Hylian to be so dedicated to their job that he'd cross a monster-infested field with short shorts and a backpack full of letters.

The two city friends had an irrational fear of him. If they thought about him before bed, they'd end up having horrible nightmares.

"How do you know my name?" Link asked him, surprised.

"I know everyone's name!"

"That's a bit discomforting…"

"Tell us about it," Lois whispered.

"I have a letter for you today! Two letters, in fact!" he hummed a little tune as he held them out. Link extended his arm and took the red-enveloped letters.

He stared at them and looked up at the postman. "Oh, uh, thanks."

"You're welcome! Oh, Miss Lois, there is also a letter for you from a Mr. Luis." He handed her a red envelope.

_Nayru, does everyone use the same damn envelopes? _Link thought as he watched her rip it open without thanks.

"Well, my business is included," Postman growled out irritably, annoyed that the young woman hadn't so much as glanced at him. "Onward to mail…" He ran off.

"What does it say, Lois? Is everything alright at Lon Lon?" Tovia questioned.

_Dear Lois,_

_Are you alright? You aren't hurt, are you? Tovia's taking care of you, isn't he? He's a good lad. Strong, he can defiantly hold his own. But can he hold __**yours **__as well, I wonder? If he returns you safely to me, he can have your hand in marriage. I'm just kidding… That's a lie. If he wants to, he can. So long as my daughter is alright with it. I'm getting off topic. I'm waiting for you at your home, daughter. After I gained wind of Castle Town being shrouded in a never ending sunset, I got there as fast as possible. Unfortunately, it wasn't fast enough to catch you and Tovia before you left. Please come home safely._

_Your loving father,_

_Luis Lon_

_Owner of L.L.R_

"He wanted to make sure we're alright… he's in Castle Town." Lois was blushing from the letter's contents. _Oh, father! We're not a couple! Wait a second… L.L.R… Shit!_

Why hadn't she known before?

"Lon Lon Ranch! That's my family's ranch! It's been around for _years_." Lois exclaimed.

Tovia stared at her and Link in amazement. "Wait a second… Does that make you two brother and sister…?"

The two faced each other, trying to find a resemblance in the other. They both had blue eyes-although Lois' were much lighter-and they both had blonde hair-again, Lois having a much lighter shade-but their facial structure was completely different.

"There were a lot of employees at Lon Lon. I think one of them had a son before they fled for safety because of the war. It's possible your parents were employed at Lon Lon Ranch," Lois mused.

"Most definitely." Link nodded, ready to start Epona into full gallop. He finally had a lead as to who his parents were. "We can ask your father if he knows anything."

"Hold on a second!" Tovs ordered. "Shouldn't you check your letters first? What if it's a friend of yours?"

Link groaned, pulling out the second one quickly.

_Enjoy the power of our bombs!_

_Not only can you place and throw our bombs, but they can be combined with the bow! Try it today!_

- _Barnes_

"Okay, can we get going?" He didn't see the point in reading the other one when he was so close to finding out who his mother and father were.

"But what if it's important-"

Lois cut him off. "Oh shut the hell up, Tovs! I need to get to Castle Town immediately or I'm going to fucking _kill _you. You're just jealous that you didn't get any mail. Link, don't listen to him and just go."

As they arrived towards the blocking boulder, Link took out a bomb, lit it, and tossed it ahead. He quickly turned Epona around and back on the middle of the Bridge of Eldin. As the dust cleared, a low humming sound came from above the group.

Link looked up fast and cursed to himself, forcing Epona to get off the bridge and towards the now clear path to the northern field of Hyrule.

"What's going on?" Tovia asked right before dark energy bolted down like lightning and zapped the slab of the bridge where they had just been. It crackled outwards and the slab began to disintegrate into black squares up into the red swirling portal.

The green garbed hero pointed to where part of the bridge used to be. "That's what's going on. We have to keep going forward now."

Screeches made all three of the Hylians clutch their pointed ears. They looked behind them to find three Shadow Beasts.

Black squares rose up from their bodies like smoke. The beasts looked as if they were in pain as they slowly stalked towards them.

"They can't survive that long in the light." Midna flew out of Link's shadow, looking pained at seeing the Shadow Beasts slowly - slower than usual - making their way toward them. "You have to put them out of their misery!" she snapped. "They're already dying, so get it over with!"

Tovia stepped forward. "I can do it really quick."

"Let Link do it." The imp's gaze softened, although it still looked just as hurt, as she stared ahead. "Your light attack will only hurt them more."

Link unsheathed his sword and stepped forward, holding it outwards from his body. As the Shadow Beasts got closer, he swung his sword in an arch, successfully hitting them all. He jumped back as one of the monsters swung their claw at him, just barely missing it.

"What can we do?"

Midna looked up from her feet-which she had started looking at since Link attacked. "Tovia should start preparing that spell again. Lois, you can just stand around and look pretty."

Lois's protests went unnoticed by Midna. She even went so far as to comment on Midna's appearance but it seemed that nothing would snap her out of it.

A whirling noise broke through the silence that had fell on the three and they each looked up to find the red portal had turned a shade of blue.

Link mounted Epona as Midna returned to his shadow. The best friends followed his lead and they were off once more, ignoring the Bulbins that fired at them.

They were very soon at a wall of Twilight. As they dismounted Epona and walked closer towards the wall, it became darker around them.

"We're finally here." Midna's voice echoed around them. "There's only one Fused Shadow left. So… this is the last of the twilight you'll see, I guess. Whether or not you accomplish your final task and survive is up to you."

From within the shadows, they could barely make out a figure twisting in the air and jumping backwards into the twilight. "Eee hee! So what will you do?"

A hairy hand shot out, clasping Link, Lois, and Tovia inside it. The last time this had happened, Tovia had been too busy with his spell to really notice anything.

Unfortunately - or fortunately - the spell took only a minute or so and he _wasn't _busy to not notice.

This time, Tovia screamed.

"Guys, I found something!" Tovia called from ahead of the party.

Link slowly padded his way over and began sniffing at the small purse. His eyes perked up and his tail began to wag quickly and eagerly.

He could smell Ilia! This was his best friend's scent!

Midna looked away in jealousy. "You smell the girl, don't you?"

"Girl," Tovia eyed the imp. "What girl?"

"Some lousy farm girl or something."

"The mayor of Ordon's daughter," Lois filled in.

"This scent could be old…" A sinister smirk found its way onto her face. "I mean, do you think she's still _all right_?"

At those words, Link dashed ahead, making Midna hold on tightly to his fir.

"Why do they always ditch us?" Tovia groaned, jogging after them.

Tovia and Lois had managed to catch up to the panicked Link by following Midna's screams of "slow down you stupid mutt!" and similar variations.

The two then managed to calm Link down, stating that running around like a maniac wouldn't help anyone out and that if Ilia was really in Castle Town - where her scent had brought them - then she was surely safe.

"The last time we were here, not many people were walking around," Lois explained quietly so no one would hear her but the two heroes and one other heroine. "There were Shadow Beasts everywhere." She waved to the priest as they passed him. "So if everyone's out now and nothing is running around, it's_ definitely_safe."

Ilia's scent had led them towards Lois' home but by Link's pawing at the ground, the two Hylians and Twili presumed that this was not their final stop and that they had to continue.

"Lois, stay here. Midna, Link, and I will go find Ilia. We'll get you when we're done." Tovia promised her.

"No way in hell! I am not going in there alone! You know how he is." Lois looked desperate.

"Yeah, I do. That's why I'm not coming in just yet. The longer I can put this off, the better."

"You're a real bastard, you know that?"

Link looked up at Tovia with eyes that pleaded for him to understand the wolf's question he was dying to speak.

Tovia silently wished he could actually talk to the hero in the twilight. And then, it struck him. He could. All he had to do was a minor spell, something pretty simple. It took a minute and Lois was watching the whole thing.

"_What did he just do?" _Link wondered in his thoughts.

"Spell so we can communicate," he explained aloud, waving to Lois as they walked away from the house.

The young woman stomped her feet, shouting out obscenities at him. "Tovia, you no good heartless prick! I'll fucking _**kill **_you when you get back here!"

He ignored her.

"_What's so bad about her dad?" _Link thought a little nervously. He wasn't all too comfortable around women that were throwing tantrums.

Tovia blushed. "I thought we told you? He likes to tease Lois and me. He's always saying we should be courting or giving me permission to marry his daughter. It's embarrassing."

"_So that's why she's so angry with you."_

"This path looks familiar…" Tovia commented. "Are you positive you didn't get the scent mixed up?"

"_I didn't get anything mixed up," _he growled.

"Hey, I was just asking. It just doesn't seem to be a place a mayor's daughter would be."

Various people walking by them stared at Tovia if he were insane, talking to 'thin air'. A few people smiled sadly at him while others snickered and picked up their pace. One person even had the guts to offer a few rupees, which he kindly declined.

"I'm amazed to say it, but, it seems Tovia is right." Midna agreed.

Tovia glared at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying that you don't seem to be the sharpest knife in the drawer."

"_Great, now they're going to start fighting…"_

The blonde huffed, walking further ahead even though he had no idea where they were going. "_I'm _not going to start a fight." He glanced back over his shoulder at Midna. "As for impy…"

"Call me impy one more time and see what happens!" she threatened.

"Fine, I won't…"

Midna looked smug, "Thank you," she said in an overly sweet tone.

"…impy," Tovia added under his breath, smirking.

Link ran ahead down a set of stairs and barked. _"She's in here!"_

Midna stared at the building in disgusted confusion. Tovia stared at in surprise. "Telma's Tavern?" he asked. "Lois drags me here all the time."

"A tavern," Midna said simply, "Of all the places for a girl to be, a tavern? And not even a good one by the looks of it! The taverns in the Twilight Realm are far better than this… this… pitiful excuse!"

"I'm not too sure if it's a great tavern or not. I don't drink often. Actually, I don't drink _unless_ Lois forces me into it. And the only tavern she ever takes me to is this one," Tovia explained.

"_Can you two quit debating on if this is a good tavern or not? I want to see my friend!" _Link impatiently thought.

Tovia went to open the door, groaning. "It's locked."

"_Locked? Can't you try knocking? You said Lois and you come here!"_

"I'll try…" Tovia sighed and knocked on the door. He waited a minute when the door flung open to reveal a woman showing slight cleavage with auburn hair in a ponytail and tan skin. "Miss Telma, it's me, Tovia."

"Tovia…? Oh! You're that quiet boy Lois brings around here." She smiled. "What brings you here alone?"

"Well, you see, I'm here on behalf of a friend. He's been searching for this girl and I was wondering if you've seen her?" _What's her name, what's her name? Crap, I should have asked Link before opening the door…_

Telma seemed taken back by the question. "A young woman just stumbled into my tavern… showed up out of nowhere."

"Is it alright if I see her? I'll be quick, I swear," he promised.

"Sure thing, sugar. Right this way." She walked into the tavern. "Close the door behind you!"

Tovia moved to the side, bending over to pretend he was just tying his shoe real quick while Midna and Link rushed into the bar. He followed after them, shutting the door gently behind him.

A pale girl with green eyes and dirty blonde hair looked up from a young Zora asleep on a table. Tovia noticed that the Zora had cuts on his face and looked deathly ill. "Are you Ilia?" He took a seat next to her.

Ilia stared at him. "Do you know me…?" she asked.

"_That's Ilia!" _Link's tail wagged faster.

"I'm a friend of Link an-"

"Link? Who's Link? I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not sure what you're talking about." Link's tail dropped limply to the ground. "Miss Telma, is the doctor on his way?" She pulled her attention away from the gaping boy back to the woman.

"Settle down, little lady. I just sent for the doctor! You should pay attention to this boy, though. He might have some information for you."

Ilia groaned. "But I don't understand him."

"I'm right here, you know…" Tovia blew a strand of hair out of his face. "Miss, I'm a friend of Link and he's been looking for you."

Link let out a sad whine. _"Tell her that her father's been distraught about her missing."_

"Your father has been distraught about you being missing," he added.

"Sir… I don't understand you because I can't remember a thing." She blushed. "All I can remember is waking up in a field and then finding this boy. So you see, sir, I'm sorry to say I can't help you."

_Is anything ever easy nowadays? _Tovia wondered as he stared at the girl. "I'm, uh, sorry to hear that, miss."

Telma smiled at the girl. "Why don't you let Tovia and I talk in private, little lady? We'll only be a few."

"Will I have to move?" Ilia asked, looking back at the Zora.

"Of course not, honey." She walked into an occupied room where soldiers sat around a map. The men glanced up at her but that was all, going back to their map and chatter. Tovia followed after her while Link sat by Ilia's feet, depressed. Even Midna's snide remarks wouldn't snap him out of it.

"Sugar, I'm sorry that you'll be going back to your friend empty-handed. The poor girl can't remember a thing and I thought that you might be able to jog her memory."

"It's alright, Miss Telma. He'll be happy to know she's safe." He looked over his shoulder at the girl and wolf. "But… why is there a Zora child in the tavern?"

Telma chuckled. "I'm not too sure myself. I've been wondering if it's related to the incident the soldiers here have been talking about." She gestured her head towards the laughing men. "Not that they're talking much about it now…" she grumbled. "You see, sugar, a lot of strange things have been happening around here. You already know about those monsters showing up."

Tovia nodded. "Of course I do."

"Well, the princess hasn't come out of her castle after they stopped showing up. And no one is allowed to see her." Telma waved her hand to the side. "And just a few nights ago, this strange-looking man shows up in my tavern, giddy like he just won the lottery! He orders a few drinks and he's drunk off his arse and then when I ask for his name, he just giggles and asks what _**year**_ it is.

"I've dealt with a lot of drunks in my past, but never in all my days has anyone asked me what the _**year**_ is."

"That is strange… Do you think the soldiers could tell me about this incident?" Tovia asked.

Telma smirked. "Well they had better or they'll find themselves looking for a new tavern. Boys," She gave a sharp whistle. "Think you can tell little Tovia about what's been going on at Lake Hylia?"

The soldiers stared at the young male, a few trying to hold in their laughs when they saw him. "He's just a boy." one choked out, not even hiding his laughter.

The tavern owner's eyes narrowed.

Each male coughed awkwardly. "Of course… sit down, lad." Tovia took a seat. "Now, we're not too sure ourselves what's been going on. We've just recently received orders to investigate why we can't go to the spirit's spring in Lake Hylia."

"Why can't you get to the spirit's spring?"

"Well, everyone knows that there's a floating ramp that connects to the spirit's spring. But the problem is, the river's dried up! Which means there's barely any water and now the ramp won't float, so, there's no way to get to the spirit's spring. We don't know why the river's suddenly dried up."

Tovia looked at the marks on the map. "I see… well, um, thank you for the information. I have to get home… It was nice seeing you, Miss Telma."

"Don't be a stranger, sugar!" she ordered. "Speak up more when you come here."

He laughed. "I'll see you soon."

Midna pulled on Link's ear as hard as she could without ripping it clean off, getting his attention. "Get moving, you idiot! He's leaving," she hissed, giving him a sharp kick to get him actually moving.

Link growled, following Tovia.

As Tovia left, Telma noticed that the door seemed to linger a bit longer before finally closing. Like someone extra had walked through it.

"Sorry about your friend, Link…" Tovia glanced at the wolf.

"_It isn't your fault…"_

"I'm sure we can do something, though, right? I mean… there's always a solution." He smiled optimistically.

Link looked up at him and back down at the ground. Midna snorted. "Not everything works out properly, you moron. Think about wars. Lives are lost."

Tovia grimaced. "Look, I'm just trying to cheer him up."

"Well maybe you should just shut up. Your voice is getting on my nerves." She rubbed her temple, feeling a migraine coming on.

He shot a glare at her. "Why the hell is she with us, again?"

"_Because we need her help," _Link stated.

"Couldn't _I_ get us into the twilight?" he asked desperately.

"You need someone from the Twilight Realm! So, therefore, you are stuck with me."

As they neared Lois' house, the young woman ran outside and slapped Tovia hard across the face. "You asshole! Why did you have to take so fucking long? Do you have any idea what I've had to endure while you were gone? 'You and Tovia' this, 'I want grandchildren' that! If you don't get in there right now, I will grab an arrow and shove it so far up your ass that you won't be able to walk for weeks!" Lois shouted at him.

He cringed at the threats. "Lois, calm down."

"No! You try to calm down after hearing a lecture about how I should accept my 'feelings for you.'"

"Lois!" Tovia gripped her shoulders. "Shut up for two seconds."

She slapped him again. "Don't you tell me to shut up!"

The male Hylian glanced at the snickering Midna and depressed Link. "You guys wait out here. We'll only be a few minutes… I think."

As soon as Tovia opened the door, he was brought into a tight hug by Luis. "Tovia, my boy, you've gotten so big!"

"Mr. Lon… I can't breathe," Tovi choked out.

"Oh, sorry," he laughed. "I guess I forgot my own strength."

For the next hour they'd be dealing with a father that was convinced that the two would someday marry. To say it was embarrassing is an understatement.

* * *

A/N: Well, that's all folks! Next chapter: Tovia, Lois, and Link fight the Twilit Bloat and more! :D

Also, if you have any guesses on the plot, please do not write them in a review! Send me a PM instead?


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Um, **FAN**fiction? Lois and Tovia are property of me-yrvjmovsaau... However, any familiar characters are NOT.

A/N: Apologies for this chapter being late. ^_^ We've been busy lately. What with Kay going to comic-con and me... wtf have I been doing? O_o ANYWAY... School's approaching fast! Soon I'll be heading back to public school-yay-and live will get complicated once more! Thankfully, though, chapters 13 and 14 are already written up. Just waiting on them to get beta'd. Din did I have a hell of a time with this chapter. Fun as all hell to write but hard! Action XP. Aw well. It happens. I've started chapter 15 but it seems I've hit a road block. x.x Damn it. So we'll probably be late again... ANYWAY, thanks Kay for getting this wrapped up and ready to go. Sorry you have a headache. I'll stop holding those late night parties from now on. Enjoy chapter 12!

* * *

Tovia dodged the large insect as it flew towards them. Lois grabbed out her bow off to the side of the group as Link prepared himself to lunge at the creature.

So far they had only been dodging it. Each time they went to attack, it would swing itself towards them like a pendulum, forcing them to dodge once more.

"That's it! I'm going to _**kill **_this fucking pain in my ass!" Lois shouted, at her wit's end. She nocked an arrow into the bow and fired, then missed. "Damn it!"

The Bloat stopped short, trying to catch its breath from moving so much. As soon as itdid, Link bounded through the air and latched onto one of its legs. He held on tight as it began to thrash around and bit hard repeatedly.

The Twilit Bloat threw itself towards Tovia to shake the wolf off. At the very last minute, Tovia rolled to the side while Link jumped back and into the water. He swam towards some wood floating in the middle of the lake as the bloat landed in the water after him.

Lois gestured for Tovia to follow after them, deciding it best she stay on land and shoot from afar. Tovia sighed, took a deep breath, and dived in. As soon as he surfaced he began to swim to Link, being careful to avoid the insect.

The bloat circled the wood Tovia and Link found themselves on and slowly began to rise out, flying towards them. They moved aside so as not to get hit when it dived down once more.

An arrow zoomed just past Tovia's head and lodged itself in the right side of the Bloat's torso. It roared in pain, giving the two males the chance to attack. The Hylian unsheathed his long sword and slashed at its legs while the wolf used the same tactic as before.

The female on land gritted her teeth. She set another arrow and fired.

"Aaah!" Tovia stumbled; his vision suddenly went white. When it cleared he looked down to where the pain was coming from. An arrow was sticking out of his right shoulder.

Lois winced. "Whoops..."

He gritted his teeth, taking a second to glare at her. _Damn it, Lois! Take a minute to actually aim it __**away **__from me!_ He thought before moving the sword to his other arm to continue slicing at its legs. Tovia's breath was labored and he could see spots. He was determined to help kill this thing, no matter how cloudy it got. He felt himself losing oxygen. It didn't help that the blood was flowing from his shoulder so quickly.

He felt a tug on his arm and screamed in pain. "Sorry!" Lois grimaced. "Do you think you can swim back to shore with me?" She threw a dagger at the bloat when it came too close.

"Lois, I have a fucking _arrow in my shoulder_." He tried to take a deep breath."I can't swim!"

The bloat fell onto its back in the water and Link jumped back and forth, tearing and ripping at each leg. It screeched and flailed, sending Link back into the lake, before going limp and exploding into twilight.

The last tear of light appeared in the middle of the lake. Link glanced at Tovia. He seemed to sigh and moved a paw up towards Midna to signal that he wanted her to get the drop.

"Lay down, Tovs." Lois ordered, gently pushing him onto the ground. "I'll fix you up."

He took in a sharp breath as his shoulder touched the wood floor. "I... I'm gonna be f-fine, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course, Tovs. It's not that ba-... Holy shit, you're losing a lot of blood."

"What?"

The young woman laughed. "It's alright. I've got a red potion. Here, drink up." She tipped his jaw up a bit and uncorked the bottle with her teeth, then slowly poured the thick liquid into his mouth. She blushed as her fingers accidentally brushed his lips after taking the empty bottle away. She corked it once more and pocketed it. "How do you feel?"

"Numb," Tovia went to touch his shoulder. "Am I still bleeding?"

Lois pulled the arrow out and tossed it into the lake, shaking her head. "No, not anymore. It's closing up right now. Still feel numb?"

He nodded, sitting up. "Um, how... sorry... um." He took a breath and shook his head. "How long is this going to last?"

"A half an hour at most." she yawned. "I asked the pharmacist when I got it."

Tovia lost balance and fell back again, but Lois caught him. He smiled at her. They were so close... what was her name again? Lily? Lilac? Lulo? She was his friend, wasn't she? Or... the way she was looking at him... the way he felt around her... maybe they were a couple... he couldn't remember. He sighed tiredly and pulled his lips toward hers.

Lois pulled away from him. "Tovia... no. Just... no." She looked over her shoulder at Link and Midna. "Is that the last of them"

Midna grinned, showing off her fang. "That's all."

"Come on." Lois dived into the water and started swimming back to shore.

Tovia looked after her for a moment, confused and embarrassed. He knew he liked her that way... he realized they were just friends after all. He heaved a sigh and followed them, attempting to swim with one arm while the other one healed; it was finished by the time he arrived on the shore.

Link and Midna led them to the spirit's spring.

* * *

He rubbed his shoulder as he walked. "Ugh, I feel so stiff."

"Side effect," Lois stated simply, blinking as she tried to adjust to the sudden brightness of the spring.

Midna jumped out of Link's shadow and went in front of them on the ledge overlooking the water. She bent over, transparent once more. "You three make sure to get that last Fused Shadow, now!" The ever-flexible Midna did a back flip, defying gravity with every twist and turn. "Eee hee! See you later!"

Lois screamed when a large, white, glowing, serpent jumped out of the water and began to swim through the air in a circle. She got into a fighting stance while Link held his arm out. "No! Don't! It's okay. It's the spirit."

The spirit spoke with an odd, low hiss. "My name is Lanayru. Your efforts have at last restored each of us light spirits to Hyrule." It eyed Tovia warily before looking back at Link. "O hero chosen by the gods...

"The dark power that you seek... It waits in a temple set at the bed of Lake before seeking it, you must now bear witness to something and never forget it. You must know that it was the will of the goddesses that we lock away the forbidden power."

Tovia winced at the fierce glare he was getting. Without their command, their eyes slowly drooped close. He opened his eyes to Hyrule Field and smiled. He could see Lon Lon Ranch off in the distance and a silhouette of a girl next to a horse, presumably Lois and one of her many horses.

He rubbed the back of his head and propped himself up against the tree behind him, watching the clouds pass by the castle.

"_When all was chaos.."_ a voice rang out across the land, _"the goddesses descended and gave order and life to the world. They granted power equally to all who dwelt in the light, and then returned to the heavens. The lands where the goddesses descended came to be known as the Sacred Realm. For ages, the people lived in peace, content in mind and body... But soon, word of the Sacred Realm spread through Hyrule, and a great battle ensued."_

The sky darkened and the castle in the distance erupted in flames. There was a swooping sound from above and Tovia screamed as a large shadow flew over him.

"_Many have tried to steal the Tri-Force and many have failed. There are few that have nearly succeeded in the past, however. Warlocks... powerful sadistic men. One of those men gave his humanity for power and was killed for his crimes."_

A flash of light forced Tovia to shut his eyes. He opened them to a blindingly white room, feeling an unknown hatred for it.

"_However, death was not enough... The goddesses took it upon themselves to punish him for what trouble he had caused."_

Three females appeared. One was dressed all in red with auburn locks of hair tied in a messy bun. She gave him a cold glare. _"Din."_ She had to be above seventeen.

Another was dressed in regal blue robes, long, navy hair let loose. She grimaced. _"Nayru."_ Twenty at most.

The last looked a bit younger than him. Maybe sixteen, maybe fourteen. She had on a green dress and two lopsided green pigtails. _"Farore."_ She gave him a sad smile.

Slowly his eyes started to close again, as if falling asleep. He could hear soft voices talking but over what he couldn't make out. _"The goddesses of power and wisdom had thought it best to erase him from existence... however, the goddess of courage had other plans. She begged for his life and instead he was sentenced to a long line of reincarnations, trapped for eternity within each host's subconscious._

"_And yet, the demon lives on.."_

He opened his eyes, falling down onto his knees. "Why did you tell us all of that?" Tovia looked up at the spirit in fear.

And yet the glare did not soften. "You shall learn in due time."

Link looked up at the spirit, panting. "Wh... Where is the next Fused Shadow?"

"The dark power that you seek is within the sleeping Lakebed Temple in Lake Hylia." the voice faded.

Lois looked frightened as she helped Link up. "Let's just go..."

"What's the matter?" Tovia asked, running a hand through his hair. He was a bit shaken up from the visions he had been shown. "It was bad, but..."

"Tovs... it was horrible," she whispered. "It felt so real..."

Link shook his head. "I knew that the Fused Shadows were bad, but... If I didn't know this was the only way to defeat Zant, I wouldn't be getting the third one."

Tovia blinked at them, confused. "Why are the Fused Shadows so bad?"

"Didn't you see what we saw?"

"Yes? You saw something about a man getting punished by the goddesses, right?"

They both shook their heads no.

"You didn't?" he asked in surprise. "Why would Lanayru show me something different from you guys?" He rubbed the back of his neck, walking outside of the spirit's spring to see Lake Hylia. "Oh... wow. Guys, come out here! You've got to see this."

"What is it?" Link and Lois stepped outside and looked around in awe. Lake Hylia was gorgeous. "Wow."

"Let's go swim for a few!" Lois excitedly began to take off her jacket and shirt, revealing a bathing suit underneath.

Tovia blushed. "Lois, why did you have a bathing suit underneath your clothes?"

"Well I knew we were going to go to Lake Hylia. I thought I should bring my bathing suit." She grinned at him. "Now come on!" On the final words she had pushed Tovia in.

She dunked him as he resurfaced, laughing her ass off at his wide-eyed, shocked expression. Link sat off to the side, fine with just watching them.

"L-Lois!" Tovia took in a sharp breath in case she tried to dunk him again.

"Oh lighten up, Tovs!" Lois splashed him. "Fight back, wimp!"

* * *

The three teenagers eyed the clown in worry. This... house?... looked awfully suspicious and he had called them customers. Each one had different ideas running in their heads.

"Heh heh! You are some lucky kids. The HEIGHT of excitement, the THRILL of launching to the heavens, the very PEAK of flying fantastication." Tovia winced at each word. "It can be YOURS, kids! For a limited time only, and without waiting in line, it's a paltry sum of ten rupees each! Whaddaya say, buddies of mine? Wanna give it a shot?"

Link looked around at the lake and frowned. There was no other way out. "Yeah, sure. Let's go for it." He pulled out thirty rupees and handed them to the clown.

He chuckled sinisterly- well, at least to Tovia it seemed sinister -and moved to the side for them. "Welcome, kids! And right this way!"

His legs were stiff and it took both Lois and Link to get him into the 'house'. "I-I don't wa-wa-" he swallowed. "I don't want to fly." he whispered.

"It'll be over quick, Tovs." Lois turned to Link. "He's afraid of flying or whatever. I pushed him off a hill one time and he had a panic attack. He may puke."

"That's alright. I'm not too happy about this, either."

Cheery music just barely made its way into the dark room and Tovia felt his stomach drop as the 'house' began to shake. All three of them screamed as they were shot out of the cannon.

"Uggghhhh, I think I'm going to be sick," Tovia moaned, writhing on the floor, feeling constricted on either side of his torso.

Lois rolled off of him and onto her back. "That thing fucking sucks."

"You think you've got it bad, Tovia?" Link whined from underneath him. "Please kindly get the hell off of me?"

Tovia did the same as Lois before getting onto his knees and puking. Link jerked his head away and matched Lois' sound of disgust. Tovia wiped his mouth when he was finished and tried to stand, falling down.

"I'm dizzy..." Tovia groaned. "Is the world supposed to be spinning?"

"Damn, Tovs, you look like shit." Lois pointed out. His eyes were blood-shot and he was pale. Tovia had also begun to break out in a cold sweat.

Midna flew out of Link's shadow, sitting down on the ground. She glanced right over Tovia. "Oh! That reminds me of something! Didn't the late queen in Zora's Domain ask you three to do something? She asked us to find her son! The one that's been missing ever since he headed for Hyrule Castle."

She smirked at them. "Didn't she say something about granting you guys a special power if you rescued him? If the final piece of the Fused Shadow is at the bottom of Lake Hylia... then it looks like we're going to need that special ability!" She looked at Tovia. "You may want to ditch him."

"Hey!" he shouted right before she disappeared. "Get back he-Ah! Link! What are you doing?"

Link rolled his eyes at Tovia as he picked him up. "I'm going to carry you. What else does it look like?"

"Why?"

"Because you can't walk. We've got to go find the Zora queen's son immediately and maybe get you a doctor if you don't feel any better by then."

"I'll be fine in a few minutes."

"Lois, blow into that reed for me?" He moved Tovia over a bit so he could point towards it.

Tovia groaned. "Can you just put me down now?"

She snatched a reed up and brought it to her mouth, whistling into it. A soft tune floated out and echoed across the field, followed shortly by a neigh and galloping. "You trained your horse to come to a _song_?"

"I had a lot of free time on my hands, okay?" Link rolled his eyes.

* * *

"Mail time, mail time, MAIIIILLLL TIME!" Postman shouted, running towards the three. Tovia and Lois made a movement to run back to Epona as Link gripped the back of their collars.

"Here's the mail it never fails, it makes me wanna wag my tail! When it comes I wanna wail, MAILLLLLLLL!" The Postman included jazz hands at the last words before handing Link a letter and running off.

Link pocketed the letter as the two city friends stared after the Postman.

"What the hell just happened?" Lois blinked.

Tovia shook his head. "Weird..."

"Come on, let's go get Ilia." Link led the way to Telma's Tavern.

When they entered the bar a short old man was shrieking at the two women inside. "This is a Zora child! This is beyond my expertise! Hmmmph!" He bumped into Link and glared up at him through his large round glasses. "Out of my way!"

Ilia ran towards the door. "Doctor, wait! If something isn't done,-" the door slammed shut "-this child will..." she finished in a whisper. She glanced at Tovia, Link, and Lois. "Tovia?"

"Ilia, these are my friends." Tovia gestured as he spoke. "Lois and Link."

"Link?" She eyed him. "Oh... yes... Link..." she looked away.

"Right..." Link grimaced. "That's me."

"Hi, Telma." Lois waved.

"Hello, honey." Telma turned to Ilia as she sat down beside the dying Zora boy, crying a bit. "Well, this isn't good. A human doctor won't do, huh?"

Lois frowned at the little boy. Just because she came off as heartless didn't mean she really was. "There's a shaman in Kakariko."

Telma's eyes snapped up to her. "You're right. He's tended Gorons and Zoras before."

Ilia jumped off the stool, rushing to their sides. "Is that true? Perhaps if we take him there..."

"Inadvisable! Too dangerous!" a voice from behind them made everyone turn their heads around to find a small handful of Hyrulean soldiers standing there. "But we can't turn a blind eye to a pretty girl in need, either. Yes, we'd better escort you! Am I right, boys?" he asked, turning to his fellow soldiers.

They erupted into victory cheers, shaking their spears in the air.

Lois and Telma looked at each other and snickered. Tovia rolled his eyes while Ilia and Link watched them in confusion.

"Well, isn't that nice?" the older woman asked Ilia. "To reach Kakariko, we've got to cross two plains that are each infested by dangerous beasts."

The cheering began to die down and the spears began to lower.

"But we'll be safe now!" She grinned.

The city friends blocked the door, glaring at the soldiers that tried to escape. One of them managed to push Tovia out of the way and yelped as Lois held him back.

"Cowards!" she hissed. "You should be ashamed of yourselves." She let him go and stepped out of the way. What was the point of making them stay? They wouldn't do any good.

"Don't EVER show your faces here again!" Telma yelled after them. She turned her angry gaze onto Link, softening her eyes. Tovia picked himself off the floor, grumbling. "We still have one young swordsman left..."

"Two!" Tovia whined. "I'm still here!"

Link laughed at Tovia, pushing him playfully aside. "Yeah right. You can barely use that sword."

Telma smiled at the normally quiet boy. "Excuse me, two. And not only that, but it looks like these brave young men will escort us, so get ready to go, honey! Pronto!"

"Right." Ilia nodded, then ran off to the back room to grab supplies for the trip in case they would need them.

Lois followed after her.

"Let me help you out."

"You know that girl, don't you?" Telma sighed, motioning for Link to take a seat. "It's a shame. She couldn't remember her own name until little Tovia here told her."

He nodded, sitting down next to Tovs. "He told me about it. Ilia and I are from Ordon. These Bulbins invaded our village and kidnapped all the kids... They're fine, thankfully. I found them in Kakariko."

"I see... Bless her heart. Ilia found this poor boy collapsed in the road so she did all she could to save him. More courage in that girl then all the soldiers in Hyrule, for sure!"

The two boys murmured their agreements. "I just wish..." Tovia mumbled.

When he didn't continue, Link looked at him. "What?"

Tovia met his gaze. "What?"

"What do you wish?"

"Huh?"

Link sighed. "Never mind."

"Damn Octorocks!"

"What the hell are Octorocks?" Link raised an eyebrow at him.

"They're a type of monster from like a thousand years ago or something. I think they're extinct." Tovia twirled a random strand of his hair. When did he learn that? He'd meant to say that he had no idea what Link was talking about.

"Well why would you damn them?" The hero just wouldn't let it go.

Tovia sighed. "Link, I didn't say anything about Octorocks. Your hearing is bad."

Telma smirked. "Boys will be boys..." She walked to the back room to help Lois and Ilia get prepared for them to leave.

* * *

"So you say that the bridge to the west has been destroyed, huh?"

The three friends winced. Link had jumped off the bridge before Tovia could grab him so he would float down like Lois. Needless to say, it had been a very painful experience for the wolf.

"Then our only option is to cross the bridge to the east. You see what this means? You'll have to deal with that thing!" Link looked up at her and sighed. It always had to be him.

After getting the girls back into the carriage and making sure that the Zora boy was comfortable, they set out for Kakariko, Tovia on Epona with Link.

"Th-Thank you so much for this, you two." Ilia looked back in the carriage and smiled at Lois. "Um... what is your name again?" she asked Link.

"I'm Link." He smiled.

"Link..." Ilia furrowed her eyebrows. Why did it sound so familiar? It was like there was a wall she just couldn't get past! "I will never in all my life forget your kindness, Link."

"Little lady, I think you'd best save your thanks until we're safe in Kakariko." Telma advised.

Tovia's best friend made a slightly frustrated noise and sat up straight so she could be seen, handing Ilia the wet cloth for the Zora. "Tovs?"

"Yeah, Lois?"

She gave him a thumbs-up. "Don't get in Link's way."

"Thanks," he scoffed.

Telma smiled at Link. "These swordsmen of ours have great eyes, honey. They're proud and wild, like a feral beast. We need a beast right now to keep the true ones at bay." For some reason Tovia's stomach dropped. "If we make it to Kakariko safely, we'll just thank them then, okay?" She blew the boys a kiss, winked, and then giggled. The carriage was off ahead of them while Link sat there, blinking.

"What was that all about? Was she flirting with us?" He started to urge Epona on after them. He handed Tovia a boomerang. "Here. You can use this."

Tovia ran his hand along the side of the boomerang, grinning. It felt familiar. "There's something special about this boomerang, isn't there? I can tell there's some magic in it."

"Gale Boomerang. Give it a try."

He threw the weapon to the left and watched a small tornado form around it as it flew. He felt the gust of wind when he caught it with one hand, and sighed in bliss. "I love it."

They made it to the bridge where the carriage was parked to the side, waiting. "Okay, it's your turn, honey! Good luck!"

"_Wish me luck." The man from his dreams -no, his nightmares- gave a young woman a smile._

_She didn't look up at him._

"_Cas-"_

Female screams broke him out of his trance.

"Tovs! Focus!" Link shouted, taking out his bow and arrow. "The carriage is on fire, damn it!"

"Lois!" He threw the boomerang at the carriage and the fire went out.

Link fired an arrow at a Kargarok and growled as Bulbins caught up to them, flanking their side. "Tovia, take care of those guys, will you?" he yelled over the noise.

Tovia took out his longsword and swung, cringing as he heard the girls scream again. They couldn't do this. He had to put the fire out but he had to protect themselves so they could put the fire out. Link fired arrows at the Bulbins, trying to decrease their numbers so they could stop the fire.

Nothing was working. The girls were still screaming and Telma was forcing the horse to go faster, hoping they could get to Kakariko before anything worse happened.

"Stop!" Tovia screamed. The world froze. Link was still nocking an arrow into his bow and the Bulbins still had their clubs up in the air, ready to attack. He took a deep shaky breath when he saw the carriage.

Lois had tears in her eyes and Ilia was trying to grab a barrel of water and failing. Things were frozen in mid-air, prepared to fall. He threw the boomerang towards the carriage and the flames disappeared while everything else stood in the same position. He dispatched all the Bulbins and finally slumped, exhausted.

"Start..." he murmured, eyes drooping just as the world began to move again and Link's arrow flew to where a Bulbin should have been. Tovia yawned. He couldn't stay awake much longer. "Here..." He extended the Gale Boomerang towards Link.

Link grabbed it. "What did you do?" he asked warily.

"Not sure..." He slumped into Link, unconscious.

* * *

Lois sat down next to Tovia in the inn, frowning. She looked up at Renado. "What happened to him?"

"He shall be fine. It seems he just pushed himself too much."

She sighed. "Damn dumbass..."

Renado chuckled as he walked out of the room. He nodded at Link, who was standing by the doorway, slumped up against the wall. "He has passed through the worst of it. As long as he rests, he should recover in due time."

Colin smiled up at Link, letting out a breath of a relief.

"Thank goddesses." Link sighed.

"Do you know the fate of his mother?" the shaman asked.

He gulped and looked up at Renado reluctantly. "I... I do... Why?"

"Her welfare consumes him. He has been mumbling deliriously about her almost constantly."

His eyes drifted down to his boots in shame. If he had only gotten to Zora's Domain sooner...

"I can see the knowledge grieves you. It must be an awful memory."

Colin stood by Link. "I'll stay with him until he's better! No matter how long it takes!"

Renado stooped down, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Is that so? Thank you, Colin."

Luda put a gentle hand on Ilia's shoulder, speaking quietly so as to not disturb the sleeping Zora and Hylian in the room. "Why don't you get some sleep?" she offered calmly, and led her to where the other Ordonian children were sleeping.

Lois stood up, sighing. She walked out of the inn and onto the porch, wrapping her arms around herself in the chilly night air.

Colin looked down at his feet. "Hey, Link, about Ilia..."

Link turned around to face the little boy. "Yes, Colin?"

"Is it true, what they said about her?"

Renado shut the front door quietly behind him. "Yes, she has lost her memory, Colin, and regaining it will be no simple task. But it will be all right, child. If we just give her some time, I am certain Ilia will find her heart again. So, Colin, I'd like to ask you to stay in this village until then. It is our turn to show the courage you have already displayed."

He smiled and ran back inside. Renado bowed a little to Link before walking off towards the spring.

Telma stepped up beside him. "Nice to see there's still hope here. And it's always good to see happy results repay your efforts."

Link turned around to face her, a little embarrassed to admit that he forgot she was still on the porch.

"Those skills of yours... Any chance you're of the mind to put them to use for Hyrule? What hope there is in our kingdom is frail and dying... but there's still a group that's trying to do what it can. And I'm a member of that group." Telma walked over to Link, holding her hand out. "Call me Telma."

He eyed her breasts, blushing. Chosen hero or not, he was still a seventeen-year-old male. Lois snickered when she saw him. He shook her hand, jerking eyes back to where they belonged. Telma walked back to the rail and folded her arms on it, looking at the peaceful village. "I may just stay here a bit longer. I'm still worried about Ilia, and... well, never mind about the rest."

Her gaze fell onto Renado. Link followed her eyes and smiled. When he looked back, she was leaning in so close that he had to pull away. "Link, I want to see you again at my bar, you hear me? The bar is actually a kind of safe house for my friends. There's a passageway that leads to the castle from in there, as well."

"I'll visit," Link promised.

She grinned and skipped off and then stopped. "If you ever need anything, stop by. I'll be waiting for you, honey!" Telma winked before running after Renado.

Lois sat herself up on the rail, dangling her feet. "Tovia's going to be okay, right?"

"You heard Renado. He just strained himself." Link yawned. "I'm going to go get some sleep, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. I'm going to stay out here a bit longer." It came out in a monotone.

Link turned around and reached for the door and then stopped. He slowly turned back and looked up to see Lois was staring at the same thing he was.

The ghost of Rutella looked down at them peacefully, hair and fins floating as if she were underwater. She gracefully drifted to the side. "Follow me." her musical voice echoed eerily.

Lois Lon jumped down from the porch and looked up at the sky. The stars were starting to disappear and it'd be early morning soon. It didn't seem they'd be getting any sleep tonight.

A little while after the two followed the spirit into the graveyard, Tovia stirred in his sleep. Quietly, and sluggishly, he got out of bed and put his shoes on, then walked outside and took in a deep breath of fresh air.

He leaned on the wooden railing, listened to the soft breeze, and grinned.

"It's a brand new day, ladies and gentlemen."

* * *

A/N: And now, everyone is hyped up for... **_CHAPTER 13! _**My lucky number and personally my favorite chapter to write thus far! :3 So much action. The opening of chapter 13 was written originally around chapter 4 or so by Kay. We didn't really think we'd end up including it but laziness on my end managed to! ^.^ I've read that opening so many times before... Ahh... Anywho, lots of stuff to look forward.

Next time on TS: Most shall be revealed in the "unholy, unlucky" chapter 13! Unlucky for Tovia!

Remember, folks, if you have a feeling what's going on that's major to the plot, PM me or KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! No need to spoil.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Fuck this. I am NOT doing the disclaimer. ROXAS! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!

Roxas: Midna Hytwilian does not own The Legend of Zelda or any familiar characters. She also does not own the franchise Kingdom Hearts or me. Now can I PLEASE go?

Yeah, sure. Thanks.

A/N: And so, it begins. School won't be getting in the way with chapter updates, as far as I know. Kay banged out this chapter in about an hour or so. And I've written ahead. (Shrug) Besides, I have about three hours that I can use to write, if I don't have homework. ^_^ So, yeah, updates should be staying the same. Yay~

TS is on Facebook! That's right, go like that page, damn it. You'll get update news and crap from us. :D

Now, enjoy the unholy chapter 13. Mwahahahahah-DX OW, MY THROAT!

* * *

Tovia knew something was happening to him. He had flashes of things that never happened; he went missing for three days on Death mountain and had gotten a random hangover. Sometimes he felt like someone was calling him when no one was around. But now he knew something was really, _really _wrong.

"Who the fuck are you?" the naked girl lying next to him asked.

He promptly toppled out of bed and landed with a _thud _on the wooden floor. Here he found his clothes, decided not to think about why he wasn't wearing them, and shoved them on, moving faster than he ever had before.

"How did you get in here?" she continued. "And where's...?"

Tovia stood up, fully dressed. "Um, sorry," he said hastily, averting his eyes, and bolted for the exit.

Finding his way out of the small house and running for a length beyond that, Tovi slowly realized he had no idea where he was. His heart beat frantically as he looked exasperatedly around himself, trying beyond belief to recognize it.

_What the hell was that?_ he finally wondered.

He sunk down onto a rock, his mind racing. He'd never seen or heard that girl before. Last he knew, he had fallen asleep in Kakariko's inn.

_It was only a little fun,_ he thought.

"Wait," he said aloud, and stood up. Had he thought that? Yes, he had. But he didn't. Did he?

"Calm down," he said to himself. But - he hadn't said that, either!

"What the hell?" he exclaimed (glad that he'd said something he'd meant to say), and stepped back, hitting his heel against the rock.

He felt a coolness seep through him, calming his nerves. His heart slowed to its normal rate.

_Dude. Chill._

Tovia stood absolutely still, breathing deeply, and frightened of his own head. "What's going on?" he whispered.

_Look. At the edge of your vision. What's that?_

He turned, but only saw a blur.

_Odd, isn't it? That you can see something without seeing it?_

Tovia gripped his head in his hands. "What is this? Who are you?"

"I'm you."

He jerked his head up to see a Hylian standing before him. He had lavender skin and a purple tunic, and he looked at Tovia with narrowed, gleaming red eyes and a smirk.

"What's that supposed to mean? Who are you?" Tovi repeated.

The Hylian turned and paced to the side. "My name is Vaati," he said, and his eyes flicked to Tovia's. "Remember it well."

"But -"

"I think I've figured out what's going on," he continued. "The Goddesses trapped me in a cycle of reincarnations, each more innocent than the last."

Tovia walked toward him. "Why are you in my head?" he asked bluntly, fists clenched.

Vaati turned and looked at him. "Were you not listening? I just went over this." He put a slender hand on his chest. "You are me, fifteen times removed."

Tovi bristled with anger. "That's not true," he said, and felt his energy gathering in his fists.

Vaati pointed at Tovia's hand. "See? You see that? What do you think that is?" He took a step forward. "That's _my _magic."

Tovia's eyes widened and his fists unclenched, the energy gone.

"You see, something's been happening to you. Something about this world. Your true personality is coming forth."

Tovia eyed him. "Y-You?" he asked unsurely.

Vaati smiled. "You're catching on!"

He shook his head. "But it's not true. I'm not you. I'm not anyone else."

"Of course it is. You're me." He paused. "Though, this also implies that I'm you, and that's just scary."

Tovia's breath left him in a quivering sigh. "This can't be happening."

"But it is happening," Vaati said, stretching his arms. "It's happening to me, to you," he thought for a moment, a wry smile on his lips. "To Lois."

Tovi glared at him. "Leave Lois out of this!"

"I can't." He dropped his arms and sat on the rock, focusing on his hair as it fell in front of his face. "I can't because you can't. You think about her all the time, did you know that?" He moved his gaze to Tovia. "Every single second, you're thinking about Lois. And I know why."

Tovi eyed him warily.

"You want her."

"Wh-what?" he said incredulously.

Vaati stood up, showing his teeth in a grin. "It's true. You want her. You want to be with her." He walked closer to Tovi. "You want to be _in_ her."

"_What?"_ Tovia spluttered.

"And as we've established, you are me. So, by extension..." he leaned in close, his lips right beside Tovia's ear. "I want her too."

An anger rose in Tovia he didn't know he had, and he tackled Vaati to the ground with all the force in his body, letting loose a fierce yell.

He landed heavily on the ground, alone, with shocks of pain running through his torso and congealing in his shoulders. He groaned.

"Remember what I said earlier about seeing something without really seeing it?"

Tovia looked anxiously for the source of the voice, but only saw empty landscape. "Where are you?" he asked, rising to his feet.

Vaati didn't respond.

"Where _are you?"_ he repeated, shouting to the barren land. His voice echoed in the distance.

_I'm here._

* * *

Lois yawned, stretching as they arrived back at the inn. "I am exhausted." she moaned before glancing back at Link. "You going to head out now?"

"Are you nuts?" Link stopped in mid-scoff to let out a loud yawn. "I'm going to get some sleep before I think of heading out. Ugh, this is going to ruin my sleeping schedule..."

"'Sleeping schedule'." She rolled her eyes. She lowered voice as they went up the stairs and stopped in the hallway, leaning against the wall. "So what time are you thinking of leaving?"

"Mid afternoon?"

"That sounds good. We can get some breakfast, too." Her stomach growled on cue. "...Shut up, stomach."

He laughed quietly, turning to the inn and looked at one of the empty beds. "Hey, Lois...?"

"What?" she asked, walking in. She looked at the bed, which, very clearly, lacked Tovia. "That son of a bitch." Lois clenched her fist. "I am going to _**kill **_him when I see him."

"Where did he go?" he whispered towards her.

Lois bit her lip. "I don't know. That's the problem. Fuck. He knows I worry about him but he goes and pulls this fucking stunt?" She had to excuse herself from the room to go cool off and curse loudly. When she came back she still looked just as pissed. "Did you find a note at least? Because a note would be good."

"Nothing." Link sighed.

Any sleep that had been left in Lois was gone. She grabbed a black hair her hair up, she snapped her eyes onto Link. "Don't just stand there. Get Epona ready. We'll camp out at Lake Hylia if we get tired."

"B-"

"No buts!" she hissed, poking him in the chest. "We're going to go find him _now_."

"Okay, just don't hurt me!"

Lois gave him a final glare before stomping off. He let out a relieved breath. "She is freakin' scary when she's angry... Din, I feel bad for Tovia..."

* * *

Tovia ran a hand through his hair, pacing back and forth. "Lanayru knew... Dear Farore, Lanayru knew..." He gritted his teeth. "No, he's wrong... I'm not... I'm just me..."

_Can you shut up already?_

He winced. "Please stop doing that..."

_Why, are you scared? All the more reason to continue..._

Tovs did his best to ignore him, looking over the field. "Let's see... Kakariko should be that way?" He started walking to where he guessed and stopped. "No, wait, it's over there..." He started walking the other way and stopped.

Sinking down onto a rock, he groaned. "I have no idea where I'm going." He tumbled off the rock from a large slam against his back. "Son of a-!" Tovia went to unsheathe his sword on his belt and grimaced. "I'm screwed."

The Bulbin raised its club for another blow before Tovia tossed an energy ball at him. It exploded upon impact. "I didn't do that." he said in horror.

_Hello? Remember me?_

"Don't... Don't _do_ that!" he shouted. "This isn't your body to take over whenever you want!"

His eyes rolled and he sat down on the same rock from before, legs crossed. "Oh shut up. You're going to give us a migraine."

Tovia jumped, falling onto the ground. "Stop that!"

"No!"

He sat up, holding his legs to his chest. "Please stop it. Just go away. Goddesses, what did I do to deserve this?"

_I can't really remember that myself. Hey, if you see them, ask for us?_

Tovia let out a shaky breath. "Can you at least help me out?'

_Kakariko is that way, moron. Remember the map?_

The map Midna and he had challenged each other to memorize flashed before his eyes and he flinched. "How did you do that?"

_I'm in your head, so, I can see anything you can see, I can hear anything you can hear, I can smell anything you can smell. _Tovia's lips twitched up in a smirk. _I can _**feel **_everything_ _you can feel._

The smirk dropped, replaced with a worried frown.

He felt a hard whack at the back of his head and heard splashing from behind, followed with an "Are you insane?" by a very familiar voice.

Loisslapped Tovia across the face when he turned around, rubbing his head.

"What was that for?" Tovia shouted.

Lois glared, poking him in the chest. "THAT was for leaving us high and dry! You know how worried I get!"

"I didn't mean to..." Tovia sighed, rubbing his face.

"Where the hell were you anyway?" she asked. Lois took a seat on the rock she pushed him off of. "And why did you have to go?"

_I was fucking some hot girl because I haven't had ass in a thousand years._

Tovia grimaced. "Castle Town... I had to, uh, get something..."

"What?"

He paled. "What?" he croaked out.

"What did you have to get?"

"Did I say that I had to get something? I meant that I uh... um... had to go to the library! I had to read something..."

"Well what did you have to read?" she asked tiredly.

"A book..."

"I know _**that**_, dumbass. What book?"

"_Ninety Ways to Fuck Your Best Friend"._

Tovia winced. "'What book'? Oh... uh... that book... you know that book... the book with the... pages..."

She wasn't amused. "Tovia, tell me what fucking book."

"_How to Fuck Upside Down"! That's one of my favorites._

"It's um..."

"_V is for Vagina"._

"It's..."

"_F is for Fucking". Do you see a pattern here? It was an encyclopedia._

"Tovia, out with it already!"

"The uh..."

"_P is for Penis"._

"The P-Pandemonium of Ways to..."

"_R is for Rape"._

"Ra- Eat Grass! "The Pandemonium of Ways to Eat Grass". Yep. That's it." Tovia smiled.

She blinked. "...Seriously?"

"A-huh."

"...Tovs... just..." Lois sighed. "Screw it-"

_-Gladly._

"-, you're fucking weird." Lois shook her head. "Alright, so, we've got to go to Lake Hylia..."

Tovia yawned. "Why Lake Hylia?"

"The Lakebed Temple's there." Link explained. "Before you ask, we didn't see it because it's underwater."

He ran a hand through his hair. "How are we supposed to get there? I mean, I don't know about you guys, but, I didn't suddenly just grow gills."

Link laughed. "Well, I've got the Zora Armor. I was thinking you could work something out for you and Lois."

"I think there's a spell..."

She got off the rock, crossing her arms. "Oh, no way in hell. I am _not_ trusting you with my life under that much water. You better fucking prove to me that I'm safe."

"I'll test it on myself first. Cross my heart and hope to die."

There was a scoff at the back of his mind. _What are you, six?_

"He-" Tovia stopped himself. "Hey, uh... Let's go!"

* * *

Lois brought her pinky to the bubble around her mouth and nose, popping it quickly and taking in a deep breath of air. "That felt weird."

"Sorry, there's no way to make it really comfortable..."

She uncorked a few empty bottles, setting them on the ground and stomping on a few Chu Chus, scooping up their remains quickly. "This place smells musty." Lois randomly stated.

"It sort of has a summer rain smell to me." Tovia shrugged.

"I think it has a strawberry banana thing going on a- Agh! Why are we talking about how the temple smells? We're supposed to get the last Fused Shadow and out of here." Link reminded everyone.

He moved into the next room with them, ignoring the sarcastic apologies from Lois. When they got to the heart of the temple, their jaws dropped in astonishment.

There were so many levers and the staircase was huge. Thousands of locked doors... It was absolutely amazing. Most of the doors had the standard locks while others had older. less complicated rusted locks.

Link pointed to a random unlocked door. "I say we go that way."

"I think we should go this way..." Tovia murmured, moving towards one of the older doors. It seemed sort of... familiar? Was that the word?

Link continued on his way with Lois, having not heard Tovia..

Tovia looked at the door and put his hand on the lock. Under his touch, the chain's rust melted away and became a shiny cold silver. It looked brand new. He smiled in satisfaction, putting his hand over the lock again. This time, the chains retracted into the center of the lock and it clattered to the floor in front of him. "I just need to check this out for myself..." he mumbled.

Without telling them he'd catch up later, Tovia entered the room. The door slammed shut behind him and there was the swift sound of locking. He turned around nervously to see what the commotion was. His heart sank.

Bars. The door was shut behind bars. He took an unsteady breath and moved forward. There was ankle deep water in the room and a dead skinny tree on a small island in the center. Beyond that was another door, unlocked. He sighed.

"Thank Din."

"What a drag." Vaati moaned.

Tovia looked up towards the sound, finding the Hylian sitting on one of the branches. "You again?"

"You're a slow learner, aren't you?"

He threw his hands up in the air. "Not now." Tovia kind of wished he had Lois' bow as he walked towards the door. Just as he reached out to open it, bars came down and the sound of a lock echoed the room. "That's... That's not fair."

There was a chuckle from the tree.

"Not now, damn it!" Tovia shouted, turning around to look at Vaati. Unfortunately, Vaati wasn't the one laughing at his misfortune... His eyes widened. "Link?" It couldn't be Link... Link had a green tunic on... His eyes were blue... He had blonde hair... He wasn't so tan...

_Red eyes met his. There was a harsh chuckle as boots were placed upon the coffee table. "What sort of villain invites another to lunch?"_

"_Just being civil." replied a sarcastic voice._

"_What do you want from me?"_

"_I want you to help me take over Hyrule."_

_The boots fell back to the floor. "Help you take over Hyrule..." he repeated slowly. "Nope. No thanks. I don't really tend to help people. I fly solo." he yawned. "Besides, you're washed up like Ganon."_

Vaati smirked. "That's why I created Shadow..." he remembered.

"Dark Link." Tovia's face fell. He had just learned how to use a sword. He couldn't take on Link's dark side.

Dark Link cocked his head to the side. "Interesting... you know m-" His eyes shot down to Tovia's reflection in the water. "Vaati."

"Huh?" He looked down and felt the urge to vomit. There Vaati was, looking up at him confused. He actually looked... innocent? "Quit looking at me like that." he ordered, not understanding that it was his reflection until 'Vaati's' lips moved. He quickly brought his hands to his face and sighed.

"The water reflects who you are or who you're a part of," Dark Link explained, drawing out his sword.

Tovia glanced at Dark Link's reflection to find Link. "I'm not Vaati..."

"That's not what the water says." He smirked. "Don't be such a coward, mage. Fight me."

Reluctantly, Tovia unsheathed his sword. _Farore, I'm so screwed... I'd dig my own grave if he wasn't standing on the island._

He swung his sword out, jumping back when Dark Link landed on the blade gracefully. The shadow landed a hit on his back, making him stumble and fall to the ground on his butt.

"Useless, useless, useless!" Vaati shouted from the tree.

"Then you do something!" he yelled.

Dark Link looked behind him to see what he was yelling at and laughed when he saw nothing. "You've gone a bit _'batty'_, Vaati. Did the pressure finally get to you?"

"I'm _not _**Vaati**!" Tovia jumped back up. He twisted his sword into Dark Link's gut and watched as wisps of black smoke started to leak out of the wound.

"Fuck!" he growled, clutching his stomach when the sword was twisted back out. "Cheap-shot, mage."

Tovia gritted his teeth. "My name is Tovia. I am me, nobody else!"

He fell onto his knees, bitter laughter ringing around the room."You can run but you can't hide. Deny what you want, _Tovia_, but the truth remains." His body was starting to sink into the water. "One of these days, you're going to have to accept your fate. How do you spell your name, kid?"

Tovs looked down at him warily. "T-o-v-i-a."

"Ha!" he laughed harder. "Tovia! Oh Naryu, I haven't had a good laugh like this in centuries. One letter away from Vaati, kid."

"Wha-" His eyes widened. "That's... that's just a coincidence!"

"Coincidence... heh... And I guess it's just a coincidence you know me." he said sarcastically. "You can run but you can't hide. Ready or not..." He vanished into the water and a soft click echoed.

Tovia dragged himself onto the island, looking down at his reflection. He laid down on his stomach, head propped up in his hands. He turned his face this way and that. "Why is everything against me?"

_Hm, I wonder what Lois would think...  
_

"Lois! Oh crap, she's going to kill me." He scrambled to his feet and ran to the door which he came through, finding it unlocked. As he moved to the door, the misty look of the room begin to disappear, revealing walls and a floor covered in water.

The island and tree behind him disappeared, revealing just a normal room. Tovia stopped and looked at his reflection. "I'm still... my reflection..."

He ran a hand up to his face to brush away a bang aside but only met a few strands of blonde hair. He looked up at the door and opened it. "Maybe it's just the room..." There was a small puddle outside, and he cursed quietly when he looked down at it. "Still not back to normal..."

He jumped when a hand grabbed his shoulder. "Tovs, where the hell did you go?" Lois asked.

"Oh, uh... the door... I wanted to check it out. It turned out to be nothing."

"We just spent the past ten minutes looking for you all over." She rolled her eyes. "Psh, pain in our asses, I swear..."

Tovia looked back at the puddle. "I think I'm going to just stay here..."

"Stay here?" Lois asked. "That's fucking boring."

"Nah. Don't worry about me. Go have fun or whatever. I'll be at Lake Hylia or something."

"Fine. We'll meet you at Lanayru's spring."

He shuddered. "Yeah, okay. Sounds like a plan."

She smiled. "Bye, Tovs." Lois ran off.

Tovia turned back to his reflection. He looked like he was going to cry any minute. "I'm not him... Why does everyone think I'm him?" He brought a hand up to his face, feeling under his eyes. "That wasn't dirt... But..." He looked back down at the reflection.

_Is it starting to click?_

He clenched his fists and turned away from the puddle. "I'm just Tovia."

_You're in some serious denial._

He walked back to the first room of the temple and sat down. "What is it with this place?" he mumbled to himself. Tovia bounced a little magic spark in his hands, watching it with boredom. He heard a movement from behind him and looked back. "I thought you were going with Link."

Lois took a seat next to him. "I decided I'd hang with you for a bit. I'll catch up with him later." She rested her head on his shoulder, making him blush. "Tovs, what am I supposed to do with you?" she asked tiredly.

"What do you mean?"

"Leaving us without so much as a note." she tutted. "And now you're going off on your own without telling us? You don't need to be such a rebel. I thought you were the one who wanted to get rid of the twilight? I mean, if you don't want to anymore, I might as well go home..."

"No! No, I want to help." Tovia shook his head. "It's just complicated."

"Let me help you, then." Lois sat up straight and patted his head. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Don't worry, I'll get it taken care of soon."

"Spill it, Tovs." she scoffed.

Tovia grimaced. "I'll tell you, I promise. Just... give me some time."

"Fine, fi- Hey, Tovs, move over a bit?" Her voice took on an urgent tone as she peered toward the water.

"Why?" he asked nervously, not moving a bit.

"I thought I saw something. Now move the fuck over."

He paled, standing up quickly. "I've got to go."

"Tov-"

The Hylian ignored his best friend and pointed to his mouth, a large bubble forming around it and his nose. He dived into the water and swam as fast as he could out of the temple.

"-ia." Lois blinked. She stood up, gritting her teeth. "I am going to _**kill **_him."

* * *

The blonde sat down at the entrance of the spirit's spring, wet from head to toe. He barely moved, deep in thought. "What am I going to tell her?" he asked himself. "'Oh, hey, it turns out that I'm being possessed by this sex addict that's convinced I'm actually a reincarnation of him! Hope you don't mind!'" He let out a dry sarcastic laugh. "That'd go over swell."

Tovia's eyes flickered to his reflection. It was back to normal, thankfully. The scars still remained, however faded, under his eyes and he looked a bit paler, but otherwise everything seemed to be in order.

He looked over his shoulder to the spirit's spring and sighed. "They'll be back soon... I should..." he trailed off before getting up and walked into the spring.

He picked up a stick and began drawing little triangles in the dirt. Three little Tri-forces stood in a neat little row. He stopped and threw the stick into the water. "Fuck! I'm not him!" Tovia shouted.

Tovia put his head into his hands and cried. "I'm not him. Dear goddesses, I'm not him. Please... I'm not him." he repeated the mantra.

_**You can run but you can't hide. Ready or not...**_

He took his head out of his hands when he heard a rustle and looked up to find someone in a mask staring down at him. He sniffled. "Who are you?"

"...How could someone like you hold so much power...?" the stranger mused to himself. "You're almost as strong as my god..."

That didn't sound good. Tovia prepared a ball of energy behind his back. "I said, 'who are you'?" He was flung back and into the center of the spring, suspended in the air as if there were shackles on his wrists. He raised his head to look up.

Behind him, Lanayru sprung out of the water, orb of light shining brightly. Was it protecting hi-?

Of course not. There was Link on the edge with Lois behind him. A strong gust of wind blew them all back; Lanayru hit its head against the cavern walls, then disappeared into a ball of light. A few bits of rock dropped from above into the water and the spring rumbled for a few minutes before settling into an eerie silence.

The stranger lowered his arm and the orb of light fell into the water. All brightness diminished into a hue of orange, and black particles floated up from the ground. The hairs on the back of Tovia's neck stood straight.

Twilight.

Link was nowhere to be seen, presumably a wolf. However, Lois lay unconscious, head hanging off land and threatening to fall into the water any minute.

Tovia struggled against his invisible bonds as Midna appeared next to Lois. She sat up straight and snarled at the stranger. "Zant!"

_Zant? What kind of a name is Zant? It sounds like Slant. "Ooooo, fear me, I'm not horizontal!"_

Midna was pushed up beside Tovia. The three Fused Shadow pieces they had worked so hard to collecting flew out from her and she went into a panicked state, flinging herself every direction in a pitiful attempt to break free.

"Did you honestly mean to take an ancient and withered power like this and turn it against me?" Zant asked in disappointment. "You are a foolish traitor, Midna. Why do you defy your king?"

"My _**KING**_?" she shouted in outrage. "You, who do nothing but abuse the magic of your tribe? You must be joking!"

Zant took a step forward, stepping on Lois' foot. There was a sharp intake of air from the body as it shifted, groaning. Tovia looked away. "How dare you? Are you implying that my power is... our old magic?" He let out a little laugh. "Now _that_ is a joke!"

Midna's body launched towards him, upside down. She smashed into the ground, dirt flying up. "This power is granted to me by my god! It is the magic of the King of Twilight, and you **will **respect it." A dark red electric ball began to appear in front of his chest.

It took all of Midna's strength to lift herself off the ground and turn around. _So this is the end, huh? _she mused to herself. _I was so close..._

There was a bark, and crackling (not that Tovia would have heard the bark). Midna crawled over to the once more unconscious hero, patting him and whispering urgently to wake up. She let out a small surprised shriek when she was pulled back towards Zant.

The fiend leaned in close to her ear. "My Midna... Did you forget? That beast is one of the light dwellers who opposed our people. No matter how much you may desire otherwise, you will never be more than a shadow in their world. You cannot consort with their kind! But if we can make their world ours, Midna... light and darkness will meet at last. Our tribe will take back their realm and sweet darkness will blot out this harsh light!"

She stared ahead, her expression stoic.

"And that, Midna, is why..." The mouth piece to his mask snapped open. He brought his lips close to her cheek, as if going in for a kiss. "I need you," he whispered, his sharp, pointed teeth revealed. "Not just for me, but for all of our people. Lend me your power."

She elbowed him in the chest, jumping out of his reach and back down to Link, watching Zant for his next move.

"...Is anyone going to let me down?" Tovia mumbled awkwardly. As soon as he had spoken, he was flung towards the entrance of the spring, falling just behind Midna and Link.

"So be it. I will return you to the light world, you covet!" She zoomed to the center of the spring and he raised his arm. The light spirit slowly lifted itself out of the water. It looked at Midna with pity as she screamed in pain.

She disappeared in white ribbons of light that wrapped around her body. Zant, satisfied with his work, turned around to face Link, Lois, and Tovia. The three were nowhere to be found.

* * *

A/N: T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-That's all folks! X:D Anyway. So, yeah. That's it. Chapter 13. The big pot... plot... THE BIG POTPLOT TWIST! X:D Hey, did you know that there's a TS Audio Reading in the works on youtube? Auditions are open! Just go to the link: .com/watch?v=_4P-_wLDNgY read the description, follow THAT link, go to discussions, find auditions, and there. ^_^ Follow the rules. Remember, there will be more parts for other characters so if you don't get 'in', don't worry. You'll get called back. Good luck if you do it! Happy VAing! See you all next month!

Remember, folks, if you have a feeling what's going on that's major to the plot, PM me or KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! No need to spoil.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: t(^-^t) Logical ending not found.

A/N: So here we are... Yeah, yeah, should be nice... EXCEPT FOR THE DRAGON!

* * *

"We don't have much time! How the hell are we supposed to keep up with you?" Lois yelled after the running wolf.

Tovia grabbed a piece of horse reed and blew into it, but all he achieved was an odd hollow sound. He sighed and handed it to Lois. "We'll borrow Epona."

She glanced at the reed and nodded before blowing into it. To his slight agitation, she hit the notes perfectly. Out of nowhere, Link's trusty mare came racing up to them. Lois hopped into the saddle, holding a hand down to Tovia.

Worriedly, he eyed the horse.

"Don't worry. She won't hurt you," Lois promised.

_Look at what it's come to. Riding that filthy hero's own horse. Ugh, makes me sick._

As quickly as he could, Tovia mounted the horse and they were off, racing towards Castle Town after Link, who was carrying the dying Midna.

Eventually, the horse caught up to the wolf, then they stayed neck and neck. The Hylians could hear Midna's gasps for air even above the hooves pounding against the ground.

A few droplets of rain fell around them before it began pouring. Thunder clashed as they arrived at Castle Town. Those who were still wandering the streets of the city screamed in fear as they saw the wolf and scattered. Lois and Tovia hurriedly dismounted Epona, running to catch up.

They raced towards Telma's tavern, only stopping just outside the door. "You know she isn't going to let you in like that, right?" Lois commented. She picked Midna up, motioning for Tovia to grab Link.

_Oh, gross! Don't make me feel that bastard's fur! Eww!_

"What are we doing?" Tovia asked, grunting a bit, and heavily ignoring the voice in his head. Link's wolf form wasn't as light as he thought it would be.

"We're going to get help." Lois opened the door for them. "Telma," she called into the bar as they entered, "we need to get to the castle right away. Don't ask what's going on. Just help us out!"

Telma eyed the wolf in Tovia's arm, glancing right over Midna. "Sh-she... can't see... m-me... or... h-hear... hear me," the imp rasped.

"Let me get a ladder." Telma went into the back of the bar and came right out with a tall wooden ladder in her grasp. She propped it up against the shelves lining the cieling and stepped aside. "There you go, honey. Be careful. There's a lot of vermin in the sewers."

"Right. Thanks." Lois flashed a smile, then slowly climbed up, being careful to not drop or upset Midna. Tovia had much more difficulty, but eventually they made it to the surprisingly strong wooden shelf. He set Link down and waved back to the owner of the bar before following Lois through a hole in the wall near the cieling.

Shad, Ashei, and Auru blinked. The first to speak was the crude young female warrior. "...Was that just Lois?"

"And Tovia?" Shad asked.

"With a wolf?" Auru finished.

Telma sighed, picking up a rag and wiping down her bar. "It just ain't worth asking."

* * *

"I hate you people." Lois growled, soaking wet. "I am never _**EVER **_again crawling on a fucking roof in the middle of a fucking storm._** EVER**_!"

Tovia grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Calm down, Lois."

She glared at him out of the corner of her eye, letting go of his hand so she could push open the door to Princess Zelda's room. "I am calm."

The four took a glance around the room. "She's not even fucking here!" Lois shouted, at her wit's end. She shrieked when she felt a hand on her shoulder, then gasped when she turned around. "Your highness!" she exclaimed breathlessly, and both her and Tovia hastily bowed.

Zelda frowned and placed her hand on Midna. "What happened to her?"

Midna opened a bleary yellow eye. "Zant..." she rasped. "Please... please tell me... How do we break... the curse on this one?" She patted Link softly. "This... is the one... You need him... to save your world! That's why... Princess... please... You must help Link."

The ruler of Hyrule outstretched her arm, moving her hand across him. There was a golden glimmer on her hand and a shining sound.

Tovia's eyes fell onto it._ The Tri-Force..._

_After all these years, Zelda still has it? Yeesh, talk about a hand-me-down. Well, Link..._

Her hand fell down to her side. "What binds him is a different magic than what transformed him when he first passed the curtain of twilight. It is an evil power."

_Evil power. Where the hell have I heard that before? _Tovia's eyes began to roll but he snapped his eyelids shut.

"Our world is one of balance... Just as there is light to drive away darkness, so, too, is there benevolence to banish evil. Head for the sacred grove that lies deep within the lands guarded by the spirit Faron. There you will find the blade of evil's bane that was crafted by the wisdom of the ancient sages... the Master Sword."

Lois' jaw dropped. "The Master Sword? You mean the Master Sword? My dad used to tell me so many stories about it before! That is so fucking cool!"

Zelda laughed lightly while all eyes fell onto the young woman.

"...I mean, uh... that's pretty interesting..." she coughed.

"Yes, the Master Sword," Zelda said, managing humility while still smiling towards Lois. "It is a sacred blade that evil can never touch." Her eyes moved back to Link. "Evil cloaks you like a dark veil... and that blade is the only thing that can cleave it. Link... Hero sent by the goddesses... Like you, I have been granted special powers by the goddesses." Zelda raised her hand lightly to show them. The royal family's symbol glowed softly through her glove.

Midna patted the wolf again. "Fine... Link... Tovia... Lois... you three... you can get to the woods... on your own, right?"

"I'll make sure they don't do anything retarded," Lois promised.

"Thanks... Princess... I have one last request... Can you tell them... where to find the Mirror of Twilight?"

Zelda gasped. The room went eerily silent for a long moment.

"Midna..." Zelda whispered, "I believe I understand now just who and what you are. Despite your mortal injuries, you act in our stead. These dark times are the result of our deeds, yet it is you who have reaped the penalty. Accept this now, Midna. I pass it to you."

The princess began to glow, specks of magic floating around her. Slowly, the glow flowed to Midna and the specks surrounded her like fireflies. The imp raised off the ground as the three onlookers looked on, not knowing what to say or do.

"No! Link! STOP HER!" Midna shouted.

Zelda smiled, then softly faded away.

Midna settled back on the ground, her colors back to normal and her breath no longer uneven. "Midna... are you alright?" Tovia asked.

"What the fuck just happened?" Lois said, more bluntly.

"She gave me her life..." Midna murmured. "She saved my life and gave me hers, although I did not ask for it..." She looked away from where the princess had just been mere seconds ago. "We go back! Back to the Faron Woods!" The ever-flexible imp flipped onto Link's back. Then her body twisted into the air and the four broke into black squares, floating upwards.

They rearranged outside of Castle Town, standing in Hyrule Field. The rain had stopped and the sun was starting to set, leaving the sky a light cloudy blue with orange hazes.

A soft boom came from behind, and they all turned around to face the castle. A harsh light flashed above it, forming a pyramid-like force field around the structure.

Midna's hand curled into a fist as she glared at it. Link growled, his body tense and ready to run back. "...What...the...fuck?" Lois murmured.

The imp looked down at her hand and sighed. "Let's just go. We can't do anything yet."

* * *

"What the hell **_are_** these things?" Lois yelled, slashing at them with the dagger Tovia had given her.

"They look like puppets." Tovia had his hands out. "I could just get rid of them with magic, you know."

"No! I want to practice! You should, too! I mean, they're not that bad." Two minutes later and Lois was shouting at the puppets to just die. Another two minutes and Link decided enough was enough and destroyed them all in one fell swoop.

"Show-off." Tovia glared at him.

A familiar monkey with a flower tucked behind her ear peeked out from where she'd hidden behind her hands, then looked up at Link when she noticed the puppets were gone. "Did... Did you save me?" she asked. "Th-Thank you! Listen, since you're so nice, let me tell you something: there's a really pretty wooded area on the other side of this cliff! I climbed over there, but when I tried to get deeper into the woods, THOSE guys attacked me! What's in those woods, anyway?"

Link stared at her. Then he ignored her and walked on.

"...Did you even understand her?" Lois whispered to Tovia.

He shrugged. "Does it look like I speak monkey?"

"So there's another section of forest beyond this cliff. Alright, Link, let's go!" Midna floated over to a ledge, giggling.

The wolf jumped over to the ledge quickly, landing on his paws with a soft thud.

"How the hell did you do that?" Lois exclaimed, shouting toward them.

Midna rolled her eyes. "He just Z-targeted me and then clicked A!"

"He did what?"

"I have no idea."

This supposed targeting and clicking continued on for quite some time, with Lois gripping onto Tovia as they floated after the leaping wolf. Ten minutes later found Lois shouting about how she'd track down the person who came up with the booby traps to the Sacred Grove and kill them. Another ten minutes and they arrived in the coveted woods.

Tovia leaned against one of the trees. "Well, what now?" He walked over to another tree and pointed towards an oddly colored patch of wood. "It looks off. Any ideas?"

Lois placed her hand on the cold bark. "It feels weird. Sort of like mist? Like... it's there but it isn't?"

The female Hylian screamed when she heard howling but turned around to find out it was only Link sitting next to a carved rock. She huffed and crossed her arms. Then there was a rustling from the tree tops before the Skull Kid dropped down next to Tovia.

Tovia jumped away from the cursed child. "Shit!" he exclaimed. "Don't do that! Scared the hell out of me!"

Skull Kid giggled, setting his trumpet and lantern down on the ground. He pretended to loom over Tovia, trying to make his hands look like claws. "Rawr, rawr!"

The Hylian glared. "Are you mocking me?"

Instead of an answer, he just giggled and picked his lantern and trumpet again, blowing into the latter. A puppet landed close to Lois, making her scream "Fuck!". It grabbed her right wrist and she dug into her pocket, pulled out the dagger and thrust the blade into its forehead. The weight on her wrist disappeared and she coughed at the smoke that burst from the absent puppet.

"Let's play!" Skull Kid's voice echoed as the patch of wood faded away.

More puppets dropped down. "Link, you go ahead and catch that fucking Skull Kid. Tovs and I will hold back these... things... whatever the hell they are..."

"No way in hell am I going to be his servant." Tovia slashed at the puppets. "I'll get Skull Kid."

"I don't see any Tri-Force on your hand, hero." Midna snarled.

"Who says I need one? They're overrated."

Lois groaned and ran off. Let them fight. Fucking morons. They're just letting that brat get ahead. She ignored all of Skull Kid's minions - or were they his toys? - that got in her way, easily running past them, and followed the sound of his trumpet until she reached some ancient ruins where nature had long since clearly proved its reign over civilization.

"Alright, Skull Kid, enough's enough, you little brat! Quit playing games and take me and my fucking friends to the fucking Master Sword!" she yelled at him, making him miss a note.

He turned around to face her and giggled, blowing the same tone to summon more puppets. "Oh, fuck me." Lois took out her bow and fired an arrow at one. "I'm sick of all this practice. I think I have it down pa-" She fired an arrow at Skull Kid by accident. "...I meant to do that."

The Skull Kid disappeared, giggling still. "Hee hee hee! Thanks for playing with me!"

The sealed up wall vanished and Lois sighed. "Finally." It only took a few minutes to retrace her steps and find Tovia and Midna, who were at each other's necks. They looked like they were ready to attack.

"Alright, break it the fuck up! Goddesses!" Lois shouted, pushing them away from each other. "I found the way to the Master Sword, so if everyone would just follow me in an orderly fashion like a bunch of fucking two year olds - which you are both fucking acting like - we can find the damn sword and get the hell out of here."

The two silently glared, at each other, waiting for the other to crack. It eventually ended up with Lois dragging them both by the ears with the silent Link following closely behind.

* * *

"Go now to the sacred palace, beast. We yield passage to the Sacred Grove." The guardians of the woods spoke in unison. "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer."

Tovia's ears flattened a bit. "Is everyone convinced I'm him?" he whispered to himself.

"Come on, Tovs." Lois tugged on his wrist, excited to see the legendary sword.

"I'm coming." He smiled. The two best friends began to walk towards the Master Sword's chamber, but he suddenly stopped. "No."

Lois stopped and turned back. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not going in there, damn it! You can't make me!" He yanked his hand away from hers and stumbled back.

Link and Midna looked behind to find out what the commotion was all about. "Alright! You don't have to go in there." Lois put her hands up in defeat.

Tovia screamed, his knees buckled and he fell to the ground. He clutched his head in his hands. "Stop it! Please!"

"Tovia!" Lois ran over to his side. "What's wrong? Tovia, talk to me."

He let go of his head. "It hurts, please... You can't just take over."

Lois slapped him across the face. "Tovia! Focus! What's wrong?"

"You bitch! Don't talk to her that way! I can talk to her anyway I want!"

She took a step back. "Tovs..."

"Did he finally snap?" Midna asked, trying to hide her worry.

"I'm going in there! No, you're not! Yes, I am!" He rose to his feet unsteadily, then toppled back again. Lois watched him with concern. "You think the light spirits are bad?" he shouted. "That thing is worse! I hate swords! I hate them, I hate them, I hate them!"

"Then why the fuck do you use one?" Lois shouted back.

"I don't! He does!"

"Who? Who the hell are you talking about? There's no one here but us and them." She gestured to Link and Midna.

He crawled away from the entrance to the chamber, leaning against a corner of the ruins. "I'm not going in there."

Lois leaned back down next to him, brushing away a few strands of hair. "Tovia, what's wrong?"

"Get away from me. I don't want to hurt you, Lois."

"Tovs, you're not going to hurt me."

"Get the fuck away from me!" Tovia snapped.

She stepped back and glared. "Fine. Link will tell you when we're ready to leave."

When her back was turned he bit his thumb at her.

_Let me out of here! Give me my body back!_

_I won it fair and square._

A while after Lois and the others left apprehensively, Tovia stood up, rubbing his eyes. "I've got to get out of here..." he muttered, shivering slightly.

* * *

"The sword accepted you as its master..."

"...In what way?" Lois stared at her in confusion. "It's just a sword. Okay, it's a legendary magical sword, but, it's still just a sword."

"Who asked you?" Midna took out a crystal. "This thing is the embodiment of the evil magic that Zant cast on you. It's definitely different from our tribe's shadow magic."

Lois went to grab it to get a better look at all the grooves on it.

"Careful! If you touch it, you'll turn back into a spirit!" Midna twisted her wrist and it disappeared. "This thing is too dangerous. It's probably for the best that we just leave it here, huh? But on the other hand, if we kept it, Link would be able to transform into a beast anytime he wanted."

"I wouldn't really want to, but I guess I might have to sometimes," Link pointed out. "I mean, being a wolf does have its perks."

She blatantly ignored him. "Yes, since Zant was kind enough to give this to us, we should be thankful and use it all we can. If you need it, just tell me. I want to keep a low profile so I'll keep hiding in your shadow when you're human but I'll change you whenever. You can be a wolf now whenever you want! Which means you can warp wherever." She leaned against his shoulder. "Hey, but listen, Link? I've got a little favor to ask. Would you mind coming with me to find something called the Mirror of Twilight? It's hidden somewhere in Hyrule..."

"The Mirror of Twilight?" Lois and Link echoed.

"Yes, the Mirror of Twilight, our last potential link to Zant!" Midna blinked. "Pun not intended."

"Of course I'll help you."

She smiled. "Thanks," she said, then flew back into his shadow.

"I'm happy that you're back to normal and everything, but..." Lois grimaced. "You saw Tovia..."

"Right..." Link sighed. "We'll help him, Lois."

"What's wrong with him? Did he ever tell you anything?"

He cringed. "Right... Um..."

"He's gone fucking insane, hasn't he?"

"No! Look, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation..."

Lois looked up at the sky. "We're not going to get a doctor. That's too dangerous. I can ask Shad if he can help. He might have an explanation that doesn't involve Tovia being mad."

"Come on," Link grinned, masking his concern. "You can wear my hat if it'll make you feel better."

"Why the fuck would that make me feel better? I don't want your fucking hat and I don't want fucking fleas."

"Hey!"

She laughed as they walked back to the runes. They searched the clearing, then realized that Tovia wasn't there. "That little son of a bitch!" Lois exclaimed, fists clenched.

* * *

A/N: There was supposed to be a dragon here. DX MAN, WE PUT DOWN A DEPOSIT AND EVERYTHING!

Kay: Yeah, there is no dragon.

WELL I CAN SEE THAT **_OBVIOUSLY!_**


	15. Halloween Special Happy Halloween!

Disclaimer: None of this was written by me. All of this was written by Kaylee Tam. You can find her on fanfiction. ;P Tovia and Lois belong to me. Vaati belongs to Capcom and Nintendo.

A/N: Just a little Halloween bonus chapter for you guys. It's random body swap stuff that Kay wrote up while she was bored and since I have like no ideas for an actual Halloween special and neither Kay and I have the time to write it up, here's this AMAZINGNESS I was sent. ^-^ This has nothing to do with the actual plot, so, don't think that they're in each other's bodies - how does that even work? Enjoy the AMAZINGNESS - again with that made up word? - that is Kay's writing.

* * *

"Why, Tovia? Why did you have to do that?"

Tovia, dressed in his iconic red tunic with his curly golden hair, glared, fists clenched, across the hallway. He was standing on a heavy rug in a gauntily-decorated place made of marble and gold, but he was sparing no glance on the scenery.

The object of his hatred, a purple-skinned Vaati dressed in his iconic purple cape with his draping lavender hair, looked frustratedly back at Tovia.

"What do you mean, why did I do that? You're the one that led us here!"

"But you're the one that pressed the fucking button, weren't you?"

Lois strolled into the hallway, her arms crossed. "Could you two shut up already?" she groaned.

Tovia pointed at Vaati, anger in his eyes. "Do you know what this moron just did to us?"

"Look, how was I supposed to know anything bad was going to happen?" Vaati said in defense, his palms up.

"It was a fucking red button!" Tovia shouted. "You never fucking press red buttons! Everyone knows that!"

Lois rolled her eyes. "Get over it. Whatever happened, I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Yeah," Vaati agreed. "It'll be fine."

"Easy for you to say," Tovia growled._ "You've _got magic and raw sexual magnetism! What do I have? A big mouth and an ugly complexion!"

"Hey!" Vaati shouted defensively. "You take that back! I'm not ugly!"

"Well, not _now_, you lucky son of a bitch!"

"Now more than ever!"

Lois shook her head and walked away.

* * *

A/N: HAPPY HALLOWEEN! :D


	16. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: :D How are you? I'm doing fine.

A/N: ALRIGHT! Double update soon~. Details at the end.

* * *

A twig crunched underneath Lois's boot as she and Link continued their search for Tovia. "You think he could have gotten lost?" she asked worriedly.

Link shrugged. "It's called the **_Lost _**Woods for a reason, Lois."

"Shut up. No one asked you." There was an uncomfortable lapse of silence. "Do you see him?"

"There he is!" Link pointed ahead through the woods, where the blond Hylian was looking around himself, frustrated, as he stalked among the trees.

She gritted her teeth and stomped up to him, her eyes blaring. "Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

"Huh?" Tovia turned around. "Oh. It's you." He narrowed his eyes at her then went back to searching the woods. "I'm leaving, if you must know."

"Leaving? Where the fuck do you think you're going?" she shouted after him. Lois took a threatening step towards him.

"Away!" he shouted back. "What do you think I mean by 'leaving'?" He looked at her again. "This place bugs the hell out of me. Just show me the way out, will you?"

Lois glared at him. "What do you think I am, your bitch? No way in hell, Tovia!"

He let out a small chuckle.

"What's so funny, you asshole?"

"Nothing. Listen. Get me out, I'll be out of your hair, alright?" He looked into her gaze with an affable grin.

"If you're leaving, then you're taking me!"

He rolled his eyes at that. "I'm not sure that you should do that. See, the things I get around to on my free time... they're just not suitable for female eyes."

She narrowed her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged. "It's best I not get into that. Link! You're the big hero. Is this the way out?" He pointed down a tunnel.

Link pointed down another tunnel. "Actually, it's that way."

Tovia smiled and headed that way.

"Link!" Lois shouted accusingly.

"What?"

She shook her head and grabbed Tovia's arm. "You are not leaving me here!"

He groaned. "You know what? It's not worth it." He stood for a few moments, staring off into space.

"What the fuck is going on with you?" Lois let go of him.

He looked at her. "Huh? What do you mean?" He shook his head, then seemed to realize something. "Oh..." he groaned. "Oh, no..."

"Tovia? Are you alright?"

He wondered what to tell her. Was he alright? Yes, he was... physically healthy. But should he tell her he was crazy? That he had some weird purple guy in his head? Or that he was just sleep-deprived? He couldn't come up with an answer. He couldn't lie but he couldn't tell her the truth either.

She shook him. "Hey! Hyrule to Tovs?"

At this point he couldn't deny that something was going on. Maybe she'd back off if she knew he wasn't alright... he didn't have to tell her everything, not yet. "Um. I... I don't think so, Lois."

Lois crossed her arms. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," he lied. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"...I think we need to get you to a doctor." Lois grumbled. "Come on, let's just get the hell out of here. Link? You're positive this is the way we came?"

He nodded. "Yeah, that's the way."

"We'll meet up with you in Faron Woods. Come on, Tovs."

_She's a real commanding bitch, isn't she?_

He furrowed his eyebrows and followed her.

She led him back to the woods and looked around. "Alright, so, what was that whole deal in the forest?"

"I already told you, I don't know."

"Bullshit. I'm calling bullshit on you." Lois looked up at the sky. "Let's see... sneaking off early in the morning, check... having a random panic attack, check... deciding to leave again, check. Yep, you have all the symptoms of crazy."

He held his head in his hands. Why not tell her the truth? She more than anyone could help him deal with Vaati. He sighed and opened his mouth. But before he could say anything, his mouth shut again.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself? Lying to poor innocent little Lois." she sniffled dramatically. "I'm hurt."

_What are you doing? _Tovia thought at Vaati, trying to open his mouth and failing.

_Don't tell her, _Vaati said._ If you do, I'll... well, I don't have to tell you what I'll do._

He began to sweat, and found he could open his mouth. He crossed his arms and tried not to tremble visibly. "I don't know," he repeated.

Lois looked at him in the eyes and stared for a minute before breaking contact and continuing the walk out of the woods. "Eh, fine. I still say you're lying, though."

_Good_, Tovia thought. He stared at the ground as he followed her sullenly.

She looked over her shoulder. "You look like someone killed your cat. Tovs, cheer the fuck up before I kick you."

That earned a small chuckle. He half-smiled and looked up at her. Vaati sneered in his mind.

Lois grinned. "Way better. Now if only I could get a smile and still kick you..."

He looked at the ground again, slightly less sullen than before.

_Come on! Get over yourself, Tovia. Life is full of hugs and puppies, isn't it?_

Tovia didn't think that deserved a response.

"...How the hell did you get here so fast?" Lois blinked at the wolf, who was relaxing in the Faron woods.

Link stretched, then Midna turned him back. "Warping is easier than walking, Lois," he pointed out.

"You asshole! You couldn't offer to warp us with you?"

"You're the one that wanted to walk ahead."

"Link... you can go to hell."

* * *

"Why are we here again?" Link looked over the tavern.

Lois flicked his forehead. "Because of Telma's friends. Trust me on this one, Link. I know what I'm talking about."

They walked in. She craned her neck to see the three hunched in the back. "Bingo. Hey, Ashei!" She walked over and pulled up a chair. "Long time no see."

"...She comes here a lot more than I thought she did, doesn't she?" Link whispered to Tovia.

"You have no idea..." he muttered back.

"Oh my!" The two boys turned around to see Telma walk in from the back room. "If it isn't Link and Tovia! You made it! How've you three been, honey?"

"Eh, so-so." Link shrugged. His eyes began to wander down her body.

"Mercy, but you boys have good timing! I was just talking about you!" Telma looked over to the group. "Hey, everyone! Introduce yourselves!" All heads turned. "This handsome young man is the infamous Link!" Three people turned back to their conversation while one shyly waved.

Both male Hylians looked back at Telma. "You remember what I said, honey? These are those friends I mentioned, the ones who are trying to help deal with all the troubles in Hyrule. Actually, there's one more of us..." she crossed her arms, "But there's been a disturbing turn of events in the desert, so he's gone to check it out."

"The desert?" They looked at each other thoughtfully.

"He's an older man named Auru. If you happen to meet him, definitely take the time to talk with him, okay, honey?"

Link nodded. "Alright."

"Well, you've come all the way here, honey, so why don't you relax a bit. You two be sociable and talk with these folks. They're a jolly bunch!"

"Yes ma'am." they said in unison before walking over to the table and pulling up a chair.

He turned to the black haired girl in armor. "Hi, I'm Link."

Ashei looked over at him. "It's Ashei. I grew up in the mountains with my father, who was a knight in his own right. He taught me the arts of war as if I was his son. Of course, lessons in common courtesy were not part of the regimen, so forgive me if I come off as rude, yeah?"

"She's like a second Lois..." Tovia mumbled towards Link.

"And you are like a second Shad." Ashei shot back. "As straight as a squiggly line."

"I still think Shad's just too dorky to get a date." Lois commented. "Tovia on the other hand..."

"I'm not gay!" Tovia exclaimed.

"I'm right here..." Shad coughed to get their attention politely. He waved awkwardly to Link. "Hello. You must be Link, correct? I'm Shad. Wonderful to meet you."

Link held his hand out. "Pleasure's mine."

He shook his hand. "Telma told me all you've been up to. You're rather formidable!" Shad laughed lightly. "I'm rather **_not_**, I'm afraid. Well, I'm formidable at book reading, but I lack, shall we say, physical skills."

Ashei snorted. "_All _physical skills. Sexual especially."

"Along with Tovs," Lois added.

Both Shad and Tovia glared at the women.

Shad turned back to Link. "That said, if the history and legends of Hyrule are your cup of tea, I'm just your fellow! If you're curious, just ask away."

"Or don't. He's a real bore." Ashei pretended to snore.

Lois leaned back in her chair. "Eh, he's good for a fun fact or two. Just don't mention you know what and we're all okay."

"'You know what'?" Link asked.

"The City in the Sky." Tovia explained.

"Oh!" Shad exclaimed, delighted. "You want to know about the City in the Sky?"

The girls glared at him. "Oh, now you've done it."

Everyone but Link tuned Shad out as he began to gab on about his father's work. Rusl tapped Link's shoulder mid-monologue. "It has been a long time, Link." He set his helmet on the table. "Uli sent word to me. I have seen the children in Kakariko Village." Rusl grinned. "And, of course, I have heard about your adventures. I must thank you for your help with Colin, Link."

He laughed nervously. "It was no problem at all, Rusl."

"Modest as always. I have had a connection with these people for a long while. Like the others, I am gathering information now. I will let you know if I hear anything." He placed his helmet back on to block out Shad.

"...Is he ever going to stop?" Link asked.

"Are you kidding me? He's like a little kid when he's start talking about this damn thing. I don't even think it exists." Lois looked around. "...We should ditch him."

Ashei was already sneaking out the back door. "Way ahead of you."

"-and that is why I must complete my father's research." Shad concluded. He stared at the remaining three, Link, Tovia, and Lois – they themselves were in mid-ditch.

Lois sat back down. "Alright, so, where's Auru?" She tapped the map.

Shad pointed at a spot on it. "That old codger Auru is at Lake Hylia, studying the desert."

"Alright, great, thanks Shad!" Lois stood back up and grabbed her best friend's hand, pulling him out the door. "Bye Shad! Bye Telma!"

"Nice seeing you again!" Tovia called over his shoulder.

Link said his goodbyes before following after them.

* * *

"The Gerudo Desert once held a prison built to hold the worst criminals this land has ever known. The criminals who were sentenced to death were sent directly to the underworld by a cursed mirror that was kept in the prison." Auru looked back towards the group with a serious gaze. "Now that prison is condemned, and even the road leading to the desert is impassable. This desert at world's end... It still holds the cursed mirror and the malice of the doomed inmates."

Lois grinned at her friends. "Now that sounds like a fun place to be. Just like Hallow's Eve."

Link stared at her like she was insane. Then again, he decided, it was Lois and she probably was insane.

"These old bones know that the evil currently plaguing Hyrule is related to this wicked place," Auru continued. "So I have come to learn the truth. Master Link, Master Tovia, Miss Lois, I must ask... what will you do now?"

They exchanged glances. There was only one thing to do.

He stared in disbelief. "Don't tell me you all plan to enter the desert and confirm my suspicions with your own eyes?"

"It's our only lead..." Tovia began.

"And it sounds like plenty of fun!" Lois added.

"And Lois will bug us to no end if we don't go." Link finished.

There was a minute of silence before acceptance. "Ah, is that so? Then let good old Auru help you out. You see Lake Hylia below us? A man named Fyer runs an amusement ride of sorts there. Give him this." Auru handed Link a memo. "See, long ago, I saved this man Fyer's life, and now he cannot refuse me if I ask a favor." he chuckled.

Tovia blinked. "...Isn't that sort of blackmail?"

Auru shrugged before continuing. "If you leave the rest up to Fyer, all should go well. Good luck."

They each looked over to the 'house' that sat on the lake before realization. "Oh fuck no."

"Tovia!" Link caught the back of his tunic before he could run off. "You are not getting out of this one. You have to get over your fear eventually or else it'll rule your life."

"It's not a fear, you jerk!" Tovia squirmed. "I get sick from this kind of stuff and you know it!"

"If you keep doing it, eventually it'll stop."

"Well I don't plan on doing it anytime soon, so let me go!"

In the end, he was dragged to the cannon by Link, kicking and screaming for help from Lois. She just laughed. Fyer chuckled at Tovia's torment.

"Evil clown! I hate clowns! They're scary and so are cannons!"

Fyer ignored him. "Hey, you're back. So, fellas, I guess you liked the ride, huh?"

"No!" Tovia shouted.

"Um... I was told to give this to you..." Link handed him the note.

He looked it over and grimaced. "From old Auru, huh? Ah well, I guess I oughta do what the old coot says... Oasis flight, right?"

"I guess...?"

He stepped aside. "Here you three go, one of our secret options not available to the general public. This time's all paid for."

"Thanks," Lois patted Tovia's head before walking in. "Oh! Wait! I'm sorry! Ladies first. Link, that means Tovia was supposed to go first."

Link picked Tovia up and rolled his eyes before entering with Lois. The door shut behind them and he let go of the male as they stood in the dark.

"Link?"

"Yeah, Tovia?"

"...I think I hate you."

No one had the chance to laugh before being shot out of the cannon.

* * *

"Ugh, which one of you morons has your boot in my face?"

"Sorry, that's my boot."

"So then that's Tovia's ass?"

"I think so."

"Joy." Lois grumbled. She pushed her best friend off of her.

Tovia groaned. "Whose idea was this?"

"Auru's, apparently."

Link stood up and looked over the desert. "Wow, this is huge."

"That's what your sister said."

"What?"

"Nothing..." Lois brushed herself off and looked around. "This is going to be a lot of walking."

"Wait, Link..." Midna flew out of his shadow and looked at her feet shyly. "Before we go on, there's something I want you all to hear. Do you guys remember what the light spirit said about the Fused Shadows?"

Link nodded slowly, unsure.

"What do you think happened to the magic wielders who tried to rule the Sacred Realm?" Her gaze swept across the desert. "They were banished. They were chased across the sacred lands of Hyrule and driven into another realm by the goddesses." Midna looked up at the night sky and frowned. "It was another world entirely.

"The antithesis of Hyrule, where the sun shines bright. Its denizens became shadows that could not mingle with light. Eventually, most came to call it the Twilight Realm, and from it, none could return to the world of light. They were forever doomed to live in the twilight, flitting in the half-light of dusk, mere shadows of Hyrule..."

Her eyes moved towards the stunned Hylians. "This is the history of the Twili as it has been passed down from our ancestors. Do you now understand what I am?" she asked quietly. "I'm a descendant of the tribe that was banished to the Twilight Realm!

"It was a peaceful place until Zant took control of the Twilight Realm and transformed all of the Twili into Shadow Beasts. It's clear to me now that he somehow gained a great evil power previously unknown to our tribe."

She looked them in the eyes. "In any case, I was sent from there, and could no longer get into the Twilight Realm without his power. But there's another tale told by my people... Though the goddesses forbade us to return to the world of light, they left one link between the light and the darkness. Something called the Mirror of Twilight was passed to the protectors of Hyrule."

She smiled. "It's our only path to the Twilight Realm and we must get there! You'll all come with me, won't you?"

"It's the least I can do." Link nodded.

Lois gave the imp a thumbs up. "You don't see me leaving, do you?"

"I went through the cannon again," added Tovia. "I might as well help out."

She giggled and disappeared back into the hero's shadow.

* * *

Lois had her back up against the wall, panting slightly. "Do you see any more?" she whispered.

"I think we're good." Link looked around.

"To your right, Lois."

She fired an arrow at the Bulbin. "Is that it now?"

Tovia nodded. "I think so." He pushed off the wall and cautiously walked around, making sure the coast was clear. "That's all of them, guys. It's safe."

She slid down the wall and sat, grabbing out a red potion and taking a large gulp. "Who needs some?"

"Over here, Lois." Link held his hands out and caught the bottle.

"I didn't know Bulbins had the brain capacity to set up a whole fortress." Tovia looked around, interested in the camp.

"Who knew? Who cares?" Lois put away the empty bottle.

Link yawned. "At least you two got some practice in. Oh man, I'm tired."

Her eyes drooped slightly. "That's because we haven't gotten any sleep in the past two days."

"You haven't?" Tovia asked in surprise. "Why don't you guys get some rest for a bit? I'm fine so I'll just watch and make sure nothing happens."

"Mmm, sleep sounds good." Lois was already nodding off.

"Thanks, Tovia," Link yawned again before falling asleep.

Tovia looked around the camp for any more Bulbins, searching so hard that he practically jumped out of his skin when he saw a purple-skinned Hylian examining his own fingernails.

"Ah! What are you doing?" Tovia hissed.

Vaati shrugged. "Bored. Your Lois is a real pain in my ass." He made no effort to lower his voice.

"Get out of here! You're going to wake them up!"

"Oh, dear God, Tovia." He turned to Lois and Link. "LOIS! LINK! HEY! GUYS! WAKE UP! WOOOOO! Hey, LISTEN! THERE'S A FAIRY IN YOUR NOSE!"

They didn't shift a muscle. Vaati rolled his eyes to Tovia.

Tovia turned away from him. "Just get out of here."

"Get out of here," he echoed. "Get out of here? Oh, let me project my incorporeal hallucination farther that way, shall I? I can't _get out of here_, rotten Tovs. I'm in your head, remember?"

"Why do you have to keep reminding me, though? Can't you just sit around and leave me alone?" Tovia snapped.

He let out a long sigh. "That sounds... really, _really_ boring. I've been doing enough of that for a thousand years already. No, I won't sit around and leave you alone."

He gritted his teeth and continued looking around the camp. "Then I'll just ignore you."

"Good luck," Vaati scoffed.

"Not listening."

"Good job you're doing." Vaati looked around. "You know, this fortress isn't bad... for a beginner, anyway. You know the traps I would set if this were my place? I mean, damn! I used to be the best at this."

Tovia searched around. "I don't care, Vaati. Damn it, there has to be a key around here somewhere..."

"Key?" He paused, then smiled. "That's right, you still have to get in. Ha. Maybe they didn't do bad after all."

"Can you just make yourself useful and actually help me out here?" he sighed, exasperated.

"Help you out with what?" He laughed. "I can help you talk to girls, that's for damn sure."

He glared at him. "Just help me find the key."

Vaati glanced around casually. "It doesn't matter," he said. "I can only see what you see. If I see the key, it means you can, too." He sighed. "Tell you what, I'll go over here and keep Lois company."

"Don't touch her." Tovia ordered.

He rubbed his head. "You don't get it, do you, Tovs?" He walked closer to the Hylian boy, then held his arms akimbo. "I'm not actually here! I can't touch anything! Look!" He disappeared.

Tovia jumped. "Where are you?"

"I'm nowhere, you idiot. When you see me, you aren't seeing me at all. I'm making you think you are, because I have nothing better to do." He appeared again, and crossed his arms.

He leaned towards him and tried to poke his shoulder, but his finger went right through Vaati. "That's... That's scary."

He grinned. "You know, I'm just making you see me for my own benefit. What if I did..." He turned into Lois. "This?"

Tovia blushed and turned away from him. "Don't do that."

"Why not?" He mimicked Lois's voice perfectly. "Oh, Tovia, hug me close! I want to sex you!"

"Don't- don't _do_ that!"

"Why not?" he repeated, still looking and sounding like Lois. He did a twirl. "It doesn't matter."

"It's creepy and wrong on so many levels."

"_I'm_ creepy and wrong on so many levels." He shrugged, and then went into a handstand. Lois's long hair fell onto the ground. "Hey, you're upside-down!"

Tovia shook his head. "Please just change back."

"Actually, that's a lie. I'm the one that's upside-down." He landed on his feet again, and appeared and sounded like himself. He rubbed his hands together. "Whiny bitch."

"I'm going to go back to not listening."

"Yeah, that turned out so well last time." He rolled his eyes. "Hey, Tovia, let's swap stories! Except I know all yours. So, how about I tell you about me, huh?"

He gave up and sat down. "Fine. Just promise to leave me alone when you're done."

Vaati paced. "Hmm. So many stories, so little time! Which one, which one?" He snapped his fingers. "Oh! I know! I should tell my favorite story. So, I had a cat, right? His name was Judo. So, I had a bag, and, Judo walked into the bag, right? And then, he walked out of the bag, and Cassandra, she said -" he laughed for a moment. "She said, 'well, I guess the cat's out of the bag!" He broke into a sidesplitting laugh.

"..." Tovia stared at him blankly. "That isn't all that funny."

"It's hilarious!" he insisted.

Suddenly, a bubbly feeling rose up from Tovia's chest - and he found himself laughing hysterically. "I-It is!" he choked out. The laughter was entirely alien, and he hurried to agree with the possessing psychopath lest it continue.

Vaati sighed, wiping a tear from his eye. "Oh, good times, good times."

He nodded, laughter dying down. His eye twitched. "Yeah, that was funny. Sounds like you had fun."

"Oh, yeah, fun I had."

"...Tovia, are you talking to yourself?" Lois asked groggily. She stared at her best friend, confused.

"No, he's talking to me!" Vaati shouted.

"Uh... no... I was talking to this... rock."

"That's my nickname!"

Lois looked at the rock. "...Hello rock."

"Hey, sweetie." Vaati walked up to Lois. "How are you doing this fine evening?"

Tovia narrowed his eyes towards Vaati as he talked. "Why are you up so soon?"

"You and your rock woke me up." She yawned. "Did it tell you about all its little ant buddies or something?"

"You know what, I guess the Minish are sort of like ants." Vaati looked at the rock. "There aren't any over there, though."

"Minish?" Tovia glanced over to Vaati.

"What?"

"What?"

"What's a Minish?"

"How would I know?"

Vaati turned into Link and sauntered by Lois, his chest puffed out. "Hey," he said, in a deep version of Link's voice, "Would you like to accompany me to yonder dungeon? I hear it's very dangerous. I'll have to protect you with my strong, manly arms." He flexed said arms.

Tovia growled. "Cut that out already."

"...Fine, I'll go back to sleep. Moody bitch."

"I'll catch you in a minute, sweet cheeks." Vaati turned back to normal and laughed silently.

"Lois! Wait!"

Lois opened her eyes. "...Tovs, it's not like I was going anywhere. You didn't have to shout."

"Lois, I have to tell you something..."

Vaati watched him like a hawk. "Don't say a word," he reminded ominously.

Tovia chewed his lip. "Lois... It's really important and you have to believe me, okay?"

"What is it, Tovs?" she asked. "...Oh goddesses. You need the sex talk, don't you?"

Vaati didn't hide his laughter.

"Lois, this is serious!"

"So is sex. Tovia, you won't get pregnant, I promise you."

Vaati decided his philosophical impart was needed. He said, "Sex sex sex sex sexy sex!"

Tovia took a deep breath. "Both of you, just stop talking about sex!"

"...Both of who?"

"Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. I'll be Dee - you be Dum."

"Lois... something's wrong with me. There's someone inside me."

"Tovs... that's a little too much information." she coughed.

"I'm being serious, Lois!" Tovia cried out. "He's right next to you!"

"Shut up!" Vaati shouted, and Tovia's mouth snapped shut.

Lois looked to her right and then her left. "Tovs, there's no one next to me."

He tried to open his mouth, failing yet again. _Stop it! Let me talk! Lois! Damn it, I wish you were a mind reader! _He pointed to his mouth. "Hmm! Hmmmmmmm!"

"Tovia? Are you okay?"

Vaati disappeared from Tovia's view. Then, his hands went to his sides, and his face drew into a pained expression. "I'm fine," his mouth said. "It was nothing. Go to bed."

She shook her head and put her hand to his forehead. "You're not running a fever... Are you sure you're okay, Tovs?"

_What are you doing?_

He smiled. "Nothing to worry about!" _I'm not having you ruin this for me, you brat._

Lois leaned her head on his shoulder. "Liar." she mumbled.

Tovia shuddered slightly. Vaati didn't have a very firm grip on the body but refused to give it up.

"You really suck at lying, you know that?"

"Some say it means I have character."

"Heh, sure." Lois scoffed. "And pigs fly."

_Give me my body back, get away from Lois, just leave us alone!_

_You know I can't do that, Tovia. Not if you're going to spill the beans to Lois._

_I won't! Please!_

"Hey, uh, Tovs? I've been thinking... We've been best friends for a long time... I... uh..."

_Looks like she's going to spill some beans of her own._

"Yes?" Tovia's mouth prompted.

She blushed and looked away. "Don't think I've gone soft or anything, wuss... but I uh... think I might... you know..."

"Don't leave me in suspense."

She lightly hit his arm. "Asshole. Tovs, I love you."

His vain attempt to act like Tovia shattered against his shock. "You-?" He was speechless. "Tovia? You- I mean, _Tovia_?"

"What...? Since when did you start talking in third person?" Lois asked cautiously.

_L-Lois...? Lois loves me? **Lois **loves **me**?_

"Sorry, it's just... Tovia? Really? Seriously? Anyone... Okay, I might... God. Tovia?" He stifled a laugh.

She stood up and stepped away from him. "Who the fuck are you?"

"I just- I mean, damn! He's such a... _damn_!"

Lois grabbed her bow out. "Who are you?" she repeated fiercely.

Tovia's face dropped. "Hey, whoa, calm down, don't shoot your friend again, alright?"

"I'm not shooting my fucking friend." She glared at him. "I'm shooting whoever the fuck is pretending to be him."

_Goddamn! Why do I do this to myself?_ Vaati thought in frustration. He slowly rose from the floor.

"Well? Who the fuck are you?"

"Look, if we all think about this in a calm manner, it can be resolved without much bloodshed." He eyed the slumbering hero with something akin to disgust. "Okay, fine, whatever, I'm not Tovia. You happy?"

She took a step towards him. "I know that. I could figure that out on my fucking own."

"Well, I am, sort of, Tovia... ish." He pondered. "I... yes? It's hard to explain, you know."

"We have time. I'm sure you can find a way."

He sighed exasperatedly. "The last thing I want to do right now is play storytime with a bitch pointing a bow at my arrow wound."

"Too bad." Lois lowered the bow a bit. "Better?"

"Not really." He dropped his arms, then rubbed his head. "God! I don't want to do that speech all over again. How about this. I'll take a nap, and you two lovebirds can do all the squawking without me."

She eyed him before putting her bow away all together. "We're not lovebirds."

He clutched his head and stumbled. "You have to stop doing that."

"Stop doing what?"

Tovia looked up at her and sighed. "Lois, I have a lot to explain."

"...Let me get Link." She shook Link's shoulder. "Hey, moron, wake up. We're heading out."

"Huh?" Link groaned. "Why?"

Lois tapped her foot impatiently. "Because we slept enough and someone has a lot of explaining to do."

"Why?" he repeated.

"Because something is up with Tovia."

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, then looked up to the guilty-looking Hylian boy.

Tovia took a deep breath. "There's someone inside me that's convinced I'm their reincarnation."

"Huh?" Link asked.

"Two days ago I woke up in Castle Town. I don't know how I got there... well, I do... But while I was there, I met him. He knows everything about me."

"Continue?"

Tovia sighed. "There isn't that much to really say... I don't know a lot about it, to be honest. All I know is that he's ruining my life. The magic, the mood swings, the dreams... it's all him."

"The voices?" Link asked.

"The _voice_." Tovia corrected him.

Lois crossed her arms. "You told him about this before me?"

"Lois, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't want to worry you. I thought maybe Link could help me before it got too serious..."

Link had the feeling he was in the middle of something he didn't want to be in the middle of. He decided to remain small and quiet.

"Well that didn't really work, huh?"

"Lois, please."

"Link, how long did you know?"

He looked between the two and opened his mouth without noise. "Uh. I, uh..." He grimaced. "Death Mountain?"

"Since **_Death Mountain_**? This has been going on since then!" Lois yelled.

"Since Castle Town..." Tovia murmured. "When the Shadow Beasts came. That's when it officially started. I didn't know, though."

"When did the voice start?"

"Death Mountain."

"I can't believe this. I've been left in the dark all this time?" Lois threw her arms into the air. "Unbelievable!"

"I'm sorry..."

"Let's just go. I need to shoot something." She stomped ahead.

Link looked at Tovia. "This isn't good," he said.

"Tell me about it." There was no sarcasm in his voice.

* * *

A/N: Yay, it's over! Okay, ANYWHO... The 20th of November, this month ya freakin' hippie bums, marks TS' first birthday. D: It's already a year old! So, for its birthday we will be featuring... (drumroll)

Another chapter update!

Possibly a trailer for the audio-fanfic!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...

A LIVE Interactive Story Google Doc

The Google Doc link will be featured on TS' Facebook paged when it starts and will be posted in a Deviantart journal by me - again, when it starts - so it's better you follow and all that crap. I know, annoying. Also, for you lazy bums that are WAY TOO DAMN LAZY to check your calendar, the 20th IS a Saturday. Shocking, I know. ...I'll be honest, I'm just as lazy.

So, yeah, that's it. D: Too bad I don't have a tablet or else I'd do a live sketch or something much more interesting. Btw, those of you who don't know, Google Docs DOES have a chat on the side and both Kay and I tend to get random. X:D Feel free to join in the retardness that is our friendship!


	17. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: AND I WANNA BE YOUR NEW VICTIM!

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TWILIGHT SECRETS! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOVIA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOIS! D: Harry Potter's out already! (Points wand at you) ABRAKADBRA! ...Wait, what do you mean that isn't the killing curse? D8

* * *

Lois shot an arrow at a Moldorm, and it impaled with a nice squelch, but the creature didn't seem to flinch. "Why won't it just fucking die?" she shouted, frustrated. "Din damn it, just die already!"

Link aimed at it with the clawshot and pulled it out of the sand, then hacked at it with the Master Sword. It died fairly quickly.

She glared at him. "Why did you do that? I wanted to kill it."

He opened, then shut his mouth. "Sorry," he said.

"Fuck off, Link." She aimed at another Moldorm before firing away.

"Does she always get this way when someone possesses you?" Vaati asked, standing over a quicksand pit and motioning at Lois.

Tovia watched her miss. "I shouldn't have told her."

"No, you shouldn't have," the villain spat.

"What am I going to do?"

He sighed. "If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't go back. She knows about me. So. What can you do?" He shrugged. "You can go on like nothing happened. You can go mental. You can run away." He listed these off on his fingers. "You can pretend I've gone away."

"I can't lie to Lois." Tovia shook his head. "That's what got me in this mess."

Vaati looked across at her, which was really a meaningless gesture because the hallucination couldn't see anything. "Well, she's a good bitch. She'll try and find me a way out. Which is a win-win scenario. I say we let her."

"She's not a bitch. Stop talking about her like that."

Vaati looked at Tovia. "That's just how I talk. Even the woman I most respect and admire I'll probably still call a bitch. Get over yourself."

"You? Actually _respecting __a woman_?" Tovia asked in shock. "I'm amazed."

"Don't look like that. It can happen. I can think of two right off the bat."

"Name them. I bet you're bluffing."

His face grew hard. "You're lagging behind your friends, Tovia." He motioned to Lois and Link, who were moving down the hall in the corner of his eye.

Tovia crossed his arms. "I can catch up quickly."

"Tovia!" Link called. "You coming?"

"Just give me a second, Link! I'll be right there! Well?"

"Okay, fine, I was bluffing." Vaati rolled his eyes. "Go on with your buddies."

He ran after Link and Lois with a self-satisfied smirk. "Sorry, I just had to clear something up real quick."

"Ah! What's on me?" Lois whacked at the black spiders jumping onto her.

"Here, use this to ward them off!" Link handed her his lantern.

The spiders jumped off of her once they saw the light and crawled back to the dark corner.

"I hate spiders. I hate this. I wanted to come here? Am I nuts?"

"...We probably shouldn't answer that, Link."

"You're the one who said it would be fun," Vaati pointed out from where he leaned against the wall.

Lois shuddered. "Ugh, fucking spiders... I can still feel them on me."

Tovia quietly wiped a stray spider off of her back. "There was a lock on the door in the hall. Did you guys get a key?"

"Why do you think we're in here?" Lois held up a small silver key.

"Lead the way, Lois."

She pushed him aside and walked off.

"Talk about moody," Vaati commented.

"She has every right to be upset." Tovia followed her. "So, she isn't being moody."

Lois ignored him as she unlocked the door. "Link, lift this up for me? It's too heavy."

Link went over to her and, with a strong heave, lifted the door into the ceiling.

"Thanks," Lois continued her merry way into the next room. "Fuck, it's dark." She lit the lantern back up and held it in front of her. "That's better."

"I don't see anything in here... why lock a door when there's nothing inside the room worth locking up?"

"Maybe they were really paranoid."

"There's always something," Link reminded them, and drew his sword.

Tovia grabbed his sword off his belt and nodded. "Right. Be on guard, Lois."

"A-huh, sure..." She lit a torch at the far end of the room and sighed. "Tovia, you really have to eat more. You're so fucking boney now, my Farore."

"I'm over here," he told her.

Lois looked to her right and screamed. "GET IT THE FUCK OFF OF ME!"

Link came to her aid, Master Sword drawn.

"I'll get it, Lois!" Tovia ran over.

Vaati watched them attack the Stalkin from either side. He rolled his eyes for his own amusement.

"You morons be careful! I don't want my arm chopped off!" She kicked at the skeleton. "Get off! Get off! GET OFF!"

Tovia wrenched her away from the Stalkin, chopping off its arm instead of hers. "It's okay, relax."

She grabbed out her bow. "Let go of me, Tovs. I want to kill this fucking thing!"

Link exchanged a glance with him and they both let off.

She shot at the Stalkin, failing to actually do any damage. "Give me your damn sword, Tovs!" She took it from him and sliced at the animated skeleton.

Vaati whistled. "Damn, she's pissed."

"Uh, Lois, I sort of need that..." Tovia looked around at the other Stalkins starting to advance them.

"You have magic! Use that!"

"Hmm," Vaati said, and suddenly a Stalkin headed directly for Tovia.

Tovia shot a blast at it. "I hate these things!" He hit it, but it merely shrugged the attack off.

"You completely missed," Link told him.

"No I didn't!" he shouted. "Mind your own business, Link!"

Vaati sniggered slightly. The Stalkin reached for Tovia's injured shoulder.

"Get the hell away!" Tovia shot another blast.

Link dodged. "Whoa! That one almost hit me."

"I'll get it!"

The Stalkin daftly dodged his next blow, then whipped around behind him. When Tovia turned, it was gone. "Where did it go? Where is it?" He looked around.

"Where's what?" Link asked.

"That damn skeleton!"

Link raised his eyebrows. "They're all over here with me and Lois."

"There was one right next to me!"

"Are you sure about that?" Vaati asked, appearing where the Stalkin had just been.

"You!" Tovia clenched his fists. "That was you, wasn't it?"

Vaati couldn't hide his grin, even on his projection. "Fun times will be had. I wonder where your friends really are, or if they're actually Stalkins? You can't trust what you see."

"Lois!" Tovia turned to what he hoped was her. "Get out of here with Link. I can catch up with you guys later."

"What the fuck are you doing?" Lois pulled him away from the Stalkin. "Are you trying to get yourself fucking killed?"

Vaati smiled.

"Get out of here, Lois." Tovia closed his eyes to block out the 'Stalkin' he was talking to.

"You can hold them off on your own?"

"I'll be fine."

She nodded. "Come on, Link. Tovs will take care of them."

"You trust him here alone?" Link asked incredulously. "I mean, at least give him his sword back."

"Heh, forgot I still had this..." Lois handed him his sword. "Get out of here in one piece."

"He'll try," Vaati promised them.

"I'll do my best."

Lois grinned. "Alright, Link, he's got this."

Link didn't seem like he trusted her, but he followed her anyway, casting one last glance to Tovia on his way out.

Vaati turned to Tovia, as well as all of the Stalkin.

"I hate you so much." Tovia gritted his teeth.

"Are you sure? Because I'm you, you know. Or, maybe..." he turned and paced down to the end of the room. "Maybe you don't care whether or not I am you, because you hate yourself just as much as you hate me. Hmm?"

Tovia stabbed a Stalkin. "Does it matter?"

"Well, I can certainly help your stress relief." And instantly, every Stalkin was replaced by an exact replica of Tovia.

He didn't stop attacking. "Nothing you can do is going to make me stop."

"I'm not trying to kill you, numbskull." Vaati was lost in the sea of Tovias, but if he could see himself, he'd be rolling his eyes. "If I killed you, it'd be back to the same routine. Sit, watch, wait, live, die. You think I want that again? God, you're my one chance for solace. No, I don't want to kill you. I'm just trying to make your life a living hell."

"Bastard." Tovia spat. "It's not going to work. I'll get by."

"Really?" The room completely emptied itself of monsters.

"Where are they? What did you do now? Damn it, Vaati, answer me!"

"They could be attacking you right now and you wouldn't feel a damn thing. See, I can make life a living hell for you. Of course, there's worse than this, too."

Tovia slashed blindly with his sword. "Fix it! I need to see what I'm doing!"

Vaati's laugh echoed eerily in the empty space, but nonetheless a great pain splintered into Tovia's consciousness; the Stalkin had been attacking his back. They had already drawn blood. There was a mess of them surrounding him like wolves around a kill.

Tovia began to pant as he swung his sword, attempting to ward them off. "I need a potion..." He grimaced. "What can I do? There's too many on top of me. You see what you did? I would have been fine if it weren't for you!"

"You are fine," Vaati pointed out. "You're nowhere near death. Believe me. I've been personally observing people's lives for a thousand years. Plus I've had a few lifetimes of my own. I know what near death feels like."

"I don't trust you regardless of your past experience." Tovia saw spots dart across his vision. He cut through another Stalkin's body.

Vaati's form disappeared from view, which Tovia didn't mind; he was a little preoccupied.

He fell to the floor when he had finished them all off, exhausted. "I should have left with them..." Tovia uncorked a bottle and drank its contents. His back immediately felt relief.

"I'm just so _bored_," Vaati complained.

"Good for you." Tovia ran a hand through his hair. "I don't care if you're bored. You put my life in danger back there and all because you were _bored_. What if I _did _die, huh? Where would that leave you if what you're saying is true? Ever think about that?"

"I did think about that, actually. But what's life if you're afraid of death the whole time? Nothing, that's what. Besides, if I thought you were actually in peril, I would have reverted. I can see normally when I do that, you know."

Tovia put the empty bottle on the ground. "I'm not afraid of death. I just don't really want to die so young. I just want to get married one day, have a few kids, and maybe get a dog. Just a nice normal life."

Vaati crinkled his face. "Do you know how many of those I've lived through? Way too many. And all of them were exactly the same." He shuddered. "I hate those almost as much as I hate Link."

"What do you want?" Tovia asked, only half interested.

He shrugged. "Sex. Power. Death. My body back. Little things."

"I wouldn't mind to have my body back, either."

"Don't look at me like that," Vaati insisted. "I want the same as you. Blame the Goddesses."

"They had to have had a good reason to do this to you." Tovia sighed. "Why would they do it if you didn't do something wrong?"

"I'm sure I did, knowing me. I just can't remember the details." He frowned. "A thousand years of torment I remember, but the more I try to remember about my own life the less I actually can."

"What's an Octorok?"

"They're like these squid things that spit rocks. They're from a long long time ago."

"So that **_is _**where I got it from..." Tovia mumbled to himself. "I was wondering..." He sat up straight. "Are you going to keep messing with me?"

He shrugged.

"I need a verbal answer here so I know if it's safe to go find Lois. Yes or no?"

He groaned. "Fine! Whatever. I won't mess with your fucking head."

Tovia stood up and smiled. "Thank Nayru. Uh, come on, I guess." He lifted the door up and looked down the hall.

"I fucking hate ghosts."

"Lois, you hate everything."

"What was that, Link?"

"I said that you're amazing and I wish I could be like you."

"That's right you did."

He laughed and walked into the large room. "Hi, guys."

Lois grinned. "Hey, Tovs."

"What happened while I was gone?"

She pointed at the lone blue flame by the door. "Ghosts. We have to track down three ghosts to open this damn door."

"Fun..."

* * *

"What's with all the rope?" Lois asked as they stepped into the room. She looked the sword wedged in the ground up and down. Little papers were tied along the rope, each covered with ancient Hylian text.

"Maybe it was some religious thing?" Tovia suggested.

Link drew out the Master Sword. "I don't know why it's tied down, but, might as well cut the ropes off."

"Why?" they both asked.

"Why not?"

"Because if you do, a trap could come undone," Vaati reasoned. "Or an alarm can go off. Or you could just plain die. But hey. Chop at your own discretion."

"Link, that's probably not a good ide-" Tovia sighed. "Too late."

The rope burst into flames and the sword rose up from the ground and into the air, swinging itself around.

Vaati raised an eyebrow. "Or, you know, it could come alive and attack you. It happens."

"Oh for the love of Nayru, how the hell are we supposed to fight a **_sword_**?" Lois complained.

"...Link... if we survive this... I think I'm going to kill you."

"How was I supposed to know it'd do that?" Link dodged a swing.

Lois shot an arrow towards the sword in vain. "Because it was fucking tied down by rope! How many swords are tied with rope?"

"I know some that aren't supposed to be used, but they're not tied up," Vaati pointed out.

Link yelped. "I'm sorry! I didn't know!"

"Does anyone have any ideas?" Tovia asked, throwing an energy orb at the sword.

"Abandon all hope?"

"Fight to the death?"

"Have mad, hot, passionate sex?"

"You three have the worst ideas." Tovia snapped his fingers. "Link! Turn into a wolf and use your senses to see if maybe there's a ghost behind this!"

"Okay, I'll try it." Link transformed into a wolf, centered in on an invisible target, and leapt at the sword. He bit into the air, ripping and tearing with his teeth. A figure appeared as he jumped back.

It tried to shake off the pain and circled around the room. Lois, however, shot at it with her arrows. It fell to the ground, stunned, open for an attack.

Tovia held his sword and struck its head. But the figure just rose again and turned invisible; the same system repeated twice more.

After those rounds, sunlight filled the room when the monster froze, then erupted into a swarm of flies that flew out of the room.

"Show off," Vaati muttered.

"That was it?" Lois asked. "...That was pretty lame. He didn't even bother fighting back."

Link shrugged. "You'd be surprised."

Tovia put his sword away. "So what next?"

"You don't really think we're done, do you?" Lois laughed. "What did you call these guys, Link?"

"Mini-bosses, cause... yeah..."

"So that _wasn't _it?" Tovia groaned. "What do we have to do _now_?"

"Find a big fucking key and a big fucking locked door."

"Let's just get it over with. I'm starting to get tired from all of this fighting."

"_You're_ getting tired?" Link asked. "I've been fighting more than you have."

"This is my first time, though! Not to mention I'm mentally exhausted." Tovia put his head in his hands. "And just a few days ago I had to fight you. That was _definitely_ not easy."

Link was lost in confusion. "This is my first time, too, but, what? I never fought you."

"Plus, you only won on a technicality," Vaati reminded him.

"It wasn't really you... It was somebody kind of like you. But I took care of him." Tovia grinned. "And all by myself."

"You're a big boy now." Lois snorted. "Can we get going? This place smells and I want to go home and sleep for a few hours."

"You're the one who told us to get up early," Link said.

"I had a valid reason." Lois defended herself.

"We could have left later." Tovia shrugged. "It would have been fine."

"Who knows? Maybe a further talk would have made us best buddies," Vaati suggested, leaning on Lois.

Tovia glared at Vaati. "I don't care if you're not really touching her, get away from Lois."

Link shook his head. "Okay, so, there's some guy in your head. How does that have anything to do with some invisible person touching Lois?"

"He's leaning against her right now. Not really... it's hard to explain."

"Hey, guy in Tovs' head, get the fuck off of me."

Vaati raised an eyebrow and smiled, but backed off. "Hey, it's like I exist or something."

"Can we just go? I don't want to talk about this right now."

Lois looked next to her as if she could see Vaati. "First, I want to know if he's off of me."

"Yes, Lois, he's off of you."

"Alright, let me set some ground rules here real quick. One, don't touch me, physically or mentally. The merchandise ain't cheap. Two, don't give Tovia too much trouble about me. Keep your comments to yourself."

Vaati raised his eyebrows. "Hey, it's like I exist or something," he repeated. "Fine, whatever. But dealbreaker if you ever say..." he paused in thought. "Eureka."

"...I doubt you ever will, but, don't say 'eureka', Lois."

Lois raised an eyebrow. "I'll keep that in mind."

Vaati grinned triumphantly.

"Okay! Let's get the fuck out of here!" She gave the boys a thumbs-up.

"These are all the little things that make me smile..." Vaati sang under his breath.

Tovia followed Link and Lois. "What did you say?"

"Me? I was just singing," Vaati told him.

"...Why?"

He looked at Tovia oddly. "Do I need a reason to sing? 'This is all the stuff that makes life worthwhile!'"

"I guess not?" Tovia hummed the tune to himself.

"Everybody knows the Holocaust was a lie, so let's sing about the things we like and don't be shy!"

"Wait, what was that about the Holocaust?" Tovia asked, confused.

"Stop being crazy and focus, Tovs. Link found the key so just be on the look out for a big door."

"Right, sorry."

Link glided across their path on the spinner. "I can't see where I'm goi-AAAH!" He toppled off of the spinner and landed in the dirt after running into a pole. "That thing is impossible to _navigate_!"

Lois laughed her ass off. "T-That was AWESOME!"

Tovia held his hand out to Link. "I'm sure you'll get the hang of it soon enough."

"I sure hope so. If this is anything like the previous dungeons, I'll need this... _thing _to defeat the boss."

"Maybe you should practice while looking for the door."

"How can I look for anything on that? I'm spinning around in circles, Goddesses help me if I need to aim at anything."

"I'm bored," Vaati commented.

"He's screwed." Lois snickered. "This is going to be fun to watch."

_Then go to sleep or something._

"Who needs sleep? Well, you're never gonna get it," Vaati told him. "Who needs sleep? Tell me, what's that for?"

_It's for you to get out of my hair. _Tovia nodded at something Link said. _Besides, it'll give you something to do for a couple of hours. Sleeping tends to pass time._

"Sleeping sucks."

_You have permission to do anything that will not involve me in any shape or form._

Vaati rolled his nonexistent eyes.

"Oh, wow, hey! Look!" Link carried the spinner awkwardly with one arm and pointed at a giant door with the other. "I spun the thingy in this thingy and the door went!"

"...So many wrong and horrible thoughts are running through my head. Link, please don't say thingy ever again." Lois begged.

Vaati snickered.

Tovia blushed. "Lois..."

"I can't help it! Blame him! Goddesses, Tovs, you are such a prude."

"She's telling the truth, you know," Vaati pointed out.

She poked his forehead. "Sex is just a part of nature. Reproduction. It isn't something to be embarrassed about."

Midna appeared from Link's shadow. "As much fun as this conversation is, we have to find those mirror shards fast. Come on, Link, go fight the boss."

"What about us?"

"I think it's better we stay out here, Lois. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm not going to get hurt, Tovs."

"I almost got killed by Stalkins. This is a boss."

Vaati stepped in front of him. "But, that time, you had me holding you back."

Tovia walked through him. "Next time, okay?"

She crossed her arms and grumbled. "Fine."

Vaati grinned, which was a pointless gesture because he wasn't visible to Tovia or himself at the moment. "Aw, is widdw Lois sad? Give widdw Lois a cookie."

"Shut up, Vaati." he ordered.

Lois leaned against the wall. "Luck, Link."

"Yeah, best of luck, you big fucking Hero. Hope you die." Vaati appeared in Tovia's line of sight and waved at Link.

"Vaati!"

"What? I'm not allowed to hold a grudge? It's no secret I hate that guy."

"No grudges." Tovia rubbed his head. "Dear Din, it's like dealing with a little kid..."

"No grudges? Ha." Vaati shook his head. "If I knew exactly what he did to me, I'd tell you, and you'd hate him too."

"Yeah, well, you don't, so keep quiet."

He looked at Tovia irritatedly.

"Well." Link looked between Lois and Tovia, the latter of whom was talking to himself, and waved. "See you on the other side." With that, he used the key to open the huge door, then stepped inside. The door shut heavily behind him.

* * *

A/N Hocus pocus? Open seasoner?


	18. Chapter 17

A/N: Hey, remember how I said I'd take down the doc on the 29th? I lied. XD

* * *

Lois grabbed an apple out of her pack and began to eat, watching Tovia silently.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Tovia closed his eyes. "Can't you just go away for ten minutes?"

Surprisingly enough, he wasn't talking to her; invisibly, and nonexistently, Vaati crossed his arms, glowering inches from Tovia. "I'll have you know that I've been silent for a thousand years," he responded. "Trapped. While other people went about their boring-as-grass business. I don't think I will 'just go away for ten minutes'."

"I'm just asking for ten minutes. What's wrong with that? It's not like I can do anything big in ten minutes."

He shook his head. "I can't sit still." he admitted. "At least doing the projection is using up some of my energy. Do you know just how kind I've been to you recently? I haven't had a decent fuck in days."

Tovia cringed. "You're going to stop using my body for that. You'll have to wait until we can fix this and get you your own body back."

"Don't you get it? I can't _wait_ any more." The projection paced across the floor. "Waiting, waiting, that's all I ever do is sit and wait."

"Well you're going to have to sit and wait some more."

He clenched his nonexistent fists and glared at Tovia. "Be grateful," he said forcefully, "that your life is a _smidgen_ more interesting than the others." He walked toward the back of the room.

Tovia sat down next to Lois. "Can I have an apple?" he asked, breathless. Arguing with Vaati could take a lot out of any sane person.

"_Can I have an apple_?" Vaati mocked, so silently (and pointlessly) that even Tovia didn't hear him.

She outstretched her hand to him. "Here, eat up."

"Thanks." He bit into the apple.

"What was that all about?" She looked up at the ceiling. "You sounded pretty pissed."

"It was nothing. Don't worry about it."

Vaati scoffed. "'Don't worry about it'? Sure as hell I'm gonna worry about it. I won't sit around for you to die and get my prison back."

Lois tossed her core down the hall. "So what's his name?"

"Whose name?" Tovia stopped mid-bite.

"The guy. You didn't tell me his damn name."

"Oh, uh, it's Vaati."

"...Vaati... hm..." she chuckled. "Hey, Tovs, you're one letter away from Vaati."

"That's not funny," he said with a straight face.

Vaati laughed.

"Oh, yes it is. Lighten up." She nudged him in the arm.

"Lois, it's really not that funny," Tovia argued.

Vaati's laugh increased.

"Stop laughing so much, I said it isn't funny!"

"Ha ha! Tovia! Little lying Tovia! It is _so_ funny how you can so blatantly ignore how similar we are!"

"We're not similar at all!"

"...I probably shouldn't have said anything..." Lois mumbled quietly.

"No, Lois, no, take pride in yourself," Vaati told her pointlessly. "Tovia needs to grow up and face facts. We're the same, really! I knew it, of course, but now, I recognize it, I swear - he's doing the same exact thing I'd be doing if I was him and Link was me."

Tovia stood up and walked over to him. "I'm _nothing _like you."

"Really? That's funny. Whose dick was fucking that girl a few days ago, huh?"

"It wasn't me! It was you!" Tovia shouted. "I'm not you!"

"Oh, you're right, I'm sorry. I must have been talking about the _other_ reincarnation of me that I'm currently trapped in."

"Don't use sarcasm on me. This isn't the moment to be a bastard."

"Oh, is it? Is it _really_? Because if this isn't the moment to be a bastard, then surely, I shouldn't do _this_!"

All at once, a loud, high-pitched ringing pierced Tovia's skull. "**_STOP__!_**" he shouted, gripping his head. "Fuck!"

"What's wrong?" Lois called out.

"Make it stop!" His fingers dug into his skull, but the ringing only increased. He couldn't hear himself scream. "Just stop! Vaati! I'm sorry! Stop it! Somebody stop it!"

Lois wrapped her arms around him. "Tovia, relax. I'm here. Stop whatever the fuck is going on, the both of you!"

For a few moments, Tovia was panting, wholly unaware of his being held by his best friend, gripping his head as though it were about to explode. Then, suddenly, he went limp, putting most of his weight against Lois. She stumbled, trying to even herself out. "Shit..." She dragged him back to the other side of the room. "Tovs, wake up. Come on, Tovs..."

He smiled and nestled closer to her.

She sighed and held him closer. "Are you alright?"

"Of course I am," he said, relaxed. "You're very comfortable."

"Huh?" Lois brushed some hair out of her eyes. "Tovs...?"

"Mm. Sexy boob time."

She let go of him. "Vaati."

He grinned at her - a wide, toothbearing grin that Tovia would never use.

Lois stood up. "Alright, what the fuck did you do to him?"

He shrugged. "Oh, not much, I just killed him."

"You're lying." Lois growled.

"Of course I'm lying, you bitch," he said in a menacing version of Tovia's voice. "He was saying mean things. So I put him in his place."

She shuddered. "Tovia's not the sharpest knife... cut him a break."

"How? He's not sharp enough to cut anything!" He laughed at his own lame pun.

"What the fuck happened?"

"I did some thinking is what happened," he responded. "I thought, I can't sit around and wait for someone to kill Tovia. Because I'll never get this chance again. I'll get reincarnated, and by the time I can walk, the twilight, Link, you, whatever the catalyst is, it'll be gone. So I've got to take life by the horns."

Lois stared at him and took a deep breath. "...Fine. Just don't hurt him."

"Hurt him? Ha! He's me, didn't you know that? But, the thing about Tovia is, he's a... good-intentioned boy, huh? As long as he's got something to fight for, he'll fight me like a bull. And if I'm perfectly honest, I can't stand against him forever."

"He's stubborn." Lois grinned.

"Yeah. All hail Tovia." He chuckled. "But. So. How can I win? I can't. He's too strong. Plus, this is his body. He's kind of got dibs."

Lois shrugged. "You really can't. But maybe there's a way to get your own body back? I mean, are you even sure Tovia's you?"

"Of course I am." He waved a hand. "And maybe, somewhere out there, we'll find the magic crystal ball that'll turn me back and zippidy-do-dah, everything's perfectly fine. Or, I can get Tovia where it hurts now, and be on my merry."

"Or you can just leave us the hell alone." Lois backed away.

He slowly advanced, backing her into a corner. "Or not."

Tovia leapt for Lois, catching her by surprise and wrapping his fingers around her throat.

"L- Let go of me-!" she choked out, struggling against him.

He grinned as she struggled. This was... this was like having sex after abstaining for months. He felt her writhe beneath him, but only pressed into her throat harder.

Her kicks began to stop. "T-Tovs- please." She looked up at him, frightened.

Slowly, Tovia's wide grin began to fade into a look of frustrated anger. His arms were shaking and he was losing his grip on her.

Lois gasped for breath, pushing herself against the wall.

He shouted, Tovia's voice sharp with fury. "No! No, you can't-" He pushed his arms downward as much as he could. They shook violently, and reached back to grasp at his chest.

Lois dropped to the floor, wheezing.

Tovia crumpled to his knees, his entire body shaking. "No, no, no, don't you ruin this, don't you fucking ruin this!" His crossed arms dug their fingers into his chest.

"Tovia-!" Lois croaked, a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh, root, root, root for the home team, you bitch! Gah!" Despite his tremors, the Hylian rose to his feet. The world tilted on its side, and he couldn't tell where he was facing precisely; but he ran with all the power left in him, tilting forward and using his loss of balance to run farther, faster. Tovia's shoes hit stone and slipped against sand in his mad effort to run.

_You tried to kill Lois! _Tovia shouted. _What did she ever do to you, you bastard?_

"Of course I tried to kill Lois! What would I do? What do I do? Sit and wait and sit and wait and sit and fucking wait I can't do it anymore! I can't! I want my life, I want my fucking life, and I'll wrench it from as many cold, dead fingers as I can find!"

_I'm never going to let you get it! It's** my **life! You had a chance!_

"A chance? A chance? I had a fucking chance? A thousand years, a thousand fucking years! Aaaagh!" He stumbled and hit his sore shoulder against a stone wall, then slipped and nearly fell into a quicksand hole. Shuddering, he crawled to his feet. "Fuck, not now, not after everything."

_She was going to help you! Lois was going to help** you**._

"Help? Help me? Help the poor innocent Minish boy, help me, help me, why don't you fucking help me, NO! I can-" His teeth grit together for a few moments and he squinted, trying to pry them apart. "I can-"

_You can what?_

"I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO DO!" he shouted, his voice breaking. "I can take, I can make, I can break, I can have whatever I want whenever I want it, I can, you can, if- argh!"

_I'm not like you! I don't want any of that! That isn't me!_

"Just imagine! If - you - if -" he gritted his teeth. "If we, teamed up, we'd - It wouldn't - You're -!" He twisted and fell; his back hit the floor heavily. He could no longer control most of his movements, jerking around wildly against the stone.

Tovia clenched his fists. "Get it through your thick head, Vaati. I'm not like you. I have never been like you."

"One! One, you have one weakness, like I did, you're just like I did, just the one, take it, take it, take it..." His breathing was labored.

"Take what?"

"God, I don't fucking know. I'm out of my mind." His back arched, fists still clenched against his will. "What-if- what- if- Lois- Just wait! Just you fucking- kill her-!"

"I'd never kill Lois! I'd rather die!"

His back hit the stone floor, hard, and tremors shook his whole body, but Vaati found no power to move it.

"No, you couldn't, you wouldn't, you _mustn't_, you'd die, you'd rather die, you'd rather - you'd - you _think_?" -he shouted, and with the last of his effort, continued in a mad rage- "Beige, beige, beige fucking hands! I can't- There's something, there's always fucking something! Go into the forest, you _change_, you melt, powerful, weak, left, right, twisting, _twisting, __TWISTING!_"

Tovia struggled to get onto his feet, shuddering still; he was wildly off-balance and clutched onto the stone wall, climbing it like a mountain with his hands. "You're insane."

"I am insane... I'm out of my fucking mind... You'd die? You think you'd rather _die_? SO DID I!"

He stumbled, the world shaking. His hands slipped against the precarious rock and he crumpled to the floor again. "I'd do anything to keep her alive." Tovia glared off ahead. "I'd do anything to keep her safe from you."

"I'd never kill her! I'd give my life for her! I'd die! I'd protect her! I'd kill anyone, anyone... Dear, dear, Lois, dear Lois, dear..."

_I used to think that..._

Tovia's vision went black.

* * *

"Fuck, he just had to run off." Lois had her arms wrapped around her as she searched for Tovia, one hand resting on her throat, which felt, suitably enough, like it'd been strangled. "Where is he...? Damn it. Link?" she called out, her voice so hoarse she felt she might lose it. "Is he down that hall?"

Link nodded despite the fact that she couldn't see him. "Oh my Farore..." he whispered. "Lois, get over here!"

She ran towards him and gasped, forgetting entirely about her creaking throat. "Is he breathing?"

"He's alive." Link brushed sand off of Tovia. "He doesn't look like he's in good shape, though."

Lois ran a hand over one of his many cuts. "I don't think a potion can fix him up."

"Then let's warp out of here and get him help."

She nodded quietly and squeezed Tovia's hand. "It'll be okay, Tovs..."

"Kakariko or Castle Town?" Link asked.

"Castle Town. Renado's already got enough on his plate, and if anything happens we can just pass him off as a nut we picked up."

"I don't think I'll ever understand your logic, Lois."

* * *

Tovia stirred in his sleep. "Cassandra..." He opened his eyes groggily before rubbing at them and sitting up. "How did I get home?" The Hylian tried to stand up but ended up falling back down onto the bed, sore and achey all over.

"Did I dream that all up?" He rubbed his head. "The twilight... Vaati... Link... was it all just a big dream?"

_Ha! Dream. Good one._

He moaned. "Damn it. You're still here." Tovia sat back up again and looked down at himself. He was wearing a white cotton shirt and black pants. "What am I wearing? ...Okay, who changed my outfit?"

_Hey, don't look at me._

"You're up already?" Lois opened his door. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better..." He looked away from her.

"I just came to leave a note, but, uh, I guess I might as well tell you in person. I'm going to Lake Hylia with Link." Lois yawned. "We have to head up to Snowhead, so, I'll be a while..."

"Just you two?"

"Well, you're in no shape to come with us. Just fucking relax or something."

Tovia carefully got out of bed and swayed on his feet. "No, I can go. Just give me a few minutes to get changed."

Lois pushed him back down. "You're not coming. I'm not letting you get yourself killed. Don't worry, okay? I'll be fine. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself."

"Lois, you almost died..."

"But I didn't. So, ha." Lois stuck her tongue out. "If I need help, I've got Link."

_She only almost died because I almost killed her. And I'm you. So you going is still a bad idea. Your logic sucks._

Tovia sighed. "Just be careful."

She saluted him. "Yes sir!" She opened the door back up and looked over her shoulder. "By the way, your boyfriend says to get better soon."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Boyfriend?"

"Who do you think changed you?" Lois scoffed before shutting the door behind her.

_You don't think Link changed us, do you? _Vaati asked, spite in his thought-voice.

_I can't think of anyone else. _Tovia thought, scared. _Dear Nayru... why did he have to change my outfit?_

_I guess you and I just have a rough love that's physically detrimental. It happens._

Tovia stood up and opened the door, slowly making his way downstairs. "I need to get out of this... just the thought of _Link _getting me dressed... ugh..."

_And I thought I was the one with the obscene hatred for him._

"I don't hate Link. It's just disturbing to think of him getting me dressed. He's a _guy_. The only person who should get me dressed is me." Tovia shook his head and found his tunic on a table. There were multiple rips in the cloth. "Damn it! I really liked this outfit..."

He tossed it back down before opening his door and walking outside. "It's a miracle, you're actually pretty quiet..."

_Don't count on it._

"That was quick..." He turned towards Telma's.

Hey, let's get drunk!

Tovia grinned. "Not on your life. I'm just going to get something to eat."

Suddenly, Tovia noticed that Vaati was walking beside him down the street.

"What are you doing?" Tovia glanced at him.

"Sue me, I'm bored," he replied. "There are other ways I could amuse myself... but this is the kindest alternative." He looked around at the city. "She's hot," he said, and pointed to a girl in the distance.

Tovia ignored his comment. "Fine, you can stay out." He opened the door to the tavern. "Hi Telma."

"Hello, honey." Telma wiped the counter. "What brings you here alone?"

He smiled shyly. "Hungry... I can't cook."

Vaati's eyes - and, very, very slightly, Tovia's as well - grew wide as he walked toward the bartender. "Damn! Look at the breasts on HER."

He blushed, looking away. _Shut up!_

Vaati pushed hair out of his face. "You're a pansy for not thinking that."

_I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. _Tovia sat down in a corner by himself. _Who's Cassandra? _He randomly asked. _I had a dream about a girl named Cassandra._

"Cassandra?" Vaati sat on the table. "Sounds familiar. But I'm not sure." He shrugged.

Tovia laid his head on the table. _You said something about a Cassandra yesterday, too. _He pointed out. _About the cat and what she said?_

"I did?" Vaati asked. "I don't remember saying anything about a cat."

_Your cat went into a bag and when it walked out she said "I guess the cat's out of the bag." And then you made me laugh and wake up Lois. _Tovia looked up at him.

"Oh, yeah! I remember that story..." He thought about it, staring into space.

_So who is she?_

He shook his head. "I'm trying to remember. The cat was hers... I didn't like cats. I think we lived together..." He clenched his hallucinated teeth. "I can't remember anything. Damn those goddesses!"

Tovia looked off. _She was nice in the dream. I think you liked her. _He glanced at Vaati and laughed. _Oh Din... you... you actually liked someone!_

He laughed harder, beginning to get stares.

Vaati shot him a cold look. "It's possible, dumbass. What did she look like?"

_Why should I tell you? You've caused a lot of trouble. I don't think I should give you a description._

The cold look grew colder for a moment, then Vaati turned away, nonchalant. "You're the one that asked."

_But I didn't ask what she looked like. I knew that already. _Tovia smirked up at him. _You're actually pissed at me, aren't you?_

"It would just be nice to remember anything about my life." He looked at his fingers. "Anything besides how I looked."

Tovia watched him. _She had burgundy hair._

As he thought about her, a stream of images flitted through both of their minds; a young woman with long, burgundy hair and a sweet face. In most of the images, she was smiling and wearing a purple dress. But in a few short clips, she was crying. Vaati was so surprised he forgot for a moment about the projection, and the Vaati on the table flickered from existence.

Tovia blinked, not sure how to react. "That... That was Cassandra..." _Are you still here?_

"Yeah, of course," he said, the projection propping up again. "That was weird."

_There's been worse. _Tovia thought back to his prolonged hallucination on Death Mountain, which he'd been so convinced of he'd tackled Lois to the floor in an attempt to evade it. _I looked like an idiot..._

"Oh, yeah," Vaati remembered. "I... may have done that..." He paused in thought. "Not purposefully, though."

Telma strode over to his table with a plate of meat and a potato.

_If that's your way of apologizing, apology accepted. _Tovia sighed. "Thanks, Telma." He handed her a yellow rupee for the meal and began to eat. _You should apologize about something else, though..._

Vaati knew precisely what Tovia was talking about, and stared adamantly into space.

_"I'm sorry, Tovia, for trying to kill your best friend. Could you ever forgive me?" "Sure, Vaati. Just promise to watch yourself from now on and maybe we can work something out." _Tovia thought sarcastically.

"It was a perfectly legitimate theory," he said.

_I don't care if it was legitimate. You tried to kill my best friend. This isn't your life. You have no right._

"I don't have _any_ rights, Tovia. I'm a convict. Don't you see that?" He got off of the table and crossed his arms. "It's a man-eat-man world out there. I tried to steal my life back, since obviously that's the only way I'm gonna get it."

_There's always another way. I'm sorry, but, this is** my** body, **my**__ life. I've told you before, I'm not you_. Tovia frowned. _I'm just Tovia._

Vaati rolled his eyes. "They all have lives," he told him. "Every person I've ever met, whether or not I ended up killing them, they all had lives, and I didn't care because I was only thinking about myself. That's the only way I can get out of this, is by thinking about myself. If I think about you, or about Lois, I'll never escape." He let out a dry laugh. "And I've gone so long without my own body I almost forget what it feels like."

_What if I was you? Then how could you think about yourself?_

He heaved an exasperated sigh. "I don't think you quite get what I mean by that. I mean..." He paused. "Imagine that you went forward in time and met yourself. You would be the same person but you might have different, I don't know, mannerisms or hobbies. Maybe you act entirely different. You'd still think of yourself as separate from your future self, wouldn't you, even though technically you're the same person."

_So you're going to step over anyone that gets in your way just so you can have your body back. _Tovia looked away from him. _You're never going to get it back. I'll fight until the day I die._

He rolled his eyes. "It was an idea."

_A bad idea. _Tovia commented. He stood up and pushed his chair in. "Thanks again, Telma. How about some beer?" Tovia covered his mouth. _What are you doing?_

"Sure thing, honey."

_I'm trying to get you to relax._

_I don't need to relax! I'm fine!_

_How can you relax when you haven't enjoyed alcohol within the past six months?_

_I don't need alcohol! I don't like alcohol, _Tovia protested.

"Oh, I'm sure," Vaati's projection continued sarcastically, stepping back into view.

"Telma, don't worry about the beer. It was only a joke..." he laughed nervously.

Vaati shook his head dispassionately. "Jeez, Tovia."

Telma raised an eyebrow. "Of course."

_What? Why are you looking at me like that?_

"How do you relax?"

_Read a book at home? Talk to Lois? Sleep?_

He scrunched his nose. "That sounds boring."

_Maybe to you. Why do you want to drink so much anyway? Alcohol tastes so disgusting, ugh... and then people do such stupid stuff._

He looked at him. "You have _had_ beer, haven't you? Besides being delicious, it gives you a buzz that just throws all your cares out the window." He rested his head in his hands.

_I seriously doubt that. _Tovia crossed his arms.

"But have you had vodka? Damn, talk about side effects."

_I've only tasted Lois' beer once and it was **disgusting**. Alcohol is just gross._

Vaati shook his head. "How am I related to you?"

_We're just not._

"Stop denying it. The Goddesses _told_ me I'd be trapped in reincarnations. You saw it, too."

_I did? When?_

"Remember? The visions the spirit showed you." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. You're too gay to be related to me."

_I'm not gay! _Tovia glared at him. _Quit saying that! Everybody thinks I'm gay! You, Lois, the whole resistance! Why is it that everyone I meet thinks I'm gay?_

"Because you're too chicken to even try a glass of beer."

_Fine! I'll prove it to you! _Tovia turned back to the bartender. "On second thought, I'll have a beer." _There! Satisfied?_

Vaati didn't hide his smug smile.

Tovia grabbed the mug and nodded. "Bottoms up."

He laughed.

Tovia downed the contents of the mug and gagged. He had to force himself to keep from spitting it out. _See? I can drink alcohol if I want to. _He stood up and stumbled before tripping over his feet and into a chair.

Vaati laughed. "Wow, you are such a lightweight."

He kept himself seated and blinked. _Hey!_

He whistled and the projection grew a little sloppy. "Damn, really... I miss this."

Tovia stared at him. "You look funny." he laughed loudly.

Telma watched Tovia. "He's one of _those _drunks..."

"I wasn't entirely positive that getting you drunk would get me drunk... but I was right."

"I'm drunk not."

"After one drink, I'd be inlc..inclined to believe you, but, damn."

He grinned at him. "You're ta... ta... tacking funny."

"_I'm_ talking funny?" The projection went fuzzy for a moment, then came back. "You're the one who said I was 'tacking'."

Tovia looked at him and laughed. "I wa... want some more."

"Tell her, not me," Vaati reminded him.

"Can I hav... have more?"

"Uh... sure..."

"See? What'd I tell you? Alcohol good." He gave a wiggly thumb up.

"A-huh." Tovia nodded quickly. He giggled when Telma set the beer down in front of him.

"Damn! You're acting like me."

Tovia spilled some down the front of his shirt as he drank. He set the half-empty mug down. "I'm s...s...s...seepy."

"You kidding? You're actually _that_ lightweight?" Even as he spoke, Vaati felt the same effects. His projection was getting more sloppy; he looked more like a generic purple drone with a cape.

"Can I seep?" Tovia rested his head on the table.

"Nlot here. Try glowing back to your plalce."

Tovia tried to stand up but fell to the ground. He snuggled up. "I... I wanna seep."

"Oh, and play flirlst."

After a while, Vaati realized Tovia wasn't moving.

_...Tovia?_

There wasn't a reply. Damn. He'd really fallen asleep.

Vaati opened Tovia's eyes. Being on this side of the lightweight caused an even stronger effect; he very nearly went to sleep himself. He called Telma over and brought some money out of his pocket. He couldn't tell the rupees apart; he would have shoved a handful into her hand if it weren't for their helpful colors.

"Thanks, Te-" he frowned. "Te... Tema."

"You're welcome, honey... do you need some help home?" Telma picked him up.

He shook his head and the world swam, but he wasn't in much position to argue. The whole point of taking over Tovia was so that he _wouldn't_ fall asleep in a bar and be carried home. That was not a fun thing to do. "I can do it," he attempted to say.

Telma sighed. "Someone take this young man back to his house. Free drinks for the rest of the night if you do it."

A guard stood up and grabbed Tovia's arm. "I'll escort him back, ma'am."

And by a _palace guard_ no less. This was not a good night.

"Get some sleep, honey." Telma waved to Tovia.

"Come on, kid." The guard began to pull him outside of the tavern. "Where do you live?"

Oh, fuck. Where did Tovia live?

"Can't remember?" he sighed. "What a lightweight... Alright, just tell me which way looks right."

"Fat way," Vaati guessed.

He roughly pulled him down the path. "Any of these look familiar?"

"Um. Fis way?"

"You don't even know where we're going, do you?"

"Of course I do," he said, affronted, and tried not to fall over.

The guard let go of him. "Then go find it yourself."

He tried harder not to fall over.

He gave him a kick and turned back towards the tavern. "Luck, kid." the guard laughed.

_Wozzit I miss? _Tovia asked, slurring slightly even in thought.

"You're drunk off your ass and I'm trying to get you home."

_No I'm n... not. I'm fine! I can... I can get us home._

"Which way, then?" He turned to look down the narrow streets, but they swam in his vision.

_Uh... that way? _Tovia had no clue where they were going. _Um... that way! Yeah. That way._

The Hylian boy walked blindly and disquietly down the indicated direction.

_...Are we home yet? _he whined.

"I... I don't think so..." he said, blinking. It was colder all of a sudden, and he heard water. "I fink... wrong turn." He turned around and after the world righted itself, the wooden door shut. He opened and closed his mouth, then turned back to the outdoor scene. "I want shrimp," he commented.

There was the sound of bones clanking together and the ground shifted; in the distance, skeleton wolves clawed their way from beneath the dirt, letting loose mournful roars.

_Oh! Doggies! I like doggies._

"No, Tovia. Bad doggies. These are very bad doggies."

_Aww..._

The stalhounds spotted Tovia and growled. Slowly, they advanced forward.

"Why do vese guys sing-aaah." He blinked. "Why do vese guys a... aways sing- damn it! Tovia, what is wrong wif you?"

Tovia mentally shrugged. _Can we play with the doggies?_

They prepared to pounce.

"No. No, we can't pay wif de doggies." He backed up against the door, swallowing, and felt for a doorhandle of some sort. But, of course, castles were made to be protected against the outside. There were no doorhandles.

_You're no fun. Meanie._

"I'm trying to save our ... our skin." He looked for an exit. "If we pay wif de doggies, we... we wood die."

_Okay._

The dogs pounced.

Instinctively, Vaati put Tovia's arms in front of his face. A strong blast of wind burst from him, and the Stalhounds were pushed back mid-air.

He paused, shocked. For a moment, he'd forgotten he had magic.

A few dissipated into black smoke while others slowly got up to their feet. They wasted no time and attacked once more.

This time, he leapt into the air - and stumbled, and almost fell - and just barely dodged the attack. If he were sober, he'd have escaped unharmed. But as it was, he flew haphazardly and too fast; he rubbed against the castle wall, got caught in a tree, then landed on the grassy floor a little while away.

A few feet away from the impromptu landing site, the ground rumbled again and claws dug their way out of the dirt.

_Oh! More doggies! Can we play with these doggies, Vaati?_

He gritted his teeth and stumbled as he rose to his feet. "Damn it, Tovia! Coud you grow up for a minute and reaize that we're in ife-dreatening danger here?"

_But... but I wanna play with the doggies._

"Goddamn it, Tovs!" He hit a tree, surprising himself. The dogs advanced on him, and he scrambled toward the woods. He glanced up and saw the forested canopy. "Maybe-!" With the dogs hot on his tail, he gripped bark and attempted to climb a nearby tree.

The dogs scratched against the tree, attempting to climb up after him. They snarled and their jaws snapped, hoping to bite him before he ascended too far. Somehow, he managed to get into a sturdy branch without too much hardship.

"So much for resting," he commented.

Tovia yawned against his will. "Can we go to seep now?"

He attempted to find a way to lie in the branches without falling, and after fifteen minutes of slurred, slipping hardship, he found one. Then, wordlessly, they both succumbed to slumber.

* * *

Tovia moaned as the light hit his eyes. "Ugh, five more minutes..." He fell out of the tree and roughly onto the ground. "Ow! Shit! Ah, my head..."

_God! What a thing to wake up to! Fuck! I was sleeping!_

_So was I. _Tovia craned his neck to see where he had fallen out of. "...Why was I in a tree?"

_You don't remember? I suppose I'm not surprised._

_I can't remember anything. Last night was a total blur._

_...It didn't go very well,_ Vaati summarized.

_I feel sick. _Tovia covered his mouth.

_Good news: I successfully got you drunk. Bad news: You're a horrible drunk._

Tovia ignored him and emptied his stomach's contents. _How... How bad was it?_

_Drink some water._

Tovia figured it was best to listen to him. Vaati seemed to know what he was talking about when it came to alcohol. He drank some water from a nearby stream and wiped his mouth. _How bad was I? Did... Did anything... happen?_

_Nothing that was entirely your fault. We couldn't remember where you lived and got locked outside._

He sighed with relief. "Thank Din... I was worried. So... wait... why were we in a tree?"

_Tovia, we were locked outside. At night._

"Oh," He blushed, embarrassed not to get it at first. "Right..."

_You know what? I'm gonna take a siesta. This headache is giving me a headache. Congratulations, jackpot, goodbye._

"A what?" Tovia began to walk back to Castle Town. "...Are you leaving? Vaati? Vaati? Hello? Hyrule to Vaati? Did you leave?"

Tovia shook his head and focused on getting home.

* * *

"A fucking pumpkin?" Lois kicked the empty chest. "WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS?"

"Lois, calm down," Link said. "Getting mad won't help anyone."

She pointed her bow at him. "I beg to differ, tights boy!" She kicked him hard in the shin.

"Farore!" Link swore, clutching his leg.

"Come on, punching bag." she growled out, stomping away from him. "I'm going to give that Yeti bitch a piece of my mind."

"Please don't kill an old, sick woman," Link said, and prevented himself from grabbing her arm. "Come on. Let's just find the mirror shard."

She stopped and bowed. "Lead the way, your majesty." Lois teased.

Link cast her a look, but took the lead anyway. A few moments passed in what he perceived as blissful silence.

"You think he'll be okay?" she suddenly asked, peering at him. "Maybe we should have taken him with us..."

"Tovia?" Link asked, and shook his head. "I don't think so."

She rubbed her neck. "It wasn't his fault."

"No," he said carefully, "but he's still dangerous. He and... what was it? Vaati?"

"Vaati, yeah... But it's Tovs, Link. He wouldn't hurt a fly. Monsters don't count here."

"He and Vaati should work out their differences before something like that happens again."

"They're stubborn." Lois grumbled. "Think about it. It's like... imagine if there were two of me."

Link stopped.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You're supposed to say that it'd be wonderful if there were two of me."

"You're a perfectly wonderful person to be around and I can only wish there were more of you." He returned to walking, rubbing the end of his hat between his fingers.

Lois followed after him. "Good job, bitch. Next time say it before I order you to."

He paused their speech uncomfortably for a moment. "So, what was your point about Tovia?"

"I just think we should have brought him with us. I mean, it's Tovia... he's perfect bait for trouble."

"You want more trouble?" Link asked confusedly.

She whacked the back of his head. "I'm worrying over him, dumbass. Knowing him, he'll run into some weird cannibal tribe."

"Lois, he's safe in Castle Town."

"How are you so sure? You haven't known him your whole life."

Link sighed. "Well, we can't do anything about it now, can we? We're in the middle of Snowhead."

Lois grinned. "We could always head back and get him. Besides, we're not finding that mirror shard anytime soon here. An hour or so of not searching isn't gonna kill us."

He groaned. "We're in the middle of a mission here. We can't drop everything to go check on a boy who _might_ be in trouble even though he's surrounded by soldiers and guards and friends."

"We _can_ drop everything. That's the beauty of life. Procrastination, Link. Procrastination."

Midna let out a sarcastic laugh as she emerged from Link's shadow. "Are you kidding me?" she asked, hands on her hips. "Drop everything? Procrastinate? People are dying! _My _people are dying! We have to find these mirror shards as quickly as possible. Be grateful we even stopped at Castle Town to drop off your friend."

She glared and crossed her arms. "Fine. Don't blame me if you start to trip a lot, Link."

Link paused for a confused moment, then rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Come on."

* * *

Tovia's nap was long and well-deserved. His sleep in the trees hadn't been exactly restful, and his hangover hadn't exactly been relaxing, so to sleep in his _own_ bed with his _own _blanket - _without_ Vaati bothering him - was like heaven.

He should have known there was no such thing.

* * *

A/N: Ohohohohohohoho~...

So, there ya go. No clue if I'm going to do a double chapter thing for Christmas. We will see. :P If I don't, Merry Christmas! Happy New Years! Happy Kwanzaa Happy Hanukkah! x.x; I apologize if I spelt any other holidays wrong. It's almost 4 in the morning and my laptop's been extremely slow lately so I'm too lazy to look up any of the spelling. Oh, wait, spellcheck. X3 I wuv joo~.

Merry all that snashberries!


	19. Christmas Special Merry Christmas!

Disclaimer: When do I EVER own anything in my life?

A/N: So... :D Early Christmas Special. Just yesterday Kay and I started talking about Tovs and I talked about my new tablet and said I wanted to draw him in drag cause it'd be cute. Then she said "What if Tovia was a girl"? ...This has nothing to do with Christmas.

* * *

"What... did you do?" Tovia blinked. His voice was higher and he felt... lighter... in an area he didn't want to name.

"Holy breasts, Batman!" Vaati's voice exclaimed, laughing.

"What?" He nearly jumped. "What's wrong?"

They were standing in an unfamiliar forest, but that wasn't difficult; all forests, except for the confusingly unique Lost Woods, were similarly unfamiliar. They were in a clearing, and a short ways behind them was an odd pedestal topped with a red dome. They didn't seem to be paying this too much attention.

Vaati, on the other hand, was paying attention - to Tovia, doubled over in laughter.

Tovia watched him. "What the hell are you laughing about, Vaati? What happened?" He was not pleased with the purple haired man.

"It's not my fault, alright, don't look at me." He held his lavender hands up defensively, grinning.

"What isn't your fault? Vaati, just tell me what's going on! Dear Goddesses, what happened to my voice?"

"Nothing," Vaati insisted, then took a suggestive step forward and winked. "There's nothing at all wrong with your voice."

Tovia rubbed his throat. "Are you insane? It sounds weird."

"Of course not. I think it sounds..." He took another step forward. "Beautiful."

He took a step back. "Okay, what's wrong with you, Vaati?"

"Nothing. I'm completely harmless. After all, there's nothing wrong with a guy hitting on a girl in the middle of the woods, is there?"

"You've gone insane." Tovia decided. "Vaati, Lois isn't here and you are not flirting with her."

"I know, I know. What, you think I can't keep track of all the people around me? Come on, Tovia." He grinned again, a fang poking out over his lip.

Tovia rubbed his skinny cold arms. "Well then what are you going on about? There's no girls here!"

"Are there?" he asked, walking closer. He was now within an arm's reach of Tovia.

"Yes, there's no girls. I'm positive there aren't."

"Really?" He put a hand on Tovia's waist, which was much more slender than it had been an hour ago.

Tovia squeaked. "What are you doing?" he asked. "Vaati..."

"Because last I checked, men didn't have breasts."

"What?" Tovia looked down to find two very large bumps in his tunic. "W-What? H-H-How...? Tha-that... That doesn't make any sense!"

Vaati showed his teeth. "Want to have some fun?"

She slapped him across the face. "Are you insane? It's still me! I'm still a guy!"

He stumbled, clutching his cheek, but his smile didn't drop. "If you are, then prove it to me."

"How am I supposed to prove that!"

"Even if you're not anatomically correct, there are always things men are better at, aren't there? For instance, can you get somewhere without asking directions? Can you fix a broken-down carriage?"

"Vaati, I couldn't do those things before this happened."

"Oh, really?" Vaati mused. "Can you chop down a tree? Can you lead an army?"

Tovia glared at Vaati. "When have I ever been able to do that stuff, Vaati? Can't you just help me get back to normal? I don't want to be a girl the rest of my life! Besides, what about Lois?"

"What about Lois?" Vaati asked, then pulled Tovia into a strong, unbreakable hug. "We can share. Oooh, imagine how fun it would be, if all three of us-"

"Get off of me!" Tovia squirmed in Vaati's arms, panicking when she realized she'd lost some of her strength. "You're crazy and that is disgusting!" she shrieked.

He leaned his head against her, which was difficult, but he managed it anyway. "Of course, if you don't want to, all you have to do is get away from me."

She blushed. "I hate you so much, Vaati. Do you always have to make things so damn hard for me?"

"Yes."

"I..." She got an idea and kneed him in the crotch.

"Oh, dear Lord!" he exclaimed, and fell over.

Tovia grinned, crossing her arms. "That was really easy! I guess being a girl isn't so bad... I mean, I don't have to worry about that happening anymore."

"Fuck you, Tovia."

"How did this happen?" she demanded.

"Fuck if I know! You're the one pressing all those fucking buttons all the time, aren't you?" He got up onto his hands and knees.

"I keep bumping into them! It's not on purpose!"

There was some rustling in the forest to the side, and a voice echoed into the clearing. "Hey, Tovs, I got the tent out and-..." Lois stood just inside the clearing, staring at them. "Who the fuck are you and where's Tovia? Vaati, where did Tovs go?" she asked, looking at the Hylian on the grassy floor.

"She's right there." He gestured rudely at Tovia.

Tovia blushed. "I tripped into another button..."

Lois glanced at Vaati and then Tovia. "You have got to be fucking kidding me. Not only do I have to fucking worry about myself getting fucked by this pervert, now I have to worry about you getting molested?"

"Your concern is very touching," Vaati growled, finally getting to his feet, "but I think all Tovia's practice has paid off." He glared at her then went to find Link.

"What is he talking about?"

"Well... you know how you always hurt me when Vaati's in control?"

"You kicked him in the balls?"

"Yeah."

* * *

"So Tovia's a girl now?" Link stared at Vaati in disbelief. "...Is she better looking than Lois?"

He glanced around himself. "Promise not to tell Lois?"

Link nodded. "I want to live to see another day."

"Tovia's prettier."

"Wow... How... big?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I could guess... B?"

"That's big, right?"

He paused. "Not really, but her pros outweigh her cons."

"I call dibs on Tovia." Link sat down on a log. "You can get Lois."

Vaati's head whipped around. "What? I was there first! Tovia's mine!"

"No way! I don't want Lois! She's scary!" he shouted. "Besides, you and Lois get along!"

"But Tovia's adorable! Look, you can have Lois, she's skinny and tall, and you like long hair, right?"

"I like adorable! Besides, we'd look better together."

"But what about the fighting duo? You and Lois could tackle armies together."

"So could you and Lois. Anyway, she's scary, remember? She's worse than Midna."

"She's not so bad. Come on, you two look amazing together."

"Midna and me or Lois and me?"

"You and Lois. God, no one looks good with Midna..."

Link nodded. "It's true... I think it's that creepy grin." His eye twitched. "I first saw her in the dark. She gave me nightmares for weeks..." He shook his head, shivers going up his spine.

"So it's decided. I get Tovia and you get-"

"No way! I want Tovia!"

Tovia held the firewood in her arms. "What the... What the hell are you two talking about? I'm still a guy! I don't want either of you!" she exclaimed.

"Oh! There you are!" Link rushed off of his seat and grabbed the wood. "You shouldn't have to do so much work!"

"What the fuck?" Lois exclaimed. "I have to fight fucking monsters with you guys and she doesn't even-"

"Get out of the way!" Vaati shoved Link to the side. "Come on, Tovia, I made a tent for you." He pointed to a purple palace-looking canvas tent in the corner of the campsite.

She stared at the tent in surprise. "Why did you make me a tent? We hate each other, remember? And... Vaati... I'm still a guy..."

"I'll believe that when you prove it to me." He smiled. "Okay. There's a few rules to living in my tent: one-"

"Did anyone make me a tent?" Lois glared hard at Vaati. "I thought you said you were going to at least fucking help me after last night."

"What happened last night?" Tovia asked.

Vaati shrugged. "Oh, this and that. Lois, if you want to follow the rules, there's loads of space in there for you, too. Okay, rule one: If-"

Link pushed Vaati aside. "You don't have to follow his rules, Tovia! I'll make you a tent all for yourself next to mine!"

"Oh yeah? Is your tent magical and TARDIS-like?"

"What is wrong with you two?" She blinked. "Link, we're friends! Vaati, we hate each other."

The original female of the group tossed her wood on the ground. "Besides, I'm the one everyone's trying to fuck around here!"

"Yes, but -" Vaati pulled Link toward her. "Here, you two go have the time of your lives."

Lois growled. "I don't want to have sex with a skirt wearing asshole like Link!"

"Hey!"

"I wear a..." He looked around himself, then finished weakly, "..cape."

Tovia sighed. "Come on, Lois, I'll get your tent set up. I can sleep outside, I guess..."

"But what about my tent?" Vaati asked. "You haven't heard the rules yet -"

"I'm not sleeping with you!" Tovia yelled. "What point of I hate you don't you get, Vaati? Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean things are different. I'm still a guy inside."

He laughed. "Hate has nothing to do with sex!"

She slapped him again. "No! I've already lost my... whatever it's called because of you!"

"Virginity," Lois corrected.

"I've already lost my virginity because of you!"

Link stared at him. "What?"

Tovia blushed darkly. "He took over my body a lot and tricked girls in Castle Town."

"Well, that was your male virginity, wasn't it?" Vaati smirked.

"Farore, you're crazy. Why can't you just get it?"

He looked up to the sky, took a deep breath, then heaved a long, over-exaggerated sigh. "Oh, all right. I suppose I'll head back to my luxurious palace all alone, filled with soft pillows, warm fires, and all kinds of chocolate."

"Chocolate...?" Tovia shyly stepped away from Lois.

"I'm going to sleep outside with the wolves tonight all because of damn chocolate? You're all a bunch of fucking traitors."

"But if you're not going to sleep in my tent," Vaati continued as though no one had spoken, "I suppose I'll have to be all on my own in there, without sharing... not even the chocolate..." he glanced back at Tovia.

Tovia blushed. "I-I guess if you don't try anything... maybe we can work something out, right? I mean, I hate you, but, we've had a couple of okay times."

Vaati grinned. "Of course we can. Let's discuss under the nice, purple canvas, shall we?" He pulled one of the flaps, revealing a space that didn't seem to fit inside the tent's walls.

She slowly walked inside, cautious, looking around. "It's not so bad, I guess... You promise you won't touch me and be a creepy pervert like usual?"

"So long as we abide by the rules..." The flap shut behind them.

Lois stood next to Link. "You better fucking make my tent before I shoot an arrow up your ass."

He sighed and began to work. "Definitely worse than Midna," he muttered.

* * *

A/N: So, yeah, that's it! 8D We're weird girls. Anyway, if you liked it be sure to tell us in the reviews and we might continue it for a New Years Special. ALSO! Did you know that there's yaoi in the live interactive document? Yes, yes there is. ;D Be a good idea to check out, yaoi girls.

Here's some outtakes for you to enjoy! :D

* * *

"Nothing. I'm completely harmless. After all, there's nothing wrong with a guy hitting on a girl in the middle of the woods, is there?"

"You've gone insane." Tovia decided. "Vaati, we're not in the middle of the woods."

* * *

"How do you know you've ever been a guy?" he asked, entirely ignoring Tovia's distressed attempts to change the subject.

"I don't know, maybe the fact that you took my body out at night and had... that... with girls!"

"Well, I know I'm male, so that holds no water at all."


	20. BirthdaysNew Year Special!

Disclaimer: HOLY HIP HUGGERS, BATMAN!

A/N: :3 Kay found it~

So this is sort of inspired by Pet by A Perfect Circle. I heard it, thought "X3 I want to write Tovs and Vaati knowing each other as kids" and then got Kay to do my bidding with me. XD

This is pure crack. Wouldn't/can't happen.

* * *

Young Tovia and Lois, one 9 and one 10 years old, were always together, it seemed; they grew to depend on each other (or rather, Tovia grew to depend on Lois) for friendship. The week that young Lois went on vacation with her father was a week of desperation for the nine-year-old, but thankfully, he had an imaginary friend.

"Steal beer," he said.

"Mommy said that beer's for oder peepoh." He looked up at the man.

The imaginary friend sighed, then smiled down at Tovia. "You're right. You'll like it when you're older." He glanced out the window; it was dusk. Day three of Lois's absence.

Tovia looked out with him. "What's wrong? Are you sad, too, because Wowis is gone?"

"Sure, kid."

"I miss Wowis..."

Tovia's imaginary friend had a long purple cape, which he used at that moment to sweep around Tovia. "She'll be back," he promised.

"But Wowis said that she doesn't ike me tocking to you... so I can't tock to you when she comes back."

"I know. But we'll have fun in the future, just you wait." Tovia didn't notice the odd gleam in his friend's eye.

"Reawwy?" He smiled widely. "Wiw Wowis pay with us?"

His friend smiled back. Tovia fastened his eyes on one of his friend's teeth which seemed sharper than the others. "Of course she will."

"Maybe Wowis wiw be your friend, too!"

At that his friend only chuckled, watching as the sun faded beyond the horizon. "Maybe." Then he looked down at Tovia and just sat there for a few minutes, looking at the boy.

Tovia stared back at his friend, smiling innocently. He liked his imaginary friend. He'd tell him stuff his parents wouldn't tell him. "Wiw we _aw-ways_ be friends?"

"Of course we will." Then he knelt down next to Tovia. "Want to know a secret?"

"Yes pwease!"

He grinned, showing his odd teeth again. Then he tapped Tovia on the forehead. "You're special."

Tovia's eyes widened as he watched his friend. "Reawwy?"

"Really. I've had a lot of friends but none of them cared about me enough to see me."

"That's not nice!" he exclaimed. "They weren't nice friends!"

"No, they weren't." His friend's bright red eyes studied Tovia. "But I have you now, and we'll be friends forever, won't we?"

"Pr-... Pr... Pwomise!"

He put a hand on Tovia's shoulder, then stood back up onto his feet. "Isn't it bedtime?"

Tovia's smile went sour. "I don't want to go to bed..." he whined.

"It's fine," his friend promised. "Tomorrow will be one day closer to when Lois gets back."

He dived into the bed, pulling the blankets over his head. "Can you tew me a story?"

"Hmm," sighed his friend, who sat on the edge of his bed. "Alright, I can tell you a story."

"Thank you." He closed his eyes.

"Imagine a huge palace, at the very center of Hyrule. It has tall towers made of stone, soft, thick carpets all over the floors, and huge tapestries stretching all the way up to the ceiling."

"What's a ta... ta... tapestr... what's a tapestries?"

"A tapestry is a huge piece of cloth they hang on palace walls. They're sewn with huge, detailed pictures on them, sometimes a map, sometimes an epic battle."

"Okay..."

"In this palace lived a king, powerful and just. He ruled his kingdom with an iron fist, and all of his subjects loved him. He had a wife, the Queen, but she was very ill."

"That's sad... Did she get better?"

"Well, the King searched all over for this magical force called the Light Force. It was the only thing that would heal the Queen. He sent all of his soldiers out searching for it. But there was a small boy, a master thief and swordsman dressed in green, who was always one step ahead of the King and always stole the Light Force from its secret hiding places."

"B-But he got it back, right? The Queen got better and everyone wived happiwy ever after?"

He shook his head sadly, but Tovia didn't see it. "The thief stole the Light Force from the King's soldiers. They fought back, of course; there were huge battles, but the thief, a master fighter, always bested them. Eventually the King had no more soldiers and he set out after the criminal himself."

"The King got him! R-Right?"

The friend paused for a moment, and all Tovia could hear was the crickets outside his bedroom window. Then he said, "Yeah. Ask me about it in a few years."

Tovia pulled the blankets off of him and sat up. "Why are you wying?"

"Lying?" His friend looked at him. "Why would I do that?"

"You're wying! Everyone a-ways says 'they wived happiwy ever after'!"

The friend laughed. "Of course they did, Tovia. They lived happily ever after."

He smiled and relaxed. "Good. I wike happy endings."

Tovia's friend patted Tovia on the leg. "Goodnight, Tovia."

"Nighty night, Vaati." The little boy fell asleep without complaint.

* * *

A/N: That's right. Worship us.

I mean, what? (Puts Death Note aside)


	21. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Mmm, I love me some World's End Dance Hall.

A/N: x.x I was going to post the special but apparently about half of it just fucking got lost to the sands of ti- Oh, nevermind. Kay figured out how to get it back. See, this is why I shouldn't be in a document stressed, depressed, and exhausted. Things get deleted.

ANYANYWAY, here's the chapter I've been excited for and you guys probably have been, too. After the first line break, you should be fine. XD

* * *

**WARNING: THIS STORY IS RATED M FOR A REASON. WHILE THIS ISN'T THE WORST, REMEMBER, VAATI'S IN THIS. RUN FOR YOUR VIRGIN LIVES IF YOU ARE NEAR PARENTS. **

**Also may cause gas. **

* * *

He woke to suggestive moans. It took him a minute to realize that he himself was moaning.

Directly underneath him, he discovered, hot and damp with sweat, and pressed fully against him, locking her lips with his, was a fully grown, naked woman. His shock reached its peak when he realized they were locked in more places than one, and he felt unnatural feelings in unnatural places. His eyes widened, but for a few short moments, his body continued without his consent - he could feel the soft breast he held in his right hand, and the sweat on the back of her neck dripped onto his left, which was buried in her soft, black hair. His legs were wrapped around bedsheets, and he could feel the woman's legs wrapped around him. And in a very private place, he could feel a part of the woman's anatomy that he had certainly never seen before, which was hot, and wet, pressing the right things in the right places, and invoking a feeling he'd never felt before.

Tovia let out a yelp and threw himself away from the stranger, unlocking their lips and untangling their limbs, and landed on the floor. A chill settled over him, especially on his groin, separated as he was from his only source of heat; fluids landed on him, and when he looked in the wrong direction, he saw a part of him doing what he'd rarely seen that part of him doing before. He trembled fiercely, partly from the cold, and partly from the sheer terror of what he'd just been forced to do.

_You fuck!_ Vaati shouted in his mind. _What the hell are you doing?_

Tovia scrambled to his feet, unable to put a thought together, let alone a sentence. His mouth was filled with an alien taste. He found his clothes somewhere in the blurry unfamiliar bedroom, and the woman's shouts, whatever they were about, were fully drowned out by the sound of blood pumping through his ears. His breathing was labored, his heart pounding its way out of his chest, and he barely noticed whether he was wearing the correct articles of clothing as he half-stumbled, half-ran from the presence of the furious naked woman, the sight of whom he would never forget as long as he lived.

* * *

Tovia ran out of the house (fully dressed, thank Din) and spat onto the street. He took a few deep breaths, stumbling, and clearing the clouds in his vision. "What the fuck-?" he said, his voice shaking as much as his body was. "VAATI! What... WHAT WAS THAT?"

Vaati walked out from behind a cart, vastly irritated, and crossed his arms. "It's called _fucking_," he said spitefully. "And it was going perfectly well until... _you_."

"That... That was... I think... Why... Why would you do that to my body?"

"Because it's fun!" Vaati said, as if it were perfectly obvious. "Tovia, you don't know fun 'till you've had sex."

"It's my body! You can't do those things with _my _body! If you want to have..." He shuddered. "_That!_... then you can at least wait until you get your own back!" Tovia yelled. "You just can't do that!"

Vaati rolled his eyes. "For God's sake, Tovia, look at yourself! You're a sixteen-year-old man who hasn't had a fuck - or even a fucking kiss? What are you, a monk?"

He blinked, trying to get the image of the black-haired woman from his mind, and blushed even more. "I'm waiting for the right person! When I feel it's the right time, _then _it'll happen! It isn't any of your business!"

"If I'm going to share your body for the rest of your miserable life, then of course it's my business. I have needs, too."

Tovia took a step towards him, pointing a finger that was shaking so furiously it was hard to tell what he was pointing at. "My life is not miserable. You are not sharing this body with me. Either you'll die or I will."

Vaati was genuinely surprised for a moment. "Tovia, there are some things you need to understand. One, everybody's life is miserable." He counted on his fingers. "Two, it's quite obvious that I am sharing this body with you, whether we like it or not. Three, you will die, and four, I can't." He said this in a very calm and stoic manner.

"I..." Tovia turned away. "Fuck you, Vaati. Just leave me alone."

Vaati's glare was full of hate. He'd never given one with this much ferocity to Tovia before. His fists clenched and shook, then he disappeared.

"I'm going home and you can't do anything about it, you bastard. Try anything and I won't hesitate to commit suicide."

Tovia felt a dim feeling of rage the same way one would feel heat through a door. He gritted his teeth and slammed up against a wall. "Why? Why can't you just stop doing all of this? Where is it going to get you?" Tovia laughed. "You're driving me insane." The rage, alien in his heart, pounded against his ribcage. He laughed harder. "It's not going to work. I don't care if you're angry. Go throw a tantrum. See if I care."

"You don't understand what I've been through," Vaati's fierce voice echoed.

"A thousand years, a thousand fucking years, one thousand! I know! I've heard it all! You never shut up about it!"

Suddenly, Vaati appeared in front of Tovia again, his eyes dark with rage. He grabbed Tovia by the shirt and dragged him to an alley, then shoved him up against a wall forcefully.

"Do you even know what a thousand years _is_?" he hissed.

Tovia spat in his face. "I don't care."

"A thousand years, _Tovia_, isn't something you can idly cast aside. A thousand years is ten times one hundred; that's one hundred years, _ten times_."

"Your fault."

"One_ hundred_ years," he continued, hitting Tovia against the wall again, "is fifty times two. Math, Tovia. Do you know how long fifty is? Ten years times five." He pushed Tovia's head up when it began lolling sarcastically, shoving it against the wall painfully. "Ten years is a fucking long time, Tovia. Because one year is made up of twelve months. And a month is a long fucking time."

Tovia rubbed the back of his head, groaning. His eyes rolled up to Vaati. "You should have thought about that before."

"A month has about thirty or so days in it. Thirty is a large number. A _thousand years_, Tovia, isn't a simple nap. It isn't a dream. Time doesn't blur. Every single one of those thousand years is broken up into 365 days, and _every single one of them_ is real time, 24 hours. That's _nine hundred thousand_ individual hours, five and a half _million_ minutes. So you can't talk to me about _insane_."

"I can talk to you about what I want. It was your fault that this happened to you. Maybe if you had stopped and thought about the con-con... consequences of your actions, you'd be long gone and I'd be living a normal life."

Vaati's grip on Tovia's shirt tightened. Then he let go with his right hand, balled it into a fist, pulled it back, and smashed it into Tovia's nose. The force whiplashed his head back to the stone wall.

Tovia screamed and held his nose. "You fucking bastard!" He leapt to tackle Vaati.

Vaati easily sidestepped the attack and kicked Tovia in the stomach.

"Shit!" Tovia clutched his stomach and rolled over onto his back. "Stop it. I'll stop. I'll stop."

Vaati stood over him with hate in his eyes.

"I'll stop." He wiped the blood by his nose off of his face. "We're even, okay?"

"Even?" he asked. "We're not _even_."

Tovia sat up and glared at him. "You're right. We're _not_ even." He leapt at Vaati again.

This time Vaati stopped it partway through with a punch to Tovia's chest without even moving from where he stood. "You're forgetting something important, Tovia."

Tovia looked up at him from the ground. "What?" he croaked out.

"I don't exist," Vaati said, then kicked him in the side.

"Stop..." he moaned. "I get it already."

"Oh? And what, exactly, do you 'get'?"

"It isn't your fault... a thousand years is a long time... But just because I understand... it doesn't mean you can have my body."

"It isn't my fault?" Vaati asked, ignoring the rest of his statement. "Of course it was my fucking fault, you idiot! I tried to take over Hyrule, _thrice_!" He held up three fingers in what he invented as a rude gesture.

"Then why should I care what you had to go through?"

"Because, Tovia, every waking moment of those thousand years, I was trapped inside the body of a Hylian. I could sleep, but I couldn't sleep enough." He knelt down and grabbed Tovia by the shirt, glaring directly into his eyes. "Not one time, not once, could I twitch a finger, or perhaps use my magic, or even create projections or tricks in the corner of an eye. No. I was trapped. Entirely. Completely. Trapped. For a thousand years. Now I have a chance to do something. _Anything._ And just because I'm ticking you off a little doesn't mean you have the authority to take that from me." He let go and stood up, glaring down at Tovia.

He propped himself up on his elbows. "I'm your _host_, I have every right to take it from you!"

Vaati stepped on Tovia's chest, forcing him back to the ground. "I am, in every way, shape, and form, your superior. I have better magic, I'm stronger, I'm smarter, I'm older, and I know more than you can ever imagine. _Host?_" he spat. "That means nothing. I can make your life a living hell."

"I can take away your chance, though." Tovia smirked. "How would you like that, Vaati?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, though he had a sinking suspicion.

"If I'm you, then I definitely have the guts to kill myself. Try me."

Vaati stood for a few moments, his rage still rolling behind Tovia's heart. Then he stepped off of Tovia.

"We're not even," he repeated, then walked out of sight.

Tovia sat up and rubbed his head. _What did I ever do to deserve this?_

Slowly, cautiously, a human man walked into the alley. "Dude?" he asked.

"Huh?" Tovia looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"Are... are you alright, or anything?" His voice had an almost frightened tone to it.

"Yeah, I'm fine... Why?" Okay, so his nose was bleeding earlier and he probably had a few bruises, but nothing really worth worrying over.

"Well, you were just talking to nobody... and before that, you were, well." He swallowed. "Look, dude, do you have someone looking after you or whatever?"

Tovia raised an eyebrow. "No?" He could understand the talking to nobody thing... He had to stop doing that in public...

"Well, I really think you should." He leaned closer - closer being about an inch less than ten feet away - and spoke a bit quieter. "You were punching yourself, dude."

"Punching... myself?" Tovia began to laugh. "I wasn't punching myself. See, it was..."

_"You're forgetting something important, Tovia."_

_"What?"_

_"I don't exist."_

The townsman swallowed nervously. "Dude, you need help."

Tovia shook his head, sweating. "I'm fine... I just... I'm just having a bad day."

He nodded slowly, and began to back away. "Sure, dude. Look, just... think about it."

"I said I'm fine." Tovia snapped.

He put his hands up defensively. "Yeah. Of course. Okay, dude. No harm, no foul. Just thought I'd ask is all." When he reached the street, he awkwardly injected himself back into the daily traffic and left Tovia's line of sight.

"I can't believe this. By the time I get rid of him, the whole kingdom's going to think I'm nuts." Tovia stood up and brushed himself off. "I wonder how many people you have to have convinced that you're insane to toss you into the madhouse..."

Suddenly, Lois tore around the corner and stopped when she saw him. "Tovia!" she exclaimed.

"Lois?" Tovia's eyes widened. "You're back early."

"I know. I've been looking for you everywhere. Goddesses, Tovia, I'm glad you're alright."

He smiled. "_I'm _glad _you're _alright."

She smiled back, but only for a moment. "Come on, Tovs. We have to get to Snowhead. Link's waiting for us."

"Right. Let me just get my stuff." Tovia nodded and grabbed her hand, then pulled her back to his house. He closed the door behind them and searched for his things. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you. He's been driving me nuts the past few days."

"I thought as much," she said. "You alright, though?"

Tovia nodded again. "I'm fine, Lois. Really."

She let her gaze linger on him as he packed, then she went to get food from his kitchen.

"Alright, Lois. All set." Tovia walked into the kitchen and sat down. "Are you ready...?"

She smiled. "Of course. Come on." Then she led the way out of his house and toward the main square. When they got there, Tovia put a hand out and caught her arm.

"Hey, Lois," he started, unsure, "um... about the desert... when you tried to tell me something but Vaati took over... I... well, I love you, too."

Lois blushed, taken aback. "I... I know," she said, which wasn't what she'd meant to say. Slightly embarrassed, she stammered. "I mean, that is..." Her smile broadened as she looked at him. "Oh, whatever."

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on the lips. Tovia's eyes widened, surprised, before he leaned into her and kissed back. The kiss deepened and Lois tugged on his shirt. "Tovia..." Her hand trailed to his thigh.

"L-Lois." Tovia blushed, lightly pushing her away.

Lois slapped him. "What in the name of the Goddesses are you playing at?" she shrieked.

"Lois?" Tovia rubbed his cheek and looked up at her in shock. He suddenly realized that she didn't look like herself; the girl in front of him in fact had short black hair, green eyes, and a long green gown. "Wh... What? You're not Lois?"

"Of course I'm not! Who the fuck is Lois?" She glared at him. "Guards!" she called.

"Shit..." Tovia took off running. _Did you... was that you?_

"Stop that madman!" the girl shrieked with high-pitched ferocity. Guards sprang up out of nowhere and blocked Tovia's path. It was either turn back towards the girl or face them.

Tovia stopped short and groaned. "What a day..."

The guards ran up and gripped him by the arms. "You're going to the temporary containment unit on Southeast until further notice," one said menacingly. "Kissing a woman on the street! What are you?"

"You don't understand, it was an accident! I thought she was someone else!"

"Yeah, and then you 'accidentally' ran from us."

"You have to believe me! Please!" Tovia squirmed. "Let go of me!"

"No way in hell."

Tovia was dragged off across the town, slipping on loose gravel in the unusually fast pace. They arrived to a short, squat, stubborn-looking building with heavy doors, then went inside. Not too far into the building, they threw him into a stout cell and the barred door to his prison slammed and clicked shut behind him, signaling that there was no escape.

Tovia banged against the bars. "Please! Somebody! Lois! Link!" When the only ears in distance - the guards that had brought him here - were gone, he gave up and leaned against a wall. "Somebody, please..." _Vaati? Vaati, please, help me. You don't want to rot here, do you? Please!_

He turned and saw Vaati leaning nonchalantly against the bars.

"Vaati, thank goddesses. You have to get us out of here," Tovia sighed.

"Do I?" he asked.

"Yes! You do!" Tovia panicked. "We're in _jail_, Vaati. Have you ever been in _jail _before? I haven't! I don't want to stay here!"

"I thought you wanted me to fuck off," he stated.

"Vaati, please." Tovia begged. "I'll do anything."

Vaati rolled his eyes, then mimicked Tovia's voice perfectly. "Stop it! Stop it! I'll do anything! Please! I'm a whiny little pussy!"

Tovia winced. "Please, Vaati."

"You can say your Ps and Qs all you want. I know you'll bend over backwards for anything. No, I don't think you're strong enough to take your own life. You're not even strong enough to get out of this without my help."

"I can't hurt them!"

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh. You mean, you want me to kill those guards down the hall because you don't have the balls? Or do you not want to get your hands dirty? Let me tell you a secret. Your hands would be dirty no matter which of us does it."

Tovia took a deep breath. "I need your help, please."

"There's that word again. Tovia, moderation in everything. You can't overindulge in the word 'please' and expect to get everything you want."

"I'll stop." Tovia held his hands up in defense. "Just help me, ple-... Just help me, Vaati."

He put his head in his hand. "Just think for a moment, Tovia. Do you think I would have put you here if I wanted to let you out?"

"N...No. Vaati, p.. Vaati, just... I need your help."

"Stop saying that! You're getting on my nerves."

"I wouldn't be saying it if you hadn't gotten me here in the first place!"

"Well, if you want out, you're on your own."

Tovia gritted his teeth and looked away from him. "Fine." He kicked at the bars repeatedly. "Let me out!"

Vaati rolled his eyes. "That'll work," he said sarcastically.

"Shut up. I have an idea." Tovia continued to make noise. "Help! Somebody! Let me out! Please! It was an accident!"

After a while, and a few short minutes of heavy footsteps, the door swung open and a big, threatening guard cracked his knuckles. Tovia held a hand behind his back. "Please! Don't! I'll stop! I'm sorry!" He backed up against a wall. "Don't come any closer!"

The guard only continued, checking over his shoulder that they were indeed alone. Just then, Tovia shot out an energy ball at the guard, then bolted past him out of the cell. _I'm not that stupid. I have a few tricks up my sleeve, you know._

_Wow. I'm actually impressed._

Tovia grinned. _I told you it'd work_. He stopped short when he saw two more guards up ahead._ I didn't think there'd be more..._

Tovia heard a snort of laughter._ And the impression stops._

_I can handle it. _Tovia took a deep breath. _Watch this. _He held out his hands, and a vortex of air spiraled at the guards. They shot to the wall on the far side of the room, smacked against it, and groaned for a moment before finally dropping to the floor. _Ha! Take that!_

He slowed down to a walk and quietly looked around. _Fuck, where did they put my sword? I know it's somewhere around here... ...I feel like eating shrimp. What the hell_ **is **_shrimp? Ha! There it is! _Tovia sighed as he played with the lock. _These things aren't ever simple, are they?_

He boredly sent a tiny shock through the device. Its chains disintegrated once the magic touched them, and he yawned. "This is actually pretty boring. I thought it'd be hard to break out, but, Din, it's so _easy_."

Vaati stood to the side and crossed his arms reproachfully. "It's always easy," he said, his nonchalant voice mismatched against his demeanor. "Nothing can hold me in."

"Hm, I believe it." Tovia grabbed his sword and strapped it onto his belt. He turned away and began to stride off. "Goddesses, this is such a cake walk."

Vaati disappeared when Tovia turned away, but reappeared at the door to the exit. "Powerful, isn't it?" he asked. "Doing anything. Being anything. They can't hold you back, they don't stand a chance."

He grinned. "Yeah, it's actually pretty good."

"You're like... what's the word? Someone with dominion over the land." He snapped his fingers, trying to remember. "Someone with unlimited power."

Tovia slowed down.

"Ah!" He smiled. "I remember! You're like a god."

He stopped and grinned wide. "I like the sound of that."

"I thought you would. It's like... nothing can stop you. You can go anywhere, do anything. And you can take care of anyone who gets in your way." He snapped his fingers. "Like that."

"Quick and easy."

"Deciding who gets to live and who has to die. Like nothing even matters anymore."

The grin started to fade. "Die...?"

Vaati nodded. "Oh, yeah. Just a wave of your hand, and whoosh! Life's right out of them. You walk the earth and it withers where you step. Isn't it awesome?"

"I..." Tovia shook his head. "No."

"No? Well, just a minute ago, you said you were like a god. You can take care of anyone who gets in your way, quickly and easily." He snapped his fingers again.

"I didn't mean by _murdering _someone!"

He gestured back to the hall. "Well, what did you think you were doing? Putting them gently to sleep?"

"W... what?" Tovia looked at him in horror. "I... I didn't... I couldn't have..."

"Of course not. But they're dead, aren't they? And in time you'll come to accept what you've done, and you'll do it again to protect someone you love. And after a while you'll start doing it when no one's life is at risk. And eventually you won't go a week without killing someone - just for the joy of it. Won't you?"

"I wouldn't... that isn't me..." Tovia clenched his fists. "What did I do? What is wrong with me?"

He crossed his arms. "Nothing. Just an overabundance of magical psychotic hand-me-down genetics."

"I've never been like this, though."

Vaati's face grew cold and downcast. "That's because you're only sixteen," he said.

Tovia stared at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

"This never happened to anyone else. Though, of course." He looked up at Tovia. "When I began to realize who I am, when I first picked up that magical cap, I was about your age." He paused. "Relatively."

"I'm not like that, though. It isn't me. That's _you_."

"I don't know, you're an awful lot like me. I'm your magical hat."

Tovia cringed. "I'm not like you. Please... just stop saying that."

Vaati stood up from the wall. "Tovia! Stop being a dull-brained moron. I used to be sane, you know. Sane enough. But then - " he stopped, then deflated slightly and turned away. "Forget it. You don't believe me anyway."

"I... I sort of believe you."

His eyes were fierce when he looked back at Tovia. "It's a slippery slope," he said.

"What? What are you talking about?"

He groaned. "Really?" he asked. "You need every little thing spelled out for you? _Really?_"

Tovia crossed his arms. "I said I'm not _that_ stupid."

Vaati turned toward him and spoke slowly. "I used to be naive," he said. "I used to be in love and small and stupid. I wanted to take control of my life and do as I pleased. I picked up the magical hat." He motioned to himself. "It gave me magic. I was a god. Do you see the similarities now?"

"I... yeah."

"You," he continued in the same voice, "are naive. You are in love and small and stupid. You want to take control of your life and do as you please. You have my magic. You are a god. You know what happened to me after that."

"I'm not going to make the same mistakes as you." Tovia mumbled. "I'm better than that."

Vaati scoffed. "Whatever. Go on, escape, have your fun, go back to your preppy little Lois while you can."

"...If you ever actually call her preppy... she will kick you. Hard." Tovia shuddered. "And not in a very pleasant place."

He shook his head and gestured to the door.

* * *

A/N: ...I really do love this chapter because it really shows that Tovia's fucking bipolar as all hell. SERIOUSLY! Every few fucking seconds he changes his mood. It's annoying. Count all the quick mood swings in this chapter. Please. Someone. o_o;

O_O Really.


	22. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: ...o.o

A/N: D8 Everyone's GONE! I've been left for dead! ;_; If anyone is still alive and reading this, can you please leave a review? I'm getting scared and insecure and that's how these things die.

* * *

Tovia opened the door and stepped out. _So is it safe to say I won't be seeing hallucinations anymore, besides you?_

Vaati paused, leaning against a pillar outside. "Fine. You won't."

_Thanks._ He sighed, relieved to know he wouldn't be going back to prison for kissing a random girl believed to be Lois, again.

_We're in Castle Town. Is there anything you wanted to do that I actually wouldn't mind?_

"No," he said, though his projection was out of sight.

Tovia yawned. _Don't take my body out while I'm asleep. And if you do, at least don't do anything I wouldn't want to do._

"..."

_I'm trying to be fair here! If you're going to do..._ that... _then do it when you're absolutely sure I won't wake up._

"Wouldn't want you to anyway."

_I don't think you really want to get me drunk. _

He let out a snort of laughter.

_What? _Tovia chuckled._ I'm that bad?_

"I had to take over when you passed out just so I could get you home. And I couldn't pronounce my Ls. Why was that?"

He kept his nervous laughter down to a minimum. _I... I couldn't pronounce them when I was a little kid... I guess it's from that? I thought you would know. You said you knew everything about me._

"Yeah... I can remember every detail about a life... usually. I'm not sure what happened, but I can't remember some things from your past."

_Maybe you're just making room for yours. You don't need to know everything about me._

Vaati paused in thought for a long time. Then, appearing next to Tovia, he said, "I know what it's like to be born."

_Uh... great? ...What's it like? _Tovia asked reluctantly, turning down the street where he lived.

He made a strange face, then shook his head. "No, I think I should spare you the nightmares."

_Oh thank goddesses... I was worried I'd actually have to hear about it... _Tovia unlocked the door to his house and stepped in.

"Grab some of that, too, Link. It's good. I should know. I made it for him," Lois ordered, stuffing her face. "Mm, and get some of that. That's_ really_ good. Oh, yeah. That hits the spot."

"Lois, why are you eating all of my food?" Tovia stared at her.

"And why are you making sex noises?" Vaati added.

"Because food is tasty and it keeps you alive."

Tovia blushed at Vaati's comment. "Y-Yeah, but... why _my_ food?"

Lois shrugged. "I like to steal your food. Mmmmm, Link, to the left. Right there, see it? No, my left, Link. Yeah, that tub right there. It's soup. Fill up the jars with it."

"Mmm," Vaati mimicked, in a version of his own voice, "Fill me up, Link. Yeah, right there. A little to the left. Oh, Link, that's it."

Tovia looked to his side to Vaati. "...You scare me, Vaati. You really scare me."

Vaati grinned.

Lois stared at where Tovia was facing. "Yeah, that's going to take some getting used to. What happened to you... two...? while we were gone?"

"Not much..."

Vaati shrugged. "Just, you know, some sex, a fight, jail... nothing unusual."

"Good. I was worried you'd get your ass killed." Lois pushed Link out of the way. "Let me do this. You're picking nothing I like. Farore, never send a man to do a woman's job."

Tovia patted Link's shoulder. "It's okay. You did your best."

"His best sucks ass." Lois glared at Link out of the corner of her eye. She finished packing the food. "Alright, where to, Link?"

"Faron Woods," he answered.

Lois swung the pack onto her shoulder. "You ready to head out, Tovs?"

"Actually, I kind of wanted to take a nap..." Tovia glanced at Vaati. "I sort of... had... plans, I guess?"

"Adjust your plans and get your ass moving into gear." Her fierce glare turned to him full force.

"Please don't threaten me with the knife again." Tovia backed up against the wall.

"Start moving."

"Yes ma'am." _Vaati?_

_Damn. She's scarier than me._

_She... yeah, she is. Vaati, I know... that this is a very very weird question... but... can you... take over? I'm tired._

_Wow. Sure._

_Just a few things, though. Don't do anything I'd regret. Don't hurt Lois. And keep your perverted comments to yourself for a while?_

_I can't promise anything. But I'll try, _he added.

Tovia sighed. _At least promise not to hurt Lois._

_Sure thing._

_Floor's yours then. Um... thanks?_

Vaati didn't respond. He just cast a glance around the place and shuddered slightly before following Lois out the door.

Lois tapped his shoulder. "I'm gonna kill you." she whispered.

A look of bewilderment came over him. Did she know who he was already? He hadn't even said anything. "Wha?" he asked.

"What were you thinking? Getting drunk at Telma's without me there to help you get home? Let alone without me to witness it?" She frowned. "I wanted to see you act like an idiot."

He shrugged. He opened his mouth to speak, then hesitated. Should he tell her who he was? If she knew, she might hurt him... But then again, this was Tovia's body. She wouldn't cause any severe damage. "It was _my_ idea," he said.

"I figured that, dumbass." Lois scoffed.

"No, I mean I _dared_ Tovia to get drunk. He did it, too. And he got piss-drunk after one glass." He crossed his arms. "_One _glass."

After a short moment, the space between them increased drastically. Despite this, she still laughed. "Figures he'd be a lightweight."

Her haste to be out of his vicinity was slightly hurtful but more than understandable. "Look, I promised Tovia I wouldn't hurt you," he said. "And I'm nothing if not truthful. No, that's a lie. I lie all the time. But I won't hurt you, I keep my word."

She stared him down a minute before slowly moving closer to him. "I won't hesitate to shoot an arrow up your ass. And I may shoot one at your nuts as well. So watch it."

He looked uncomfortable and decided not to pull the Tovia card.

"Lois?" Link called.

Lois sighed and leaned towards his ear. "Don't tell him." she whispered. "He's worried about me now and I doubt you want to have him down your back. It's annoying. Trust me." She straightened up and rolled her eyes. "Right behind ya, Link."

True, Vaati didn't remember some of Tovia's past. But he spent enough waking hours in his subconscious to know all of his mannerisms. He suddenly appeared exactly as Tovia, which didn't seem difficult, but surprised Lois in its accuracy. "Hey, Link," he said.

She smirked. "You're good."

Link stopped so they could catch up. "Hey, Tovia..."

"...How are you?"

"Okay."

"Good."

"...You two are so boring," Lois sighed. "I'll let you two lovebirds talk it up."

"Hey!"

"I'm not gay!" Tovia shouted.

Lois stopped and looked at him, confused. Who the hell was she talking to again? Was he really that good at pretending to be Tovia? That... that was a little discomforting. "Sure, Tovs. _Sure_." She winked before running ahead of them.

Link rolled his eyes. "I feel for you, Tovia. I don't know how you've survived for so long with her. She's so violent."

"I don't think I even know how, Link." He shook his head.

"How's that... thing working out with you? Are you guys getting along a bit better?"

"Sort of... I think we've got things under control for a bit."

He nodded. Silence passed between the two before quiet chuckles escaped Link.

Tovia looked up at him with a perfect 'Tovia' face of confusion in place. "What's so funny?"

"Just... Just what Telma told me..." He bit his lip to try and hold in his laughter.

He winced. "Not that again. I wish I hadn't had any beer at all. It was so disgusting and now everyone's talking about it." He covered his face with his hands. "I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't worry about it too much, Tovia. Everybody makes mistakes."

"You haven't seen me drunk."

"Oh, but I've heard about it. 'We shood go to Tema's when we get out of the woods,'" Link mocked.

"Link!" He lightly swatted his arm. "You're so horrible to me."

He grinned. "I heard an interesting story from Lois today about how somebody couldn't pronounce their Ls when they were little. 'Ois and I, Ink, aughed so hard!'"

Tovia blushed. "It happens."

"Hey,_ girls_, get moving! You two are so slow, I swear." Lois shouted back. She grabbed Tovia's hand and pulled him along. "I need to separate you two." She took him out of earshot and crossed her arms. "You are good."

He grinned. "Thanks. I've been practicing for sixteen years."

"Huh, I guess practice really does make perfect." Lois rolled her eyes. "Okay, so, why are you here? And no, I don't mean in general. I mean right now."

"Tovia was tired." He shrugged. "Asked me to accompany you." He stretched his arms. "All well and good. Projections are fun but they're not the same."

Lois tapped her foot. "So he was tired... Oh well. No harm. I guess..." She awkwardly rubbed her neck. "I'm certainly not hinting at an apology..."

Vaati looked at her. "Apology for what? Oh, wait... are you trying to apologize, or are you asking me to apologize?"

"What do_ I _have to apologize for?" Lois scoffed. "Oh, I'm definitely not hinting for the psychopath to apologize for nearly killing me."

He held his hands up. "Hey, it was really vague and confusing."

"Well it isn't vague and confusing now." She glared. "So what's holding you from just saying it?"

Vaati opened his mouth, and sighed. "I had my reasons," he said.

"...Be thankful I'm forgiving." Lois pulled him along again. She seemed to be covering some other emotion. "Otherwise you'd probably be on the ground clutching your crotch."

He didn't deny this.

"Are you going to be okay here?" she asked, remembering her first encounter with him. "Last time we were in the woods, you had a panic attack."

He paused. "Those are woods," he said, pointing. "We were in the _Lost_ Woods. The Temple of Time is in there... somehow. The Temple of Time is sacred." He shook his head. "I don't do sacred. Or swords. Especially that goddamn thing Link has."

Lois nodded. "The Master Sword. It's supposed to keep evil and that sort of shit away. Only people that are blessed or whatever can actually even touch it." She ruffled his hair and laughed. "Guess I have to keep you out of trouble, eh? Cause Tovia doesn't panic around sacred stuff and if 'Tovia' suddenly started to..." She shook her head, "It'd just seem a little too suspicious."

"I could probably handle myself," he said confidently.

"A-huh, sure, sure." Lois waved a hand. "Good luck with that. I owe you ten rupees if you can get through the woods without freaking out. Twenty if we actually go to the temple ourselves and you still don't freak out."

"We're going to the Temple of Time?" he asked, suddenly nervous.

"Mm, chances are high now that I think about it. What with it being a sacred temple in the woods... Probably."

He spoke quietly, his voice breaking slightly. "Didn't know that. You just said the woods..." He looked at her and cleared his throat, then spoke up. "No problem," he said confidently.

She glanced at him and smirked. "I'm going to be twenty rupees richer today."

"Hey, you didn't bet me. You just said you'd pay me."

"Fine then. I_ bet _you."

He hesitated. "Twenty rupees I can get into the Temple of Time."

"Twenty rupees you can't." Lois wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close.

"Deal." He wrapped an arm around her.

She smiled. "You're going down, psycho."

"Aw, they look cute together. Don't you agree, Midna?" Link asked his shadow.

"Sure. Whatever. Let's go."

* * *

"How are you guys holding up?" Lois asked as they arrived at the Temple of Time's ruins.

Link rubbed his shoulder. "I think I might have bruised my shoulder from one of those stupid puppets, but, that's about it."

"A bit tired, but fine," Tovia said, looking at Lois and trying to hide his trembling hands.

She cursed quietly to herself.

"Hey, guys, help me move this big block." Link tried to push it by himself, grunting. Needless to say, it did not budge.

"You just want to fuck up your back, don't you?" Lois put her hands on the block as well and pushed with him.

Tovia rolled his eyes and flicked his wrist. The boulder slid down through the hole.

"See, teamwork!" Link brushed his hands off the front of his tunic.

"Yeah, sure, Link. Teamwork." Lois laughed.

Tovia smiled innocently. "Yep, teamwork. Come on, guys! Let's get that next Mirror Shard!"

"Right!"

Lois sat down. "Yeah, but, does anyone have any ideas how we're going to move that thing?" She gestured her thumb towards the statue blocking a door.

"...The Master Sword?" Link suggested.

"Link, that's your solution to everything."

"But it makes sense here! I got it here so maybe if I put it back or something, it'll work."

"That has to be the dumbest idea I have ever heard."

He shrugged. "It's the best I've got."

"I guess it's worth a try?" Tovia shyly suggested.

"Tell me if it works, okay?" Link carefully dropped himself onto the block and walked towards the Master Sword's pedestal.

"Yeah, I'll tell you." Lois watched the statue. "It's not going to work."

Tovia shivered.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," he lied.

She poked his shoulder. "Li-"

"Did it work?" Link interrupted.

Lois sighed and glanced behind her shoulder. "...Fucking Link and his fucking sword and his fucking ideas having to be fucking right. Yes, it worked!" she snapped.

"In your face!" he cheered.

She gritted her teeth and curled a hand into a fist. As he climbed his way back up onto the ledge, the fist sent him flying back.

"What was that for?" he exclaimed.

"For insulting me with your bragging." Lois grabbed Tovia's hand. "We'll meet you on the other side. Come on, Tovs."

"What?" the boy asked, caught off-guard. "Oh. Sure." He swallowed, attempting not to start shaking. This felt wrong...

She opened the door and pushed him inside before shutting it quickly behind them and leaning up against it. "What's wrong?"

He instantly stumbled and his stomach churned, but he quickly stood up straight. "Ha! I'm through! See? Nothing to it."

Lois handed him two yellow rupees. "You're going to get a punch like Link if you don't shut up."

Tovia opened his mouth to brag, but closed it.

"Smart man." She patted his head before opening the door again and sticking her head outside. "Body in the past, head in the future. I'm defying all laws of physics... Link! Come on! What's taking you so long?"

Link pushed the door open more and stepped through. "Wow, this place is gorgeous."

"I know," Tovia agreed, his arms crossed in front of his chest. It wasn't exactly painful to be here, but his stomach was quivering and he was slightly lightheaded. He began to sweat under his clothes and his nerves were stretched to near fight-or-flight tension. "Beautiful."

"The windows are nice, but, personally, I find it far too bright." Lois stuck her tongue out. "White gets on my nerves. Now come on." She grabbed Tovia's hand again (he jumped) and gave it a light squeeze. The two both sucked at lying.

Vaati was surprised she held his hand... but then he remembered Tovia. But she knew he was asleep, didn't she? He looked at the floor. It didn't matter. All that mattered was surviving this without looking any different. He tried not to look at the pedestal in the middle of the room, though his gaze was drawn to the triforce.

"Hey, there's another pedestal here. It looks like the Master Sword can fit in it, too," Link said excitedly.

"Gee, maybe it's because this is the temple before it became all ruined?" Lois asked sarcastically. "Just stick your sword into it and see what this one does, Mr. Pedestals-And-Master-Swords-Always-Do-Something-Cool."

"Jealous..."

"I'm ten seconds from punching you again."

Link scrambled away from her and towards the pedestal.

Tovia braced himself.

Link thrust the Master Sword into the pedestal and wasn't really too surprised to see blue transparent stairs appear leading up to the glass window in the circular room. He was, however, surprised to see Ooccoo and her son run up the stairs without even saying hello.

"I guess we should follow the stairs?" Link took the Master Sword back out and sheathed it.

"Link, don't even bother making that sound like a question. It's pretty obvious where we're going."

Tovia looked at the path with uncertainty. Did this mean he'd have to walk past the pedestal? He felt another squeeze. "Are you sure it's safe, Link? The steps don't look sturdy."

"I'll try it first." Link stepped onto a stair. "Yep, they're fine. They feel just like regular stairs."

"If you say so..."

Lois nudged him forward, and he glared at her. His muscles quivered slightly. He shouldn't be here, he kept thinking. It was instinct. Avoid these places. Avoid that sword. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Do not, under any circumstances, near an object of divine punishment without the proper preparation. Especially the Sword of Evil's Bane or the place it was once held. He wished they could have come to the resting place of the Light Force or the Triforce itself, or even some small artifact of power like the Ocarina of Time or the Wind Waker. But no, they had to visit the home of the one divine relic he couldn't touch on pain of death (or at least maiming or serious injury). He put one foot in front of the other, and tried to ignore that voice in his head that told him he would die if he set foot on that staircase.

In spite of himself, he jumped when he did set foot on the thing, as if expecting it to zap him with something. It didn't. With Lois's help, he ascended the rest of the staircase, eager to leave this damned holy place.

* * *

A/N: ;A; Is anyone here? Hello?


	23. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: ...o.o

A/N: So... 'Sup?

RevTheTovia- ImeanMoron: :D It's fine that you haven't reviewed before! Glad you're enjoying the story. I definitely don't plan on stopping anytime soon. Oh dear Farore, I need to start writing new chapters soon...

I'm not too sure if this chapter was even beta'd, btw... x.x; But Kay hasn't been getting on so I'll just replace the chapter with the beta'd version later in case.

* * *

After climbing the stairs, Link was enveloped in a bright white light. He shut his eyes to it and rubbed them, and when he opened his eyes again, he saw a huge, empty room. He hesitated. "See, if I hadn't been in like... two... three... four... five temples already, I would be questioning how we got _here_."

"This room feels more comfortable," Lois commented. "I don't feel like I'm bothering anyone."

"Bothering someone?"

"We're not all chosen heroes of the goddesses."

"Right... forgot."

She smiled at Tovia. "How you feelin', Tovs?"

"Better." He smiled back. "Thanks."

"Hey, you're feeling sick?" Link put his hand on his forehead, feeling for a temperature.

He swallowed back the bile in his throat. "I was feeling sick. Now I feel better."

Link dropped his hand to his side. "Are you sure? Because we can always take you back to the forest real quick and you can go relax at my place."

"Really, I'll be fine." The thought of sleeping in the same house where Link lived... _ugh..._

Lois nodded. "Best we let the pussy take it. He'll never toughen up if you baby him, Link."

"I was just trying to be nice."

"Yeah, well, you suck at it. It makes you two look gay as all hell."

"Hey!" Tovia exclaimed. "Quit calling me gay, Lois."

Link shook his head. "Look, let's just find whatever's at the end of this temple... what are we looking for, again?" He furrowed his eyebrows at Lois.

"Mirror shard." Midna flew out of his shadow, reminding him.

"Focus, Link, focus."

"Right!" He looked around the huge room.

* * *

Lois turned around. "Door's locked," she announced.

"There's something ahead." Link pulled out the Master Sword. "I think it's a statue?"

"Darknut."

All eyes turned to Tovia. "A what?"

"It's a Darknut. They're these really powerful knight... monster... things..." Vaati looked around, then realized Tovia wouldn't know what those were. He swallowed. "Or... so I've heard."

"Will arrows work against it?" Lois asked.

Link shook his head. "I can tell from here that it has heavy armor on it."

She pressed herself against the barred door. "Leave me out of this, then."

"I... may have some magic?" Vaati offered, unsure.

"We'll try that." Link took a step forward.

The Darknut's muscles slowly relaxed as it rose to its full height. It towered over both Link and Tovia, but despite the height differences, they both had to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge as it randomly swung its large sword.

"Try to get him to drop his shield!" Link ordered, rolling towards its backside and giving it a back slice.

Bits of armor fell off from the attack.

"Um!" Tovia shouted in response, then tried, but the Darknut seemed impervious to magic. He should have known that.

Link dodged another slash, just barely missing the edge of the Darknut's sword. "Let me guess, you can't attack it?"

"Exactly!"

Right as the Darknut raised its sword, Link jabbed the monster with the Master Sword. More armor came off.

"Try to distract it?" Link jumped back just in time to avoid being sliced in two.

Tovia shrugged, then ran to the side and shouted, "Hey! You! Fu- I mean, stupidhead!"

As expected, the Darknut ignored him.

Lois shot an arrow at it. "He's talking to you, retard! What are you, deaf and stupid?" she shouted.

The Darknut threw its sword at her as Link got in another attack, the rest of its armor falling off as well. The sword wedged itself into the wall right next to Lois' head.

"Watch it! Are you trying to fucking cut my head off?" Lois yelled.

In response, the Darknut pulled out another sword and tossed its shield at her.

Vaati raised Tovia's arms up and down. "Hey! I'm over here!"

It turned around and kicked Link in the gut after he attempted to stab it in the stomach. The Darknut advanced towards Toviai, sword raised.

"Leave him the hell alone!" Lois grabbed the shield off of the ground and swung it at the Darknut. It hit the back of its head fiercely, but seemed to have no affect.

The Darknut turned its back on Tovia and slashed at Lois. She closed her eyes, expecting to feel intense pain any second, when she heard a metal clunk.

"What are you doing?" Link pushed her away. "This isn't your fight, Lois."

Instead of saying thank you like a normal person, Lois simply gave him the finger before running back to the door. Link pushed back at the Darknut and its sword let up. He managed to hit it again.

He rolled to its side and came back up with a spin attack. The Darknut limped. Its sword lowered and swung towards Link but never hit. Its labored breaths slowed before they ceased completely and it fell to the ground.

Link sheathed his sword right as it exploded into black smoke.

Tovia clapped.

_Where are we?_

"And now, to open the chest." Link opened the lid.

_Link just defeated a Darknut_, Vaati thought at Tovia. _It was guarding something._

_Is Lois okay! Di-Did she get hurt! She... She didn't get hurt, did she? _Tovia's worry flooded Vaati.

"It's... a rod... thing..."

Vaati resisted the urge to roll Tovia's eyes. _She's fine. Get over yourself._

_You're posit-posit... positive she's fine? She didn't get hurt at all?_

**_"You got the Dominion Rod! This mystical artifact breathes life into ancient statues! Set it to B on the (-) screen. Use the controller to aim, and press B to swing the rod."_**

Link looked at the scroll. "WHY DO THEY ALL SAY TO SET THINGS TO LETTERS AND HOW DO I DO THAT? AND WHAT IS A DASH SCREEN!"

"Who knows, who cares?" Lois grabbed the rod from him.

_Give me my body back. _Tovia ordered. _You've had it for long enough._

Vaati let out a snort of contempt.

Lois hit him over the head with the Dominion Rod. "Thanks for saving my life back there, Tovs." she said sarcastically.

"I'm glad I could help!" he said, grinning.

Link took the Dominion Rod back. He eyed Tovia. "What did you say, Tovs?"

"I was being facetious."

"...Being what?"

He rolled his eyes. "It was sarcasm."

"Why do I have the feeling that you're not Tovia?"

_Okay, your turn now!_

"No, it is me, Link! Really. Promise." Tovia smiled. "Um... How can I prove it to you?"

"You can't." Link turned away from him. "Come on, Lois."

_You see what you did? Now he's going to think I'm you!_

Vaati, who appeared next to him, grinned widely.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Tovia hissed quietly.

The hallucination shrugged. "Fun can be had," he stated.

Tovia grimaced. "Oh goddesses... every time you say that, you make my life a living hell. What _'fun' _could you possibly be thinking of?"

He looked at him, then shook his head and disappeared.

Tovia sighed. "He's going to put me in an early grave..."

"Tovs?" Lois wrapped an arm around him. She had the Dominion Rod with her again and Link was too busy fighting a monster ahead of them to pay any attention to where she was at. "You're Tovia, right?"

"You can't tell the different between us?" he asked hopelessly.

She shrugged. "He's a good actor."

"It's me. I can't believe Link really thinks I'm Vaati. This is insane. Why can't _he _tell the difference between us? He has a piece of the Tri-Force! Shouldn't he be able to know good from evil?"

Lois stared at him. "Who said he was evil?"

Vaati's voice spoke without the pretense of a body. "Who said you were good?"

"Lois, are you kidding me?" Tovia looked to his left to see if Vaati was there. When he didn't see anything, he turned back. "He tried to kill you! How is that not evil?"

"I've threatened you with a knife, Tovs. That could be considered me trying to kill you. But am I evil? No. And who the hell even said there was a such thing as good and evil? I mean, really? It's all biased. Someone's going to think the bad guy's the hero."

There was a bodiless laugh.

Tovia opened his mouth to retort. He didn't have a good enough rebuttal for that. "He's evil. I say he's evil."

"Your word doesn't count." Lois rolled her eyes. "Unless you're a god or some fucking shit, your word doesn't matter one fucking bit."

"Why are you sticking up for him?" Tovia asked. "I thought you of all people would back me up! You're my best friend! You're supposed to agree with me!"

"What fucking world are you living in? I'm _supposed _to fucking agree with you?"

"Yes! Yes you are! Especially because he _tried to kill __you_!"

"He was frustrated!"

"So, what, if I was frus-frust... frustrated I could go and choke you and you wouldn't care?"

"Yes! I would care!"

"Then what's the difference?"

"You know better!" Lois pointed at Tovia. "He's a fucking psychopath! He's out of his mind! How is he supposed to know any better?"

"He's me! He does know better!" Tovia yelled.

"I thought you said he wasn't you?" Lois laughed in his face. "I thought you said you were yourself and he was just some weirdo possessing you?"

"You're nuts!"

Vaati appeared suddenly next to Lois, with a loud, obnoxious popping noise. He was grinning.

"Get out of here, Vaati! Just get the fuck out of here!"

Lois glanced at her sides. "He's here?"

"I'm always here," Vaati reminded them. He rolled his eyes. "When will you get this? Hallucinations are just my way of passing the time! I never really leave."

"Figure out a way to leave then! I want you out of my life! You've done something to Lois!"

"He didn't fucking do anything to me!"

"Oh, yeah, besides choking you!"

"I already explained that," Vaati said. Then he paused in thought. "Wait, I didn't explain that to you, did I...? Well, I suppose you wouldn't listen anyway."

Tovia pushed past Lois. "I can't believe you. You're sticking up for that bastard." He unsheathed his sword and went to help Link. "Fine, I'll leave you two alone since you're obviously _best friends_."

"...You're leaving me alone with a _hallucination_?"

"She can't see me!" Vaati reminded him.

"Figure it out!" Tovia glared at Vaati. "You're smart!"

Vaati shook his head, then disappeared. He thought for a long while, then realized something. _Oh!_ he thought. _Would that work?_

"You're being over dramatic, you fucking drama queen!" Lois called after him. "Go fuck your boyfriend!"

"Go make out with Vaati!"

In the area next to Lois, very faintly, and quite obscurely, there was a very audible phrase: "I would if I could."

She jumped. "What the fuck?"

"I'm train out something know," the voice said. "Trying out something new."

"You better start explaining fast." Lois aimed her bow in the direction of the voice.

There was an odd, inhuman laugh. "Haven't bought it down kite yet. It's Vaati."

She brought the bow down and relaxed. "You're talking like a moron. In other words, like Tovia."

"I'm not talking," the voice explained, changing in pitch. "I'm attempting to manipulate the lair near you into a voice."

"Really? That's interesting." Lois grinned.

"It's really bucking hard to focus when your frame of few gets jolted around by swordfighting."

She nodded. "Of course. By the way, the wind's censoring you."

"Bucket. I can barely hear you..." The voice became a more solid volume. "Speak up."

"I said, 'the wind's censoring you.'" Lois shouted.

"Fuck that. I'm the wind age..."

"That must be pretty damn old." She smirked.

"Fuck you." The voice paused, and seemed to gain more stability as a voice, but it kept changing in pitch. "Practice makes perfect. How would you like to hear my real voice?"

"I _have _heard your real voice. You were fucking there. I was getting cursed out by it ten seconds ago."

"That's Tovia," the wind explained, twisting and vibrating into sounds. "A thousand years ago, I had my own body, which I can still remember; I use it to create hallucinations for Tovia."

"Ahh. I wasn't aware that your fucking voices were different. Sure then. Go right ahead."

"If I can just get the hang of this..." Then, like ripples in a pond, the wind stopped changing in pitch, and the excess noises died away. "Things get easier the more you think about them. I had to stop looking with my eyes, which was hard, as Tovia isn't looking over here."

Lois sat down. "You sound good. Tovia's got a deeper voice, though. Which is ironic since he's such a pussy."

Vaati's voice laughed. "My voice has never been my strongest suit. Just wait until you see me."

"And waiting is the hardest part..." Lois hummed.

"I'm damn sexy, if I say so myself," the air continued.

Lois smiled. "I'm sure you are. Tovia's your reincarnation and Tovia is fucking hot."

"Ugh!" the air gasped. "Tovia's fucking beige!"

"What's wrong with fucking beige? I'm beige. You're beige."

"Are you kidding me? Beige is boring. I'm purple!"

"You're purple?" She raised an eyebrow. "And Link's pink." Lois snorted.

"I'm not kidding, I'm fucking purple. And I'm smokin' hot."

"Someone has an out of control ego."

"I guess I have to, since that's all that's really left."

"You'll get your body back." She felt slightly guilty for saying it. Just slightly.

"I know I'll get a body," Vaati answered. "But _my_ body? Fat chance. I don't know where that fucking thing's off to."

Lois grinned. "Off to the bedroom to go fuck Link, that's where."

The air snorted, which was a very odd and complicated sound to make, but Vaati more or less pulled it off. "I'm not talking about Tovia. It's his body I'll probably end up with. But _my_ body? It's dust by now."

"If your ashes were released, you're technically flying around Hyrule. ...Oh, gross, I could have inhaled you."

The air cackled by her.

"Get the hell out of me. I don't want your gross old man dust in me."

"Watch what you're saying! I'm only two thousand and twenty six."

Lois stared at the air next to her. "Oh, yes, you're oh so young." She rolled her eyes. "Forget being my grandpa."

"Well, technically, if you don't include all the years I've been locked up, that would be..." he paused. "About twenty-nine."

"Pedophile."

"Bitch."

"Manwhore."

"Virgin."

She laughed. "_VIRGIN__?_ What the fuck am I? _Tovia_?"

"You're not a virgin?"

"Are you kidding me?" Lois shook her head. "Lost that two years ago."

"Really? Damn! What a fucking slut!"

She laughed. "With that attitude, how do you ever manage to get girls to sleep with you?"

"Usually I get them to sign a contract," he said honestly. "Or they're attracted by my raw magical power and sexual attraction. And political power; just power in general."

"I meant _now_. You obviously don't fucking do that. And if you're calling women bitches and sluts then I'm wondering just how the hell you're getting laid."

The air laughed loudly. "Do you want to know the truth?"

She shrugged. "Honesty is the best policy."

"I actually act like Tovia. Chicks dig him."

Lois was slightly jealous. "Girls actually want to fuck _**that**_?"

"He's sweet and sensitive. One thing I've learned is the more you say no, the more girls say yes."

"Damn... Guys like it when they fucking think you're too drunk to know what you're doing."

"Now that's damn true!"

"Oh, but you should see their face when they're missing a few rupees the next morning..." Lois chuckled. "I've stuck around a few times just to see that. Fucking priceless."

"Hold on!" the voice said between laughter. "How many guys _have _you fucked?"

"More girls than Tovia's fucked. You included."

"Holy shit. If Tovia had any presence of mind, he'd be listening in on us... but he's too busy being a hero."

"You **can't** fucking let him know."

"Why not?" There was a soft laugh. "Have an image of yourself you wish you could uphold?"

"Do you know how fucking pissed he'll be? I can't even imagine it." Lois shuddered. "All I know is that it wouldn't end well and he might actually gain some balls. I need to keep my bitch on a leash."

"Whenever I say that, I'm not being metaphorical," Vaati commented.

"Oh fuck, you're into _bondage_?"

"I'm into _everything_," he admitted. "Everything except submission."

"Who do you think would top? Tovia or Link?"

"Hah! That's a question? Link."

"You or me?"

Vaati went to manipulate the air, then paused in thought. "It may be a bloody struggle," he laughed.

Lois grinned. "It would be. You would fucking have to make an exception."

Vaati's voice made a contemplative 'huh' sound.

"What, you wou-"

"Lois, Link wants you." Tovia interrupted. "We found the boss room."

"Don't tell him about our conversation," said a very, very quiet whisper into Lois's ear.

She rubbed her ear. That felt weird. "Oh, you're actually talking to me?" Lois smirked. "Done being a prick?"

He ignored her and walked back towards Link.

"Fucking baby. Don't even have the balls to tell me off?"

Tovia spun around. "Fuck you, Lois."

She winced. "What the fuck, Tovs?"

"I'm growing those balls you want me to get so bad." Tovia turned his back on her. "You've been a bitch nonstop to me for years and with _him _around, you're even worse! What do you not get through that fucking thick skull of yours? He tried to _kill _you, Lois! Your best friend wants to get rid of that threat so everyone can be safe but you're making it harder for him! No motiv-motah... motivation at all!"

"What do you want, a fucking gold star?" Lois snapped.

"I want you to stick up for me! Not for that fucking monster! Go spend time with a murderer! Maybe he'll figure out some way to make you see him next. Fuck, who knows, maybe he'll be able to come up with some arti-arti... article magical body! That'd be great for everyone!"

Lois slapped him. There were tears in her eyes - an uncommon sight - and she glared harshly at him. "Fuck you, Tovia. Tell Link that you two are on your own. I'm getting the hell out of here."

He rubbed his cheek. "Good riddence!"

"I hope to Farore that Vaati fucking gets your body, you _asshole_!" she called back.

"W-Well... I... _FINE_!"

"Dick!"

* * *

A/N: It was surprisingly hard to keep that whole fight in there, but it really did help move the plot along and, besides... As horrible as it is, I do love see Tovs sticking up for himself.

Even if he IS a douche when he does it.

SO, Lois...

Lois is a slut... Shocking, right? ;D No wonder why her and Vaati get along so well.


	24. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: Uhm... Whoops? ^.^;

A/N: Finished being beta'd! 8D Nintendo's conference for E3 is tomorrow~ Who's excited? 8D COME ON, VAAAAATI~!

* * *

Link waited at the boss door. He looked at Tovia as he walked up. "Where's Lois?"

"She isn't coming," he muttered.

"Why not?"

"We had a fight."

"Really?" Link was surprised. As far as he knew, Tovia and Lois didn't fight. At all. Sure, Lois would give him the silent treatment when she was upset, but they never full-out yelled at each other. Now that he thought about it, he could have sworn he had heard faint shouting earlier. "About what?"

Tovia glared at the hero. "Vaati. What else is there to fight about?"

He suddenly felt uncomfortable. "Why are you glaring at me? What did I do?" he asked defensively.

"You're the cause of all this trouble! You just had to go and kill him, didn't you?"

"What? I didn't do anything!"

The sixteen-year-old took a step towards Link. "Oh, you didn't do anything, Link? Then tell me who trapped Vaati! Tell me who _killed _Vaati!"

He heard an echoing laughter.

Tovia whirled around. "Where the fuck are you?"

He heard the laughter again, but this time, Link did, too.

"What was that?" Link pointed his sword to where he thought he had heard it.

"You can hear him?"

"It's a new trick," Vaati's voice said. For Tovia's convenience, and not without some strain on Vaati's part, the hallucination formed around it. He grinned.

"What are you doing?" Tovia asked.

"Who is it?" Link glanced fervently from Tovia to the disembodied voice.

"I was laughing at you, Tovia," Vaati said, ignoring Link. "Once upon a time, you would have defended Link against me."

Tovia huffed. "I'm not defending you. I'm defending myself." He pointed at Link. "If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have to deal with you."

"If it hadn't been for _me_, you wouldn't have to deal with me." Vaati began to walk around Link, looking at Tovia; the source of his voice moved as well. "If it hadn't been for the Goddesses, you wouldn't have to deal with me. Fuck, if it wasn't for Ezlo, you wouldn't have to deal with me."

"I blame all of you." Tovia's eyes followed Vaati.

"Including Lois?" He stopped walking.

"Including Lois."

"How exactly is she to blame for my presence here?"

"I'm not blaming her for your presence." Tovia paused. "I'm blaming her for making you feel comfortable. You're not my equal! You and Lois aren't friends!"

"You think I don't know that?" Vaati's eyes looked straight into Tovia's. "I know we're not equal. Christ, Tovia, you're the one with the fucking body, aren't you? But what can I do?"

"Stop talking to her! Tell her to stop talking to you! I don't know!"

"Okay, who is talking?" Link asked again, seeing the fault in pointing his sword at air.

"It's Vaati, you moron!"

"This is my real voice," the sound briefly explained. "I can manipulate the air... it's a long story and I don't have the patience to go into it."

Tovia pushed past Link. "Can we just kill this boss?"

"But... I thought we were kind of talking to Vaati at the moment?"

"Who cares? He can wait."

"Practice makes perfect," Vaati reminded them. "The more you kill, the more you can kill... Start with the clear things and make your way across the board." There was some kind of undertone to his words, but Tovia didn't bother to decipher it. He grabbed the key from Link and unlocked the door, then pulled the hero inside with him.

"Good luck," Vaati finished. "The fate of the world rests in your hands." The hallucination disappeared.

Tovia looked around the boss chamber. "Where is it?" Old broken statues surrounded the circular room but there was no monster.

Link's eyes were fixed on something above him. "Maybe on the ceiling?"

"Why would it be on the ceiling?" Tovia looked up. "Oh my Din, that's a huge spider."

"It has a big eye in its back." Link pointed out. "I wonder what we should do..." He glared at Tovia.

"What?"

"Arrows! Who would have been helpful? You had to get her angry!"

"Give me your bow," Tovia ordered.

"You don't even know how to use it!"

"Fine, I'll just use magic!"

Link brought out his bow and fired at the large eyeball. The spider fell to the ground near the statue. Putting two and two together, Link quickly followed by grabbing out the Dominion Rod and using it to bring the statue's fist down, crushing the spider.

This repeated two times while Tovia frustratingly watched. When all was said and done, the spider had its arms and legs in the air and exploded to the usual black smoke. "You had to kill it by yourself? I needed to kill it. Do you realize how stressed I am?"

"Get over it. It's just a spider." Link went to sheathe his sword when he noticed eggs surrounding the eye that had fallen out of the spider's back. The eggs hatched and the 'eye' turned out to be a spider itself. "You have to be kidding me." He watched the spiders run around. "This the best Zant can come up with?"

Tovia snatched Link's bow and tossed it aside.

"Hey!"

He formed an energy blast in his hands before tossing it at the spiders. The ball of energy exploded upon impact and the spiders imploded in small, satisfying puffs of smoke. He smiled, pleased. "For your information, Lois wouldn't have been any help. She won't admit it, but she's absolutely terrified of spiders."

Link picked up a shard of mirror off the floor. "Hold that thought."

"Three of the mirror shards are ours! Just one more left!" Midna cheered, grabbing it from Link with her hair. "Guys... You saw how nasty that monster was, right?"

"Are you kidding me? That thing went down faster than a Keese," Tovia commented.

She glared at him. "The evil within the shards is more powerful than your brain power. Which isn't saying much." She frowned back at Link. "You know, we could be assembling something truly terrible here..."

"That's not the only thing..." Link mumbled.

Midna watched Tovia with Link. Then she opened a portal in the middle of the room and shook her head. "We have to hurry. Let's find the last shard. We have to reach the sky! That's where the last shard is supposed to be!"

Tovia smiled slightly. That actually sounded a little fun.

* * *

Lois grumpily looked up at Tovia and Link. "Congratulations, you didn't die."

"I'm sorry." Tovia grabbed her hand, pulling her up to her feet. "I am really sorry. I don't know what came over me."

She pulled her hand out of his. "Yeah, whatever. I guess I'm sorry, too. I should have let you ramble on about your hatred for Vaati."

"Friends?"

"Tovs, we've been best friends for years. You need to ask?"

He smiled. "Right, sorry." Tovia grabbed her hand again.

"Why are you holding my hand?"

"Why can't I?"

"Because I don't fucking _want_to hold your hand?"

Tovia reluctantly let go. "I'll stop."

"So, where to next?" Lois leaned on Link's shoulder.

"...Why are you on me?"

"Because I fucking can be. Now tell me where we have to go."

Link moved to the side. "I guess to Telma's?"

Lois grinned. "We're getting Tovs' wasted? Finally! Took you guys forever."

"You are not getting me drunk. That's something I don't want to do ever again." Tovia shuddered.

"Damn it. We never do what I want."

"Midna, can you warp us?"

"Do I have to?" Midna flew out of his shadow.

"It'll speed up our quest." Link reminded her.

Never before had they warped so fast. "Alright, I'm getting a couple of drinks while we're here." Lois opened the door.

"I think I'll take a walk." Tovia was too worried that Vaati might take over and get him drunk again. Or worse, Lois would get him drunk. At least Vaati wouldn't take embarrassing pictures.

"Fine, see you in a bit." Link shut the door behind them.

"Tovia? Tovia, is that you?" a high-pitched, unfamiliar voice asked.

He turned around to see a sweet-faced blond girl. "Excuse me?"

"Tovia! It is you! Why haven't you visited me?" The girl frowned. "I thought you said what we had was special."

The girl was vaguely familiar. He could just barely remember seeing her in Telma's, hanging onto his arm and listening to him talk about an old girlfriend that had recently dumped him. Except, they weren't really his memories. He was positive of that.

Regardless if he did remember her or not, he wasn't going to let her know that. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"It's Cassie, remember? I bought you a water? We had sex?"

Yep, there you go. Vaati's work for sure. "I'm really sorry, you must have me mistaken for somebody else," he lied poorly.

Cassie poked his chest. "You expect me to believe that? You were lying to me, weren't you? You're not looking for a relationship. You were just looking for a quick fuck!"

Oh, most definitely Vaati. "Ow... No, really, I'm not him. I swear to goddesses, I'm not the guy you're looking for."

"I can't believe I trusted you! You said you had to leave because your sister - " _Sister? _" - was sick and there I was thinking that I was really lucky and you were really sweet and sensitive and this is what I find!" Her eyes bore into his. "Just a big rotten jerk."

"Miss... Cassie... look, I'm being honest when I say it isn't me. There's a guy named Vaati that says I'm his reincarnation and takes over my body a lot. Sometimes he'll pretend he's me an-"

Tovia was amazed by the strength and immediacy of her right hook. He thought that wasn't going to work, but... Ouch.

"Yeah right. You expect me to believe that crap? Jerk. You'll never get any again in this town."

Was that supposed to be a punishment? She was helping him more than anything.

"Thank you."

Cassie stomped past him. "And you can forget about that cake."

"Cake? He asked for _cake_?"

"The cake is a **_lie_**!" Lois shouted, coming out of Telma's.

Tovia stared at her. "Are you drunk?"

"No, I just have a buzz going on." Lois grinned. "I feel good. We should get you drunk."

"For the last time, no." He faced Link. "So where are we going?"

"Kakariko Village. Shad's at Renado's," Link explained.

He really should have expected that. "We have to ask Shad about the City in the Sky, don't we?"

Lois nodded. "Unfortunately..."

"Let's get going then. If we leave now, maybe he'll stop before dawn."

Vaati pointed at the horizon. "In a few hours, the sun will rise."

_Oh, you're here. _Tovia grumbled to himself._ Do you remember Cassie? You tricked her into thinking you were me. And you had... that... with her. With my body._

Vaati looked at him, then shrugged nonchalantly.

_You don't care at all, do you?_

"Not really," he confessed.

_Goddesses I hate you_. Tovia followed Lois and Link.

"Link, how long has it been since Tovs and I joined you?" Lois randomly asked.

"Umm... about three weeks?"

She groaned. "Three weeks and I haven't slept in _once_? What am I, insane?"

"Tovia, should I answer that?"

"Not unless you have a death wish."

"Thought so..."

Lois glared at them. "I'm sane! The rest of the world just isn't."

"Lois, where do you get these ideas?" Link wondered.

"Your mom," Vaati said.

"Your sister," Lois said.

Tovia blinked. "...Did you hear Vaati?"

She shook her head.

That was a little uncomfortable. He had just gotten over the fight with Lois about Vaati and even without them speaking to each other, they were on the same wavelength.

"Your mom's sister," Vaati continued.

Vaati looked around, then ate some chocolate.

_Where did you get the chocolate?_

Vaati looked at him, then rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to grace that with a comment."

_...There is no chocolate, is there?_

"You're very smart."

_Shut up._

In a few hours, they finally ended up at Kakariko. Tired, their feet dragged against the dirt and into the house.

Renado turned to them. "Ah! I've been waiting for you three. Fortune has smiled upon us! If things go well, we will be able to help Ilia recover her memories."

Link's face broke into a grin. "Really? That's great! How?"

"Do you know Telma's friend, Shad?"

Lois groaned. "Know him? He's the other Tovia."

"Well, it seems he is researching the heavens, and he has come here to see the statue in the basement of the sanctuary. And, as I have learned, when Ilia was saved, she overheard someone talking about the rod of the heavens, or something like that... The Goron elder believes that to help her regain her lost memories, we must piece together the fragments of her life."

Gor Coron looked at Tovia disapprovingly. Apparently, he hadn't gotten over the ass kicking Vaati had given him. He smiled a bit at the hazy memory. He would have never done it but the price on his face when he was beaten without even being touched... priceless.

"-It would be best to speak with her. Please take this to Telma!" Renado finished.

"We just got back from Castle Town!" Lois complained.

"You guys can stay here. I'll go." Link took the letter from the shaman. He didn't look so tired anymore. With the new-found energy, Link ran out of the sanctuary and far off to Castle Town. It never once crossed his mind that he could have called Epona or had Midna warp him.

Renado turned around to the remaining heroes. "Why don't you two speak with Shad while I prepare the inn for you?"

"Thanks." Tovia grabbed the rope ladder. "Come on, Lois."

They made their way to the basement and saw Shad, nose in a book. "Hey, Shad!" Lois waved at him.

"Huh? Oh my! Color me surprised, if it isn't Tovia and Lois." Shad pushed his glasses up. "What a coincidence, meeting you two in a place like this. Very odd..."

"Not really." Tovia shrugged. "We've been with Link."

"Trust us, we've been to weirder places than this."

"...Right... right..." Shad's eyes skimmed the book in his hands, barely paying attention any more. If it weren't so important, he'd be ashamed of his manners. "I came here today to look into the Oocca, the legendary sky beings I told you about before, but... I've found it at long last. Do you see that statue over there? It matches the one in my dear father's old manuscripts."

"What about it?"

"There are many similar looking statues all around Hyrule, but this one seems different." Shad put the book under his arm and moved to the statue. He tapped the statue's stomach. "Here, look at the belly. There's something written here, see?"

The best friends leaned in, squinting their eyes to get a better look. They couldn't make it out.

Shad brought his fingers away. "This was also in my father's notes. It was called Sky Writing, I believe. 'Awaken us with the word that breaks the seal'. That's what it says. Wait a minute... isn't that Ilia a friend of yours? Or was it Link? I can't recall..."

"Link's," Tovia answered. "But we know each other."

"Ah... it's simply tragic how she lost her memory." Shad didn't seem all too sorry. "And that rod of the heavens she mentioned... I'm sure it has something to do with the word that breaks the seal. Isn't there any way to restore her memory? I'm certain it would help us all figure this out."

"Link's working on it." Lois yawned. "And I am going to bed. Come on, Tovs. Night, Shad."

"Goodnight, Lois. Goodnight, Tovia."

Tovia patted Shad's back. "Don't stay up all night working on this. You need sleep, too."

"I'll make hot cocoa if I get tired," he promised.

"You make good hot cocoa."

Vaati looked at them. "Oh, get a room," he groaned.

_FOR THE LAST TIME! I AM NOT GAY! _"Night, Shad."

Vaati just laughed.

"Took you forever. What were you doing, making out with Shad down there?" Lois crossed her arms.

"You're being mean again."

"And? Your point?"

Tovia remembered who he was talking to. "Right..." He opened the door to the inn. "Are you coming?"

"Just a minute." Lois waved him away. "Looking at the clouds. That one looks like boobs."

Instantly Tovia's head looked up to inspect the sky. He spotted it rather quickly. "Actually, that looks like a unicorn."

"Does not," Vaati's voice objected, though not audibly.

"Does too," Tovia argued.

"Does not! They look like breasts like she said. Although I guess you wouldn't know, would you?"

"I-I-I've seen Lois'!"

"What did you see?" she growled.

"Yo-Your eyes? I love your eyes. They're b-beautiful. I've never seen any better e-eyes."

"You were talking about my boobs, weren't you?"

"I bet her breasts are amazing, like a Greek goddess," Vaati said, staring at her.

"...What's a Greek?"

"It's a way to cook lamb."

"Really? ...Why are you comparing her t-t-those to a way to cook lamb?"

Vaati looked across at him. "Never mind."

Tovia stared back at him. He was sure that there was a joke somewhere in there.

Lois glared at him. "I'm so going to fucking kill you if you keep talking about my boobs."

"He made fun of me!"

"I always make fun of you," Vaati reminded him.

"He always makes fun of you," Lois reminded him.

"That's beside the point!" Tovia sighed. "Just forget it. I'm going to bed. Night, Lois."

"Yeah, night, Tovs." Lois mumbled.

He shut the door behind him and climbed up the stairs to the beds. _Night, Vaati. I hope you're gone when I wake up. _Tovia closed his eyes.

Lois smirked. She creaked open the door and snuck up the stairs. "He is so going to fucking flip..." she snickered quietly to herself. Lois sat down in front of his face and stared at him. She didn't care how long it'd take. She'd be up to scare the shit out of him when he woke up.

After a whle, Tovia's eyes blinked open, and he stared for a while at the ceiling.

"Boo!" Not what she was going for originally, but, it'd do.

He jumped and looked at her. "Lois!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Scaring the crap out of you," Lois grinned. "I was going to just stare at you and see how you'd react, but, this is okay for now."

"You were going to stare at me all night?" he asked humorously, propping himself up on his elbow.

"You know when I have my mind set on something I'll stick to it."

He smiled and nodded, then sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes.

Lois stood up. "You're not going back to bed?"

"No, I have a lot to do..." He looked at her. "You should get some rest, though."

"What the fuck do you have to do?" she asked, curious. "You didn't have anything to do five minutes ago."

"You've lost a lot of sleep this week."

"You're dodging the question."

He stood up and found his tunic. "I suddenly remembered something I have to wrap up in Castle Town," he said offhandedly.

Lois watched him. "Really? Like what?"

_P is for Penis_, he remembered faintly. "I have to return that book."

"What was it called again?"

"The, um..." It started with P, he knew that. "The P... Pandemonium of Ways to..."_ rap_e_. But he didn't say that... What did he say?_

"The Pandemonium of Ways to Drink Beer?"

_Didn't it start with Ra?_ He couldn't quite remember. "Yeah," he said.

"You just got fucking busted. Goddesses, you fucking dumbass..."

"Damn! What was it called?"

"The Pandemonium of Ways to Eat Grass."

"Right! He didn't say rape, like I thought."

Lois rolled her eyes. "So why are you going to Castle Town?"

"...would you believe me if I told you I needed to see a play?"

"Not really."

He sighed. "Alright, all I want to do is have a decent fuck. Is that too much to ask? One that_ isn't_ interrupted partway through by some dumbass virgin," he added.

"You do realize that that will just start another big fucking fight between you two, right?"

Tovia shook his head, holding his hand against his forehead. "Things went so well when I was a secret. It took a bit of work, but it was evidently worth it."

"All good things must come to an end." Lois sat down on the bed. "So you're going to go to Castle Town, fuck some chick, come back, get Tovs angry, and then everyone's going to be pissed at each other? You and I _could_ just go to Telma's and get drunk, you know...

He shook his head, grimacing. "No way. I'm not getting drunk again."

"Really? _You_ don't want to get drunk?"

"Tovia is a horrible, horrible drunk." He sat on the bed again. "I tried to get him home and wound up in a tree."

"If you're with me, I can assure you that won't fucking happen again."

He looked at her, as if evaluating her. "He's a lightweight," he added.

Lois laughed. "I always knew he'd be a lightweight... Look, I just want to get drunk... and get him drunk."

"And he can't pronounce his Ls. What's that about?"

"Oh, that? Probably because he couldn't fucking pronounce them when he was a fucking kid." She shook her head. "You know how many fucking years he called me 'Ouie'?"

He looked over at Lois. "Rea..." he stopped himself halfway through, then blinked and stared into space. "Didn't I know that?"

Lois tapped his shoulder. "I wouldn't know. Are you alright?"

He looked absentmindedly at her. "Yeah. I know everything about everyone I've been... I can remember every second. But I can't remember if I remembered that."

"Vaati, come on." She pulled him to his feet. "I'm getting you drunk."

"I can do that on my own," he said, and grinned. "But it's always nice to have someone getting drunk with me."

"So how are we getting there?"

"Well." He put an arm around her.

She glanced at him. "Well?"

"You'll see." He led her out of the inn.

* * *

Lois wrapped an arm around Tovia's waist. "Hey, Telma, get us a couple of beers? You can put it on my tab."

"Sure thing, honey."

Tovia laughed, remembering the last time he'd come here.

"Better?" Lois let go of him, grabbing the mug.

He grabbed a mug as well.

"You first."

He nodded and raised his mug. "To Tovia?"

She clanked hers with his. "To Tovs."

Then they drank simultaneously, Tovia breaking off first. His vision was already - already - getting strange.

Lois set hers down when she was done. "Telma, keep them coming for me. How are you hanging in there?"

"I hate Tovia," he remarked, looking at his mostly full mug of beer.

"Oh, this is going to be fun..."

He gritted his teeth and brought the mug to his lips. When he set it down, it was almost empty.

Lois was already on her third. "By the time I'm at ten, you'll be just finishing your second one."

"By the time I'm at my second one, I'll be on my ass," Tovia remarked.

"I'll be laughing off my ass."

He laughed, shaking his head.

Lois was on her fourth.

He looked at her. "Damn, woman! Where do those come from...?" Sluggishly he looked around the bar, then he finished off his drink.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" She held up three.

He eyed her. "I know I shouldn't say six," he said, and recounted. Then he shook his head.

Lois smiled. "Congrats, Vaati, you're drunk off your ass."

"I tow'd you it wouldn't take much," he commented, and motioned for a second beer.

She laughed. "There it is!"

He glared at her, but couldn't keep from smiling.

Lois smiled back. "No offense. It's just fucking hilarious."

"I hate Tovia," he repeated.

"Yeah, I know." Lois leaned towards him. "You already said that."

He looked at her. "I tow'd him you have big breasts," he said.

"They are big."

He went to look, but only with his eyes, as though he could see through her shirt. Then he had another sip, then looked surprised. "When'd I get ano'er beer...?"

"A few minutes ago," Lois reminded him.

"Ah..." He took another sip. "Hey. D'you remember... how'd you and Tovia meet?" His mind was fuzzy; if it wasn't, he would have thought it strange that he couldn't remember that, either.

She pushed her mug aside. "My grandmother's funeral. I fell off a fence outside and he got me a band-aid."

"Ha ha..."

_He pulled away. "I'm Tovia, but my Mommy cas me Tovi."_

_"I'm Lois."_

_Tovia stuttered a bit, trying to pronounce her name and having trouble with the L. "...Can I cas you Ouis?" _

_Lois nodded. "A-huh! Sure! But I get to call you something else, too, okay?"_

_"Okay, Ouis."_

_"I'm gonna call you Tovs."_

The memory made her smile. "He was my first friend."

He frowned at the memory. So he did remember that... Did he?

"Why did you want to know?"

"Um."

She drank her beer. "Forget it. Having fun? This better be a good alternative to sex."

"Ah-dernative..." His eyebrows furrowed.

Lois giggled. Yep, she had a buzz. "Is this a good... good... substitute to sex?"

"Sex?" He scoffed. "Noffing is a good substitute to sex."

"Toast is a good substitute to sex." Lois finished her beer. She stood up and swayed a bit. "Hey, we should go to Tovs' place."

"Why?" he asked, her, squinting.

She tripped over her own feet. "Because if I have any more, I'm not going to be able to get us home." Lois paused and finally realized she was on the ground. "Oh damn, did I trip?" Lois laughed. "I think I'm drunk."

He held out his arm, but in the wrong direction. "De point of ge'ing drunk wi' me was to get me home," he reminded her.

"I fucked up. I'm not perfect." Lois picked him up. She pulled him out of the tavern and towards Tovia's house. "Where should we go? Tovia's or my place?"

"Just not outside," he told her. "Don't go outside."

Lois steered him towards her house. "Okay." She opened the door when they arrived and grinned. "See? No trees! Hold your a... appl... hold your apples! No need to thank the amazing Lois."

"Wiw not do," he noted.

"Wanna sleep in my room?"

He grinned. "Wiff you?"

She shrugged. "Sure."

He wrapped a drunken arm around her and they proceeded to her room.

* * *

A/N: While entering this chapter in, I managed to finish all the versions of Marukaite Chikyuu I have on my laptop. Epic. Monochrome no Kiss now~... ANYWAY

Uhm... (Shifty eyes) This obviously won't be very good... (Points to ending of chapter)


	25. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: Uhm... Whoops? ^.^;

A/N: -w- Let's see... Majora's Mask Medley... Exhaustion creeping in... Yup.

It's time for an update.

* * *

Lois blocked the sun from her eyes, raising the blankets over her head. "Fucking hangover..."

"That would imply post-waking sex," the man beside her commented. "But seeing as how our last sexual encounter was before the end of the run of alcohol-induced intoxication, it'd be much more logical to say "Fucking drunk", which makes no sense in context."

"Name and age?"

Tovia peered at her. "You don't remember? Wow." He let out a small laugh.

"Look, I fucking have a hangover and I can barely fucking remember last night, so fucking tell me your fucking name and your fucking age before I fucking kill you."

"My fucking age? Would you prefer me to give my age as it corresponds to my skill in fucking? Or perhaps the age at which I started fucking? Or the years it's been since I started fucking?"

"How about this..." Lois grabbed her bow next to her bed. "Get the fuck off of my mattress before I have to worry about blood stains."

He looked around. "How do I sum this up for you..." He grinned at her and continued to lay in her bed. "You just fucked your best friend?"

"Hey Vaati." She dropped the bow, laying her head back on the pillow and glancing at him.

His smile dropped. "That was anticlimactic," he said. "Where's the shock and regret? You just slept with Tovia."

Lois pulled the blanket down and looked at him. "Regret? Shock? I sleep with guys. I don't regret it. Now get the fuck dressed before he takes over and finds out what fucking happened."

"Well, really, though he's not yet, all he'd have to do is wake up to figure it out - I mean, 'taking over' has so much effort involved, he could just eavesdrop and get the general idea. But yes," he added quickly, "Your idea is valid..."

She rolled out of bed and found her clothes. "My ideas are _always _fucking valid."

He nodded. "By the way, isn't Tovia hot? Well, not hot. But more sexy than you'd think. The tunic doesn't really do him justice."

"He is sexy. The tunic's pretty fucking stupid, though..." She pulled her boots on. "I like it off."

Tovia laughed as he put his tunic on. "Link's missing us," he remarked.

Lois tugged at his tunic. "He can wait."

He smiled. "You want that fucking hangover?"

"How long do you give Tovia?"

Tovia shrugged, thinking. "I don't know," he mused. "He's pretty passed out. A half hour, maybe?"

"Ten minute sex?"

He took off his tunic again. "Let's make time."

* * *

Lois hurriedly got her clothes on. "Come on, dumbass! Get the fuck out of bed."

"Alright," Tovia sighed. "What's the rush?"

"Just get dressed. I don't want him to fucking know, okay?"

Her friend shrugged and moved into his tunic.

"You have to fucking promise me that you aren't going to fucking let him know about this." She glared.

"Of course not. It would only serve to augment his spiral from sanity, which, though strange, is fun to watch."

Lois pointed at him. "Not one fucking word. I don't care how fucking fun it is to watch. Nothing! ZIP!"

He looked across at her. "I just said your friend is spiraling down from sanity," he said plainly. "You don't have anything to say to that?"

"Sanity's overrated."

"Sanity keeps you from, let's say," he shrugged. "Killing a man in cold blood?"

"Tovia? Like he'd kill a guy."

Tovia nodded. "No, never. Of course not. He's never killed anyone... not even, say, to break out of an asylum."

"What fucking asylum?"

"You know, the one in the southwest part of Castle Town?" He shook his head. "Of course, Tovia and I never got into a fight; I never hypnotized him into thinking some girl was you, and as a matter of fact, Tovia never kissed her or got thrown in an insane asylum. And after I refused to help him escape, he most certainly didn't overthrow an entire hallway of guards to ease his passing, and during so, he didn't comment at all about how easy it all was." During this short monologue, he was contemplatively dressing himself.

"Why didn't you tell me this fucking _sooner_?" she shouted.

Tovia looked up at her. "I think he was a bit shell-shocked throughout the whole deal, really. I mean, he'd woken up on the tail-end of sex, then he beat himself up - quite literally. Except that I was him, of course."

Lois grabbed a handful of his hair. "I repeat, why didn't you fucking tell me sooner?"

Surprised, Tovia looked up at her. "Lois? W-What are you doing!"

She pulled him close to her face. "Fucking tell me what happened!"

"Let go of me! What are you doing?"

"When did you go to an asylum?"

"A few days ago! I don't know! I didn't want you to worry about me. Now can you please let go?"

Lois tossed him pants. "Don't question why you're not wearing them. Just pretend you were."

Tovia caught them. "W-What... What happened?" he asked quietly.

"None of your business."

"Lois, tell me."

"Vaati and I got fucking drunk last night. We had sex."

"Well, don't sugarcoat it," a voice murmured by her ear.

"You... you... you had... se... that... with _VAATI_?"

"You weren't in control of your body, therefore I had sex with_ Vaati_. Not you, Tovia."

"It was _my_ body!"

"It was _my_ choice," Vaati said audibly, his image appearing to Tovia's side.

"What the fuck is with you? It was just sex! It doesn't fucking mean I love him or anything!"

Tovia swung his fist at the hallucination. "Stay the hell out of this!"

Vaati reacted as though Tovia's fist had indeed nailed him in the jaw, complete with the illusion of impact. The hallucination stumbled away. "That wasn't very nice," he commented, his hand on his jaw.

"I don't fucking care! Get the hell out of my life!" Tovia kicked at him.

The blow landed on his shin. "Damn it!" he said. "Look, I know that neither of us are exactly happy, but-"

"Neither of us are happy? That's the understatement of the year! I'm furious!"

"I know we both wish I would go and die, but obviously, that's not going to happen anytime soon. The best thing we can do is keep calm and look for options."

"Keep calm and look for options?" Tovia laughed. "Haven't I been telling you that for weeks?"

Lois slapped Tovia. "Snap the fuck out of it!"

He pushed her towards Vaati. "Leave me alone!"

"Shit!" the sorcerer announced, but as such a reflex that not only did he not say it with his air-voice, but Tovia muttered it under his breath. Lois was headed toward a set of stairs; Vaati stirred up enough air behind her to keep her from falling down them, blowing her hair into tangles.

She straightened up so she wasn't relying on the air. "Thank you..."

"You didn't catch her! Why is she thanking you?"

"I'm not physically here, you dumbass!" he shouted audibly. "God, you're getting more insane every day!"

"Then how did I hit you?"

"I made you feel like you'd hit something because that would make you relieve some of your stress! Christ, you're welcome for doing you a_ favor_."

"Leave me alone. Both of you."

"You're in my house. Get the fuck out." Lois' eyes narrowed.

"You know, it's kind of hard for me to not be here."

"Just get out of my life! I can't take this anymore! The whole world is just against me!" Tovia yelled. "My best friend is having sex with the bastard that tried to kill her!"

"You just tried to kill me!" Lois shouted. "You're not in the place to be calling him a bastard!"

"Goddamn, these people are out of control," Vaati said to no one (despite the fact that he said it out loud).

Lois turned to the voice. "Keep your comments to yourself."

"Don't follow me. The both of you. Just stay out of my hair."

"It's just sex!" she called after him.

Vaati stayed, like Tovia requested, out of his hair - but of course, unable to fall asleep, he could only watch as the boy strode, fuming, toward the door.

"This isn't fucking good... Thanks, though... for saving me... you're the last fucking person I expected to do _that_. You probably would have fucking gotten Tovs' body if you let me die." There wasn't a response. She looked up and surveyed the empty room. "Vaati?"

* * *

Tovia clutched his sword. "I hate them..." He slashed at a Moblin. "Why isn't there anything stronger in Hyrule Field?" Tovia wandered south into the woods in hopes of finding a bear or a wolf to kill,_ something_ to help him calm down.

He hadn't been touring through the trees long before he stopped in front of a burgundy-haired girl with a pointed face and narrowed, deep brown eyes. "Who the hell are you?" he asked her.

She looked him up and down, spite in her gaze. "I could ask you the same question."

"I asked first."

She was wearing a floor-length black-and-white dress which seemed oddly untouched by the wildlife. "I guard the forest," she said simply. "From poachers like you."

Tovia moved past her. "I'm only killing one."

"What are you going to do with it?" she asked, standing immediately in his path.

"How did you...?"

"Are you going to cut off its head, throw its carcass in the street, and mount it in your living room?" her voice was like a knife.

"No! I'll leave it for the animals."

"Oh," she said sarcastically, then continued with the same spite. "You're doing this for sport."

"I'm doing it for stress!" Tovia snapped. He dug his fingers into his palm.

She motioned with her hand. "So you're going to make my animals pay for some petty qualm of yours?"

"One animal! It's better than an actual person!"

"You'd like to think so, wouldn't you?" The girl disappeared from her spot in front of him.

"What are you?" Tovia turned around, expecting to find her.

"I'm a guardian," she repeated, reappearing in the same spot as before, which was now behind him.

"But... how are you doing that...?" He was lost.

"You'll find that, after you die, nothing is hard to do," she said. "And I've had centuries of practice."

"Y-You're a ghost!"

"Can you hear me?" Lois' voice called out.

"Lois... why did you follow me?"

The ghost rolled her eyes. "Hylians in my forest..."

Lois came into view. "I only fucking followed you, you fucking jackass, because I can't fucking talk to Vaati if he doesn't fucking hear me."

"Vaati?" the girl asked suddenly, looking up to Lois. "How do you know Vaati? Who is he to you?"

She glanced at the ghost. "My friend. Who the fuck are you?"

"You know Vaati?" Tovia stared at the ghost, shocked.

"A friend?" the ghost spat. "I should have known. Friends of Vaati are not welcome here."

"I'm not his friend!"

"Okay, who the fuck is this fucking bitch?" Lois asked.

"My name," the ghost said, glaring, "is irrelevant! I don't like anyone consorting with that fiend near my forest. I'll protect it the way I did before he ripped me away from it."

Tovia stepped towards her. "Please, who are you?"

"I'm Cassandra! What does it matter?"

"You're... You're Cassandra?"

"You know my name?" the ghost asked. "Fiend! You only come to taunt me. Go back to your world before I set the beasts on you."

"No! I know you! You were Vaati's... Vaati's... what were you to him? Goddesses, I can't remember... girlfriend? You were his girlfriend? H-He..." Tovia paused, thinking it over and shifting through the memories that weren't his. "He... He killed you! But... how? How did he k-kill you?"

"He stabbed me with a dagger, if you must know." Wolves barked in the distance as she narrowed her eyes.

Tovia saw flashes of the dagger and staggered back. "I remember that."

Something stirred in him. Vaati had fallen asleep._ Hmm?_ he asked.

_The dagger you used to kill Cassandra. I know what it looks like._

_Holy shit! That's Cassandra!_ Tovia's eyes widened.

_Don't do that!_ His eyes stayed widened by force.

"You remember?" Cassandra asked, her brown eyes widening eerily as she stepped toward them, her deep maroon-curtained head inclined forward.

Tovia nodded. "I-I remember... see... it's because... well, you wouldn't believe me. I'm lucky that Lois and Link believe me."

"Believe you what?" Her voice took on a more menacing tone. The snarling howls in the distance grew more numerous.

"T-Tovs, let's get the fuck out of here." Lois shook his shoulder.

"I... I'm... H-He says... I'm Vaati's... reincarnation."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

_Tovia. Don't say anything. I don't think this can turn out well._

_Too late._ "It means that I'm... technically... him." Tovia was disgusted with himself.

She bristled with hatred, her pupils wide like a cat's. "Explain yourself, or you will suffer his desserts!"

"M-My name's Tovia... I don't know how to really explain it. We've been sharing this body for a while... but he says he's always been there."

"Are you saying he's here now?"

_What are you doing?_

"Yes."

"You fucking moron!" Lois snapped.

Cassandra strode toward him, flickering out of existence and skipping forward a few inches sporadically. She reached out a hand for him. "Hand him over," she demanded.

_Cassandra?_ Vaati said, mystified.

Tovia cringed. "I don't know how."

She put her hand on his arm. Even through his tunic, he could feel how cold she was, and shivered on contact. Not seeming to notice, Cassandra looked up into his eyes. Then, she gripped his arm tightly - and with a sudden wrench, she pulled Vaati by the arm into the clearing.

He stumbled, confused. It was Vaati; if it wasn't for the translucence, he would appear exactly like the purple-caped Hylian that he projected so often. But he was there, and not in Tovia, who he looked on with as much discomfort as though he was looking on himself. "Wha..." he breathed, his voice echoing slightly.

"What the fuck?" Lois stared at the ghostly figure. "Is that fucking Vaati?"

"Y-Yeah."

Cassandra seemed not to hear them. She began with a growl toward Vaati.

"Please, let me explain," he started -

"Explain what?" she asked. "Explain why you killed me? Explain why you ripped my life away from me?"

Tovia stood in front of Vaati. "L-Let him explain! Everyone deserves an explanation. He's a fucking bastard and I wish he'd die, but... He hasn't seen you in years. Let him explain himself."

"Okay," she said, but didn't look away from Vaati despite the fact that Tovia was in her line of sight. "I want to know. Why did you kill me?'

The Wind Mage opened and closed his ghostly mouth, but didn't have anything prepared. "I..."

"What? You what?"

"I... wasn't... myself. I wasn't thinking straight."

Tovia stepped aside quietly. As dumb as he was, he knew this wouldn't end well.

She walked up to him - she only amounted to Vaati's shoulder, she was shorter than any of them, which they had failed to notice before, but still she instilled enough fear (and... was that regret?) for it not to matter - and gripped him by the arms. Then she flung him against a tree, which, surprisingly, held firm against him, and she leaned her arm into his neck as though to choke him.

Tovia gasped. He tried to breathe. Why couldn't he breathe? His eyes rolled up towards Vaati and Cassandra. Could he ever catch a break? He grabbed his hands around his constricted neck and fell to his knees.

"Huh?" Lois looked towards where the choking sounds were coming from. "Tovia!"

"What the-?" Vaati asked.

"Stop it!" Lois shouted. "You're killing him!"

"I'll kill you like you killed me," the brunette growled.

"But - but we're both dead!" Vaati gasped.

"You fucking wimp, don't die on me! I'll fucking kill you!"

"I can make you wish so!" Cassandra urged. "I will have you suffer as I have!"

"What - ?" the purple Hylian asked, pushing against her arm despite his lack of necessity to breathe. "How - ?"

Lois turned towards them. "Just fucking let Vaati the fuck go! Do whatever the fuck you need to do, just don't kill him!"

Her arm's pressure against Vaati's throat lessened a little, and Tovia gasped for air. "I've been trapped in these woods," she said, "without death nor life. The Goddesses' punishment for you was too forgiving."

She wrapped an arm around Tovia, holding onto him. "Are you okay?"

He put a hand on his chest and tried to catch his breath.

"How do you know about -?"

She cut Vaati's question short, putting her small hand over his mouth. "I will give you a lesson. If you can prove to me that you have changed, that you were, indeed," she seemed to grimace slightly, "'not yourself', I may find it in my heart to love you again." Her voice seemed to portray that no such thing could happen, but Vaati hung onto her words. "But if you fail to learn this lesson," she continued, her hand still clamping his mouth shut, "I will lock you in Hyrule Castle forever."

"You fucking expect him to fucking stay as a fucking ghost the entire fucking time?"

She turned to glare at Lois for a moment. Then she turned back to Vaati and said, "You should go before I decide to kill your host and his girlfriend." Without a further word, she moved him from the tree and shoved him toward Tovia, who was still regaining his composure.

Upon contact, Vaati was sucked - literally, _sucked_ - back into Tovia, and some color returned to his cheeks. Cassandra was nowhere to be found.

Tovia fell back onto the took a deep breath, his throat hoarse and dry. _I really should have listened to you._

_You don't fucking say,_ Vaati thought shakily.

Lois punched him in the stomach immediately. "You fucking moron! The next time, think about what you're fucking doing! Do you have any idea how bad that could have ended? What if she killed you? Vaati, talk some sense into this dumbass!"

_I told you so._

Tovia tried to catch his breath for the third time that day. "I'm sorry!" he croaked.

She pulled him by the hair back towards Kakariko Village. "I swear to goddesses, I am going to kill you one day."

"Ow!"

"Shut up! Vaati, take over this damn dumbass so I don't have to drag him all the way."

He stumbled forward, as though adamant to have Lois's order remain unfulfilled, but then stumbled back, swaying a bit on his feet, looking kind of bewildered and generally uncomfortable.

Lois let go of his hair. "Now let's just fucking go. I need to relax."

Tovia ran a hand through his hair and coughed. "That was weird," he said, his throat still dry.

"What? Your dead bitch of an ex-girlfriend?" Lois grumbled. "Hate that bitch. Trying to kill Tovia. Fucking... I'm the only one who gets to kill Tovia."

"I thought I got to kill Tovia," he debated, looking forward at the horizon.

"You can help."

He looked ahead at her, but his expression didn't exactly move into a smile like it seemed he'd intended it to. Then he looked back out at the horizon, a distant look in his eyes.

She slowed her walking down and waited for him to catch up. When she realized he wasn't moving, Lois stopped completely and looked over her shoulder at him, annoyed. "What the fuck are you doing? Planning to ride off into the fucking sunset?"

He blinked at her. "Hmm?" Then he shook his head. "Oh. Nothing." He started walking again and caught up to her, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Really?" Lois continued walking. "Nothing? Liar."

He let out a sharp breath as a hint of a laugh, but didn't reply otherwise.

Lois sighed. "Has the whole world just gone to hell? Tovia pulled the dumbest move ever, you're off in dreamworld... What am I, the only sane one?"

This time he really did smile a little. "You? Sane?" he asked. "The world really is going to hell."

"Asshole."

He stuck his tongue out at her.

She rolled her eyes. "And now you're an immature prick? Yep, world's gone to hell."

Tovia crossed his arms as they walked; they had slowed to a strolling pace. "So," he ventured, "you do agree that I'm hot?"

"Purple's a very nice shade on you."

"When I'm not getting choked by an ex-girlfriend, anyway."

Lois laughed. "Does that happen a lot?"

"I make it a habit to not run into ex-girlfriends, let's put it that way," he replied, watching the field stretch away ahead of them.

"So that's why you're always in the tavern..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't play dumb."

He opened his mouth, then closed it. Then he explained, "I go to the tavern to meet girls despite the risk of re-meeting them."

"...Okay, you didn't need to tell me your fucking life story."

Tovia looked at her a little irritatedly, his blue eyes briefly meeting hers. Then he let out an odd sigh and looked back to the distance.

"Stop being so fucking moody and just talk. Goddesses, you're worse than Tovia."

"I just feel really weird right now," he admitted.

"Would you like to talk to your fucking therapist about it?" Lois asked gently.

He let out a snort of laughter. "I don't know," he continued in spite of his amusement. "She left me feeling weird."

Lois snorted. "Did she fuck you while I wasn't looking?"

"Not unless two thousand years ago before you had eyes to look with counts."

"That can count." She grabbed his hand. "So what's wrong?"

He was surprised by the gesture and looked at her accordingly. "I don't know," he said. "What? I..."

"Oh for fuck sake's, Vaati!" Lois snapped, patience gone. "Just tell me!"

"I'm desperately in love with her!" he shouted. Then he looked frightened and turned away.

Lois watched his back. "What?"

"I'm in love with her," he repeated, his cheeks radiating with a blush. Nervously, and terrified, he hugged his arms around himself in a vaguely Tovia-like fashion. "Cassandra. I still love her."

"Well she obviously doesn't love you back."

Tovia turned so she couldn't see his face. "I know," he said. "I know that, don't you know I know that?"

Lois quickened her pace. "She's definitely fucking over you..."

He watched after her, a hand resting on his face. "What the fuck," he muttered to himself. "What the fuck...?"

"Are you coming or not?"

"Yeah," he said, hastily wiping a hand across his eyes before jogging to catch up with her.

She didn't look at him. "When we get back to Kakariko, you can go to Castle Town. Tovia and you deserve a fucking break."

"I... I don't know," he said, somewhat quietly. "I think Tovia really wants to help Link. Get his mind off things, I suppose."

"Just be your fucking self. Quit acting all nice. It's pissing me off."

He let out another snort of laughter and a corner of his mouth rose. "Imagine. Being nice to a girl pisses her off."

She smirked. "I'm not really that fucking normal so it shouldn't fucking surprise you."

"Normal," he said. "I don't think I know anybody personally who can vouch for that definition."

"You're in his body."

"Tovia's not normal," he said easily. "How many people have a two-thousand-year-old sex addict under their cap? Link's not normal, and you just have to look at Midna to tell she's not even from the same realm."

Lois shrugged. "He was normal until he knew about you."

"Normal..." He searched his memories. "The kid that painted his toenails without your persuasion?"

"Oh yeah... I fucking forgot about that... You know what? You're fucking right. Tovia's always been gay." Lois scrunched her nose. "He didn't really complain when I dressed him up, either."

The memory made Tovia chuckle.

"You know it's true." Lois grinned. "Okay, so Tovia's not normal either."

"Far from _that_."

"So, are you going to fucking stop being all nice? I'm going to fucking punch you if you keep it up."

He laughed. "Consider me mean," he said, bowing slightly.

She smirked. "That's what I fucking like about you. Can't have the good without the bad."

Tovia tilted his head as though unsure about how to take that. Then he shrugged. "In a few hours, the sun will rise," he observed.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know but it's true!"

Lois pushed him into Kakariko. "Freak."

He stumbled forward and rubbed his neck again, looking up at the sky.

_What are you doing?_

_What do you mean, what the fuck am I doing?_ he thought, following Lois into the inn.

_You're acting weird..._ he pointed out.

_You're one to talk._

_S-Shut up! I had every right to! What's wrong with you?_

_Why do you guys keep asking me that?_

Tovia was going to reply when he stopped his thoughts.

He couldn't remember the time he painted his nails.

* * *

A/N: Welp, that's over. Now back to fangirling over Doctor Who and David Tennant - especially being in Harry Potter(I will never watch those scenes the same way again) - with my father. Nerdgasam~.

Until next time...

ALLONS-Y!


	26. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: HOLY SHIT :O

A/N: IT'S A NEW CHAPTER!

;A; I don't wanna go to school tomorrooooow~ D: I want to stay hooooome and draw Toviaaaaaa~. :c Aw well. School's been okay. I guess. Meh.

* * *

Tovia's form walked into the inn, looking annoyed, angry, and distant. He walked around Shad, who was greeting Lois, surprised.

"Lois, what're you -"

"Shad, I was just fucking here last night. Relax." Lois rolled her eyes. "Tovia and I went to Castle Town last night and decided to sleep there. We're fine. Agree with me, Tovs."

"Yeah, we slept there," he agreed. Then he looked a bit startled and glanced away.

"See?" Lois tossed herself down onto a bed. "What did we miss?"

He looked between them as if suspicious, then shook it off. "Link left," he said simply.

Lois shrugged. "He'll be back? Tovia likes 'saving the world' even though he makes us do all the fucking work."

Tovia chuckled softly at this.

"Um," Shad said, glancing at him. "I don't know. He's gone to find the characters to my book. You see," he said excitedly, "I think I've found a great -"

"Oh please shut the fuck up."

Dismayed, the scholar closed his mouth. He looked between them. "What are you going to do?"

"Sleep? Talk?" Lois pulled Tovia down next to her. "Whatever."

Shad lifted his book, which, oddly enough, had a dagger sticking out of it. "I must return to my studies," he said. "I think we're on the verge of a real breakthrough. Imagine! Going into the sky and finding an entire race of beings..." his voice died at Lois's expression. "Um. I guess I'll go now."

"Get the fuck out of my inn."

After a slight hesitation, the scholar shook his head and complied.

Lois patted Tovia's shoulder. "See, that's how you get rid of a scholar that goes on about the same damn thing over and over again."

"I used to kill them," he said easily.

"I'm all for killing monsters." Lois shrugged. "But even I don't like murder."

He had no answer for that, so he stared at the ceiling.

"I'm just going to take a wild guess and say you do."

"I'm indifferent," he said. "Some days I'd watch a man be killed because it was fun; some days I'd wince at the idea. Sometimes I decided to honor my enemies by killing them personally and some days I had my general or even a soldier do it. Yeah, I had soldiers," he added, grinning.

Lois laughed at his expression. "I believe it, but, just hearing that out of Tovia's mouth is fucking hilarious."

"_Fucking _hilarious, is it?"

"Not now. Too likely Shad will walk in. Or one of the kids."

"Early Sex Ed," he offered halfheartedly, then propped himself on his elbows.

Lois watched him. "Hm, tempting."

Tovia's head shook from side to side. "Nah. Tovia might strangle himself or something."

"Did..." she whispered. "Did you just..." Her eyes widened. "Holy shit, you just said no to sex."

He rolled his eyes and opened his mouth. Then he hesitated and closed it again, a curious look on his face.

"I can't believe you said no to sex. That's fucking scary. I mean... Vaati, you're not sick are you?"

"Get over yourself," he said, and shifted so he was facing away from her. He lay on his side, thinking heavily.

Lois stuck her tongue out at him. "Asshole."

His fingers rubbed together subconsciously and he ignored - or rather, didn't hear - her remark.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Thinking," he answered.

"About?"

He didn't answer that.

Lois pushed him lightly. "Tell me."

"I'm wondering why I said no to sex," he said, his eyes widening as he spoke.

"You look surprised," she pointed out.

"I didn't mean to say that," he answered, and sat up.

"Okay? So? Doesn't really matter."

"I mean I... I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that out loud." He turned to her. "Like I'd never admit that I'm still in love with Cassandra, least of all to you."

"What are you trying to say?" Lois asked. "Do you think something happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're saying you'd never say any of that stuff. I'm asking if you think something happened in the woods. Did Tovia eat anything?"

He scanned his memory, then shrugged. "No," he answered. "And Cassandra didn't..." He paused.

Lois groaned. "What did bitch queen do? Vaati, you can't accept candy from strangers. Didn't you learn that as a kid?"

"She... mentioned something about... a lesson," he admitted. "I'm not sure what she meant."

"A lesson? Interesting... Well, maybe this is a spell? You can't tell a lie?"

He made a face. "I don't know," he said. "I hope to God that's not it."

"Oh please, there's worse. Quit being so dramatic." She scoffed. "She could have made you my slave. ...Damn I wish she made you my slave."

Tovia laughed nervously.

"You'd be so dead if I was your master."

"I'm glad it's not that, then," he said. "Let's try a different topic."

Lois stood up and grabbed her bow. "Go grab an apple and put it on your head. I want to practice."

He opened his mouth to retort, then stood up and made his way to the pantry.

"What the fuck are you doing? Are you seriously going to let me practice?"

He turned to face her, an apple gripped in his hand. He was as pale as death. "I... I don't know."

Lois grinned. "Let me try this... Vaati, bark."

Angry and frustrated, he made to shout an insult, but only barked, more genuinely than he otherwise would have hoped to. He covered his mouth.

"Oh damn, I have to thank your ex. She has a twisted mind." Lois laughed. "What did Tovia say you usually say? 'Fun times will be had'?"

His right hand completed its task and placed the piece of fruit on his head, which was a deep shade of red. "Lois, this isn't funny!"

"Are you nuts? Of course it's funny! Vaati, think about it. If you were in my place, what would you do?" She set the bow down.

The more he did, the more frustrated he looked. He crossed his arms.

"Alright, put the apple down."

Instantly he ripped it from his head and threw it at the floor with such force that it split into small pieces. Then he started for the exit.

"Where the hell are you going?" Lois stepped toward him over the fruit carnage.

"Away," said Tovia's voice gruffly.

Lois poked the back of his shoulder. "Where's away?"

"I don't care." He opened the door and stormed outside.

She tried to match his pace. "Why are you so pissed?"

"I can't do this."

"What, you don't like being forced to do crap you didn't want to?"

"Exactly!" He glared over at her.

Lois crossed her arms and stopped. "Uh, hate to break it to you, but, Vaati? You're doing the same thing to a certain someone."

A few steps ahead, Tovia stopped in his tracks. His fists clenched at his sides.

"It's true. Don't go and tell me it isn't. You _know _it's true."

His head turned slightly toward her, so she could see some of his face. His bright blue eye was scanning the ground as though looking for answers. Then, silently, he crossed his arms and headed for the cave beside the spirit's spring.

Lois followed him. "Want to talk about it or are you going to apologize?"

"I'm going," he said.

Lois stopped again. "You're coming back when you're finished."

"I am?" he asked.

"I order you to come back when you're finished." She placed her hands on her hips.

He only paused briefly before continuing silently down the passage beyond the first cavern.

_Where are we going? _Tovia asked.

_I don't know. I just need to... be away from her._

_Yeah, I understand what you mean... It's weird being ordered around by Lois without being able to say no._

When he reached the end of the passage, he leaned up against its wall, looking into the small pond a few feet away. Then he slid down the wall until he was sitting sideways against it.

Tovia's thoughts seemed to shift, getting comfortable within his own head. _Are you okay? I'm sorry for acting so horrible earlier. I don't know what got into me._

_It's odd,_ Vaati thought. _For a thousand years I've been experiencing what you've been through during the past month. It doesn't bother me... well, not as much. But this... curse... it's different._

_It's not that different... You're being forced to do things you don't want to. You're not in control of your body. I know how that feels._

_That's not quite it. I've never been in control of my body. Even now, when things are... now that I'm you, and I can do things, there are still times when I have no control at all. And it doesn't bother me._

_Then why does it bother you now?_

"I don't know," said Tovia's voice, fustrated and confused.

_Calm down. Just try and explain it the best you can. Is it because Lois is a girl?_

_It doesn't have to do with... It doesn't have much to do with Lois._ He paused._ Why are you being so nice to me?_

Tovia gave a mental shrug. _I don't know... I think it has to do with Lois._

_It has to do with barking on command._

_Su... su... I can't remember the word. In charge thing problem?_

_You mean me having a problem with not being in charge? We just went over that. I've been out of charge before._

_How do I make you see things? Maybe I can give you a mental picture..._

Tovia's eyes rolled._ Just think about it, Tovia. You can't do what I can do, but I can do what you can't do so we'll just call it even._

_...But what about barking?_

Tovia's head rested in his hands. "I can't believe this is who I'm left with for help."

_Hey, that's mean. I'm at least trying. Um... Can you see what I'm trying to think?_

When he looked, Vaati saw a quick flash of Shad's book open. "Yes," he said evenly. "But smooth out the details. You have bad connection."

_Forget it. I can't do it,_ Tovia thought dejectedly. _You just don't like Lois making you bark, right?_

_I don't like barking,_ he corrected.

_But you do voices sometimes. Like, remember that time you woke me up by meowing like a cat?_

_That was a real cat,_ he reminded Tovia. _But barking isn't the point. It was..._ he deflated_.__ I don't know._

_Maybe you should just tell her yourself. ...Actually, that's a bad idea even for me._

He shook Tovia's head. _Maybe it would be easier if you just took over._

_I'm fine with that. Thanks._

For a few moments, nothing happened at all.

Tovia looked confused. _Tovia?_ Vaati thought.

_Yes?_

_This is where you take control._

_It is? But you didn't do anything._

The back of Tovia's head hit the wall in annoyance._ Just take the fuck over._

_I'm trying!_

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" he shouted. "You fucking bitch!"

_I said I was trying, you don't have to yell at me!_

"I'm yelling at Cassandra, you fucking idiot." He stood up, glaring. "This is all her fault."

_You mean we're stuck like this? _Tovia asked. _For how long?_

"I don't know," he growled, then stormed back down the passage. "That bitch."

_Goddesses, I hope this isn't permanent. I don't know what I'm going to do if it is._

"You? I'd rather be in your position than mine!" He turned toward the inn.

Lois shot an arrow just to the right of him. "Duck!"

_Arrow!_

"Shit!" Tovia ducked out of the way. "That could have fucking hit me!"

"I aimed it so it wouldn't. Next time, don't step out in front of my arrow! That could have fucking killed you. Dumbass." Lois walked over and pulled the arrow out of the sign.

"At least that would be old news," he snapped.

"Moody much?" Lois waved the arrow in his face.

"I just found out that Tovia and I can't fucking switch anymore," he stated, fuming.

Lois tossed the arrow over his shoulder. "Really? That sucks. Poor Tovs. Actually, nah, not poor Tovs... He doesn't have to deal with me." She grinned.

He rounded on her, shouting. "You don't care. Why don't you care? I thought you were supposed to be Tovia's fucking friend, but you go off fucking me and flipping him off at every opportunity. You're supposed to want me to die!"

She regarded him with a wary look. "I am his friend. I treat my friends like crap because I love them and there's no real fucking point on showing a bunch of cliche feelings. What the hell do you _want _me to do, Vaati?"

"There's a difference between showing a bunch of cliche feelings and actually caring about someone. Lately you haven't been caring about Tovia at all. The last time I've ever heard anything positive about him come out of your mouth was when you confessed that you loved him in the desert. But since then? It's been Vaati, Vaati, Vaati. I tried to fucking _kill_ you!"

"It's none of your fucking business how I treat my best friend!" Lois shouted. "Get the fuck off of my case! You're my friend, too, okay? I don't really fucking care that you tried to kill me! Yeah, whatever, okay, I don't like that you did. I'm really pissed about that. But you know what? _Tovia _tried to kill me today, didn't he?"

His angry face contorted into confusion. "When the fuck was that?"

"...Well... you never know. If I had fallen down the stairs I could have broken my neck."

He rolled his eyes. "You weren't going to fall down the fucking stairs."

"It could've happened!"

Tovia's eyes closed, and he sighed. "I need to go," he said, but remained still. "You need to sort out whatever the fuck is happening, and I need to go kill something."

"Fine. Just fucking leave. Tell Tovia to come back when you're done. Now I don't want to see you anymore."

Without another word, Tovia turned away from her and stalked off toward the northern end of Kakariko.

"Asshole!" she called after him. "You're worse than Tovs!"

Soon, he'd left her line of sight. Lois turned and shot an arrow at the spring. "Fuck them. I don't need them."

* * *

_Did you just stick up for me? _Tovia thought, bewildered.

His body was busy walking angrily toward the northern gates. "I don't know," he said.

_It seemed like you stuck up for me._

"I just exploded at her."

_I thought you two liked each other..._

"I was fucking her," he corrected. "She's good to talk to."

_So you're just friends? _Tovia wondered.

"I don't know what the fuck we are. I don't even know if she's human."

_Midna thinks Lois is the devil. I think she might be onto something..._

"Lois isn't the devil," he said in all seriousness. "She cares too much. But it's hard to tell what she cares about. Her care for her own personal life is lackadaisical at best."

_Lack-a-what?_

"Lackadaisical," Tovia's voice repeated irritatedly. "Without vigor. Lethargic."

Tovia's thoughts ceased for a few moments. _...I'll just pretend I understand what you said. Continue._

His head shook. "She doesn't give a shit," it rephrased.

_She's always been that way._

He sighed silently.

_Where are we going? _Tovia asked after a few moments.

"To find Link."

_But I thought you hate him?_

"I want to kill something."

Tovia had recently gotten to know the feeling. _He's somewhere around here..._

"I didn't see them!" Link's voice shouted nearby. The sound of hoof beats began to fill the air, getting closer and closer until Vaati could vaguely see the outline of Epona and Link being chased by a horde of Bulbins on boars.

_There he is._

Tovia's body stepped to the side of the racing horse and raised its arms toward the oncoming Bulbins. All it took was a few long moments and the concentration of all of Vaati's rage before, with a shout that was something like an animalistic roar, and a gigantic glowing light, most of the creatures behind Link were dead; some disintegrated.

His arms fell to his sides, and he landed on his knees, panting, a broad grin growing on his face.

"What...?" Link brought Epona down to a halt. He looked behind him, shocked. "Tovia... did you do that?"

"That... was just what I needed," he said, feeling somewhat relaxed.

Link dismounted his horse and knelled down next to him. "Are you alright? What did you do? Did... was that even you? Tovia, please tell me. I'm really confused right now."

"Shit happened in the woods," he answered, still panting slightly. "I'm Vaati, and I used magic. And it felt fucking good."

"You're the guy that tried to kill Lois?" Link stood up. "What are you doing in Tovia's body? I want to know everything you know about this whole situation."

He sighed, then looked up at the hero. "Don't you know anything?"

"Not nearly enough. This is my first time meeting you."

"Well, let me summarize myself for you. I'm an evil bastard who likes to fuck people and kill things, especially in the name of gaining more power."

"Are you on our side at the moment?"

"What does that mean?" He eyed Link.

Link sighed a second time. "As in, should I postpone your death until you're ready to be evil?"

He shook his head. "Death is irrelevant. But if you kill me, you kill Tovia."

"Any other way to kill you without killing him or am I stuck with having to hurt my friend?"

"Nope. Sorry. Tovia and I are inseparable," he said spitefully.

"I'll have to ask Shad later." Link mounted Epona. "Where are you heading?"

"Anywhere. I don't give a fuck."

Link reluctantly patted Epona. "Hop on..."

He grimaced at the idea. "I can find my own way," he said uncomfortably.

"How do you feel about riding a boar?"

Tovia eyed the lost, confused animal. It seemed to be about the only thing that had survived, and with reason, too; it was about the biggest and dumbest of the lot. He shrugged. "Sure, why not," he said, and walked over to it. The thing was so confused it didn't even care when Tovia climbed into its saddle.

"I'm going back to Kakariko soon. I just need one more character and then I'm done. You can make yourself useful and help me." Link started Epona into a trot.

"I can, can I?" Tovia said to himself. He started the boar going - or rather, he tried. It seemed not to notice it even had anyone on it. After a few moments, however, it did start - into an awkward gallop-like movement that bounced him around more than Epona's trot did Link, and that went only a little faster.

Link saw Tovia bouncing along and chuckled. "You have to or else I won't allow you and Tovia to help defeat Ganondorf."

"What do I care about some old pig?" he scoffed. "He's so uptight."

"You don't want to get rid of him?"

"I don't really care." He shrugged - or, he made to, but whether or not his shoulders lifted purposely was hard to tell.

"You're confusing. You say you like to kill things and here I am offering you a chance to kill the King of Evil with me and you're telling me you _don't care_?"

"I don't care about what happens to Hyrule and," he huffed, "When did Ganondork become the 'King of Evil'?"

_More people have heard about him than you, _Tovia informed him.

Link shrugged. "I've never heard of you. Everyone knows who Ganondorf is. He's in all the legends."

He growled. "Both of you, shut the fuck up! He's stupid! He has no class!"

He raised an eyebrow. "I've never met him, so I wouldn't know."

_I'm just telling you the facts..._

"Like kidnapping the Princess is so original. And what the hell is a giant pig going to do?"

"Have you ever kidnapped the Princess?"

He politely ignored Link.

Link didn't feel like pressing it. "I heard that he was a Gerudo."

"He is. Why does it matter?"

"I just find that interesting. The Gerudo are gone now."

Tovia opened his mouth, then got lost in his musings - which was really hard when he was bouncing around so much.

"A fly's going to land in your mouth." Link smirked.

Tovia's mouth snapped closed and he glared over at the blurry figure of the Hero.

"You're going the wrong way." Link pointed out that Vaati's boar was veering to the right.

He pulled on the reins sharply, and the boar started a long, slight curve to the left.

"I just realized... animals can sense spirits... I'm not used to being a wolf so I can't sense things like other wolves can, but, Epona sensed you when she first met Tovia, didn't she? She knew there was someone bad there and that's why she attacked him." Link was mostly talking to himself, really. He wasn't expecting any response. "I guess Tovia was doomed from the start."

"Doomed from the start," Tovia echoed gloomily. "Sounds familiar."

"What?" He glanced at him. "Sorry, thinking aloud."

"Yeah, me too." He jerked on the boar's reins. "How far are we? This thing is making me seasick."

Link pulled out his marked map. "Turn right."

He groaned and rolled his eyes, then attempted to drag the boar to the right. It didn't seem to know any speed besides 'run' or any direction besides 'straight-ish'.

"How about we just walk the rest?" Link suggested, noticing the struggle next to him.

"Yes," he said eagerly. "If I can get this goddamn thing to stop." Despite his attitude, the beast actually stopped when he pulled back on the reins - or at least, when he did so with all of his weight. Eventually the giant boar pulled to a stop and looked about himself, as though unsure about what century he was in. Tovia dismounted as quickly as he could, then wobbled for a few moments.

* * *

A/N: AND THEN MIDNA ENDED THIS CHAPTER ON A SHITTY NOTE BECAUSE SHE'S TIRED AND HAS STUFF TO DO! :D


	27. Halloween Special :o Again

Disclaimer: HOLY SHIT :O

A/N: YOU'VE NO IDEA WHAT TROUBLE I JUST WENT THROUGH TO UPLOAD THIS.

**Internet gets turned off because of bill problem and THEN my computer decides to be a bitch and restart THREE TIMES.**

Have your damn Halloween special! DX

* * *

Something strange had been going on with Tovia for months. At first it was just occasionally mumbling to himself and forgetting conversations from the day before but then he'd go missing for days only to come back nervous and jumpy.

The mumbling got a little louder and sometimes at night, while camping in Hyrule Field, Lois would feel him watching her while she tried to fall asleep. He'd be a little too friendly one moment, and then immediately put distance between them.

One time she noticed him sizing her up, which made her proud of her best friend and a little embarrassed that the boy she'd been meaning to tell she liked was now paying attention to her. As quick as it had started, it had ended. Tovia not only stopped staring at her like she was the only person left on the planet, but he told her and Link that he was going to go to Castle Town for a few days and 'check up on the resistance' then meet up with them at Lake Hylia.

When he came back, there were bruises all over his body and something looked wrong with his eyes. Tovia refused to tell her anything, though. Shortly afterward, Lois noticed that the mumbling had gotten worse. Sometimes it wasn't even mumbling but very quiet yelling, as though he were having arguments with himself. She tried to get him to open up to her, but every time it seemed like he was about to tell her, he'd suddenly shout that he had to go somewhere and wouldn't come back until hours later.

Things hit rock bottom when they had to sit out helping Link at the City in the Sky. The two were talking like old times while waiting for Link to get back, reminiscing, when Tovia suddenly blinked and looked completely lost. When she asked what was wrong, he told her that he didn't remember half the stuff she was talking about. He blamed his forgetfulness on being tired and distractedly told her he was going to catch some rest when he stumbled and hit the ground, blacking out.

Lois leapt to his side, but he woke up only a few seconds later. He ran a hand through his hair, grumbled what she was sure was a curse, and took off before she could stop him.

He didn't come back.

Lois searched for Tovia when Link brought her back down to Hyrule, begging the resistance to help her find him despite their promise to help Link storm the castle to save the princess. In short, none of them were able to gather a search party and she was left alone wandering the streets calling for him.

One day, weeks later, when she was just about ready to give up the search, she bumped into a purple-skinned Hylian with a familiar face and bright red eyes. He smiled eerily at the sight of her.

"Hello, Lois."

* * *

A/N: ENJOY IT.


	28. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda, unfortunately.

A/N: GUESS WHO TURNS 2 TOMORROW? ;W; THAT'S RIGHT, TOVIA~! ...and, well, this whole story, actually... I don't really have anything special for it other than another chapter, but that's only because Skyward Sword is out tomorrow, so go celebrate with that and if you don't have it yet, wellllp... You're kinda screwed.

* * *

Link grabbed Epona's reins and led her along behind them as they trod along on foot. "This is your first time in Tovia's body, right?"

Tovia's face looked at him incredulously. "You kidding me? Whether you mean taking over or generally being here, the answer's a big fat 'no'."

"Oh! Right... I forgot about the desert. I wasn't really there, so Lois had had to fill me in."

"Besides that, I've taken him over loads. When you were around, even. I've been me... let's see." He counted off his fingers. "Kakariko, but you weren't really there... I've snuck off a bunch. Uh, there was the Lost Woods, and then the Temple of Time -"

"You mean to tell me that you've been pretending to be Tovia?" Link let go of Epona's reins. "Is there even a Tovia to begin with or is that just a big cover?"

Tovia let out a sharp laugh. "That's a good one. Philosophical. No, don't be so dramatic. I only pretended to be him once. And that was Lois's idea."

Link glared up at the sky. "She's insane, isn't she? Goddesses, why do I know so many insane people?"

"You're one to talk," he snorted.

"More insane than me," the Hero amended. "Walk a little faster. I'm going to trip over you."

Instantly, his eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything about the matter as his pace increased. Instead, he looked over to the green-garbed Hylian. "You know, you're a jerk."

"What?" Link matched his pace.

"Just generally. I've died three times, you know, and each time it was your fault." Quickly, he added, "Well, I guess you kind of had to, seeing as how I was trying to take over the world. But you don't have to be such a douche about it."

"I never did anything to you. Va... Vaati? Your name's Vaati, right? Vaati, this is my first time actually meeting you."

He shook his head. "You're the same every time. Even your clothes. Look at you!" Tovia's arm motioned up and down the hero's height. "You've never changed except for your pixelation."

"What? What the hell are you going on about?"

"Reincarnation. You _do_ know you're the legendary Hero, right? Well, you're always reborn, like, apparently, I was supposed to be." He looked away in thought. "Or maybe I did. Was that me? Can't be. From a theistic-" He shook his head. "That's not the point. My point is that you always have the same personality."

Link nodded slowly. "Reincarnation? It's not too far fetched... So I had to stop you before how many times?"

"Three." He held up three fingers in case Link had forgotten the meaning of the word. "Can't remember the exact details, not when I try. But I was trying to take over Hyrule and you killed me. Well," he corrected, "not really. Twice you just sealed me in a sword. But the third time you killed me."

"You have to do what you have to do. I'd apologize but you said it yourself, you're an evil bastard."

He rolled his eyes. "Well, _duh_." He furrowed his eyebrows. "By the way, you're much more talkative than usual."

"I haven't had human contact for a bit. Give me a few minutes, I'll start to quiet down."

"I don't mean now, I mean usually. Your whole life. In the years B.T., I never heard more than three words come out of your mouth." He paused. "Honestly, I thought you were mute."

"Me? Mute? No... I just don't like to talk a lot."

"B.T. means 'before Tovia'. I was talking about your past lives."

"I wouldn't know. Maybe I was mute before."

Tovia heaved a sigh. "Never mind. There's no use talking to you about it."

Link gestured to a statue. "Well, at least we found the next character. Slow down a bit, I need to get out the Dominion Rod."

Tovia complied (not that he'd had much choice in the matter) and crossed his arms, thinking that while it was a cool enough nickname, the girls probably wouldn't go for it.

Link waved the rod at the statue and a green ball of light flew to it, then fit into its hole perfectly. Link stepped forward, and that statue followed. "Go get me the character." He tossed a book at Tovia's body. Surprised, he caught it, and looked around.

What confused him the most then was something that, though the revelation was nearly pointless, shed some light on the nature of Vaati's predicament. The fact was that he himself had no idea what the 'character' was or where he might find it, yet in spite of this, he found himself walking forward and peering into the crevice in which the statue had been resting. Inscribed on that, he found upon inspection, was the 'character' they were looking for. "Huh," he said, looking it over. Only a few short moments after that, his body made the trip back to Link, scribbling into the journal.

"Did you write it down?" Link asked.

"Yeah." He handed the book over, an almost entirely lost expression on his face.

"Thanks." Link took out his map. "I think I got them all. Ready to go back to Kakariko? I have to give them to Shad."

He grimaced. "We have to go back already?"

"You _could _stay out. I'd rather you didn't, though."

"I just... don't want to be around Lois."

"You don't have to be around Lois?"

Tovia eyed Link. "You don't even know what I'm talking about," he stated.

"I don't. Why don't you want to be around her?"

"We got into a fight."

"About...?"

He let out a breath. "Her." He shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

Link patted his back lightly. "Come on, we're done. Let's just get back and relax."

Tovia nodded, then, with a second of surprise and an odd, twisted expression, he stumbled, and his arms reached out for support. "Whoa," he said.

"Are you okay?" Link steadied him.

"That was fast..." Tovia rubbed the back of his neck."We were stuck like that for a while."

Link eyed him. "Stuck like what?"

"Vaati and I couldn't switch back."

"So this is Tovia I'm talking to?"

He nodded.

"You two are going to drive me insane." Link sighed. "You can ride Epona with me," he offered as he mounted her.

"I still feel weird, though..." Tovia frowned.

Link helped him up onto the horse. "Feel weird?"

"Yeah... I don't feel so uptight." Tovia shook his head. "I just feel like I don't have to worry so much. I think Lois might have done something."

"Lois? Why do you two keep mentioning Lois?"

"It's a long story..." Tovia closed his eyes, thinking back. "She told Vaati not to be so dramatic... I'm not dramatic, though."

Link held his tongue. "Er..."

"I'm dramatic?"

"Well..."

"Link, please tell me if I'm being dramatic or not."

"You're not being dramatic at the moment... Otherwise I would have gotten a mouthful. Let me test something." Link stopped Epona and glanced at Tovia. "You're gay."

"No I'm not," he corrected, an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, you're not being dramatic."

Tovia shrugged. "Is that a big problem?"

"It's part of who you are. It's like if someone made you evil. You just wouldn't be Tovia anymore..."

"Can you order me to be dramatic?"

"Order you to be dramatic?" Link echoed, confused.

"Again, it's a long story."

"Um... okay, I guess." Link straightened up. "Tovia, I order you to be dramatic...?"

"Try something?"

"You're gay."

"No I'm not! Stop saying I'm gay! I'm not gay! Why does everyone even think that?" Tovia pouted.

Link laughed. "Maybe you're bisexual and we're all wrong."

Tovia glared. "Now you're sounding like Vaati."

"You're one to talk."

"See! Just like Vaati!" A look of horror passed his face. "Oh Din, I was being nice to Vaati."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Link asked. "I mean, he's not a good guy. Maybe if you two were nicer to each other, things would be better for you."

"You're not helping, Link." Tovia groaned. "I can't believe I was nice to him!"

"How does not being dramatic make you nice to someone you hate?"

"I don't get it either."

* * *

Lois poked Shad. "What the fuck's that?"

Shad looked over the monstrous device.

"I think it's a cannon," Link commented.

"Yes," said Shad. "That's what it is. But why is it here?"

His remark went ignored. "Another cannon?" Tovia cringed.

"Yeah, but it's broken."

"That doesn't mean it's not a cannon."

Lois rapped on the side of the stone contraption. "How the fuck are we fucking going to fucking get it fucking fixed?"

The room fell silent for a few minutes.

"...Didn't the guy at Lake Hylia say he fixed cannons?" Tovia asked quietly.

"He did..."

"How are we going to get it all the way over there?"

Lois' eyes swept to Link's shadow. "Shad, fucking kindly get the fucking fuck out?"

Shad looked at her. "What? Why? This is perhaps the best thing that has ever happened to me - er, humanity! I just - I mean, _we_ just made the biggest discovery in the legend of the sky beings!"

"Shad, you seriously need to get laid." Lois tutted. "When this is all done, I'm finding you and Tovia a nice man. Maybe each other."

"For the last damn time, I am_ not_ _gay!_"

"I must see this," Shad insisted. "I must analyze it. How old is it? How did it come to be here? Perhaps Renado can help me!" He turned for the door. "Don't you go anywhere, you should be here to see this." He grinned at them, then left for Renado.

Lois glanced at Link. "So, we ditching him?"

"I don't know... I feel kind of bad. He's been at this for years and now his dreams are coming true. But we really need to save the realms, so... Midna?"

The imp flew out of his shadow. "I'm on it." Her hair curled open like a giant palm and her fists clenched as she gritted her teeth. The cannon slowly lifted up and broke into pieces up into a portal, the rest of the group shortly following.

A few minutes later, Shad re-entered eagerly, followed by a stoic Renado, to find a huge, empty room. A few paces into it, he stopped dead in his tracks, staring openmouthed at the vastly empty space. "What..." he breathed, his eyes stretched wide.

* * *

"So Fyer said that we've got four days to just kick back and fucking relax before that damn piece of shit is fixed," Lois yawned.

Tovia ran a hand along the rusty cannon. "It doesn't look that bad... It can be fixed."

"Are you fucking feeling that fucking damn fucking cannon up?" She watched him from the ground, snickering.

"W-What? Lois..." Tovia shook his head.

"Just kidding, Tovs." She turned her head away from him. "Although it'd be fucking hilarious to fucking see you fucking actually feel a fucking cannon up... Or fucking Link..."

"I'm not gay!"

Lois snorted. "Tovs, don't fucking get me started."

"Shut up, Lois."

She grinned. "Your moron is fucking showing again. Tovs, you're really in no fucking position to be a fucking asshole towards me at the fucking moment. Remember what I can fucking do?"

Tovia turned away from her. "Remember what _I _can do?" he muttered under his breath so she wouldn't hear him that well.

"What was that?"

"I said, 'You wouldn't do anything to me because we're best friends.'" he lied smoothly. Tovia turned back to face her and smiled. "Right?"

"Yeah right. What a fucking load of shit." she laughed in Tovia's face.

He sighed. "Lois, forget it. You're just pissing me off."

Lois rolled her eyes.

"Goddesses, Lois. I thought you liked me..."

"This again?" she growled.

"Yes 'this again'! You said you loved me, Lois. Did you _actually _mean it?"

"That isn't any of your fucking business!"

"It isn't any of my business? I'm the one you said you loved! How the hell is it not _my_ business? That doesn't make any sense, Lois! Just tell me!"

"Get lost, Tovia!" she shouted with finality, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

He gritted his teeth. "Fine!" Tovia ignored the fact that his feet were moving by themselves and stomped from her sight.

"Good riddance, asshole!"

Link strode toward her, watching the blonde leave. "Lois, where's Tovia going?" he asked.

"Who fucking knows, who fucking _cares_?"

He took a glance at her angered face before sighing. "You guys got into a fight again?"

She glared at him. "Shut up, Link. It isn't your business." Lois turned on her heel and sauntered away from him.

He raised his eyebrows, then shook his head and silently wished Tovia luck.

* * *

"Can you believe her?" Tovia's voice echoed in... somewhere. He didn't really know where he was. All he knew was that he was lost and angry. "I mean, what kind of person acts like that?"

"Someone's PMSing," Vaati observed, just as lost as Tovia was.

"Shut up. It's just... I mean... is she insane? There has to be something mentally wrong with her. It just doesn't make sense!"

"What doesn't make sense?"

"How she could act like that to her best friend!"

"Well, you're the one who said she was pissing you off," Vaati said, his projection walking steadily beside Tovia.

Tovia stopped. "Where am I? Fuck, I really did get lost..."

"I don't think she took that into account when she was yelling at you."

"Right... she can still order me around..." Tovia looked over at Vaati. "Have you ever known anyone like her?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I've known thousands of people, Tovia. I'm sure one of them was like her."

"How do you deal with someone like that? I mean... goddesses, I love her, but... she makes it so difficult."

Vaati's red eyes bore into him. "You love her?"

Tovia nodded, blushing. "Of course I do... I mean... she's different and when she's not being a jerk she's really nice..."

He grinned and looked away, or at least the projection did. "So, you love her and she loves you, you want to kill each other..." He shrugged. "Seems like you have your work cut out for you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, everyone knows that two people who belong together hate each other's guts. It's how the world works."

"So that means we'll be fine?" Tovia smiled.

Vaati raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't jump straight to the end. Here's a literal example, me and you. I wouldn't say we belong together, but we couldn't not, could we, not being able to not be together, you see? And we hate each other's guts. But you don't know we'll be fine."

"...What? Vaati... that made no sense. You lost me after 'I wouldn't say we belong together'."

He paused, then shook his head. "It was a bad example anyway."

Tovia shrugged. "It doesn't matter, though, right? We'll be okay. I mean... yeah, we'll have our ups and downs, but, we love each other. ...I think. I hope she still loves me."

Vaati projected a long, complicated sigh of exasperation. "She probably does," he said, and he very nearly caused Tovia to grimace.

"What do you mean _probably_? That doesn't make me feel any better!" Tovia exclaimed.

"This is a very irritating topic. Can we change it to something else? Where the hell are we?"

"I don't know where we are! I already said we were lost!"

"Bitches need to watch their mouths," Vaati grumbled.

"I wish she thought before she spoke."

After a pause, the projection offered, "If we find Cassandra, we can get her to reverse the spell."

He shrugged. "Why not? What's the worst that can happen?"

"Dear God, Tovia!" Vaati exclaimed, stopping and crossing his arms. "Why did you say that?"

Tovia came to a halt next to him. "What? What's wrong?"

"You're _never_ supposed to say 'what's the worst that can happen'! Everybody knows that!"

"Well it's not like anything can go wrong!"

"Oh, goddammit!" He put his face in his hands, shaking his head. "Now we'll go into the woods and get strangled by beetles or something!" He looked up, irritated. "Come on, let's just go set up camp somewhere and wait for someone to pass by."

"What happened to the woods?"

"Well, it's not like we'll be able to find the right woods. We don't even know where we are."

"That's true..."

"Now go find some place to set up for the night."

Tovia nodded. "At least things can't get any worse..."

Vaati glared at him.

* * *

A/N: This chapter sucks and I'm sick, soooo deal with it.


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